You've really been working hard on improving yourself in more ways than one these last few years, haven't you, Wayholk? It should be recognized.
Give God ALL the glory for this. Please and thank you.
Let's just say, I went through SO MUCH over the last year. I really had to grow up fast. I will NOT get into details.
While home alone with my family at work, I would just do chores and think about things. The perk of being home alone is being myself and thinking out loud. I have had a series of philosophical and theological rants that gave me much-needed epiphanies, not always in my own pride's favour.
I know how I acted since I first signed up. I recently realized that today's culture made victim-hood literally a contest called, "The Oppression Olympics". I realized that victim-hood is NOT an accomplishment and it NEVER WAS. It is simply a product of living in a fallen world full of imperfect people.
Receiving love, affection, and attention for these feelings gives a high, providing temporary relief from emotional pain. However, it works the same way as drugs: Once the 'high' wears off, I need another hit as part of an addiction. I needed rehab and therapy, not enablement.
None of this is to say that I do not appreciate the help you have all given me. This forum helped me realize that I had a problem and needed to learn the Fruit of the Spirit to fix all of that. True love is telling someone what they NEED to hear, not what they want to hear to bring them temporary comfort.