What's really wrong with me?

[Skilletdude]

I want to be normal and don't feel like I ever will be... the thing is, I know it's totally psychological but I can't ever fix it. Is there a way to fix it? It's not depression, it's not social anxiety, it's something else but I don't know what you'd call it and everything else are just side effects. I mean, I thought it's like self hate but I don't think that's it either...

I'm like so self conscious though and have zero confidence. Anything I say comes out weak and unsure and never feels genuine, like I'm a really bad actor... wooden, unemotional and just generally uninteresting. Anything that breaks away from this mold feels uncharacteristic. I sell myself short on everything so I'll never disappoint cause there was no expectation to begin with.

What is really wrong? I know it's not depression, that's just a cause from always being so frustrated and it's only once in a while. It's not a social anxiety problem. If I felt confident, I wouldn't care. Of course I hate myself but that's more to do with frustrations and how I handle situations and stuff... there's gotta be a REAL problem that causes these side effects. If I could fix it, then the rest would go away.

I feel like I'm going around in circles >.> I don't know what I'm looking for. The only time I feel completely confident and sure though is with spiteful sarcasm dripping from my tongue and an "I don't care" attitude. This side RARELY comes out cause I'm usually the complete opposite. Overly polite, careful not to offend anyone, helpful, all smiles and no ill will toward anyone. It's still there though and the only time I get anything done is when I let it out... mostly pushed out from building frustration.

 

[Criada]

Sounds as though there is a lot of confusion there. If it's any consolation, I think a lot of us have various problems at different times and don't really understand the root of the problem.
It might be worth talking through your feelings with someone trained in helping people to unpick their problems, a counselor, therapist, pastor... anyone you feel could help.
Hang in there... you can get over these issues.. it's a journey, and you are on the way

 

[ephraimanesti]

I want to be normal and don't feel like I ever will be... the thing is, I know it's totally psychological but I can't ever fix it. Is there a way to fix it? It's not depression, it's not social anxiety, it's something else but I don't know what you'd call it and everything else are just side effects. I mean, I thought it's like self hate but I don't think that's it either...

I'm like so self conscious though and have zero confidence. Anything I say comes out weak and unsure and never feels genuine, like I'm a really bad actor... wooden, unemotional and just generally uninteresting. Anything that breaks away from this mold feels uncharacteristic. I sell myself short on everything so I'll never disappoint cause there was no expectation to begin with.

What is really wrong? I know it's not depression, that's just a cause from always being so frustrated and it's only once in a while. It's not a social anxiety problem. If I felt confident, I wouldn't care. Of course I hate myself but that's more to do with frustrations and how I handle situations and stuff... there's gotta be a REAL problem that causes these side effects. If I could fix it, then the rest would go away.

I feel like I'm going around in circles >.> I don't know what I'm looking for. The only time I feel completely confident and sure though is with spiteful sarcasm dripping from my tongue and an "I don't care" attitude. This side RARELY comes out cause I'm usually the complete opposite. Overly polite, careful not to offend anyone, helpful, all smiles and no ill will toward anyone. It's still there though and the only time I get anything done is when I let it out... mostly pushed out from building frustration.

MY DEAR BROTHER,

WOW! That doesn't sound like much fun at all! Anyway, if you would like to talk about specific issues, perhaps we could address them one at a time in little bite-sized chunks.

i've been a Counselor for a bunch of years and don't have a whole lot of "answers" but i am a good listener, so feel free to P.M. me if you feel the need.

MAY GOD BLESS YOU, AND KEEP YOU, AND GRANT YOU PEACE!

ABBA'S FOOL,
ephraim

 

[andreha]

Hi there, SkilletDude

I have a good idea of how you feel - been through a lot in the past 30 years. I honestly believe there's nothing really wrong with you. All you need is a few good, kind friends who will support and encourage you. If we don't receive support and encouragement from at least someone in this world, it becomes difficult to have confidence. If you'd like to chat, please PM me - I'll be happy to share. I certainly wouldn't mind having another friend.

I want to be normal and don't feel like I ever will be... the thing is, I know it's totally psychological but I can't ever fix it. Is there a way to fix it? It's not depression, it's not social anxiety, it's something else but I don't know what you'd call it and everything else are just side effects. I mean, I thought it's like self hate but I don't think that's it either...

I'm like so self conscious though and have zero confidence. Anything I say comes out weak and unsure and never feels genuine, like I'm a really bad actor... wooden, unemotional and just generally uninteresting. Anything that breaks away from this mold feels uncharacteristic. I sell myself short on everything so I'll never disappoint cause there was no expectation to begin with.

What is really wrong? I know it's not depression, that's just a cause from always being so frustrated and it's only once in a while. It's not a social anxiety problem. If I felt confident, I wouldn't care. Of course I hate myself but that's more to do with frustrations and how I handle situations and stuff... there's gotta be a REAL problem that causes these side effects. If I could fix it, then the rest would go away.

I feel like I'm going around in circles >.> I don't know what I'm looking for. The only time I feel completely confident and sure though is with spiteful sarcasm dripping from my tongue and an "I don't care" attitude. This side RARELY comes out cause I'm usually the complete opposite. Overly polite, careful not to offend anyone, helpful, all smiles and no ill will toward anyone. It's still there though and the only time I get anything done is when I let it out... mostly pushed out from building frustration.

 

[RuthD]

I am praying for you.

 

[Lighthouse76]

I am so sorry and it is really frustrating indeed. I do offer to you my prayers and deeply simpathy because I too struggle and so much desire to get better, feel me again...I so much want you and I and all to be fixed asap! May the Lord grant you and me and all with peace, daily bread, new strenght each new day and deliveres us all from the opposition from inside and out and the "unknow" of mental struggles...giving us clarity and the refreshing oasis each one of us much need and desires.

Peace.

 

[winterbluebells]

Remember, you are God's Creation. =) You are special. *virtual hug* You can message me on here, although I'm not sure I'll be of much help. I'm still searching for God myself, so I probably won't be able to give you much guidance in that way- but I will try and do a good deed for Him.

Heavenly Father,
Please let this person's situation improve. Please let them see how special their self is - this person is Thy Creation! I thank Thee, Father, for creating this special person. Please let Thy Love embrace this person.
I pray in the mighty name of Jesus Christ
Amen

 

[Skilletdude]

Thanks... thanks for the responses and prayers. I do appreciate it.

 

[YoDude]

Sounds like there are certainly contributors to your condition, perhaps family, perhaps genetic.

You know what, its okay to be different. Are you supposed to feel bad because you aren't like everyone else? Of course you want to fit in, that is the basis for connecting with the world and having a 'normal' life. But, can the head say to the foot, 'I don't need you'? No, each part has its purpose, some more dignified than the other, but each has an important role. You may be suprised to find that the people who seem to have it all together are actually hiding problems of their own. You were born into this vessel, it may be broken in ways, but God cares about you and has a plan for you. You are no less important to God than anyone else, fight for your funny little vessel, you are equally important; don't be afraid to fail, stand up and be counted, no one may agree with you, but at least you tried.

Your condition will improve, but you may always be a bit timid in life, I think you are exacerbating your condition by thinking something is wrong. You just ended up on the timid end of the spectrum, you will have to work on it, it is your obligation as owner of this vessel and child of the Lord to make the best of it. Don't look for a quick fix, see your life ahead of you as a long struggle, now prepare yourself for that challenge and see yourself as deserving happiness, now go get it! You will simply have to manage yourself and push your timidity limits each day, be glad with small progress, don't expect to become rock solid overnight. Take care, bro.