When Thoughts Feel Bigger Than God

[HannahElizaW]

As of today, me as well as several other people I've kept in communion with, have pretty much reached the point where we're a single hair away from our breaking point. My mother has lost pretty much all tolerance in my questions.

Since I have realized my issues with doubts come from an intrusive thought behavior resulting in a certain illness called OCD (this might already be a given), I don't think I've met anyone who knows the bloody torment you go through with having it. Now this is just a rant, clearly making previous uneducated assumptions.

On August 1st, 2014 (or very close around that time), I experienced that "spiritual awakening" that many Christians are aware of when they sense God is drawing them. I panicked. About...almost anything a Christian could panic about...probably. I'm only 17 years old and in the passed 6 months my mother and father have witnessed more emotion from me, more panic attacks, crying, anxiety issues in that small amount of time then they have the other 16 or so years. Nothing comes close. And in that span of 6 months I have done nothing.....but doubt.

Doubt....doubting....I'm a doubter. Maybe two days out of all these 6 months have I NOT doubted. And maybe some of you think I'm over exaggerating, I probably am...I've probably gone one day without doubting. And the more I doubt the worse it gets.
When I was first saved (or at least I think I was...I doubt my salvation too) the first doubts I expressed in my first month was doubt over if I was truely saved. The next step? I later on started doubting what faith and my belief really meant and if I really fit that description.

And as of today? I have reached almost every possible doubt a Christian could experience and if you want to know how I feel, well, I feel as if my ankles were strapped to a back of a horse and I've just been spiritually dragged across gravel roads for the past few months, feeling more and more exhausted the more I doubt.
Tonight I had a thought that as of right now I can NOT scratch off: "How do we know the God of the Universe is actually the God of the Bible?"

...

...yeah...

I sent this to a chaplain and I bet they're having confused guesses about me like; "is she really being serious?". My mother was making potato soup when I asked her that question about my doubt and she looked as if she was ready to smack me for thinking such a stupid thing.

I know God loves all His children but if I were Him I could imagine myself shaking my head like "Really Hannah, you're getting hung up on that?" There are moments where I question why God would bother with a buffoon like me. I mean honestly...I go from f reaking out about Predestination then crying over what religion I think is correct.

I've asked people all kinds of things like:
"How do we know Hinduism isn't correct?"
"Did Jesus really walk the earth?"
"How do we know God is who He says He is?"
"Did the Big Bang really happen?"
"How do I know if God is drawing me?"
"Why is evolution a thing?"
"How do we know Islam isn't correct?"
"Is there evidence of Christianity being the true religion?"
"How do I know if I have faith?"
"If I died right now what would happen?"
"What if reincarnation is what happens to us?"
"Is Christianity just a white man's religion?"
"Why are there so many Buddhists?"

...well...you get the gist of it.

The only thing that I dislike about this walk is that these questions run through my mind not when I'm having some argument with the agnostic and atheists in my Pre-AP French class...it's a daily basis. Everyday you can wake up and know for sure that HannahElizaW is doubting something and it'll be a never ending cycle. I mean if there was a switch where I can stop doubting Christianity, I would flip it...

Is there any advice for someone who's in a situation as messy as I'm in? I'd love to sleep in ultimate peace tonight (I'm constantly stressed). Thank you for reading if you read this and I'm sorry my frustration seeped through my writing...

 

[orangeness365]

Christianity wasn't just made up overnight by one guy that was guessing about spirits. It was revelation given to us by many prophets, with their prophecies actually coming true. Then if we doubted that God was real, he sent his son Jesus to be on earth with us for a time and then die for us. I look to the prophecies to know that Jesus is the Messiah, and I know it's not the best reason, but I just resonant with Jesus' message. A lot of it too is that I know I wouldn't make it to heaven by any other religion than Christianity, so that is a big motive to stay Christian. I think there are a lot of people on here that ask a lot of questions, so feel free to do so. I think you need to pray for faith, and ask others on the prayer forum to ask for faith for you. It is something that God can give.

 

[Bible2]

HannahElizaW said in post 1:

Is there any advice for someone who's in a situation as messy as I'm in?

"... faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God" (Romans 10:17).

God gives unsaved elect people his miraculous gift of faith through their hearing (or reading) his Word the Bible (Romans 10:17, Acts 13:48, Ephesians 2:8, John 6:65; 1 Corinthians 3:5b, Romans 12:3b, Hebrews 12:2).

"Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God" (Matthew 4:4).

One great way to read every word of the Bible is to think of it as 7 volumes:

1. Genesis to Deuteronomy
2. Joshua to Esther
3. Job to Song of Solomon
4. Isaiah to Malachi
5. Matthew to Acts
6. Romans to Philemon
7. Hebrews to Revelation

You can read a chapter in each volume every day. This will keep you current in every part of the Bible. After a while, there won't be any part that you haven't read recently enough to remember what it says. When you reach the end of a volume, simply start again at the first chapter of that volume. In this way, you will be cycling through smaller volumes like #6 and #7 much more often than larger volumes like #2, but the smaller volumes are so much more dense with doctrine that it is profitable to read them over and over more often.

Also, you can listen to recordings of people reading the Bible out loud whenever you need to keep your eyes on something else while you listen (such as keeping your eyes on the road while you drive, or on a cutting board while you are preparing food, or on your clippers while you are trimming a hedge). In this way, you can listen to the Bible throughout the day, whenever you don't need to be thinking about something else (such as at school or while you are doing homework). Also, you can listen to the Bible even while you are going to sleep, so that it will become part of even your subconscious mind.

 

[Lovethisjourney]

Are you a part of a local church body? My pastor and his wife have been greatly helpful to me in my walk with God (I've only been a Christian 8 months), in meeting with me quite often early on, to answer questions I had and other things.

Fellowship with other believers is a wonderful thing, though it's hard to accept this blessing sometimes because of personal issues.

 

[Johnnz]

Those are all real questions - good ones too. Unfortunately many churches don't address them very well at all. They all require real effort to come to an informed position and many are never addressed with a coherent framework that gives a reasonable basis for a Christian to work from.

John
NZ

 

[Bible2]

HannahElizaW said in post 1:

How do we know Islam isn't correct?

Biblical Christians know that Islam isn't correct, because it contradicts the gospel.

For even though Islam affirms that Jesus is the Christ (e.g. Koran 4:157, Koran 5:17,75), it denies that Jesus is the human/divine Son of God (Koran 9:30, Koran 4:171, Koran 5:72). And it denies that he died on the Cross for our sins (Koran 4:157) and rose physically from the dead on the 3rd day. In order to be saved, people have to believe the gospel that Jesus is both the Christ and the human/divine Son of God (John 3:16,36; 1 John 2:23), and that he died on the Cross for our sins and rose physically from the dead on the 3rd day (1 Corinthians 15:1-4, Luke 24:39,46,47, Matthew 20:19, Matthew 26:28).

The reason why it is necessary to believe these things in order to be saved is because it was only as the human/divine Son of God that Jesus' suffering during his Passion could satisfy God the Father's justice (Isaiah 53:11), which requires an infinite amount of human suffering for sin (Matthew 25:46).

Jesus' suffering during his Passion was sufficient to forgive the sins of everyone (1 John 2:2), because Jesus isn't just a human, but also God (John 1:1,14, John 10:30, John 20:28). His soul is infinite, and so the suffering of his soul (Isaiah 53:11) was infinite in amount, even though it wasn't infinite in duration. And so his suffering could satisfy God the Father's justice (Isaiah 53:11, KJV; 1 Peter 3:18), which requires an infinite amount of human suffering for sin (Matthew 25:46). Because humans who aren't God have finite souls, for them to suffer an infinite amount for their sins, they must suffer over an infinite duration of time (Matthew 25:46, Revelation 14:10-11, Mark 9:46).

Every human has sinned (Romans 3:23), except Jesus (Hebrews 4:15b; 2 Corinthians 5:21). But because Jesus suffered for sins (1 Peter 3:18, Isaiah 53:11) an infinite amount, when the elect repent from their sins and believe in Jesus' human/divine sacrifice, they can have their past sins forgiven (Romans 3:25-26, Matthew 26:28), while God the Father's justice remains fully satisfied by Jesus' suffering for their sins (Isaiah 53:11, KJV; 1 Peter 3:18).

-

One way to help Muslims understand how Jesus can be God, from everlasting, is to question them about their understanding of the Muslim belief regarding the Koran. For Islam says that there was no time when the Koran didn't exist in a spiritual form in heaven, that it has always coexisted with Allah as his word. So Christians can show Muslims that the Bible says that before Jesus' incarnation, there was no time when he didn't exist in a spiritual form in heaven. He has always coexisted with God the Father as God the Word (John 1:1,14).

This isn't to suggest that the Muslim claim regarding the Koran is true, or that the book itself is true. Indeed, because Islam falsely claims that the anti-gospel Koran came through the angel Gabriel, it is one fulfillment of Galatians 1:8-9 (cf. 2 Corinthians 11:14).

 

[Bible2]

HannahElizaW said in post 1:

How do we know Hinduism isn't correct?

Biblical Christians know that Hinduism, as well as its offspring religions of Buddhism and Gnosticism, aren't correct, because they have core teachings which contradict the Bible:

1. The material realm is unreal and evil. (Both Buddhism and Gnosticism got this mistaken idea, originally called "Maya", from Hinduism.)

2. People must strive to escape the material realm completely, and enter a state which is wholly non-physical (Parinirvana in Buddhism, the Pleroma in Gnosticism). Buddhism and Gnosticism got this mistaken idea, originally called "Brahman", from Hinduism.

3. The way for people to get free from their imprisonment within the material realm is through their minds attaining a certain level of enlightenment (Nirvana in Buddhism, Gnosis in Gnosticism). Buddhism and Gnosticism got this mistaken idea, originally called "Moksha", from Hinduism.

4. The way for their minds to attain this certain level of enlightenment is through following the way of the Serpent (one legend of Buddhism says that the Buddha was given the true Buddhism by the King of the Serpents; and in Gnosticism, Gnosis comes from the Christ/the Serpent). Both Buddhism and Gnosticism got this mistaken idea of the enlightening serpent, originally called "Kundalini", from Hinduism. (Regarding the serpent in Genesis 3, Gnostics see him as the good guy, just as they see YHWH as the bad guy.)

The Bible contradicts each of the 4 points above:

1. The material realm is real, and was created by God as something very good (Genesis 1:31). God himself is in the flesh (John 1:1,14, Luke 24:39), and remains wholly without sin (Hebrews 4:15). So there is nothing evil about matter in itself.

2. People must strive to attain to a resurrection (Philippians 3:11), in an immortal human body of flesh and bones, like the immortal human body of flesh and bones that Jesus Christ obtained at his resurrection on the 3rd day after his death (Luke 24:39,46; 1 Corinthians 15:3-4,21-23,51-53, Philippians 3:21, Romans 8:23-25), and in which he will remain forever as believers' fully-human mediator/high priest (1 Timothy 2:5, Hebrews 2:16-17, Hebrews 7:24-26). His tomb is empty (Matthew 28:6), and when he returns, he will show the scars of the Crucifixion on his body (Zechariah 13:6, Zechariah 12:10-14).

3. Resurrected people who have been truly enlightened/illuminated (Ephesians 1:18, Hebrews 10:32) by Jesus Christ (John 14:6-7, John 8:32, John 3:36) will remain in the material realm (Revelation 20:4-6, Revelation 5:10, Revelation 2:26-29), ultimately living on a new earth with God (Revelation 21:1-4).

4. The Serpent, Satan/Lucifer, is the deceiver of the whole world (Revelation 12:9).

 

[Bible2]

HannahElizaW said in post 1:

Why is evolution a thing?

Do you mean why is evolution a controversial thing for many Biblical Christians?

That could be because they see it as incompatible with creationism.

But the truth is that evolution (including an old earth) can be true without contradicting creationism, because evolution per se (random mutation and survival of the fittest) can coexist with miraculous creation, just as an automated process created by a human (e.g. a computer program which makes random, colorful pictures which can be seen as art) can coexist with that human sometimes performing a task himself directly (painting some pictures by hand). I.e., evolution per se can simply be a process created by God to allow new, adaptive species to arise naturally over time, and this process can coexist with God sometimes creating species miraculously.

Some people ask why would God wait millions of years for something to evolve from a one-celled organism, when he could just instantly create it? He could do that for the same reason that he has a human start out as a one-celled organism: a zygote in its mother's womb. He then has it only gradually develop through natural means into an embryo, and then into a fetus, and then a baby, a toddler, an adolescent, and an adult. And he has other animals develop gradually in a similar way. And he has plants start out as seeds. So it must give God pleasure to see organisms develop naturally over time, just as it must give him pleasure to also sometimes create plants and animals miraculously, instantaneously, already fully-formed, like he did in Genesis 1:11-13 and Genesis 1:20-27, during 3 of the 7 literal, 24-hour days of Genesis 1:3 to 2:4.

-

Creationism can include what could be called a double-gap theory, meaning that there could have been 2 gaps of time in Genesis chapters 1-2, the first gap between Genesis 1:1 and Genesis 1:2, and the 2nd gap between Genesis 2:4 and Genesis 2:5. Genesis 1:1 could have occurred some 4.5 billion years ago, when God first created the planet earth and its atmosphere (the 1st heaven, in which the birds fly: Genesis 1:20b). Between Genesis 1:1 and Genesis 1:2, some 4.5 billion years could have occurred, in which God could have allowed his own created process of evolution to serve as a mechanism by which new species arose naturally on the earth. During those same 4.5 billion years, God could have also gone outside of evolution and created new species miraculously, whenever he wanted to (cf. punctuated equilibria).

Genesis 1:2 could refer to the condition of the earth only about 12,000 years ago (at the end of the Paleolithic period), after some cataclysm, such as a comet strike, had killed off all life on the planet (both evolved and miraculously created), and had submerged all land areas in water (comets contain huge amounts of water), and had ruined the atmosphere. The impact of the comet could have also knocked the earth out of its orbit around its original star, so that the earth was sent hurtling into the darkness of interstellar space as a "rogue planet" (astronomers estimate that rogue planets in our galaxy could outnumber the stars in our galaxy). Genesis 1:3 to 2:4 could then refer to God, over a period of 6 literal, 24-hour days (some 12,000 years ago, at the start of the Neolithic period), miraculously restoring to the earth light, a good atmosphere, dry land, and life, including a race of male and female homo sapiens sapiens, after God had miraculously restored land plants (Genesis 1:11-13) and land animals (Genesis 1:24-25) to the earth.

Then, only about 6,000 years ago, God miraculously created on the earth an individual male homo sapiens sapiens named Adam in an uninhabited desert land (Genesis 2:5-7; there, the original Hebrew word translated as "earth" can simply refer to a certain "land": e.g. Genesis 2:11). After that, God planted the plants of the local, Garden of Eden in that desert land (Genesis 2:8-9), and God placed Adam in that garden (Genesis 2:15). Then God miraculously created the animals of the Garden of Eden (Genesis 2:19). Then he created an individual female homo sapiens sapiens (Genesis 2:22) whom Adam named Eve (Genesis 3:20).

Because Adam was created only about 6,000 years ago (based on Biblical chronology), yet there are homo sapiens sapiens fossils said to be as old as about 200,000 years, God could have first created homo sapiens sapiens (or it could have evolved by God's created process of evolution) as far back as about 200,000 years. Also, all the different hominid forms the fossils of which long predate or are as old as the earliest fossils of homo sapiens sapiens, and which preceding or coexisting hominid forms we don't consider to have been fully human like us (such as homo sapiens neanderthalensis), could have all been created by God (or could have evolved by God's created process of evolution) over millions of years prior to the first appearance of homo sapiens sapiens on the earth.

And this doesn't even get into the possibly trillion other inhabited planets in the universe on which homo sapiens sapiens (or similar or far more advanced life-forms) could have been created by God (or could have evolved by God's created process of evolution) billions of years prior to the first appearance of homo sapiens sapiens on the earth. For the universe could be about 14 billion years old, and it contains something like 100 billion galaxies, each containing something like 100 billion stars. So even if only one star out of every 10 billion stars has an inhabited planet, there would still be a trillion inhabited planets. And on most of these, God could have begun his miraculous work (and the work of his created process of evolution) billions of years prior to his beginning of his miraculous work (and the work of his created process of evolution) on the earth.

 

[AvgJoe]

As of today, me as well as several other people I've kept in communion with, have pretty much reached the point where we're a single hair away from our breaking point. My mother has lost pretty much all tolerance in my questions.

Since I have realized my issues with doubts come from an intrusive thought behavior resulting in a certain illness called OCD (this might already be a given), I don't think I've met anyone who knows the bloody torment you go through with having it. Now this is just a rant, clearly making previous uneducated assumptions.

On August 1st, 2014 (or very close around that time), I experienced that "spiritual awakening" that many Christians are aware of when they sense God is drawing them. I panicked. About...almost anything a Christian could panic about...probably. I'm only 17 years old and in the passed 6 months my mother and father have witnessed more emotion from me, more panic attacks, crying, anxiety issues in that small amount of time then they have the other 16 or so years. Nothing comes close. And in that span of 6 months I have done nothing.....but doubt.

Doubt....doubting....I'm a doubter. Maybe two days out of all these 6 months have I NOT doubted. And maybe some of you think I'm over exaggerating, I probably am...I've probably gone one day without doubting. And the more I doubt the worse it gets.
When I was first saved (or at least I think I was...I doubt my salvation too) the first doubts I expressed in my first month was doubt over if I was truely saved. The next step? I later on started doubting what faith and my belief really meant and if I really fit that description.

And as of today? I have reached almost every possible doubt a Christian could experience and if you want to know how I feel, well, I feel as if my ankles were strapped to a back of a horse and I've just been spiritually dragged across gravel roads for the past few months, feeling more and more exhausted the more I doubt.
Tonight I had a thought that as of right now I can NOT scratch off: "How do we know the God of the Universe is actually the God of the Bible?"

...

...yeah...

I sent this to a chaplain and I bet they're having confused guesses about me like; "is she really being serious?". My mother was making potato soup when I asked her that question about my doubt and she looked as if she was ready to smack me for thinking such a stupid thing.

I know God loves all His children but if I were Him I could imagine myself shaking my head like "Really Hannah, you're getting hung up on that?" There are moments where I question why God would bother with a buffoon like me. I mean honestly...I go from f reaking out about Predestination then crying over what religion I think is correct.

I've asked people all kinds of things like:
"How do we know Hinduism isn't correct?"
"Did Jesus really walk the earth?"
"How do we know God is who He says He is?"
"Did the Big Bang really happen?"
"How do I know if God is drawing me?"
"Why is evolution a thing?"
"How do we know Islam isn't correct?"
"Is there evidence of Christianity being the true religion?"
"How do I know if I have faith?"
"If I died right now what would happen?"
"What if reincarnation is what happens to us?"
"Is Christianity just a white man's religion?"
"Why are there so many Buddhists?"

...well...you get the gist of it.

The only thing that I dislike about this walk is that these questions run through my mind not when I'm having some argument with the agnostic and atheists in my Pre-AP French class...it's a daily basis. Everyday you can wake up and know for sure that HannahElizaW is doubting something and it'll be a never ending cycle. I mean if there was a switch where I can stop doubting Christianity, I would flip it...

Is there any advice for someone who's in a situation as messy as I'm in? I'd love to sleep in ultimate peace tonight (I'm constantly stressed). Thank you for reading if you read this and I'm sorry my frustration seeped through my writing...

How do we know that the God of Christianity, as proclaimed in the Bible, is the real, true, one and only God? The simple answer is, because the Bible says so. BUT, that begs the question, how do we know that the Bible is true?!

I'm glad you asked! If the Bible is true, Christianity is true and the God of Christianity is the one, true God, and by extension, all other religions are false because they all have one, or more, beliefs that contradict the essential truths the Bible.

The Bible was written over a period of 1,600 years, by 40 God chosen men, who lived on 3 separate continents and they all wrote about the same thing, the Gospel of Jesus Christ. There were no mail delivery trucks, no drop ship planes, no Federal Express, no UPS and no email, yet when all of the writings were put together they present one unified message. The Bible is truly the inspired Word of God.

If the Bible is true, Christianity is true. How much research have you done on proving the validity of the Bible? Following are some topics and links I hope you will look into, concerning the validity of the Bible. Please lay your doubt aside and proceed with an open mind, and heart, and see what the evidence has to say.

An excellent ebook on the subject: In Defense of the Bible's Inspiration

Proof of Textual Evidence
Old Testament: The Dead Sea Scrolls and Biblical Integrity
New Testament: http://www.carm.org/questions/textualevidence.htm
More on the Bible: http://www.carm.org/bible.htm

Proof of People Living at the Time of Christ
http://www.carm.org/questions/extrabiblical_accounts.htm
http://www.carm.org/questions/Josephus.htm

Proof of Archaeology
http://www.christiananswers.net/archaeology/home.html#general
http://www.biblicalarcheology.net/
http://www.carm.org/questions/evidence_archaeological.htm

Proof of Science
Statements Consistent With Paleontology
Statements Consistent With Astronomy
Statements Consistent With Meteorology
Statements Consistent With Biology
Statements Consistent With Anthropology
Statements Consistent With Hydrology
Statements Consistent With Geology
http://www.clarifyingchristianity.com/science.shtml
http://www.carm.org/bible/ms_science.htm
http://www.eternal-productions.org/101science.html

Proof of Prophecy (Messanic & dealing with nations)
http://www.clarifyingchristianity.com/m_prophecies.shtml
http://www.clarifyingchristianity.com/fulfill.shtml
http://www.carm.org/bible/prophecy.htm
http://prophecyrevealed.com/friendbook9thPrinting.pdf (awesome eBook)
http://www.clarifyingchristianity.com/b_proof.shtml

If the Bible is true, Christianity is true. In Christianity, faith is required but it does not have to be a blind faith.

 

[grandvizier1006]

You sure have a lot of people willing to help, Hannah!

I hope a lot of your Biblical concerns have been addressed, but here is one more thing that might help regarding your spiritual OCD, known commonly as "scrupulosity". Just typical obsessions of "What if God isn't real, how can I be sure I'm saved, etc."

Scrupulosity | Steven J. Seay, Ph.D. The author isn't a Christian but he is an OCD specialist who understands that faith in God needs to be, well, faith-based, rather than OCD-based.

 

[drybomber]

I suggest you order the book (for free) called "one heartbeat away" by mark cahill. Here is the link: oneheartbeataway.org

If you're ever feeling doubt or questioning your faith, this book is designed for not only non-Christians but Christians to strengthen their faith. I know what it feels like to lose faith, we've all been there but this is part of the Christian walk. Satan will do anything he can to deceive you, and he is the father of all lies, so just make sure you recognize that. Be careful with what you fill your mind with, do you watch a lot of modern-day tv? The people you hang out with? Or what about school, is your brain being polluted with false teaching?

There are many factors that can contribute to this doubt you are experiencing and just know that you need to be careful in these dark times we're in. If you are involved in something that you know is causing doubt or sin in your life, remove it and get away from it as soon as possible.