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What's Wrong With Me?

Discussion in 'Anxiety, Panic & Agoraphobia' started by FightTheFlesh, May 27, 2020.

  1. FightTheFlesh

    FightTheFlesh New Member

    95
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    Christian
    Single
    Why do I keep hearing my dad's voice in my head when I am half way sleep? It keeps happening. Or sometimes I just keep getting so many dreams about him. You see, I don't trust my dad. A long time ago my intuition was telling me that something about my dad wasnt right. I can't really put my finger on it but I know he's not to be trusted. I don't know what it is about him but just something's not right. He's very controlling and goes through my notes (he hasn't done it in a while, but maybe he think he has me right where he wants me). I get this strange intuitive feeling sometimes like he loves to see me unhappy because he wants me to always depend on him for everything. It s like something is always trying to keep me dependent on him and I just want my own life now. I'm about to be 30 soon and this is not how I want my life to be. I want love but I do not feel loved. It's like I feel like my dad stalks me and not out love but for control over me and to see and know just what I'm up to all the time. Something doesn't feel right guys, sometimes I feel like I'm in a spiritual warfare with him. Like there's a war for my soul. One time I said to him "you're trying to take this family to hell" and he said I was psychic. So my wonder is, if that is possible then why would my own dad want to do something like that to me? What can I do? What prayer can make? I'm at my wit's end but I have been fighting whatever this spirit of that's coming through my dad for a long time. He truly feels like he is not harming me mentally but he is constantly putting everyone down and sometimes you can just feel it around him like there is this thing just draining you of your energy. I feel completely drained around him. He has abused me before and stabbed me with a thumb tack and claimed that wasn't abuse. He has everyone around him believing that he is treating me right and I'm just crazy but that's not the truth and nobody even cares either. They don't try to stand up for me, they just go right along with it.
     
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  2. SeekingGloryOnThisJourney

    SeekingGloryOnThisJourney Active Member

    437
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    United States
    Eastern Orthodox
    Single
    I’m so sorry to hear this!
    You are an adult. You don’t belong to someone who is trying to make you stumble. You belong to God.
    This is your life.
    God has a destiny for each person and you are His.
    Not your fathers.
    I too had a similar parental experience.
    You foundation isn’t built on them. You do have a life. It took time to realize it for me but you do.
    Are you living with them?
    It’ll be hard to move out if so, but you probably should if you are financially able.
    Once quarantine ends spend time out a lot.
    Alone.
    But not too much to make him suspicious.
    I’ll pray for you, ask God to reveal His Will so you may obey.
    Praying!
     
  3. FightTheFlesh

    FightTheFlesh New Member

    95
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    Christian
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    Yeah. I just had it again. In another dream he's trying to kill me. When I am happy he gets nervous. I really dont know what's going on or where I am being decieved at, if I am being decieved. He wants full control over me and I sense something perverted about this relationship between me and him. God isnt helping me. Everytime I get ready to get help something bad happens. My dad was kissing me on my neck once when I got to a really low state and that makes me want to hurt him and I know that's what he's trying to do, sow seeds of hatred in me to kill my joyful spirit. I dont know if I should run away from home but everytime I make a choice to leave it's usually on a day where nothing can be done like I'm on constant bad timing. I do not trust him and my relationship with him is abnormal. Yes I still live with them because I had a mental breakdown 3 times and they said I needed a guardian and they gave me my aunt which is his sister but I'm still living with him.
     
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2020
  4. FightTheFlesh

    FightTheFlesh New Member

    95
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    Christian
    Single
    I also believe I have an undiagnosed disability that makes it hard for me to work. A disorder called tmau or something similar which causes abnormal body odor which causes me shame and humiliation. I've never been diagnosed but I know I have something similar. This prevents me from being able to hold a job down. I believe my dad is doing witchcraft and nobody believes us. He told me that I'm supposed have complete obedience to him and I find something perverted about the situation. How do I get away from him? The quarantine that keeps coming is blocking me from getting help and I feel God is nowhere to be found. I've applied for unemployment and every single thing didnt work for me. I have no money and no place to stay and I'm getting older. I really need help and some place to stay to get back on my own two feet.
     
  5. FightTheFlesh

    FightTheFlesh New Member

    95
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    My mom is sick and my dad is filthy and has us living in filthy conditions. He monitors us and tries to figure out things about us to know what we're gonna do before we do it.
     
  6. FightTheFlesh

    FightTheFlesh New Member

    95
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    He competes with me and tries to be apart of everything I do in order to have his name be apart of any success from me. He does not want me doing anything with my art.
     
  7. FightTheFlesh

    FightTheFlesh New Member

    95
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    Christian
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    Basically he will do anything in his power to block me from any promise God has on my life but yet when I pray to God for a breakthrough things get worse or nothing happens at all. I'm started to wonder if I'm even apart of the kingdom of God.
     
  8. FightTheFlesh

    FightTheFlesh New Member

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    Or if I'm even praying to the right God or if christianity is even right for me.
     
  9. FightTheFlesh

    FightTheFlesh New Member

    95
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    Christian
    Single
    Time is wasting away and I'm getting older and my parents are constantly asking for our money cause my dad cant take care of my mom. My mom when she gets mad calls me Lucifer, satan the devil ect. And says I do things on purpose.
     
  10. FightTheFlesh

    FightTheFlesh New Member

    95
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    Christian
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    I don't know how he got inside my head but I want him out but i do not understand what is going on. I've prayed to God. Got no answer. The only thing for ms to do is move out but I dont have the money or the place to stay, Corona is coming back and soon things will be back to what it was. Corona is making it harder for me and it makes me wonder if God is even for me. My dad seemed to have calmed down but I think that's because he thinks he's done just enough damage to block me from getting to where God wants me. I know the prayer "God deliver me from the evil man who has purposed to overthrow my goings" I said it byt nothing happened. Applied for jobs and dodnt get it. Applied for unemployment didnt get it but yet it worked for my brother and not me. Should I even worship God? Is God for my dad? Why does it seem that God is allowing my dad's wishes and prayers to be answered but not mine?
     
  11. FightTheFlesh

    FightTheFlesh New Member

    95
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    Christian
    Single
    I keep seeing my dad's number everywhere too.
     
  12. FightTheFlesh

    FightTheFlesh New Member

    95
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    Christian
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    Also I dont love anyone so I think I'm asexual and since I have no place to go I cant just ask random men for a place to live cause I know they're gonna be expecting sex. And I ain't that kinda woman. What do I do? I feel like this thing wants me to fall into all types of sins I never had a reason to or would never do like something wants prostitution.
     
  13. FightTheFlesh

    FightTheFlesh New Member

    95
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    Christian
    Single
    If I dont have a place to go I dont know what's gonna happen to me
     
  14. SeekingGloryOnThisJourney

    SeekingGloryOnThisJourney Active Member

    437
    +300
    United States
    Eastern Orthodox
    Single
    Dear, I’m so very sorry, I wish I could physically help you, I can tell you’re desperate to escape, I can only Pray for you but I know my God is protecting you from those who are harming you. Do not fear...
     
  15. FightTheFlesh

    FightTheFlesh New Member

    95
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    Christian
    Single
    It's okay and thanks. I've been going through this for 5 years and I don't want to say im growing hopeless, I'm pretty sure the devil doesn't have that much power that everytime I'm about to have a breakthrough another Corona breakout happens unless this whole time it's God doing it. I feel like he's trying to break my will and I will never give in!!!
     
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