What's Wrong With This Mindset?

[GrowingSmaller]

Whats wrong is youre asking whats wrong. You want to ask whats right.

 

[juvenissun]

But if you hurt someone, in order to "win", have you really won the way God wants?

Or, if you take something that a person really needs . . . could this sort of winning include coveting your neighbor's goods?

Are you questioning the nature of competition? I am afraid I can not help you much on that.

God gives you the gift which can be best(?) shown in boxing. So,
1. Do boxing, regardless the nature of the game. Or,
2. Find something else to use your gift.

In terms of the nature of boxing, I think there are other competitions of similar nature, such as wrestling, fencing, martial art, or even football. You need the skill of defense and protection to be good in the competition. They are risky sports. I am not trying to say that boxing is a sport looks good in God's eyes. I only look at it as a athletic competition.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Well I'm a bit tired so I'll keep my reply short. For starters avoid boxing. Overtime you will have brain damage. As someone who suffered from a TBI (from a seizure) its not worth pursuing anything that gives you one. It changes you more then you know. That aside I get that you want to feel special. I think its how we tend to feel, we want to feel unique. Growing up I was very shy, but I still wanted to be unique. Well its silly now of course but I wanted to be a superhero like Superman. I wanted to help people, but be able to be myself and no one would know who I was. Like Clark Kent, no one knows hes Superman. Of course obviously that was really just a childhood dream. I'm far to shy for that lol.

But as a christian we are unique, we are special in Gods eyes. We shouldn't really worry about feeling validated by the world. In the end when we die none of that will matter. Only what God thinks will matter. Did we serve Him well? Did we try our best to be good christians? None are perfect of course, but He is who we should try to live up to and be happy with. BTW not making your career sounds like its nothing, I am glad you enjoy what you do. But stardom and all that will not matter much when our real life begins after this. Actually look at Manny Pacquiao from the Philippines. Hes a great boxer too. But hes not about being validated or stardom or being unique. He gives it all to God whether he wins or loses. When you see him you think of how much he points to God and not himself. We only hope that at times we could be like that.

 

[fat wee robin]

It leads to further brain injury, and possibly is a result of same.

Brain injury . . Oh I see ,from boxing .

 

[fat wee robin]

I want to feel special. Like I have something unique to offer this world. One who knows himself enough to feel validated. I can't believe it myself so I look for others approval. I have a lot of talent and become a professional boxer. Everyone from my home town start talking about me and want to be around me. I start to feel special. I'm now validated through my success and have something unique to offer this world. I can now believe that I'm special because I have proof, how many undefeated professional boxers are there? I can finally be free of these chains, I can finally be myself because I'm unique and stand out. I no longer have to be shy and cower before people. I'm my own man now. What's wrong with this mindset?

I think you are remarkably honest and candid ,more than most . Having achieved some of your goals ,to prove that you can, perhaps you can stop worrying if you stand out ,and instead feel good about yourself on the Inside .To do that you need to proceed to use this 'talent' for the good of others ,and to make a relationship with your Creator .
He will in time use you in whatever way He decides . That requires reading the word of God , praying ,and listening . May God bless and guide you .

 

[fat wee robin]

apparently this person suffers from some kind of inferiority complex and feels the need to be "liked" or acknowledged by others.
this person lacks confidence in his abilities.

this sort of thing isn't easily "taught" or "transferred" to others, it must be acquired in early childhood.
in this respect, i thank god every day i had parents that truly understood their roles in parenting.

so, what's wrong with the above mindset?
your accomplishments does nothing to change the person you actually are.
i hate to say it, but you are still the same ol' loser you always were.

this brings up an interesting aspect of human nature:
others judge you by your accomplishments, while you judge yourself by your abilities.

Oh dear , what a pharisee you are .

 

[nb408]

apparently this person suffers from some kind of inferiority complex and feels the need to be "liked" or acknowledged by others.
this person lacks confidence in his abilities.

this sort of thing isn't easily "taught" or "transferred" to others, it must be acquired in early childhood.
in this respect, i thank god every day i had parents that truly understood their roles in parenting.

so, what's wrong with the above mindset?
your accomplishments does nothing to change the person you actually are.
i hate to say it, but you are still the same ol' loser you always were.

this brings up an interesting aspect of human nature:
others judge you by your accomplishments, while you judge yourself by your abilities.

It seems like you nailed it. I've been struggling with this inferiority complex for as long as I can remember. However, I want to know how I can fix this. At times it scares me the stuff I think about when I imagine someone demoting me or degrading me somehow in public. I know as with everything since I can detach from my own thoughts and get a new perspective than I can pretty much do anything. You seem to know a thing or two about psychology from what I read above in your post. Would you have any information on how one gets over inferiority complex?

 

[SkyWriting]

SkyWriting said:
It leads to further brain injury, and possibly is a result of same.

Brain injury . . Oh I see ,from boxing .

 

[whois]

I know as with everything since I can detach from my own thoughts and get a new perspective than I can pretty much do anything.

then why don't you?
are you waiting for the thing that would be the most impressive to others?
forget about "the others".
what is the one thing you want to do, that you would almost die for, you would sacrifice your marriage for, the thing that nothing will stop you from doing ?
as a youngster, what impressed you the most?
that is your calling, you were born with special qualities and talents to accomplished that, i would go so far to say you have a special love for it.
when you combine these qualities, you can pull off the seeming miraculous.
a good example of this is the late dale earnhardt.
here is this man, that wanted nothing more than to race cars, it was in his blood.
he dropped out of school in the eight grade to race cars, had 2 failed marriages over it.
the pit lizards would make fun of him because he couldn't read or write.
but he knew race cars, and how to drive them.
without ever taking a course in physics he understood better than anyone the aerodynamics of a car moving through air.
he was a master at using the draft of cars to gain positions, some even said he could "see the air".
this one uneducated man transformed NASCAR racing.
why?
because it was in his blood, he sacrificed a great deal to do it.
and it made him a legend in his own time, a millionare.

You seem to know a thing or two about psychology from what I read above in your post. Would you have any information on how one gets over inferiority complex?

sorry, i've never had a psychology course in my life.

edit:
on winning races:
"it isn't the one with the fastest car, it's the one that refuses to lose"
-dale earnhardt

"you don't have anything to worry about, unless you are between me and the checkered flag"
-dale earnhardt

reporter: "if you couldn't drive race cars anymore, what would you do?"
dale: "drive race cars"

 

[DogmaHunter]

I want to feel special. Like I have something unique to offer this world. One who knows himself enough to feel validated. I can't believe it myself so I look for others approval. I have a lot of talent and become a professional boxer. Everyone from my home town start talking about me and want to be around me. I start to feel special. I'm now validated through my success and have something unique to offer this world. I can now believe that I'm special because I have proof, how many undefeated professional boxers are there? I can finally be free of these chains, I can finally be myself because I'm unique and stand out. I no longer have to be shy and cower before people. I'm my own man now. What's wrong with this mindset?

I don't see anything in particular wrong with it.

It's the mindset of someone who requires certain criteria to be met in order to feel "special" or "meaningfull".

Other people's criteria will be different. Take me for example... I used to think I had to build a mega-company and change the professional lives of hundreds, thousands of retail stores by making their job easier with my software.

While that is still a goal / purpose in my professional carreer, I no longer see that as being THE criteria by which I would value my life or meaning / purpose of my life. Having a son changed all of that.

Today, I feel very accomplished / meaningful as a human being, simply by being a dad and being part of a family.

I could go bankrupt tomorrow, sell the house and move into a small appartment with my woman and child, and it wouldn't change a thing about those feelings. I'ld still feel emotionally enriched. I'ld still be a proud and loving father. I'ld still feel needed, special and meaningfull on a personal, human, level.

Professionally though, I'ld feel like a failure, lol.

But that's me and you are someone else. It's not upto me to "judge" your criteria or call them "wrong" or "right".

You decide what you find important and meaningfull in your life.

 

[DogmaHunter]

apparently this person suffers from some kind of inferiority complex and feels the need to be "liked" or acknowledged by others.

Who doesn't feel the need to be "liked", "loved" or "acknowledged" by others?
It's rather human to feel that need imo.

Who is content with people being completely indifferent and/or unaware of your existence?

Everybody wants to be loved.

 

[jimmyjimmy]

 

[com7fy8]

I've been struggling with this inferiority complex for as long as I can remember. However, I want to know how I can fix this. At times it scares me the stuff I think about when I imagine someone demoting me or degrading me somehow in public.

If I may offer, though you did not ask me but are asking Who Is >

I have been in a church where people could put me down or seem to be making fun of me and shut me out. But I knew we have real Jesus people in the same church; and they never make me feel like I am less than they are; so they were my example of how to be with the ones who might seem to put me down and shut me out and make fun of me and make a project of picking at how I talked and did things. There will be people who do not know how to love you; and I understand we need to be strong about this, so they can't get the better of us, and Jesus makes us able to love those people and "stuff" our good example "in their faces" > this is a very challenging way of "boxing", by the way . . . a real way to be a champion and make breakthrough discoveries in how to love

So, "of course", what has helped me is to know how Jesus wants me to do good to people who do me wrong, and be kind to them. So I am not allowing wrong people to have power over me to decide how I am and what I do.

what is the one thing you want to do, that you would almost die for, you would sacrifice your marriage for,

Now, you didn't actually say he should sacrifice his marriage for a career or an accomplishment; and here I do not mean to say that you mean this.

As Christians I think we understand that God would not want us to sacrifice our marriage for a career or ministry or an accomplishment, but learn to take care of our love relating in our marriage while we pursue special interests. We are here on earth first to become like Jesus and learn how to submit to God in His peace and learn how to relate in love with people. And in marriage we can learn how to share and care in our Heavenly Father's family caring and sharing warmth of affection > Ephesians 4:31 - 5:2

By the way . . . Colossians 3:19 says,

"Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them." (Colossians 3:19)

So, for one example, if somehow the desires and needs of your wife could get you bitter because they might compete with a special interest . . . no way are we excused to get bitter against our ladies. Therefore, we need to become strong in love so nothing a wife does can have power over us to get us bitter, plus we can not get bitter and negative about family needs keeping us from doing our special interest things > our special interest things must not have power over us to get us bitter against our wives!!!!

After all . . . accomplishments and making money are not what give you your real self image that is good. Your real good self image needs to come with being able to submit to God in His peace and be loving with your wife and loving any and all people.

No matter what happens to certain special interest things > if God is committed to what you care about, it will work out, though there will need to be interruptions for personal correction and love sharing with your family. So, don't let anything trick you into getting bitter and feeling like you are missing out on something that really matters; because God does not fail.

Also, you could have your spouse to support you and to enjoy sharing with you in your endeavor; but put loving your spouse over seeking the career or accomplishment. So, it could be something you "could" sacrifice your marriage for, but I would make sure my marriage is well taken care of and valued more. Learning how to love with your spouse can feed into how you relate in love while doing your special interest things > valuing love more than things you might do and get. And God is able to give you wisdom for the career and accomplishment things, so you have love with Him and people while doing those things.

"Let all that you do be done with love." (1 Corinthians 16:14)

 

[whois]

Now, you didn't actually say he should sacrifice his marriage for a career or an accomplishment; and here I do not mean to say that you mean this.

the basic thing i wanted to impress is that earnhardt knew what he wanted to do from an early age, and that he wasn't going to let anyone, or anything, stand in his way.
sure, his failed marriages almost convinced him to stop racing, but he didn't.
earnhardt is one of those rags to riches storys you hear about.
he put himself in debt up to his eyeballs because he couldn't afford to fix his crashed cars, but others seen his talent and funded him.
he finally made the decision that he was just going to race cars, and let others provide those cars.
osterlund helped him break into the big time, but it was childress is when his carrer really took off.
childress told him "i want to build a car that is unbreakable, it simply will not quit, and i want to put someone fearless in it".
dale wasn't a "driver that drove fast", he was a race car driver, this can be seen in the following example.
danica patrick was a female driver that consistently qualified in the top 5, a number of times the pole position and even once with a track record.
she was a driver that drove fast.
but when it came to racing, she was a failure, consistently ranking in the very back of the pack, she simply couldn't race cars.
dale, on the other hand, was married to his car, he knew where he wanted to go, and how to get his car there, working the draft to his advantage.
dale died a millionare, leaving his son with a net worth of 300 million.
dale, an uneducated nobody, from nowhere.

i bet both of his ex wives are crying the blues because they didn't stick with him through thick and thin.

 

[GrowingSmaller]

We are special because we are important, this is not a unique individual trait though, but part of our "being" as conscious entities.

 

[com7fy8]

earnhardt knew what he wanted to do from an early age, and that he wasn't going to let anyone, or anything, stand in his way.

This is clear that you are saying this. And I understand you mean that whatever we really value and won't let go of seeking can be what we will get.

But, what we seek can come at the cost of missing out on what is much more valuable, or there can be destructive consequences > for example >

"But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows." (1 Timothy 6:9-10)

Yes, you might get rich if you keep pushing and going for this, but Paul says if you desire to be rich, this will cost you too much.

And, I see from this, for application to what nb408 has said, > seeking a material or accomplishment thing can get you deeply ruined in the process, if it is getting you away from God and how He has us loving. You might get some thing, yes, but how are you becoming with God and in Jesus Christ's "rest for your souls" (Matthew 11:28-30), in the process?

And, i notice how Paul says that the desire to be rich is enough to hurt a person; he does not say getting rich is the problem, but all a person "needs" to get into misery and ruin is the desire to be rich . . . because that desire has the person functioning away from God and not depending first on Him. So, like this, if someone makes car racing or boxing their first or main thing, this can have them missing out on all that is so more and better . . . in God's kingdom with how He has us discovering how to love >

"'But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.'" (Matthew 6:3)

"Of course", if we seek God for Himself, He will add whatever else He desires for you. And in my case, I have discovered how God has added so more and better than all I have ever wanted or tried to get. Also - - - God has given me a number of the things which I did want, and then He has shown these things up! so that I more or less might have them and do them, but I could take them or leave them, in comparison with submitting to God in His love and goodness and peace and how I become in loving any and all people.

he was a master at using the draft of cars to gain positions, some even said he could "see the air".

This can be symbolic of how we with God can become able to sense and flow with how His love and peace and deep personal guiding take us so we stay in a position to love others, have compassion in relating with wrong people, and learn how to relate in tender and intimate sharing with a spouse and anyone else who is capable of personal and sensitive sharing.

sure, his failed marriages almost convinced him to stop racing, but he didn't.

So . . . this can be representative of how we need to not let anything or anyone stop us from finding out how to love > Jesus is our Love Teacher >

"'Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.'" (Matthew 11:29)

dale, on the other hand, was married to his car, he knew where he wanted to go, and how to get his car there,

And this can be symbolic of how if we trust in Jesus, He will be married to us and He will know how to get us to where He desires to bring us in more and more tender and caring sharing with Him >

"But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him." (1 Corinthians 6:17)

And this will mean being in His gentle and lowly love, which will have us not giving up on anyone or our marriage > because Jesus never gave up hope for any of His disciples > love "hopes all things" (in 1 Corinthians 13:7). And He is our Creator > while we share with Jesus and obey Him in His love > His love shares with us His own creativity for how to relate with a spouse and anyone else, during any good time or problem. And, by the way, most of all we use example to help people, not only trying to control and use people for what we want > love does not have us only using people for fame or things we want.

Of course . . . we are not perfect; there will be times we have blowouts of anger and unforgiveness, and cranky times when the chassis our our character can break down in stress and depression or frustration, or the oil of pleasant patience runs out and we could burn out; so we need to take a pit stop and get restored with God in His peace and what He has us doing.

i bet both of his ex wives are crying the blues because they didn't stick with him through thick and thin.

Well, if their reason for "crying the blues" was because they missed out on money . . . the desire, alone, for riches is enough to ruin someone, in one's heart. We need to want marriage for the sake of God and how He desires for us to become loving people.

But this takes some "boxing" capability, nb408. Our Apostle Paul seems to have taken a beating, for a while, because of that thorn "messenger of Satan" who could "buffet" Paul > 2 Corinthians 12:7-10) > that invisible thorn devil opponent could have different combinations and swings of things hitting Paul and it was getting the better of him. He even prayed for it to go away, but Jesus was not going to grant Paul a miracle of convenience. Paul needed to get in shape of grace, with strength and wisdom so he could beat any trouble while enjoying the LORD and finding out how to love. Paul became married to this: how grace could have him become and love.

This might not make us famous with a lot of people, or great accomplishers, but we will be pleasing to God Himself, and perhaps famous with certain people whom we help to find out how to love. And then we will have more and more of a personal Jesus love family, not only praise of people who don't even know us but who are impressed with money and a big name while they don't even get to know you personally and enjoy sharing.

So, Jesus says we need to let go of our own image . . . especially an image of what people of this world value >

"If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me." (in Luke 9:23)

 

[whois]

i am in no way advocating the OP continue boxing.
boxing is the only "sport" where you intentionally hurt someone else, sometimes very seriously.
frankly, i don't advocate boxing at all.
at the very least it will cause you pain.
it can leave you disfigured, in a coma, or even dead.

the OP seems to be questioning whether he wants to box or not and this implies that is not his true calling.

i mentioned earnhardt because it was a good example how determination is more important than education in some areas.

 

[com7fy8]

very good clarification, Who Is . . . thanks

I think it is very important that we do things in God's family way of caring and sharing. So, possibly, it is not His will that we use competition to be over others, but seek personal sharing and helping others to have what is good.

So, certainly we would not want to harm someone in order to get something for our own selves > "Love does no harm to a neighbor," we have in Romans 13:10. And I personally understand that God's love will not have me just using people to get pleasure or a big name for myself.

 

[zippy2006]

I want to feel special. Like I have something unique to offer this world. One who knows himself enough to feel validated. I can't believe it myself so I look for others approval. I have a lot of talent and become a professional boxer. Everyone from my home town start talking about me and want to be around me. I start to feel special. I'm now validated through my success and have something unique to offer this world. I can now believe that I'm special because I have proof, how many undefeated professional boxers are there? I can finally be free of these chains, I can finally be myself because I'm unique and stand out. I no longer have to be shy and cower before people. I'm my own man now. What's wrong with this mindset?

You just want to be loved and noticed. You want to be in relation to other persons. There's nothing bad about this desire, and fame will achieve it to some extent. Just don't think that fame will last forever, or will fully satisfy your desire.

Friendship is beautiful in part because it fulfills that desire. Deepen your friendships, whether they are with your buddies, your girlfriend or wife, or (most importantly) God.

 

[Locutus]

Be careful any advice along the lines of "follow your heart" or "just do what you want". The heart is deceitful and the desires of the flesh lead to sin. For example, an ex-alcoholic might "want" to go out drinking more than anything in the world, but obviously that would be a bad choice to make. That example is black-and-white, but most choices that we make are more difficult to discern.

agree wholeheartedly. skepticism, in all things important, is vital.