When is it too much?

[grandmajo]

Hi,

I'm hoping that someone can offer some advice, or has been in a similar situation.
We have a new couple that joined the church about 2 months ago. For about the last month and a half, the wife has latched onto me, to the point that I'm beginning to feel like I'm being stalked. Daily repeated phone calls, with multiple messages on the answering machine, sometimes as many as 4 in 6 hours. Getting my cell phone number off our answering machine when I told her that it was for business only and that I did not give it out. (I'm self employed). Wanting me to go with her to all her Dr. appointments every week (these run an average of 6 hours with driving time included). Calling to ask if I would take her husband to his Dr. appointment. Calling or stopping my hubby at church to fix their fence because their 5 dogs are escaping from their yard (he's already been there 3 times). Trying to corral me every Sunday right after church to talk, even if it means interupting someone else that is talking with me. Now calling every Wednesday night for the last month to say that she doesn't feel up to coming to bible study and her husband expects to be picked up (although the last message said to call her back later because she was going shopping).

I'm trying to be a good servant to my Savior, but at what point does one stop being a servant, and start being taken advatage of?

Grandma Jo

 

[texastig]

Hi,

I'm hoping that someone can offer some advice, or has been in a similar situation.
We have a new couple that joined the church about 2 months ago. For about the last month and a half, the wife has latched onto me, to the point that I'm beginning to feel like I'm being stalked. Daily repeated phone calls, with multiple messages on the answering machine, sometimes as many as 4 in 6 hours. Getting my cell phone number off our answering machine when I told her that it was for business only and that I did not give it out. (I'm self employed). Wanting me to go with her to all her Dr. appointments every week (these run an average of 6 hours with driving time included). Calling to ask if I would take her husband to his Dr. appointment. Calling or stopping my hubby at church to fix their fence because their 5 dogs are escaping from their yard (he's already been there 3 times). Trying to corral me every Sunday right after church to talk, even if it means interupting someone else that is talking with me. Now calling every Wednesday night for the last month to say that she doesn't feel up to coming to bible study and her husband expects to be picked up (although the last message said to call her back later because she was going shopping).

I'm trying to be a good servant to my Savior, but at what point does one stop being a servant, and start being taken advatage of?

Grandma Jo

grandmajo, your going to have to sit down with her and tell her in love that what your doing is hurting me. I have things that I have to do and I'll squeeze you in when I can. You can't be their baby sitter. God gave them a brain, two arms and legs. They have to get busy for themselves also. They have to learn how to fish for their own. You might talk with your pastor about it also. If she doesn't leave you alone maybe you and her will need to talk to the pastor together.
Don't get bitter over this. They sound like they are insecure.
Pray for them that they will be able to stand on their own two feet.
God is very proud of what your doing but He expects them to do things on their own also.
Thanks,
TexasTig

 

[grandmajo]

Thanks for the reply, TexasTig

I guess that this is where I've been having the problem with sitting down with her - God gave them a brain, two arms and legs.......

She is 65 years old, in a motorized scooter, due to polio as a child and a stroke a year ago. Although her husband is in his 30s and healthy. I think that I'm having a hard time with it because of her situation, but it's becoming apparent that the more that my hubby & I try to help, the more that she wants.

I have talked with the pastor, and he has talked with her and her husband. Now the husband won't speak to the pastor. A couple of weeks ago, she stopped me after church on Sunday night and asked me to call her every night before I went to bed, so that she could "just hear my voice". I told her as gently as possible that I could not commit to that and I had 2 days afterwards that she didn't call, then it started up again.

I feel that I may need to be blunt with her in order to get thru to her and I'm praying to God for guidance.

Grandma Jo

 

[texastig]

Thanks for the reply, TexasTig

I guess that this is where I've been having the problem with sitting down with her - God gave them a brain, two arms and legs.......

She is 65 years old, in a motorized scooter, due to polio as a child and a stroke a year ago. Although her husband is in his 30s and healthy. I think that I'm having a hard time with it because of her situation, but it's becoming apparent that the more that my hubby & I try to help, the more that she wants.

I have talked with the pastor, and he has talked with her and her husband. Now the husband won't speak to the pastor. A couple of weeks ago, she stopped me after church on Sunday night and asked me to call her every night before I went to bed, so that she could "just hear my voice". I told her as gently as possible that I could not commit to that and I had 2 days afterwards that she didn't call, then it started up again.

I feel that I may need to be blunt with her in order to get thru to her and I'm praying to God for guidance.

Grandma Jo

GrandmaJo, I am sorry. I didn't know she was in a scooter.
She needs to put her trust in Christ and not humans. She needs to hear His voice.
Being blunt won't be wrong in this situation.
And you said the best thing,

I'm praying to God for guidance.

I am praying now for your situation In The Name Of Jesus!!!
Be blessed my friend.
Thanks,
TexasTig

 

[BrBob]

Been there! Not an identical situation but similar. I work in a service provider position and this is very familiar.

This is a couple with serious emotional difficulties. They need to be referred to a professional counselor as well as to ministry. These people are leaches and don't even know it. They suck the life right out of people and service providers!

Get some distance. You told her your cell phone is for business only, so block her calls. That's not being mean or unChristian, it's simply reinforcing boundaries. She needs to be told quite bluntly that you will not be subjected to this much contact. Your business is just that, a business and just because it's located in your home doesn't mean that you are free to be interrupted constantly. You know that and she needs to know that, it's boundaries again.

Don't feel guilty and try not to be angry. That's what the enemy wants from you. He wants you to break your own ethical code and disillusion you. Hang in there, pray for them and do what you can without allowing yourselves to be sucked dry. Remember, you are not the one who can help them, the Lord is. If you are feeling drained, then the good works are coming from your 'self' more than from God and you can't keep that up. As a point of fact, the good works that come from your 'self' are ineffectual anyway compared to what the Lord can do!

God Bless,

Bob
Spearfish, SD

 

[texastig]

Been there! Not an identical situation but similar. I work in a service provider position and this is very familiar.

This is a couple with serious emotional difficulties. They need to be referred to a professional counselor as well as to ministry. These people are leaches and don't even know it. They suck the life right out of people and service providers!

Get some distance. You told her your cell phone is for business only, so block her calls. That's not being mean or unChristian, it's simply reinforcing boundaries. She needs to be told quite bluntly that you will not be subjected to this much contact. Your business is just that, a business and just because it's located in your home doesn't mean that you are free to be interrupted constantly. You know that and she needs to know that, it's boundaries again.

Don't feel guilty and try not to be angry. That's what the enemy wants from you. He wants you to break your own ethical code and disillusion you. Hang in there, pray for them and do what you can without allowing yourselves to be sucked dry. Remember, you are not the one who can help them, the Lord is. If you are feeling drained, then the good works are coming from your 'self' more than from God and you can't keep that up. As a point of fact, the good works that come from your 'self' are ineffectual anyway compared to what the Lord can do!

God Bless,

Bob
Spearfish, SD

BrBob, great advice.
Thanks,
TT

 

[grandmajo]

Thank you both for your responses, I appreciate your insight. I've been praying for them both daily and now I'm praying that God will put the right words in my mouth when I talk to her.

Grandma Jo

 

[ContentInHim]

Grandmajo - I'm thinking that it's her strokes that make her like this. My dad was very much like that after his massive stroke. And there is really not much that can be done for that. If you help a tiny bit, you're in for a lot. Just so you understand why she does this.

Her hubby needs to step up to the plate and do for her. If he can't or won't then pray for her that her needs are met either through others or through God.