where are the good men?

[smacarena]

Apparently, we had a week here in the 90's and I was dying lol.

I know what the weather forecast in South Carolina will be between May and August: High of 90, low of 70, with isolated thunderstorms.

 

[kevlite2020]

whew sorry I'm late, my computer is not working at all today! anyways, good man here, checking in. You rang?

 

[sweetlambofgod]

When you find them, let me know!

 

[SearchingWisdom]

whew sorry I'm late, my computer is not working at all today! anyways, good man here, checking in. You rang?

LOL...You rang...LOL

 

[kevlite2020]

hey it's hard being a good guy!

For all the good guys on here, let me ask you this... How many times have you had a girl that you were close friends, and you watched as they dated just horrible men time after time, then would come crying to you everytime after they got cheated on/dumped and they would say, "I wish I could just find a good guy!!!" And you're sitting right there and she's oblivious to you while she cries all over your shoulder... I've seen that so much in my life, and in my friends lives.

I know there are lots of genuine girls, but for the most part, the girls I've encountered say they want a good guy, but then refuse any good guy they meet and date guys who are really bad, and I mean obviously, outwardly bad. It's really strange, I never understood it.

 

[canehdianhotstuff]

Ya, I had a few girls I went to college with that did that...I would have to hear all the time how stupid their boyfriends are or husband in one case lol.

 

[Im_A]

hey it's hard being a good guy!

For all the good guys on here, let me ask you this... How many times have you had a girl that you were close friends, and you watched as they dated just horrible men time after time, then would come crying to you everytime after they got cheated on/dumped and they would say, "I wish I could just find a good guy!!!" And you're sitting right there and she's oblivious to you while she cries all over your shoulder... I've seen that so much in my life, and in my friends lives.

I know there are lots of genuine girls, but for the most part, the girls I've encountered say they want a good guy, but then refuse any good guy they meet and date guys who are really bad, and I mean obviously, outwardly bad. It's really strange, I never understood it.

Agreed. I never understand it either. It used to give some justification to me for being who I am. Now? Not so much. I know I am not perfect and I have emotionally hurt women before. Just what makes me different than a lot of the quo say 'bad guys' I learn my lessons, say my apologies and move on.

So now when I see women doing that what you described, I can't help but think, people deserve the affects of the choices they make, but as a friend, I would for sure be there to wipe some tears away or hear them women complain and complain but there is nothing I really could say that they don't know already.

 

[kevlite2020]

Agreed. I never understand it either. It used to give some justification to me for being who I am. Now? Not so much. I know I am not perfect and I have emotionally hurt women before. Just what makes me different than a lot of the quo say 'bad guys' I learn my lessons, say my apologies and move on.

So now when I see women doing that what you described, I can't help but think, people deserve the affects of the choices they make, but as a friend, I would for sure be there to wipe some tears away or hear them women complain and complain but there is nothing I really could say that they don't know already.

Yeah, that's the hard part for me. As a friend, I have no problem comforting them. It's just, these type of girls seem to be so far beyond me being able to advise/help them. I mean, for the most part, they almost show an active interest in finding the man that will have the potential to damage them the most, and they are completely blind to what they say they are looking for. It's like they just say they want a nice guy as a front, because I don't think that even they believe it for a second.

It's just a bit frustrating because for one, I can't help them, and for two, I can't date them because even though they are asking for a guy just like me, they never ever consider me in the slightest. Wish I could at least figure out a way to help em out

 

[SearchingWisdom]

LOL...You guys make me think of my best friend (who was a guy) he must have been thinking the same thing.

But do us a favor...please tell us when you think a guy (we are dating) may be a jerk. My best friend never told me...he said he didn't think I would listen. I would have...he always had the best for me at heart. And it would have saved me a lot of heartache.

 

[kevlite2020]

LOL...You guys make me think of my best friend (who was a guy) he must have been thinking the same thing.

But do us a favor...please tell us when you think a guy (we are dating) may be a jerk. My best friend never told me...he said he didn't think I would listen. I would have...he always had the best for me at heart. And it would have saved me a lot of heartache.

I can only speak for myself, but I have always spoke my mind about any guy a girl that I'm friends with has ever dated. It's caused me to lose a couple friends, and really hurt the amount of trust some of the others had for me, regardless if I was right in the end or not.

I have a theory, but really it's only a wild guess, that some of these girls are purposely dating guys like that (for whatever reason I don't know) and they aren't mad at me for bringing it to light, because they already know, they are mad at me more for calling them out, because they want to think that they are making the right decisions when it comes to their dating life, or at least hope that other people think they are.

I don't know really, though. I'm sure other guys have other very different experiences. I would never lie to a person I care about about the kind of man they are dating, although I wouldn't talk bad about a guy I truly didn't know either. I figure that for better or for worse, I'm doing as close to the right thing I can. Can't worry about the results any...

 

[SearchingWisdom]

I am sorry about your experiences. I do think you have and are doing the right thing by letting us know.

You may be right...some of us may be searching out these "bad boys" thinking we can change them or maybe there is another appealing nature about it. Either way...we really need good men that just "get us" and that both of us can connect on many different levels.

I can only speak for myself, but I have always spoke my mind about any guy a girl that I'm friends with has ever dated. It's caused me to lose a couple friends, and really hurt the amount of trust some of the others had for me, regardless if I was right in the end or not.

I have a theory, but really it's only a wild guess, that some of these girls are purposely dating guys like that (for whatever reason I don't know) and they aren't mad at me for bringing it to light, because they already know, they are mad at me more for calling them out, because they want to think that they are making the right decisions when it comes to their dating life, or at least hope that other people think they are.

I don't know really, though. I'm sure other guys have other very different experiences. I would never lie to a person I care about about the kind of man they are dating, although I wouldn't talk bad about a guy I truly didn't know either. I figure that for better or for worse, I'm doing as close to the right thing I can. Can't worry about the results any...

 

[sweetlambofgod]

What about those good guys who hurt us, huh what about them?

 

[kevlite2020]

What about those good guys who hurt us, huh what about them?

I don't claim to have all the answers, lol... Just sharing my crazy experiences! I am sorry to hear that though.

 

[Inkachu]

hey it's hard being a good guy!

For all the good guys on here, let me ask you this... How many times have you had a girl that you were close friends, and you watched as they dated just horrible men time after time, then would come crying to you everytime after they got cheated on/dumped and they would say, "I wish I could just find a good guy!!!" And you're sitting right there and she's oblivious to you while she cries all over your shoulder... I've seen that so much in my life, and in my friends lives.

I know there are lots of genuine girls, but for the most part, the girls I've encountered say they want a good guy, but then refuse any good guy they meet and date guys who are really bad, and I mean obviously, outwardly bad. It's really strange, I never understood it.

Umm...the guy friends that we cry to are the ones who told us we make great friends and we'll make some other guy really happy one day.

I'd give anything for a good, solid guy friend. You have no idea. If I had a guy friend who truly loved me and cared about me, and WANTED a relationship with me, I'd jump at the chance. I'm no fool.

 

[canehdianhotstuff]

Im a nice guy. I no hurt lady.

 

[SearchingWisdom]

Im a nice guy. I no hurt lady.

LOL

 

[SearchingWisdom]

Umm...the guy friends that we cry to are the ones who told us we make great friends and we'll make some other guy really happy one day.

I'd give anything for a good, solid guy friend. You have no idea. If I had a guy friend who truly loved me and cared about me, and WANTED a relationship with me, I'd jump at the chance. I'm no fool.

Goes the other way around too...My best friend had feelings for me (once upon a time).

 

[canehdianhotstuff]

LOL

Tis true.

 

[Llauralin]

It's just a bit frustrating because for one, I can't help them, and for two, I can't date them because even though they are asking for a guy just like me, they never ever consider me in the slightest. Wish I could at least figure out a way to help em out

Umm...the guy friends that we cry to are the ones who told us we make great friends and we'll make some other guy really happy one day.

These two together pretty much sum the situation up. Jerks get the girls because they pursue them, and let them know in no uncertain way that they want to be with the girl. I've never personally dated a jerk, so I'm not certain about what these girls are thinking - but I'd bet that it has something to do with the nice guy friends being friendly in a very non-erotic way, and the resulting idea that they either aren't interested, or would make a boring partner even if they were interested.

If I had to pursue a guy to gain his friendship - that's alright as friends, but I would not consider a relationship with him unless he said/did something very obvious, in the "I really like you - in a romantic kind of way" *gives me rose* kind of way.

Bad guys tend to be conceited enough for that not to be a problem.

 

[Inkachu]

Goes the other way around too...My best friend had feelings for me (once upon a time).

Oh, I know. I had an ex who became a good friend and stayed a friend for about 10 years. He loved me and my son better than any boyfriend ever did. He died of cancer last year. I still have dreams where I'm telling God that if he would just give my friend back to me...I'd marry him.

:sniff:

So I've learned my lesson. If anyone ever loves me that way again, I'm marrying him.