when they don't "get it" in school

[lucypevensie]

Do any of your kids have a hard time with understanding certain "simple" concepts that are being taught in school? Last year for our daughter it was letter sounds. She gets it now, but when she didn't......! I had such a hard time trying to help her understand! I felt like such a bad mom because I couldn't help, then shame because I know it's bad to get frustrated at them. This year the challenge is counting by 5's and10's. It has not hit her yet what it all means, how it works, how to even do it without making several mistakes. I know it's silly to get all worked up, and I try REAAALLLY hard to be patient. I know she will eventually get it, but in the meantime how do I help when it seems as if nothing is sinking in?

What do I do to fight off frustration? I feel like a terrible mom.

 

[BeanMak]

Lucy- I have been there, done that. When my youngest was 15, I figured out that he didn't know the MONTHS OF THE YEAR ?!?!?! How did he miss that one?? How did the teacher not question that, like in 3rd grade??? It took some repitition, and incentives to get him to learn it and to be able to say the months of the year in order. I have also used Sylvan Learning Center for him. And I have prayed. (little does this kid know how many people are praying for him!)

One thing I found is that sometimes, Mom isn't the best tutor, or teacher. Even if you have a great relationship with your kid, sometimes you just aren't the one who is best suited to help here. Some people just don't have the personality for explaining over and over, or in different ways so that slower people can get it. That's ok!

If hiring a tutor is too pricey for you, many teachers offer to stay after school to help students that need some more time. Or there are math or reading teachers who will bring in kids for special attention.
Do you have a friend who is a teacher? Maybe you could trade jobs- she can tutor your daughter a couple of times a week, and you could do her supper that night. Or you could do other chores for her that need doing while she is helping your daughter. Sometimes parents get too wrapped up in their own issues to be good at teaching their kids.

 

[lucypevensie]

You know, I really like your idea of having a friend tutor her. I do indeed have a friend who is an elementart teacher whose specialty is math. She has offered to help. I just never felt quite right about her tutoring my daughter for free. I like the suggestion of taking care of her dinner. I would feel much better if I could show my appreciation in some tangible way. Great idea!

Thank you also for the reminder to pray. Last year when reading was the big challenge it was prayer that really brought about the change.

Other than the months of the year thing (!), how does your son handle school? (I'm not sure how old he is now)

 

[alaskamolly]

Personally, I'm a big fan of homeschooling, and one of the reasons why is because you can teach them according to their developmental abilities...which are different in ALL children.

The more studies they do, the more they discover that children learn SO much better when they are not pushed past their natural developmental ages (for example, boys generally do much better when schooling is delayed a year, since most of them are often a year behind girls in their readiness to read).

Yet in a large classroom setting, there is simply no way to individualize an education plan for each student. The teacher would go nutso!

I love homeschooling because I get to individualize my children's education. My second child started learning to read at 3, because she was just naturally ready, whereas my oldest child was NOT ready to grasp the concepts 'till she was almost 6.

It's really nice to be able to work with them where they are at, instead of trying to push them beyond their developmental abilities (or making them slow down, if they're ready to go faster than the "norm").

The public school system had to make "grades" and decide "what children will learn in each grade level"...simply because those things are necessary when you are working with a big institutionalized population.

You just need to remember that the yearly grading system and requirements are MADE UP... It just makes facilitating large numbers of students easier. But it's not the friendliest invention on the student, that's for sure. It's just friendly to the institution!

Learning to 'count by 5's and 10's in grade 1' is simply NOT necessary, and it in no way makes her a good or bad student if she does, OR you a bad mother. And pressuring her to 'keep up' is only going to do damage, because we all know what pressure and fear do to our learning capabilities. They basically destroy them. The brain literally (chemically-speaking) goes into panic-freeze mode, and with the adrelanine pumping, learning is impossible.

Learning takes place in a happy pleasant environment. That's why we do our learning at home! Then, if they aren't ready for a certain thing, we just wait till they are, and in the meantime, go on to persue things that they ARE ready for (and we have fun doing it, too!)...


Didnt' mean to make this an advertisment for homeschooling... Sorry about that!

Blessings,
Molly

 

[BeanMak]

Lucy, my son will be 19 in December. He will graduate high school in January. He is a semester behind the other kids his age partly because he showed up at school 2 years ago, but didn't do any of the work. But the big part of his being behind is that he has struggled in school since the first grade. They talked about having him repeat 1st grade. Actually, it probably would have been the best thing for him. He was slow in speech, he is left handed and took forever to get the hang of writing. I was so hung up back then on "failing" as a parent, that I didn't see that he wasn't ready to progress. He has had to struggle every year. He still hates to read but with prayer and the help of some fabulous teachers, he has blossumed in the past couple of years.

I agree with Molly that each child should have an individual learning program, but for most of us, home schooling is not an option. Have you set up a meeting with her teacher? Even in the most crowded school districts there is supposed to be an educational plan. Tell the teacher your concerns and ask how they can work with you so that your little girl doesn't get lost in the shuffle.

 

[alaskamolly]

I agree with Molly that each child should have an individual learning program, but for most of us, home schooling is not an option.

Well, without wanting to get into ANY sort of an argument, I disagree.
It is an option for almost everybody--it's just not one that is chosen.

(Please pause for a Homeschooling Moment--heeheehee)...

Sweet article entitled:
What Is Homeschooling And How Do I Know It's Right For My Family?
http://www.peopleoffaith.com/homeschool-decision.htm

Great article by the amazing mind, Dr. Samuel Blumenfeld, titled:
Thinking of homeschooling?
http://www.ritalindeath.com/blumenfeld26.htm

Another sweet article from a homeschooling mother, titled:
Unexpected Benefits of Homeschooling
http://www.madrone.com/Home-ed/hs11.htm


Ok, I'm off the homeschooling soapbox.

And I do agree with most other people, in that homeschooling is NOT for everyone. Someone who can't stand their children already should certainly not be taking on their education as well.

But I think homeschooling is an OPTION most people DO have...and sometimes it's too bad it's so quickly passed over. We could us all the excuses in the book: not enough $$ (is there ever enough, though?), too many other siblings (haha), blah blah blah, but the simple fact of the matter is: we want the very best education for our children...and what we see the public schools giving is NOT that. This poor woman's problem is a case in point. The public schools are made for institutionalizing children--to teach them to work well within a large institutionalized system--to conform to the bells and whistles and age-segregations and grading systems and on and on and on...

I don't want mine institutionalized. I think God made them for bigger things that that. And one of the side perks of home educating, thankfully, is simply that when my 6 year old can't grasp a concept, we don't *have to MAKE her grasp it anyways* because "the powers that be" said she had to grasp it at that certain moment in time, or there is something WRONG with her (or me). We are FREE to learn, and to learn to LOVE learning! What a blessing it is!

Ok, now I'm REALLY off the homeschooling soapbox!!!!!!!!!!

***************************************

Back to the actual problem of counting by 5's/10's:


You may have already tried this, but have you set it to song or rhythm yet?

Most children can memorize a song or a catchy rhythm (even if they have no clue as to the concept behind the song). I taught my newly-turned 6 how to count by 5's and 10's by turning the count into a chant. She caught on to the rhythm of the words and learned it quickly. I figure she'll grasp the concept of it later...


One fun thing you have to teach them while you're doing your other songs/chants is my favorite way to count to 100:

"One, Two, Skip a Few,
Ninety Nine, One Hundred!"


My 4 year old is saying that one ALL the time now...I'm wondering if it was such a good idea to share it... Harharhar...


Warm Regards,
Molly

 

[BeanMak]

Singing the information is a great idea, I had forgotten that was how Mark learned his address. (another thing that he learned long after everyone in the class)

Molly, i appreciate that you love what you are doing with your kids. Most of the kids that I know who are home schooled are awesome. But please don't make blanket statements it isn't always an option. I am a widow and have been for 10 years. I am not sure exactly when you would have me school my kids and make a living to support us. It isn't that we can't stand our kids.

 

[lucypevensie]

Actually, our kids are in a small private Christian school. The class sizes are small and I know her teacher gives her lots of attention. My daughter actually loves school and doing "homework" even though math isn't always very fun. Report cards came home yesterday, and in math she got an S- for "satisfactory but needs a little more practice". "S" is average (in this school average means average). So that makes me feel a lot better. Conferences are next week so I will get the chance to sit down and talk face-to-face with the teacher.

Now, wasn't that silly of me to be all worried? I could have just taken my concerns to the teacher and she'd have set me straight

I have been simply amazed by the amount of learning she has accomplished in her 2 years in school. It has really challenged her and she has really stepped up and met the challenges, to my surprise. I think I'd go really soft on her if I was her teacher.

 

[bliz]

Kids learn at their own pace, no matter how the school curriculium would like to move them along. And, kids have their own ways of learning.

For example, in learning to read, there are kids who are "sight" readers. That's simply how their brains work. Other kids are "phonetic" readers - sounding out and breaking down the words works great for them! Some kids read combination of both. But if you put a sight reader in a school that uses phonetics, it can be a rough go!

Some kids learn best when they can touch things - The Saxon math method, for example, is big on that. For tactile learners, numbers on a page are next to impossible to master but counting with blocks makes perfect sense.

Observe your daughter and see how she learns best. Find out which instructional methods the schools uses and perhaps you can try a different approach with her at home and see how it goes that ways. No matter how we choose to educate our children, we parents are ultimately responsible.

 

[alaskamolly]

lucypevensie,

That sounds like an awesome school, and that things are going much better for ya! Praise the Lord!

Love in Him,
Molly