What's your view on child spanking?

[Andrew]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like in the US and Australia, a parent can be arrested, charged and jailed for canning his or her child.

Singapore seems to be following this trend. ie child canning is condemned and even teachers in school nowadays cannot lay a finger on the kid, no matter how ill-disciplined he is. Many who have done so have had to face harsh media criticism and hence resign.

It's sad, but 'new age' parents here who are against child canning are raising a generation of spoilt brats and woosies.

Of cse, I'm not advocating canning for the sake of canning, or canning out of anger, but canning the Biblical way.

 

[Iron Lion]

i dont see a problem with a smack on the bum if needed. but only to your own kids. noone besides the parents should be able to do it. i grew up with the odd smack and it did me no harm. its when a slight smack becomes anything that starts to hurt or mark the child it becomes to far and then could be viewed as abuse.

 

[vanshan]

In America spanking is still legal in almost all states, but the trend, as it is everywhere, is to ban it. This is just sappy emotionalism run amuck. People think that good parenting is giving the children whatever makes them happy. I think part of the problem may be the guilt most parents have that they are not spending enough time with their children, as most parents work and see their children less than their daycare providers.

I think when you are disciplining a child who is too young to be very logical, or aware of consequences it can be valuable to spank them. I think it's important to do it in a controlled way making sure your temper is not getting the best of you, but my daughter who is only three has responded very well to a controlled spanking. She knows that the spanking is corrective and not vindictive.

Basil

 

[Dust and Ashes]

My wife and I are in the process of adopting and the agency we are using places children who have been removed from their homes because of abuse or neglect. We had to attend classes to learn about behaviour patterns for these children and one of the first things they told us is "NO spanking" period.

I personally don't think spanking is wrong and in fact think it does the child a lot of good IF the parents are consistent with their discipline but I can understand the reasoning with the adoption agency's restrictions. It was put to us this way: If the child has suffered physical abuse then (a) spanking (regardless of reason) will only inhibit or even destroy any chance of bonding with the child and (b) any spanking that you give them that is severe enough to be a deterrent will be clearly abusive.

I think that spanking shouldn't be the first and certainly not the only method for punishment as children are thinking beings and so can be better influenced by more creative methods. But sometimes the best way to get it through a thick little skull is through the seat of the pants.

 

[Iron Lion]

I think part of the problem may be the guilt most parents have that they are not spending enough time with their children, as most parents work and see their children less than their daycare providers

good point.

 

[tonya]

Isn't it in the bible that we should correct our children? Maybe it is in Proverbs...

 

[Theophilus7]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like in the US and Australia, a parent can be arrested, charged and jailed for canning his or her child.

I should think so too! Children don't belong on supermarkets shelves, canned, boxed, vacuum packed or otherwise, and I shouldn't care to mix them with my baked beans, tomatoes or fruit salads. You have some peculiar tastes in Singapore.

... Regarding caning (with a single 'n' ), the Bible does teach us that the man who spares the rod hates his child (in Proverbs, I believe).

 

[rhemarob]

9 years ago my wife and I were preparing for our baby and we had grand ideas that we'd never have to spank our precious child.

Well now I have an eight year old boy and you can talk till your blue in the face and he will not hear one word you say until he gets a swat on the butt.

My idealism in child rearing has done a complete one-eighty, I think your doing your child serious harm by not disciplining them and spanking is good discipline.

Of course like everything else you must keep it balanced, no one should be beating their child of course. ( no matter how much you might want to)

 

[Andry]

It depends on the child.

How I see it is that God gave us the best life manual, for all of us, including adults and children, and we need to use whatever it is that we need at the times we need them.

In other words, through the work of the cross, we been empowered, equipped, designed and blessed with everything that we need, to partake of the divine nature. (2 Pet 1:4). So if we need to show mercy, we give mercy, if we need to exhort, we exhort. If we need to correct, we correct. And God gives us pretty clear instruction on how that's to be done - in love. So if my son needs a spanking....

With my 4 yo, I've only had to smack him on two occasions (on the bum). That's it. And no where near to the degree that my dad did (and to be clear, I deserved them). But even in the past 4 months, I wished I could've smacked some adults around!

 

[Andrew]

There are certainly plenty of good but secular/humanistic reasons against child spanking. Even top pscyhologist, educationers, professors, etc will tell you that there are "better" alternatives.

But what we need to remember is what God says, after all, we are Christians:

Pr 10:13 In the lips of him that hath understanding wisdom is found: but a rod is for the back of him that is void of understanding. (my Pastor says that when a child is younger, like a toddler, you use the cane and less communication, but when he's older, like a teen, you use communication. eg: if your toddler wants to stick his fingers in the socket, you don't spend time communicating to him the -ve effects of electricity. They won't understnd, but they understnd the cane.)

Pr 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. [If you love your child, you'd cane him. If you spare the rod, the Word actually says you hate your child.]

Pr 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. [every child is foolish, maybe due to the fall. No parent should think that his child is special, does not have foolishness in his heart, and hence does not need the rod]

Pr 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.

Pr 23:14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.

Pr 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. [Like the mother who can't control her kid in the supermarket becos she does not believe in canning?]

So the Bible is crystal clear about parents having to discipline their kids with the rod. But I also believe there is a right way of using the rod and a wrong way. Never cane out of anger. Be led by the Spirit. And also, once the child is familiar with Mr Cane and know you mean what you say, you will find that you need the cane less and less, just mention Mr Cane and he stops his nonsense.

 

[Blade]

I see nothing wrong with it at all. Someone here said something about spending time with the child. We use to put our two boys in Daycare, I could not stand seeing them left there. So I would pick them up and take them to work with me and hide them when the boss came around lol. At the Daycare they (not to pat myself on the back) loved me so much because I would always pick up my boys real early and never ever left them there. They said you would not believe how many parents leave there childern to the very last min. My two boys always listen and to God be all the glory. Don't get me wrong they are boys. So spending time praying and believing before and after they are born, what the WORD says about them WILL make a difference.

 

[LynneClomina]

when i was a kid all mom had to do to teach me something was wrong was look at me a certain way, and i'd fall apart. NEVER got spanked. didnt need it until i was a teen. THEN i coulda used it.

but my friends son will just push and push and push until he has to get a spankin'.

i think a lot of it has to do with, yes, the temperment of the child, but also the temperment of the home..... my neighbours are always yelling at their kids, so basically, their kids are immune to raised voices - and besides, they're mad all the time, so the kids are ALWAys doing something wrong anyways.... i can see where in that kind of situation the kid will only respond to the most "out there" discipline. on the hand, there are families where the parents never raise their voice or get angry except when there really has been some line crossed. becuase the household temperment it pretty low-key, the kids are alerted to some line having been crossed as soon as they can hear it in their parents voices.... in such situations, perhaps the kids will not get to the point of needing spanking so often?..... and there would be varying degrees of this, of course. and the temperment of each individual child when enter in to the picture...

 

[jessangle]

I think spanking works! But it has to be done out of love. When I got spanked I knew it wasn't just because I deserved it, but because my parents loved me.

This is how spankings where handled at my house.

If I disobeyed or was defiant mom (mom usually did all the spanking) would tell me to wait in my room. It gave her some time to cool off and it gave me time to think about what I did. After a few minutes she would come in with the paddle. She would sit with me and we would talk about what I did wrong. She made sure I knew why I was going to be spanked. She would also tell me that she needed to spank me because proverbs 23:13-14 says "Do not withhold discipline from a child; If you punish him with the rod he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death. Then she would lean me over her lap and give me my spanks, She went by age, when I was eight I got eight spanks. How hard depended on the offence. Then she would tell she loved me and she forgived me then we would hug and move on.

I think thats how spankings should be administerd. It worked for me and my sisters. When I have kids I will discipline them the same way.

 

[Andrew]

jessangle,

yes most definitely, it should be done out of love, based on the Word and led by the Spirit.

I was canned pretty much by my dad when I was young, esp when I played too much and neglected my schoolwork. Sometimes I would go to school with red lines all over my legs -- by those stripes I was healed (of my nonsense)!

To shift the focus a little, what about spanking a naughty school kid? The problem we have in Singapore nowadays is students that are monsters! And the teacher is not suppose to lay even one finger on them! They are rude, disobedient, spoilt, not interested in studying -- and the teacher is supposed to make sure they get good grades while not having the authority to discipline them. ie give them a heavy responsibility without adequate authority.

 

[riverpastor]

I agree with forgivensinner001 that there are creative ways to, and I would use the term "discipline" instead of punish...

You have to reach deep into their world... Playstation 2, X-Box, GameCube, sleep-overs, television.

Now, this has helped my wife and I to deal with various situations with our two boys, ages 9 (PS2) and 4 (television).

But, I must say that, when my belt buckle jangles and makes that "clinking" sound, all the foolishness stops...

So, we use an admixture of resources to discipline the children.

The nine-year old will push his way towards the spanking. He does like to argue some...

The four-year old--- I simply tell him that what he did was wrong and he covers his eyes and his bottom lip pokes out (the cutest thing you've ever seen) and he just busts out into big tears. He is simply more sensitive to rebuke than his older brother.

So I too believe that the temperament of a child comes into the picture when we talk about discipline.

It's spoken around in these parts as:

If you put stripes [spanking] on them when they're young, they won't put stripes [prison] on them when they're old...

 

[KleinerApfel]

I agree discipline is an essential part of bringing up a child, but I'm not certain physical punishment is necessarily a part of that.

Sending the child to their room for a few minutes is good. They realise they have done wrong, and that you are very angry, and that there are consequences.

The talking it over reasonably part that Jessangle mentions is vital.
An apology should flow from this. So should affirmation of the loving family bond.

Why bring in physical punishment at that stage? What does it achieve?
The message has been given, the apology, forgiveness and restoration are complete.
What else is needed?

Loss of a privilege or giving extra work can be added as a penalty if required, b ut may not always be necessary.

I confess that when my child has been hurt by another, I wish their parents or teachers had disciplined them better, but has smacking these children at home stopped them going off the rails? Doesn't seem like it.

I find myself wishing they still caned them at school, but if anyone dared do that to my own, there'd be trouble!

A child who is hit by a parent may get the idea that if you want things to go your way you lash out, and especially if you're bigger than the one you're attacking.

I did smack my daughter at the toddler stage a handful of times, because I thought it might work. If I could go back and do things differently maybe I would, as I didn't find it helped. It accelerated the tension and upset between us, and I soon decided to use other methods.

She has grown to be a loving, confident, compassionate, free-spirited young woman. She has a mind of her own, and puts forward her own views, including standing for Jesus amongst her friends.

I could have chosen to smack her much more in those early days and beyond, but I chose to watch her personality develop and blossom by encouragement, involvement and communication, and I'm glad I did.

God bless, Susana

 

[Andry]

I agree with forgivensinner001 that there are creative ways to, and I would use the term "discipline" instead of punish...

Over the last few years my attitude toward discipline has completely changed. In my history discipline equaled punishment. If you were disciplined that’s what it meant – you were punished.

I didn’t realize that in God’s eyes discipline did not equal punishment . Discipline equals correction, which is a very different thing altogether.

But we have to understand something about the heart of God. When God so loved the world, was the world behaving correctly? The world was behaving very incorrectly, and very inappropriately. And this is how God disciplined the world: God so loved the world, that He took away their freedom, He sent them to their room, He beat them severely. Of course not. God so loved the world, that He gave.

I've learned the God-method of discipline – that it was difficult to do because it did not make sense to the natural mind, but I learned how to discipline through giving. Instead of taking my son and putting him in his room, but taking my son and having a few words of correction and about what the problem was, and then taking him to watch a movie. And I found that mercy triumphs over judgment every time. I found that grace will change more things than punishment ever will.

And most people do not come to salvation because of the threat of God’s punishment, they come because of the enticement of God’s grace. And it’s grace that changed our lives. We have to start to see these things from a different perspective.

 

[KleinerApfel]

andry,

I love that. I forgot to mention grace and reward and encouragement in my own post!


You're so right this is God's major way with us.

And I'm so glad gentleness works with boys too - I'm waiting for someone to say I don't understand how difficult boys can be!

God bless, Susana

 

[PatrickM]

andry,

I love that. I forgot to mention grace and reward and encouragement in my own post!

You're so right this is God's major way with us.

And I'm so glad gentleness works with boys too - I'm waiting for someone to say I don't understand how difficult boys can be!

God bless, Susana

"You don't understand how difficult boys can be!" With the following caveat:

We had 2 boys, 2 girls (all grown now ) and they all survived an occassional "smack on the bum".

But one of my "boys" would not respond to spanking. He was, and still is, a rather physical person, who enjoyed playing on the line in football, etc. When he was 5ish, he threw a tantrum, wanting to go with mom to the store. He was being punished for another thing, so he couldn't go.

After numerous "explanations" about why he couldn't go, he just continued to scream he wanted to go. The "smack" was my only alternative, but this only made him stoic. Rather than scream, he, in a very low voice, repeated he wanted to go with mom. Another swat, another stoic response.

We learned with him (Rory - last Irish king, imagine!), indeed, swatting didn't work, but alternative disciplines did, i.e. play deprivation, etc.

 

[Inprayer]

spare the rod spoil the child,but please dont beat them there is a difference between correction and beating. I have no problem spanking my sons when its needed.