What's on your mind?

cara-mia · Mar 27, 2021

bèlla said:
I'm alright Heart. I had a nap and woke with Mentor in my thoughts. I was recollecting her words and the lesson she provided on love on the heels of your intervention. She told me I couldn't fix, help, or serve others at the expense of my welfare. Irrespective of my want to do so or from a sense of duty.

You insisted I sever the connection because it was wounding me. If you told me at the onset she'd say and do the things she did I wouldn't believe you. How does a person move from being my advocate and support during the most difficult period Little Miss and I experienced to driving a blade in my back?

The person I invited sight unseen to live with me when they had nowhere to turn. I welcomed her and her children and offered to house, feed, and educate them all. Including her. And my family supported it because of what she'd done. They were willing to help. Luckily she didn't come.

My crime wasn't mistreatment. It was my inability to make her first. To give her the position in my life she craved. Above you, Mentor, and the rest. I remember that night clearly. You were talking to me and insisting that I let her go.

And it was hurting me and you said, she's hurting you. This isn't love. I knew what that was. We had it. I wanted to understand why. On the one hand, she'd eviscerate anyone who hurt me. She stood with us with him. Then she turned on me.

I came to realize over time it was a love/hate connection. Love and hate were equal. You couldn't have one without the other. We can cite her sister, circumstances, etc. But at the end of the day she made a choice.

She was incapable of loving me in a healthy fashion. She was damaged and being in my company brought out her better side. But there was more to her than that. She was malicious, envious, and diabolical. She could plot her butt off.

The lesson I learned from that experience was the danger of remaining in unhealthy situations. You see their potential, feel you owe them, etc. But that doesn't excuse the carnage.

One day I looked at the people she befriended. They're all train wrecks. I'm the odd one out. Unless the person is ready to change you'll take a lot of hammering. You're a constant reminder of everything they lack.

When you're young you don't see that. You have good times and never realize you're tying the person in knots. Resentment is bubbling at the surface and eventually spills over. Because I wasn't in her shoes.

I had a nice conversation with someone the other day about mental health. He said something that was really edifying about knowing my limits and the impact it has on my person. I can't take on everything. Some challenges are beyond my pay grade. I'm not the best person to handle it.

That makes me feel bad at times. I want to see everyone happy and thriving. But I can't be the catalyst. God equipped others to handle the stuff I can't. I don't want to deal with the things I experienced with her.

I can't handle the kind of brokenness that makes you beat me up and apologize later. Or pretend it didn't happen. That's not loving. I understand people have things going on in their head and lives that contributes to their behavior.

But I don't want to be their scapegoat. That's a burden I'm unwilling to bear for anyone.

Thanks to the Lord, He made it possible for you and I to understand what love really is and exactly as it is described in the Bible. Many long for that but are unable to truly grasp the understanding.

Mental illness is a tricky thing especially when it goes untreated. There is such a negative stigma surrounding it. It stems from a multitude of things and research now tells us that it is genetic for most. Environment and trauma even perceived trauma especially in early years can severely negatively impact mental health.

While you have a servant heart and a giving heart, you can not help someone who won’t acknowledge their issues and does nothing to make themselves better. Just talking about something doesn’t make change, a person must be willing to do the hard work. It is hard when you love someone and watch them crash and burn. It’s even harder when you want so deeply to help but know you can’t. It is well beyond your control and even my own as a licensed therapist. I can’t provide therapy to my significant other or anyone else close. Yes, I may use my shrinking abilities but that person has to do the work.

Toxicity is dangerous and causes pain. You have to walk despite the desire to stay. Your mental health and well being would be shattered. You have come to far to be dragged.

You can pray that the person will see the signs God shows them but if they are blind to what’s around they will miss it. Pray to relieve me of my mental illness but sitting around and doing nothing doesn’t help. God wants us to show Him we are up for the task. He leads us and we need to do. You can pray for your vindication and even their redemption.

No matter what, you will never walk alone Cuppie! I love you to much to allow destruction of any kind. There are plans He has laid out and we are walking in that purpose.

bèlla · Mar 27, 2021

cara-mia said:
Thanks to the Lord, He made it possible for you and I to understand what love really is and exactly as it is described in the Bible. Many long for that but are unable to truly grasp the understanding.

I've learned a lot through our connection and it's a benchmark for future relationships. Love and togetherness are balanced. We enrich each other's lives and we're equals. I'm not filling a void, cleaning up a mess, etc. It isn't codependent. We're not enmeshed or desiring to be the dominant force in the other's life. We know our place and it's enough. I can't be more to you than you permit and I accept that. The same holds true on your end.

One of the marks of mature relationships is the recognition of assignment. We can determine what we're willing to do and give. But we can't determine our place in someone's heart or life. You can't be more than they'll allow. And love isn't demanding. You don't force them to make you something you're not.

The people I walk beside today are held in high esteem. Their character and relationship with God are admirable. They have something to teach and share. I'm bettered by the connection. They're not trying to get something out of me. They're trying to help. And I respect that.

While you have a servant heart and a giving heart, you can not help someone who won’t acknowledge their issues and does nothing to make themselves better. Just talking about something doesn’t make change, a person must be willing to do the hard work.

I'm not in a position to aid someone with serious mental or emotional challenges. I don't have the knowledge, time or coping mechanisms to take it on. I can hold them in prayer and seek the Lord's intervention. But I'm not a therapist. The mood swings, outbursts, and meltdowns are too much. I've done it in the past and it was exhausting. You forget that when you're in the thick of things.

Stability and calm are necessities for my peace of mind. I don't want upsets, traumas, or sagas. My life is orderly and that's the way I want it. Helping people today doesn't look the way it did in the past. That chapter is closed. God is doing a new thing. Today, I'm ministering to the lost and entrepreneurs. That's my passion.

No matter what, you will never walk alone Cuppie! I love you to much to allow destruction of any kind. There are plans He has laid out and we are walking in that purpose.

Associations have been on my heart in the last few months. I feel a growing necessity for mindfulness in light of my work and calling. I have a responsibility and can't be indiscriminate in my relationships. The price I pay for doing so is greater. It can threaten my reputation, ministry, etc.

Narrowing is a must and that's confirmed through the connections He established. There's a lot of similarities in our makeup, gifting, and purpose. We're sold out for Him and running towards the mark.

In a roundabout way that's what I wanted. A tight knit circle of supporters who share my passions and interests. I had it in the past and He's rebuilding it. That's exciting to witness. When you put a bunch of fireballs together great things happen. We're on our way.

Rigatoni · Mar 27, 2021

A good analogy of what the Christian journey can feel like at times. Thankfully we always walk with a safety net underneath.

DragonFox91 · Mar 27, 2021

I just can't put up w/ people's nonsense.

bèlla · Mar 27, 2021

DragonFox91 said:
I just can't put up w/ people's nonsense.

That’s a hot button subject as is racism and politics. It usually leads to arguments and thread closures. Just a heads up.

DragonFox91 · Mar 27, 2021

bèlla said:
That’s a hot button subject as is racism and politics. It usually leads to arguments and thread closures. Just a heads up.

I put one on Ignore. I suspect he's a member here just to get into fights.

I usually try to stay out of that section here.

bèlla · Mar 27, 2021

DragonFox91 said:
I put one on Ignore. I suspect he's a member here just to get into fights.

I usually try to stay out of that section here.

If you read the news and political boards you’ll encounter a different energy than you see elsewhere. They’re nice for a change of pace and help you stay abreast of current events. They miss very little here.

bèlla · Mar 27, 2021

*tackles @cara-mia and grins* An upside down model. See what happens when you look on your own?

*kisses and pets* This is better and the music is fabu!

DragonFox91 · Mar 27, 2021

I messed up this morning. I made a mistake. I feel guilty, but I don't feel horrible enough about it. Maybe I should have a quiet time tonight.

bèlla · Mar 27, 2021

DragonFox91 said:
I messed up this morning. I made a mistake. I feel guilty, but I don't feel horrible enough about it. Maybe I should have a quiet time tonight.

Everyone makes mistakes. Why don’t you bring the matter to the Lord and ease your conscience.

ReesePiece23 · Mar 27, 2021

I still love this show. Neil was basically me as a student lol.

bèlla · Mar 27, 2021

@public hermit is still recovering from the Zep bender. You must have had a blast!

DragonFox91 · Mar 27, 2021

bèlla said:
Everyone makes mistakes. Why don’t you bring the matter to the Lord and ease your conscience.

I phrased it wrong. I don't feel guilty. I had a little quiet time about it but no guilt, no feeling of shame. Maybe it's not a big deal?

public hermit · Mar 27, 2021

bèlla said:
@public hermit is still recovering from the Zep bender. You must have had a blast!

The fun continues. I've been watching Behind the Music videos all day. My sister prepared The Passover Seder (she's Messianic), which was really nice. It's been a good day.

bèlla · Mar 27, 2021

DragonFox91 said:
I phrased it wrong. I don't feel guilty. I had a little quiet time about it but no guilt, no feeling of shame. Maybe it's not a big deal?

Do you usually feel guilt when you err? Is it relegated to certain mishaps and not others?

bèlla · Mar 27, 2021

public hermit said:
The fun continues. I've been watching Behind the Music videos all day. My sister prepared The Passover Seder (she's Messianic), which was really nice. It's been a good day.

Excellent! You’ve been spoiled. Deservedly so!

Will you be entertaining us this evening?

public hermit · Mar 27, 2021

bèlla said:
Excellent! You’ve been spoiled. Deservedly so!

Will you be entertaining us this evening?

No, not tonight. I think the good folks on CF have suffered enough from my obnoxiousness. For a bit, anyway.

bèlla · Mar 27, 2021

public hermit said:
No, not tonight. I think the good folks on CF have suffered enough from my obnoxiousness. For a bit, anyway.

In that case start a thread. You’re up!

bèlla · Mar 27, 2021

There was a mass stabbing at a library in Vancouver. What the heck is going on?

DragonFox91 · Mar 27, 2021

bèlla said:
There was a mass stabbing at a library in Vancouver. What the heck is going on?

I'd list a long list of possibilities, but sinning is something mankind has been good at forever.

What's on your mind?

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