What would you do with this?

[LinkH]

The other thing to keep in mind is that the Lord commanded, "let not the wife depart from her husband, but if she departs, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband."

I don't like the description of your ex-husband's financial dealings and some of his attitudes based on what you've written. But the Bible doesn't give one the right to divorce and remarry under such circumstances.

 

[DZoolander]

Yeah, in pretty much every state divorce follows a predictable pattern...

You file -> other person is served -> whatever legal process there is depending on state occurs -> you're divorced.

I've never heard of step 2 ever being omitted.

 

[Autumnleaf]

The other thing to keep in mind is that the Lord commanded, "let not the wife depart from her husband, but if she departs, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband."

I don't like the description of your ex-husband's financial dealings and some of his attitudes based on what you've written. But the Bible doesn't give one the right to divorce and remarry under such circumstances.

The Bible doesn't but the law does.

 

[ImaginaryDay]

The other thing to keep in mind is that the Lord commanded, "let not the wife depart from her husband, but if she departs, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband."

I don't like the description of your ex-husband's financial dealings and some of his attitudes based on what you've written. But the Bible doesn't give one the right to divorce and remarry under such circumstances.

Link, the bible does not speak to every circumstance in life. Condemning advice does not help.

 

[mommame2]

I talked with my ex last night. He wanted to repair things. I told him that he would need to repair my reputation with my co workers.... And he said he would try. But that he couldn't really disclose much since much of what happened to cause this was based on his being in favor of fraud and illegal activity.

Then he asked me how I could fall for my BF so quickly and what it was about him that was so wonderful. I hedged the questions.

He now says he doesn't know how we could ever repair this and that too much damage has been done. And he wants more $$$$ from me than what was given in the 50/50 divirce. He said the only reason he allowed that is he didn't realize it was for sure the final decree

 

[DZoolander]

He wants more than half?

 

[DZoolander]

What state are you in, out of curiosity?

 

[mommame2]

Yes he says I owe him more but I doubt in my state texas that a judge would ever give him anything different. I have him recorded telling me that he know I was "more than fair" but that he is different because he started a new business etc etc. he just doesn't want to live off his own means. And I can tell you that when I (if i) enforce the agreement... The threats will begin again.

But I have an audio recording from yesterday where he is admitting that he "won't threaten-again" and that he did that "because he was hurt". The

 

[Autumnleaf]

Yes he says I owe him more but I doubt in my state texas that a judge would ever give him anything different. I have him recorded telling me that he know I was "more than fair" but that he is different because he started a new business etc etc. he just doesn't want to live off his own means. And I can tell you that when I (if i) enforce the agreement... The threats will begin again.

But I have an audio recording from yesterday where he is admitting that he "won't threaten-again" and that he did that "because he was hurt". The

Slow fade from your ex and the drama will fade too. Give him hope and he'll continue doing what he does. Dishearten him and he will give up.

Do not pay him to be active in your life... unless he is worth every cent to have around.

 

[LilLamb219]

Your ex wants to reconcile and then get another divorce so he can get more money from you?

Doesn't that just stand out as suspicious?

 

[Annessa3]

dear-
you are DIVORCED. The marriage is over. Why would you second guess that and go backward into a situation that you found so untenable that you divorced him?

To me, the idea of reconciliation is way far-fetched. Don't do anything except try to re-assure your son. Let the Ex pick up a lawyer if he wants to and then take steps you need to.

I'm pretty amazed that you're even considering reconciliation. And yes, I am a divorced Christian. I regret that problems in my marriage could not be resolved and I regret that I needed to divorce him. I do not regret standing up for myself and ending a painful time (years) of his adulterous and alcoholic behavior.

 

[mommame2]

No he wanted to reconcile. But is now realizing how much damage has been done. So I think he's saying he thinks we should try. But if not. He wants me to give him more money than already stipulated.

 

[sdmsanjose]

Relationships based on only money are doomed to failure

 

[LilLamb219]

No he wanted to reconcile. But is now realizing how much damage has been done. So I think he's saying he thinks we should try. But if not. He wants me to give him more money than already stipulated.

You also wrote in a previous post: He started his own business etc and he needs more money from me than he got in the divorce.

That was HIS choice to start a business. Why is that your problem now? You're divorced. Too bad for him because he needs to grow up. Please, think this over very clearly whether reconciling is only in HIS best interest rather than for the family unit. Take your time and don't let him continue to guilt you or shame you. Don't be the doormat.

 

[ImaginaryDay]

I talked with my ex last night. He wanted to repair things. I told him that he would need to repair my reputation with my co workers.... And he said he would try. But that he couldn't really disclose much since much of what happened to cause this was based on his being in favor of fraud and illegal activity.

Then he asked me how I could fall for my BF so quickly and what it was about him that was so wonderful. I hedged the questions.

He now says he doesn't know how we could ever repair this and that too much damage has been done. And he wants more $$$$ from me than what was given in the 50/50 divirce. He said the only reason he allowed that is he didn't realize it was for sure the final decree

Marriage isn't about getting what we want and playing "start over". I would share that with your husband. Especially if he has damaged your reputation with your family and son. As for the new relationship, you may (not have to) but may want to step back. There's too much going on right now, and this may not be the time for this.

 

[mommame2]

Well I just saw his text messages. He has told every one of our close friends and former co workers that I commited fraud and that I am a Sham of a wife.

He has people telling him to go to the police over me! I didn't tell him what I saw but wow. He's trying to destroy me. But at same time begging me to come back to him and to sleep with him.

I want to kill him. My goodness!

 

[LinkH]

Link, the bible does not speak to every circumstance in life. Condemning advice does not help.

If you find quotes from Jesus condemning and unhelpful, you have a problem.

 

[Soma Seer]

...I just saw his text messages. He has told every one of our close friends and former co workers that I commited fraud and that I am a Sham of a wife.

I've been following this thread from the beginning and, at this point, feel the need to add my $.02; then I'll pipe down.

To state the obvious already shared by others, there is something seriously wrong with your ex on a number of levels. His mentality isn't so hot--especially not if he thinks it a good idea to poison your son's thoughts/emotions against you. Clearly, he's not thinking one whit about your son's well-being and only about his own selfish/deluded desires, which I find very sad.

It's my hope/prayer that you can gain custody of your son and mitigate the psychological damage that's been done. I also hope/pray that you can cut all unnecessary ties with your husband, whose behavior is very toxic.


Thinking of and praying for you,

SS

 

[seeingeyes]

Well I just saw his text messages. He has told every one of our close friends and former co workers that I commited fraud and that I am a Sham of a wife.

He has people telling him to go to the police over me! I didn't tell him what I saw but wow. He's trying to destroy me. But at same time begging me to come back to him and to sleep with him.

I want to kill him. My goodness!

Something to ask yourself: If your son was in the exact same position that you are (20 years or so from now), what advice would you give him?

 

[HannahT]

You need to go 'no contact' with him, except for visitation. You also need to start documenting his dangerous behavior.

You are not his piggy bank for more money, and his behavior is hedging on illegal.

Have you spoken to your lawyer about this? The man is clearly flying off the handle, and you have to wonder if he doesn't need some seriously mental health counselors.