It always somehow turns out okay in the end, Fire Girl. I am sorry all of this seems to be hitting you at once all of a sudden - especially after a long period of time in which nearly every time you posted here you sounded as though life was really going great for you

- and it is no doubt hard to bear with right now, but please keep your chin up.
Yeah without this, life would be great.
I don't know it's just hit me, like massively. Losing my grandmother and then a issue arose with my ex partner and its just spiraled.
Its not easy being a single parent, it doesn't feel natural and its really tough, not in the since of bring up the boys because actually they are fab and they are great to be around, its just you have no one to share the stress or rant or someone to have your back, its just like you. Its not something i wanted to be this way. And then they way people judge single mothers.
And then dealing with trauma bonding, gaslighting. This is why it takes people in domestic abusive relationship to finally break off, its not as black as white as it seems. Plus they are charming well they do become your "prefect partner", if they just hit you with abuse right away then no one would end up in abusive relationship. Its so complex.
And i've been up to this point, right its happened, get over it, move on, push forward, bury it........
Loneliness is very painful thing to do in this world.
thank you Sarahknight. I think i do need to get it out my system, i was getting worried for a while i was getting cold (I haven't cried in about a year or two) and bitter ha ha ha
I think mostly I am unsure who I am, what I am and what I want now. Its sort of disburbing when you start to look inwards, sometimes you don't like what you see.