When old memories come back

[LovebirdsFlying]

I am diagnosed with PTSD if that makes a difference.

Sometimes random events from the past replay themselves in my head before I’m aware of what I’m thinking about. By past, I mean anywhere from 15 to 50 years ago. A lot of times I don’t even know what triggered the memory. I can be doing something totally unrelated, totally innocent, and suddenly I find myself seething with rage. What I’m remembering could be a time I was abused or bullied, or someone who should have protected me didn’t, or something blatantly unfair happened.

What disturbs me the most is that, before I know I’m doing it, I am thinking and imagining the most hateful, awful things I could have said or done at the time. Of course I’m glad I didn’t actually say or do anything of the kind.

Once I’m aware of these angry thoughts and fantasies, I do ask the Lord to help me with it. But I’d like to catch it a lot sooner. Jesus puts hatred on par with murder for a reason. Not only do these thoughts not glorify the Lord, but they don’t even feel good. Whatever I’m thinking, it does nothing to get back at them or fix what happened, but it does harm me.

Does anyone know how I can become more aware of my emotions before they get to that stage?

 

[SabbathBlessings]

I am diagnosed with PTSD if that makes a difference.

Sometimes random events from the past replay themselves in my head before I’m aware of what I’m thinking about. By past, I mean anywhere from 15 to 50 years ago. A lot of times I don’t even know what triggered the memory. I can be doing something totally unrelated, totally innocent, and suddenly I find myself seething with rage. What I’m remembering could be a time I was abused or bullied, or someone who should have protected me didn’t, or something blatantly unfair happened.

What disturbs me the most is that, before I know I’m doing it, I am thinking and imagining the most hateful, awful things I could have said or done at the time. Of course I’m glad I didn’t actually say or do anything of the kind.

Once I’m aware of these angry thoughts and fantasies, I do ask the Lord to help me with it. But I’d like to catch it a lot sooner. Jesus puts hatred on par with murder for a reason. Not only do these thoughts not glorify the Lord, but they don’t even feel good. Whatever I’m thinking, it does nothing to get back at them or fix what happened, but it does harm me.

Does anyone know how I can become more aware of my emotions before they get to that stage?

I’m sorry you’re going through this….

The only way to change a habit is to pray and to replace it with a good habit. What we surround ourselves with (music, tv, people) can affect our inner thoughts greatly. I had to cut out almost all secular TV including PG shows because the amount of violence, using God’s name in vain, adultery, vanity, idolatry is not healthy for a Christian mind. I instead replaced it with listening to sermons throughout the week, pop music with Christian music (not the rock and roll kind that just uses different lyrics) and daily will spend time in communication with God through His Word, prayer and appreciating nature. If you don‘t exercise I would consider that as well, eating clean healthy foods and taking care of our bodies is important. Get out in nature and enjoy all of what God has given us, plant a garden and watch how fast it grows or go witness. The point is, you may be needing some spiritual healing and keep yourself busy surrounding yourself with God’s will it will change our thoughts, pray about it, ask Jesus to help!

God bless!

 

[Wolseley]

I am a military veteran with severe PTSD; I've had it for 40 years. I have had problems with bad memories, like you; and also with revenge fantasies, also like you.

One thing that I learned from therapy inside the VA is that there is no cure for PTSD. It literally re-configures your brain, and once you've got it, you've got it. You can't get rid of it; all you can do is manage the symptoms.

You can do this through a variety of psychological techniques, or though medication. In my case, the VA has me on 100mg of Sertraline every morning, to keep me on an even keel, and 50mg of Trazodone at night, to kill the nightmares and let me sleep. They do a very good job of controlling my rage, but even so, if I am subjected to a loud, unexpected, percussive noise (especially if it resembles explosions or gunfire), or if I am subjected to a very rude, pushy person getting into my space (especially if I feel it's totally unwarranted), it leads to what the VA calls an "amygdala hijack"; this is when your re-wired brain is triggered, and it just goes where it's gonna go, whether you want to go with it or not.

The best thing that I can do in either scenario is to disengage with whatever I'm doing, and get off by myself as quickly as possible until I calm down. I used to feel guilty about it, but now I understand that it's just an aspect of the disorder, and there's nothing I can do about it. And God understands that. I have apologized to people I have blown up at sometimes, and I have explained to other people who startled me that it is not their fault that I have this condition. And I have mentioned this to God in my prayers, asking for His forbearance and His mercy.

If you have not seen your family doctor for this, I would encourage you to. Each person is different, but there are lots of different treatments that can be applied to your specific level of disorder that can help you a lot more than you might think.

Good luck, and God bless!

 

[timf]

Things that recur give us repeated opportunities to experiment with management strategies. One method might be to use an anger trigger to invoke a mental assessment of of the past hurt and consider the judgement that comes upon someone who does not have their sins covered by the blood of Jesus. This can sometimes change anger to sadness.

 

[Jesse Dornfeld]

I'm sorry for your pain, both of you.

I have no idea how to help.

I also have a mental illness but it is quite a bit different in how it functions. I wish I could be more help. I really do.

 

[anetazo]

Romans chapter 1:18. Emotional damage.
It can be divorce.
Bullying
Torment by family or friends, ect.
Were talking Trauma.
Spirtualty and psychologically, satan uses trauma experiences as opportunities to conspire with our flesh. And brainwashing us with propaganda and lies.
Satan operates through the flesh and even spirtualty. Satan is the negative part.
Psalm 34:18. The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in the spirit.
Feeling wounded and broken inside.
They shelter their heart because they dont want more wounding.

In psalm 147:3. David declares this wonderful promise. He saves those crushed in spirit.
Jesus can heal us. Jesus can piece back together the shattered pieces of our broken heart.
I experienced emotional and psychological abuse from narcissist. I moved away in 2018. It was toxic environment.
These kind of people have demonic possession. They don't have holy spirit. But a unclean spirit. Satan and evil spirits influence them.

Understand. Satan can't control and manipulate those with holy spirit.
Satan uses Trauma to try to get Christian to give up.

We have a advocate and high priest. His name is Emmanuel, Jesus. The key is repentance and staying in God's sanctuary, psalm of 73.

Job lost every thing. His own wife even belittled him. Here's the key.
Job never gave up.
Be the overcomers . Pray to Jesus. Ask for help. Repent also. Jesus can heal the broken heart's.
Remember the song in movie first blood
It's long road and it's hard as hell.
We have Jesus to comfort us and get us to our destination.
I hope this helps sister. Take care.

 

[Aussie Pete]

I am diagnosed with PTSD if that makes a difference.

Sometimes random events from the past replay themselves in my head before I’m aware of what I’m thinking about. By past, I mean anywhere from 15 to 50 years ago. A lot of times I don’t even know what triggered the memory. I can be doing something totally unrelated, totally innocent, and suddenly I find myself seething with rage. What I’m remembering could be a time I was abused or bullied, or someone who should have protected me didn’t, or something blatantly unfair happened.

What disturbs me the most is that, before I know I’m doing it, I am thinking and imagining the most hateful, awful things I could have said or done at the time. Of course I’m glad I didn’t actually say or do anything of the kind.

Once I’m aware of these angry thoughts and fantasies, I do ask the Lord to help me with it. But I’d like to catch it a lot sooner. Jesus puts hatred on par with murder for a reason. Not only do these thoughts not glorify the Lord, but they don’t even feel good. Whatever I’m thinking, it does nothing to get back at them or fix what happened, but it does harm me.

Does anyone know how I can become more aware of my emotions before they get to that stage?

Yes. The problem is that you have yet to forgive the offences that happened in the past. We should be able to remember the past as if it never touched us. This is impossible, humanly speaking. However, God has provided a way. I can verify that it works. My ex wife left with my children, dodged a court order and I did not see them for 15 years. When I, by a miracle, found them again, I was at peace. All the anger of the first few months had gone. This article is long, but rewarding to read. It includes truth that will set you free.

Can you forgive from your heart? - Christian Life Frankston

Christian teaching and encouragement for those who want to grow in Christ

www.christianlife.org.au

 

[Paidiske]

I have not learned to not have the memories come back; at best I have learned to try to deflect the energy of the anger into something constructive. Is that maybe an approach to explore, OP?

 

[com7fy8]

If I have a bad memory or a paranoid imagination in the present . . . I can handle it as though it really is happening, right now >

trust God to do what He wants with me >

put away the anger and unforgiveness >

do not trust whatever worry might tell me and have me thinking, but trust the Lord >

forgive, and pray blessing to any trouble makers in the memory or imagination.

All this works with God, not by my own self-controlled methods!

And when I fail to do this, this is because I'm still not perfect; keep seeking how God can change me, and pray this for others . . . don't get isolated with my own trouble.

 

[returntosender]

I am diagnosed with PTSD if that makes a difference.

Sometimes random events from the past replay themselves in my head before I’m aware of what I’m thinking about. By past, I mean anywhere from 15 to 50 years ago. A lot of times I don’t even know what triggered the memory. I can be doing something totally unrelated, totally innocent, and suddenly I find myself seething with rage. What I’m remembering could be a time I was abused or bullied, or someone who should have protected me didn’t, or something blatantly unfair happened.

What disturbs me the most is that, before I know I’m doing it, I am thinking and imagining the most hateful, awful things I could have said or done at the time. Of course I’m glad I didn’t actually say or do anything of the kind.

Once I’m aware of these angry thoughts and fantasies, I do ask the Lord to help me with it. But I’d like to catch it a lot sooner. Jesus puts hatred on par with murder for a reason. Not only do these thoughts not glorify the Lord, but they don’t even feel good. Whatever I’m thinking, it does nothing to get back at them or fix what happened, but it does harm me.

Does anyone know how I can become more aware of my emotions before they get to that stage?

I can only say i do that and for me it's always something in.my mind that gets it started. Trace back your thoughts til you find what started it. Persevere and it will become easier for you. Then you can work on the root of the problem. The sad thing is when i get that angry i have not forgiven the person and you know what trouble we're in with unforgiveness. Dredge it up helps us to forgive and get over it hopefully. I think this is apart of everyone's life. Don't be so hard on yourself!
Blessings

 

[returntosender]

I am diagnosed with PTSD if that makes a difference.

Sometimes random events from the past replay themselves in my head before I’m aware of what I’m thinking about. By past, I mean anywhere from 15 to 50 years ago. A lot of times I don’t even know what triggered the memory. I can be doing something totally unrelated, totally innocent, and suddenly I find myself seething with rage. What I’m remembering could be a time I was abused or bullied, or someone who should have protected me didn’t, or something blatantly unfair happened.

What disturbs me the most is that, before I know I’m doing it, I am thinking and imagining the most hateful, awful things I could have said or done at the time. Of course I’m glad I didn’t actually say or do anything of the kind.

Once I’m aware of these angry thoughts and fantasies, I do ask the Lord to help me with it. But I’d like to catch it a lot sooner. Jesus puts hatred on par with murder for a reason. Not only do these thoughts not glorify the Lord, but they don’t even feel good. Whatever I’m thinking, it does nothing to get back at them or fix what happened, but it does harm me.

Does anyone know how I can become more aware of my emotions before they get to that stage?

Being angered over past injuries from others is normal. A reminder to forgive. I'm offended by all the labels people assign now. What you experience happens to everyone sometimes

 

[PamelaPP]

Anger is normal under the circumstances and under anger is PAIN
I am pretty sure I have UNDIAGNOSED PTSD and it has got to the point that I don't call holidays ''holidays'' anymore but ''healing retreats'' as ALL my pain and memories come up once I RELAX when I get there and my 'busyness' stops and I have a 'rest' , so all of the flashbacks and nightmares etc have always started for the past 3 'holidays' I have been on , but not before that , it is a NEW thing ie everything INVADING my ''breaks'' so I DO have to now see them as ''healing breaks'' as my stuff always comes up pretty much as soon as I get to the accommodation away from it all xx

 

[AlexB23]

I am diagnosed with PTSD if that makes a difference.

Sometimes random events from the past replay themselves in my head before I’m aware of what I’m thinking about. By past, I mean anywhere from 15 to 50 years ago. A lot of times I don’t even know what triggered the memory. I can be doing something totally unrelated, totally innocent, and suddenly I find myself seething with rage. What I’m remembering could be a time I was abused or bullied, or someone who should have protected me didn’t, or something blatantly unfair happened.

What disturbs me the most is that, before I know I’m doing it, I am thinking and imagining the most hateful, awful things I could have said or done at the time. Of course I’m glad I didn’t actually say or do anything of the kind.

Once I’m aware of these angry thoughts and fantasies, I do ask the Lord to help me with it. But I’d like to catch it a lot sooner. Jesus puts hatred on par with murder for a reason. Not only do these thoughts not glorify the Lord, but they don’t even feel good. Whatever I’m thinking, it does nothing to get back at them or fix what happened, but it does harm me.

Does anyone know how I can become more aware of my emotions before they get to that stage?

While I do not have PTSD, I do remember some things from my past, and ask God to forgive people in my past.

Here is just one example: Back in the early 2010s, my parents (both Christian) and I flew through Iceland using Icelandair to visit family in the European mainland, as Icelandair was cheaper at the time compared to a nonstop flight. On some summer day of 2012, we had a long layover, so we spent some time at the Blue Lagoon, just a few dozen miles/km from the airport (before Instagram users inflated the ticket prices). There was this random tourist guy at the Blue Lagoon, which was walking to the main building, and I saw that his t-shirt said a more vulgar form of "Screw Christianity" on it. That got me kinda enraged, but I didn't say anything, except ask my parents why he had a shirt with a curse word about Christians. I didn't tell the guy that his shirt was bad, as he was 100+ ft (30 m) away, and just another tourist. I told my parents about that, and they said that some Europeans are a bit more agnostic, and some have a disdain for Christianity, so I prayed for him years later.

But sometimes, I have a memory reflecting my disdain for this guy with that t-shirt. So, finally, a few months ago, I prayed to God to forgive him, and help me not think bad things about him. Now, I no longer think of that guy in a bad way.

God has forgiveness, and he can help us rid ourselves of negative thoughts, or grudges against others. So, to answer your question, pray to God, and ask for forgiveness, to both your negative thoughts, and to the person or event you have held your grudge to.

 

[PamelaPP]

Me again , personally I do believe God can do ANYTHING and he CAN heal us , as I get flashbacks even on my busy days now but it is better ''out than in'' and I see it as the bad memory coming OUT in order to be HEALED xx

 

[linux.poet]

I recommend looking for a faith-based trauma class like these:

Share the Struggle

www.sharethestruggle.org

Trauma REBOOT

Trauma REBOOT is a 12-week trauma healing course from REBOOT Recovery that helps people from all walks of life find hope after trauma.

rebootrecovery.com

I went through the first trauma class, and my boyfriend went through the second. Hopefully you can get into one of these classes yourself or find a church nearby who has them.

It literally re-configures your brain, and once you've got it, you've got it. You can't get rid of it; all you can do is manage the symptoms.

Practicing music or learning a skill also reconfigures your brain. So no, your brain won't go back to the way it was before you went to war or whatever trauma happened. But my testimony is that you can learn from the traumatic instances and deal with the amygdala hijacking so that it stops.

The classes teach physical exercises to manage the fear symptoms and approach the situation from a Biblical perspective. The combination of exercises and journaling to "reassemble" my fragmented mind really helped me.

In my case, when the old memories came back, I learned to say "yes and no" to them. Yes, that memory happened, it was real and I saw it. No, I do not need to be afraid of it. No, I don't want revenge. If this happens again, I will forgive instead, I will do this instead, and so on. Your mind is made in the image of God. It can handle reality.

But at the end of the day, I'm just a patient and my trauma sounds like it might have been milder than yours are. My memories tried to hijack my actions. That's why I think you both should look into taking a trauma class like those stated above, and getting some help from a therapist, perhaps. The Share the Struggle class provides helpful information for finding a therapist if you need.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I recommend looking for a faith-based trauma class like these:

Share the Struggle

www.sharethestruggle.org

Trauma REBOOT

Trauma REBOOT is a 12-week trauma healing course from REBOOT Recovery that helps people from all walks of life find hope after trauma.

rebootrecovery.com

I went through the first trauma class, and my boyfriend went through the second. Hopefully you can get into one of these classes yourself or find a church nearby who has them.


Practicing music or learning a skill also reconfigures your brain. So no, your brain won't go back to the way it was before you went to war or whatever trauma happened. But my testimony is that you can learn from the traumatic instances and deal with the amygdala hijacking so that it stops.

The classes teach physical exercises to manage the fear symptoms and approach the situation from a Biblical perspective. The combination of exercises and journaling to "reassemble" my fragmented mind really helped me.

In my case, when the old memories came back, I learned to say "yes and no" to them. Yes, that memory happened, it was real and I saw it. No, I do not need to be afraid of it. No, I don't want revenge. If this happens again, I will forgive instead, I will do this instead, and so on. Your mind is made in the image of God. It can handle reality.

But at the end of the day, I'm just a patient and my trauma sounds like it might have been milder than yours are. My memories tried to hijack my actions. That's why I think you both should look into taking a trauma class like those stated above, and getting some help from a therapist, perhaps. The Share the Struggle class provides helpful information for finding a therapist if you need.

This sounds like a wonderful suggestion worth trying. Thank you.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

Yes. The problem is that you have yet to forgive the offences that happened in the past. We should be able to remember the past as if it never touched us. This is impossible, humanly speaking. However, God has provided a way. I can verify that it works. My ex wife left with my children, dodged a court order and I did not see them for 15 years. When I, by a miracle, found them again, I was at peace. All the anger of the first few months had gone. This article is long, but rewarding to read. It includes truth that will set you free.

Can you forgive from your heart? - Christian Life Frankston

Christian teaching and encouragement for those who want to grow in Christ

www.christianlife.org.au

@Aussie Pete, you often share this information about forgiveness and previously shared it on posts I made. Reading your testimony puts it into even more context. I realized I was truly struggling with unforgiveness and I've been repenting. Thank you for sharing.

@LovebirdsFlying maybe praying concerning the hurts and praying to forgive will help you to address where your mind is dwelling in the past as well. It's helped me a lot to pray about these things. May God grant you peace in Jesus name, amen.

 

[Aussie Pete]

@Aussie Pete, you often share this information about forgiveness and previously shared it on posts I made. Reading your testimony puts it into even more context. I realized I was truly struggling with unforgiveness and I've been repenting. Thank you for sharing.

@LovebirdsFlying maybe praying concerning the hurts and praying to forgive will help you to address where your mind is dwelling in the past as well. It's helped me a lot to pray about these things. May God grant you peace in Jesus name, amen.

God uses our experiences to help others. The wise man learns from his mistakes. If he is really smart, he learns from other people's mistakes.
2 Corinthians 1:4

" .......who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."

 

[lanceleo]

Memorize a few scriptures so you are ready to counter them when the memories return. Praying for those who hurt you will also help to dissipate anger.