What's on your mind?

TheWhat? said:

No offense intended. Maybe that's true in your life's context bella.

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I'm not offended and appreciate your courtesy.

Everyone suffers. The things we endure may differ. But pain is a part of life. I've had my share of challenges. I became ill in my twenties without warning. I went to see a Jane Austen film and came home and my body collapsed. It took a long time to find the problem. There wasn't a lot of information about the disease at that period.

They gave me low dose pain killers. 10MG. I spent the day vomiting and screaming (in pain). I was too weak to do anything. Sometimes my neighbor fed us. Some days I didn't have the strength to cook. I'd have to go to the ER periodically. They'd give me fluids and something stronger.

I couldn't sleep. I'd pass out from exhaustion. I reached the point when I'd had enough. I was suffering a lot. A former coworker and her husband were ministers. They did a group call and prayed over me. A short time later my mother took me to the county hospital. She said if anyone can find it (the problem) they can. And they did.

I had an extreme case of the disease. They said if I didn't recover in five years I never would. I had to give up my dreams and change everything. I was in school and preparing for a career in medicine. I wanted to do transplants. There was a documentary about HMS and their program. Watching it broke my heart. That's where I wanted to go.

The Lord healed me years later and gave me a fresh start. When I went to Boston I confronted my dream. The thing I'd longed for most. I stood at the gates and looked it in the eye and did a campus tour. I could have it back in a different manner. But I laid it down and told the Lord I'd go where He sent me.

I'm speaking of Harvard of course. I went to the monastery afterwards to see if that was His will. It wasn't. But I was willing to do it if He desired it. And I'm not Catholic.

In time I realized it wasn't for naught. God restored what the locusts have eaten. My daughter is the health person now. Everything I enjoyed as a child and the desires of my heart are woven in my purpose.

He gave it back. Pressed down, shaken together, and running over.

TheWhat? said:

That sounds like a great experience. It does sound like God has gifted you with some kind of compassion.

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I don't know about that. But I understand pain and what's beyond it.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It wasn't my intent to overlook your sickness, but I was referring moreso to your experience of helping others.

bèlla said:

But someone will say, “You have faith and I have works.” Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. —James 2:18

Since you desire to wax spiritual we can do it.

Show me your belief in your fruit. There should be tangible evidence you're walking according to those principles beyond words.

I don't need to hear the scripture. I should be able to recognize it in you, your surroundings, and everything you put your hand to. So there's no shred of doubt that God built that. There should be confirmation too. Beyond friends and family. Strangers should see the same.

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Yes, I guess this is where the whole staying in your lane thing comes in.

Maybe we were just from two, too different worlds.

Maybe we can't see Him in us, because we take our own experiences for granted.

If anyone knew the depths I've been to, they can only give Him the glory that I'm even alive...and not just physically but even on a mental level.

I'm blessed beyond measure right now, I'm walking in His Victory, but to the eyes of some, I may be deemed less than.

TheWhat? said:

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It wasn't my intent to overlook your sickness, but I was referring moreso to your experience of helping others.

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Thank you. I didn't think that.

My mother's that's way and so was my grandmother. They always extended a hand to others. Their conception of family is amazing. Love and togetherness is the glue and they live that. I had good examples. I'm not completely like them. I believe in tough love too.

GospelS said:

Good going, guys! I agree with you all. Each one must discern the season that He has placed them in. What I've learned is sometimes He leads us to believe something and grace to follow it, and just when we think we've got it, He changes the course and takes us on another level. It is He who carries us to one place and then shows us another aspect of Him. It's needed. It's all good. It's amazing. So there's no need to doubt or worry or fear. He is in control and He has made all things good. We are the ones growing in Him. And it's all glorious in the end. . Iron sharpens Iron. That's His doing. Yet, He has already done what He has done. We witness the execution of it but He has already completed it.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, He has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that He cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. Ecclesiastes 3:11

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Hey thanks!

Yes, you're right...it's all about His Increase in His Time.

We can only do very little in the whole scheme of things.

As for me, I am content with spiritual communion (Romans 8:15-16).

If we can both simply decide to become one in Him and acknowledge Him first...I believe whatever we go through is according to His Purpose.

I guess this is where the idea of the "for richer, or for poorer...in sickness and in health" lines come in.

I just finished listening to this and I feel that it really spoke to what I've been going through lately.

"Why does my heart feel so bad" about my last short-lived relationship?

You know what song I'm gonna play right now though, ha ha.

@Tone sorry for your loss. I feel for you mate.

I had a couple of thoughts while watching that sermon, which I just think maybe are worth considering if there is any chance remaining. You mentioned something earlier about her wanting to get counseling. To me it seemed like you didn't agree with that approach, like it was an affront to your leadership.

Well, my first thought is that maybe this is her way of telling you something without telling you. I have no idea what that could be but if she felt the need to address something, her insistence on counseling could have been a way to get at that indirectly, not to challenge your authority but to avoid that in the first place.

Also I don't know anything about her background or if the two of you share a common tradition, but some people take pre-marital counseling very seriously. I was talking to a person of a certain denomination who said they won't even marry a couple unless they've gone through a number of months of it.

[Pro 15:22 NKJV] 22 Without counsel, plans go awry, But in the multitude of counselors they are established.

Tone said:

Yes, I guess this is where the whole staying in your lane thing comes in.

Maybe we were just from two, too different worlds.

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Yes and no.

I don't believe in hypergamy on either side. Hollywood romanticizes the connection and promotes the Cinderella and Pretty Woman fantasy but that rarely happens. Humans gravitate to similarities. That doesn't mean a carbon copy. But there will be common denominators.

Similar values, interests, income, experiences, etc. You don't see giant gaps unless the person's career or networking creates the bonds. Or they're in an environment that attracts a diverse population.

That doesn't mean differences make connecting difficult. But the barriers in understanding and expectation can be problematic. We're viewing life through different lenses. When we confront something beyond our norm we're apt to see it negatively if our associations veer in that direction.

One person can see a Ferrari and say nice car. The next will see it and say I want it. A third may feel its wasteful and an example of greed. Each perspective is influenced by preconceptions. Everybody has them. God has to help us to look beyond them.

I'm blessed beyond measure right now, I'm walking in His Victory, but to the eyes of some, I may be deemed less than.

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We value what's familiar. The gains aren't insignificant. But they're hard to grasp for someone who never walked in your shoes. They don't need the same experiences. But a person from a similar background, neighborhood, and so on would understand what you've done far more than those who've never seen it. They can't appreciate the struggle and hardship the way the other would.

I stay in my lane. I don't have time to fight. I have a spiritual battle walking out my purpose and another for upholding a godly marriage. I don't need a third because of the man I've chosen. Something has to give.

bèlla said:

I stay in my lane. I don't have time to fight. I have a spiritual battle walking out my purpose and another for upholding a godly marriage. I don't need a third because of the man I've chosen. Something has to give.

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Yeah, this seems the way those last two women were headed.

They had already gave up/lost a large part of what made them up.

And so they're gonna make sure that any prospective partner conforms to their remaining portion.

The only thing that would override this is if they could somehow put aside their own choice for His choice.

I guess they just had to experience me to learn the lane lesson.

*His Lane is my aim.

I see only two questions to be concerned with:

Am I Your choice for her, and is she Your choice for me?

Tone said:

Yeah, this seems the way those last two women were headed.

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The situations are very different. They laid down their plenty to follow Him. The path I'm walking expands the coffers and requires a public presence. I have duties to uphold in my work, family, and private life. I can't have an alignment that compromises them.

They had already gave up/lost a large part of what made them up.

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There's a dark side to dating someone who grew up comfortable. Especially when the money goes. That's all they've known. Part of them gravitates to others who had the same or whose circumstances are similar to the one they had. Leaving that world isn't easy.

Oftentimes when people grow up with means there's expectations about their suitors. They may not acknowledge it. But I'd ask if their family would accept it.

And so they're gonna make sure that any prospective partner conforms to their remaining portion.

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Their conceptions are based on the things they've seen and experienced. There may be areas they're unwilling to compromise.

The only thing that would override this is if they could somehow put aside their own choice for His choice.

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Do you believe you're His choice?

Tone said:

I see only two questions to be concerned with:

Am I Your choice for her, and is she Your choice for me?

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There's a third. Why am I the right choice and why is she the right choice?

Tone said:

I guess they just had to experience me to learn the lane lesson.

*His Lane is my aim.

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It depends on their interpretation of His will.

Mate selection is lot like buying a house. You can get a fixer upper. You don't mind the imperfections. You're willing to put the time and effort in to get things the way you want.

You can choose something move-in ready. It has most of what you're seeking. There's some things you'd like to change. But you don't have to do it immediately. You can live with it as-is.

Or you can opt for turnkey. Everything is in order. There's very little for you to do.

If you've seen home improvement shows you know everyone is not prepared to take on a fixer upper. It's usually more work than they expect. You need a certain mindset and disposition to take on people who don't have it all together. Otherwise you'll end up blaming them for their problems and shortcomings. You have to modify your expectations and lead with grace and patience. They're not there yet.

Move-in ready means you're getting enough of the qualities you're seeking to be content. There's room for growth.

Turnkey implies you're getting most of the things you want. They're pretty close to your ideal.

Everybody needs work. But everyone isn't prepared to work in the same measure. Some people will look beyond the imperfections to see the real you. Some can't get beyond them.

Four days down just now. Then come Thursday afternoon, either 6 or 7 days to go. (At work, I mean.)

I seem to have survived so far without trouble (while the coworker I alternate shifts with has not, unfortunately - she got pegged this morning ), thanks to God's grace and protection, but there have been some close calls. Sometimes the very atmosphere just feels tense around there.

Feeling ... strangely ... tense and nervous right now, even though I am safe at home. Nothing major happened today, as in trouble actually befalling me, but ... still, some things just seemed to get to me, make me wonder and worry, and I don't mean just the potentially bad things from work. It's more than that.

I just need to take a breath, pray, forget today, and perhaps take a glass a wine. I am sure it will be all right tomorrow.

SarahsKnight said:

I just need to take a breath, pray, forget today, and perhaps take a glass a wine. I am sure it will be all right tomorrow.

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I second that dollface. Relax and clear your mind. All is well. Believe it.

bèlla said:

I second that dollface.

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Hearing you call me Dollface really does help to make things feel right again, Bella. I mean that. Just you being you in the particular way that you try to help and edify the rest of us.