LovebirdsFlying
My husband drew this cartoon of me.
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I am diagnosed with PTSD if that makes a difference.
Sometimes random events from the past replay themselves in my head before I’m aware of what I’m thinking about. By past, I mean anywhere from 15 to 50 years ago. A lot of times I don’t even know what triggered the memory. I can be doing something totally unrelated, totally innocent, and suddenly I find myself seething with rage. What I’m remembering could be a time I was abused or bullied, or someone who should have protected me didn’t, or something blatantly unfair happened.
What disturbs me the most is that, before I know I’m doing it, I am thinking and imagining the most hateful, awful things I could have said or done at the time. Of course I’m glad I didn’t actually say or do anything of the kind.
Once I’m aware of these angry thoughts and fantasies, I do ask the Lord to help me with it. But I’d like to catch it a lot sooner. Jesus puts hatred on par with murder for a reason. Not only do these thoughts not glorify the Lord, but they don’t even feel good. Whatever I’m thinking, it does nothing to get back at them or fix what happened, but it does harm me.
Does anyone know how I can become more aware of my emotions before they get to that stage?
Sometimes random events from the past replay themselves in my head before I’m aware of what I’m thinking about. By past, I mean anywhere from 15 to 50 years ago. A lot of times I don’t even know what triggered the memory. I can be doing something totally unrelated, totally innocent, and suddenly I find myself seething with rage. What I’m remembering could be a time I was abused or bullied, or someone who should have protected me didn’t, or something blatantly unfair happened.
What disturbs me the most is that, before I know I’m doing it, I am thinking and imagining the most hateful, awful things I could have said or done at the time. Of course I’m glad I didn’t actually say or do anything of the kind.
Once I’m aware of these angry thoughts and fantasies, I do ask the Lord to help me with it. But I’d like to catch it a lot sooner. Jesus puts hatred on par with murder for a reason. Not only do these thoughts not glorify the Lord, but they don’t even feel good. Whatever I’m thinking, it does nothing to get back at them or fix what happened, but it does harm me.
Does anyone know how I can become more aware of my emotions before they get to that stage?