What's on your mind?

[bèlla]

The relationship was ministerially focused, which was agreed to.

It doesn't sound like it. There's a lot of heavy undertones for a bond that existed for a short time. You put the cart before the horse and got ahead of yourselves.

It's dangerous to allow euphoria and a hunger for passion to carry you away. When your feet find the ground and reality sets there's usually fallout. Some get addicted to the high and never build a framework.

One of the casualties of being alone for lengthy periods is overeagerness. You want it to happen. Want it to work. That's too much pressure.

You have to rein yourself in and dial it down. Your need quotient is greater and you can't feed it. You have to allow things to blossom. It will happen in time. You don't need to nail it down now.

Some men have an incessant want to lead. They believe it's correct and they're trying to prove themselves. But she's not your wife. You have to earn the right to guide her in that state. She doesn't have to follow you.

 

[Subject to God]

1 Timothy 2:12

 

[bèlla]

1 Timothy 2:12

Was that directed to me or @Tone?

 

[Subject to God]

Was that directed to me or @Tone?

Gloria in excelsis Deo!
It is a message to all who read it. If it apllies to you it is for you.
I am not able to discern whats going on most of the time and also I know I am quite socially inept.
I just want to make it clear what my position is.
My favourite verse is Eccleiastes 12:13
Because of vanity, I know the vanity so well.
There is no point going out of bounds, whatsovere, it can only cause loss.
Soli Deo bonum!

 

[bèlla]

Gloria in excelsis Deo!
It is a message to all who read it. If it apllies to you it is for you.

Perhaps you can enlighten @Tone with your personal experiences with the opposite sex and share how you’ve handled disappointment? That’s what we’re talking about.

 

[Tone]

Some men have an incessant want to lead. They believe it's correct and they're trying to prove themselves. But she's not your wife. You have to earn the right to guide her in that state. She doesn't have to follow you

Yeah, they had an incessant desire to be led. They are strong women.

They were all about me earning that right. And one of my points was that this last one wanted wifely treatment, before the fact. She wanted me to stop everything, including ministry pursuit, to cater to her.

I can only lead in proportion to how much she allows me to redirect our relationship back to His Lordship.

 

[bèlla]

Yeah, they had an incessant desire to be led. They are strong women.

That isn't uncommon. Especially if they've been the stronger one in their relationships. Or had that example at home. They may want the same.

But wanting to be led and allowing a man to lead you are two different animals. We respond better to some forms of leadership more than others. Anyone who's had a boss understands this.

She needs to know the type that resonates with her and he needs to understand how he prefers to lead. Some men need a lot of agreement and validation to keep the peace. And some women want a strong hand. Some people want to be your orbit. They want the world to revolve around them.

You don't realize that immediately. You discover it through interactions. That's why backstory is important. Their home life reveals a lot. Whatever they did or didn't receive is coming to the relationship unless they spent a lot of time working through it as an adult. Most don't. Especially Christians. Many don't believe in therapy.

A lot of the social and psychological issues you hear about aren't genetic. It hails from trauma. They think they've put it behind them but they haven't. They're a field of landmines. Different things trigger them. They need to work with someone to get it out and learn healthy coping mechanisms. They can hold it together for a time but eventually it spills out.

Understanding what influences their desires and behavior is good. You'll know how to handle them. If they had a troubled home life, bullying, or abuse you have to handle them differently. They'll read things into your actions you didn't intend.

That's the perfect lead into what I was writing before you posted. I'll put it behind this.

 

[bèlla]

@Tone

During my childhood there was a frequent reference to consequences. We were told if we don't want the consequences don't do the deed. The principle remained and serves me well in adulthood.

One of the primary problems the women I've mentored and befriended have struggled with (in their relationships) is accepting the consequences of their decision. It's one of the main things that determines if the connection has potential.

He may have some of the qualities I'm seeking in a companion. But consequences goes beyond that. You have to consider the whole. Everyone has flaws and other elements that come along with being with them.

Acknowledging the requirements and impediments to a successful union—with that person—is wise. It helps us realize if we're willing to make the investment or if changing gears is best.

We should all be aware of how fast, how far, and how high we're willing to go to get what we want. We can tailor our pursuits accordingly. What you're willing to do for one person may not hold true for the next. They may compel a larger or smaller investment.

When I'm contemplating a commitment I count the cost. I weigh what the connection requires of me to work.

What do I have to do.
What do I have to sacrifice.
Where do I need to compromise.

I don't close my eyes. If I change course it doesn't mean he's a bad person or unable to make someone happy. It means I'm not willing to do with it takes to make it work. To make that pairing successful.

That isn't fear or an inability to trust God. I'm being honest. I'd rather face the music than get three years down the road and I'm miserable. I don't build my future based on someone's potential. I base my decision on the here and now and what I'm experiencing with him. I won't set us up for failure.

I've seen the results of the potential route and its calamitous. People rarely live up to their potential. The fallout results in disappointment, arguments, and separation. They didn't fail. You built your life on who he'd become instead of who he is. He was bound to fall short.

 

[Tone]

@Tone

During my childhood there was a frequent reference to consequences. We were told if we don't want the consequences don't do the deed. The principle remained and serves me well in adulthood.

One of the primary problems the women I've mentored and befriended have struggled with (in their relationships) is accepting the consequences of their decision. It's one of the main things that determines if the connection has potential.

He may have some of the qualities I'm seeking in a companion. But consequences goes beyond that. You have to consider the whole. Everyone has flaws and other elements that come along with being with them.

Acknowledging the requirements and impediments to a successful union—with that person—is wise. It helps us realize if we're willing to make the investment or if changing gears is best.

We should all be aware of how fast, how far, and how high we're willing to go to get what we want. We can tailor our pursuits accordingly. What you're willing to do for one person may not hold true for the next. They may compel a larger or smaller investment.

When I'm contemplating a commitment I count the cost. I weigh what the connection requires of me to work.

What do I have to do.
What do I have to sacrifice.
Where do I need to compromise.

I don't close my eyes. If I change course it doesn't mean he's a bad person or unable to make someone happy. It means I'm not willing to do with it takes to make it work. To make that pairing successful.

That isn't fear or an inability to trust God. I'm being honest. I'd rather face the music than get three years down the road and I'm miserable. I don't build my future based on someone's potential. I base my decision on the here and now and what I'm experiencing with him. I won't set us up for failure.

I've seen the results of the potential route and its calamitous. People rarely live up to their potential. The fallout results in disappointment, arguments, and separation. They didn't fail. You built your life on who he'd become instead of who he is. He was bound to fall short.

This sounds reasonable and useful from a mere worldly perspective.

I believe it fails to really believe in Messiah (the Hope of Glory) within each other though.

I'm not aiming to build our life on her nor on myself, but on The Rock.

Definitely not in who we were, are, or will be, but on Who He Is in us.

I won't be with a fault inspector.

 

[Tone]

I won't be with a fault inspector.

Psalms 127:1
If LORD JEHOVAH does not build the house, its builders labor uselessly, and if LORD JEHOVAH does not keep the city, its keepers wake up uselessly.

 

[bèlla]

This sounds reasonable and useful from a mere worldly perspective.

I believe it fails to really believe in Messiah (the Hope of Glory) within each other though.

I'm not aiming to build our life on her nor on myself, but on The Rock.

Definitely not in who we were, are, or will be, but on Who He Is in us.

I won't be with a fault inspector.

You have to find someone who feels the same and live with the consequence of that choice. Most don't practice blind acceptance. It may require you to wait much longer.

Accept it and make peace with your circumstances.

 

[TheWhat?]

I think you both sound wise and practical -- you can't ignore the material aspects of a serious decision, nor should you ignore the spiritual. I've resigned to give up and let God decide, whatever his reasoning is.

My level of disillusionment has surpassed you both.

 

[bèlla]

I think you both sound wise and practical -- you can't ignore the material aspects of a serious decision, nor should you ignore the spiritual. I've resigned to give up and let God decide, whatever his reasoning is.

My level of disillusionment has surpassed you both.

Thank you for the compliment. I'm sorry you're disillusioned and hope that changes. Companionship is wonderful when we're paired with the right one. May God grant your request.

 

[Tone]

Most don't practice blind acceptance.

I'm not trying to direct this at you sister, it's just what came to rememberence.

John 9:41
Jesus said unto them, If ye were blind, ye should have no sin: but now ye say, We see; therefore your sin remaineth.

I don't advocate that she be blind, rather that she knows when to put down the man-made lenses and see as He does:

1 John 4:16
And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.

1 Corinthians 13
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away."

I know that mere verses sounds like pie in the sky to some, but, in my eyes, it's The Rock.

 

[bèlla]

I'm not trying to direct this at you sister, it's just what came to rememberence.

But someone will say, “You have faith and I have works.” Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. —James 2:18

Since you desire to wax spiritual we can do it.

Show me your belief in your fruit. There should be tangible evidence you're walking according to those principles beyond words.

I don't need to hear the scripture. I should be able to recognize it in you, your surroundings, and everything you put your hand to. So there's no shred of doubt that God built that. There should be confirmation too. Beyond friends and family. Strangers should see the same.

 

[GospelS]

Good going, guys! I agree with you all. Each one must discern the season that He has placed them in. What I've learned is sometimes He leads us to believe something and grace to follow it, and just when we think we've got it, He changes the course and takes us on another level. It is He who carries us to one place and then shows us another aspect of Him. It's needed. It's all good. It's amazing. So there's no need to doubt or worry or fear. He is in control and He has made all things good. We are the ones growing in Him. And it's all glorious in the end. . Iron sharpens Iron. That's His doing. Yet, He has already done what He has done. We witness the execution of it but He has already completed it.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, He has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that He cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. Ecclesiastes 3:11

 

[bèlla]

I don't advocate that she be blind, rather that she knows when to put down the man-made lenses and see as He does:

I know that mere verses sounds like pie in the sky to some, but, in my eyes, it's The Rock.

I understand that intimately. That's what my bond with cara is like. We've been friends for 19 years. We've had our ups and downs. And four arguments. How many can say the same for that duration?

We don't fight because love exceeds the offense
Love exceeds irritations
Love exceeds differences

Our love is greater than anything that would pull us apart. It never left. Even during periods of silence. It remained.

That's my fruit. She bore witness to the same on the site. We're a lot like Anne and Diana of Anne of Green Gables. We made a promise to love one another and we kept it.

 

[TheWhat?]

No offense intended. Maybe that's true in your life's context bella. Others are not so fortunate and are born into a tragically broken world where kids are abused, women prostitute themselves to pay bills, and people in general are forced to compromise in many ways just to survive. I myself was "saved" (if you can call it that -- I was brought to faith) through a very painful experience and since then I've struggled with depression, I've been attacked or slandered almost everywhere I've gone, and chased by a nut cake wielding an axe to make thing interesting, and that's just for starters. It's enough to make one wonder if he's hated by God because others seem to have it so well, and if righteousness is really for the wealthy and fortunate in life. I know one thing for certain, though, and that is there is something very hateful in the world that kills people and preys on the weak, even christians, exactly how to interpret things is often left to the eye of the beholder, and once I got over my bitterness toward God because of my own interpretations, that I'm starting to see answered prayer is itself a miracle.

 

[bèlla]

You're right.

There was a time I was very ill. Nearly bedridden. My family and friends were very supportive. I used that time to help others. I attracted a lot of brokenness. They flocked to me.

I saw the wound. But I saw beyond it. I saw their beauty.

I poured into them without restraint. I gave them love, encouragement, and guidance. I watched them change. Their bloom was the prettiest thing I've ever seen. Better than a flower.

I didn't know God was using me at that time to be a blessing to others. But I felt compelled to help. And never felt burdened. I didn't have much on my plate. Giving was easy.

Now I'm in a different season and doing the same is hard. Not because they're burdensome. I have more going and responsibilities I didn't have in the past. I felt wearied and couldn't understand it. Then I realized the problem and adjusted my approach.

 

[TheWhat?]

That sounds like a great experience. It does sound like God has gifted you with some kind of compassion.