What Triggers It

[OK Jeff]

I am a married man. I'm happy in my marriage 75% of the time. I had a couple of homosexual experiences years ago, but felt the Lord delivered me from it. But still today I've noticed the urges come back with a vengeance when I'm feeling lonely, isolated, almost depressed. I get this way when my wife is either on her cycle (thus off me) or having a bout of her own mild depression. I haven't acted on it with anyone of course, but gay pornography is a temptation I can't always seem to resist. It's difficult, frustrating, humiliating.

 

[Bluerose31]

I am a married man. I'm happy in my marriage 75% of the time. I had a couple of homosexual experiences years ago, but felt the Lord delivered me from it. But still today I've noticed the urges come back with a vengeance when I'm feeling lonely, isolated, almost depressed. I get this way when my wife is either on her cycle (thus off me) or having a bout of her own mild depression. I haven't acted on it with anyone of course, but gay pornography is a temptation I can't always seem to resist. It's difficult, frustrating, humiliating.

I struggle with same sex attraction due to a severe rape and kidnapping I experienced. I became attracted to feminine women because I felt they could not hurt me. It may be good to try and find where your same sex attraction comes from. Where you ever abused or misused? That could cause you to have same sex attraction. It would be good to explore your past and find out what caused the homosexual attractions and pray to God to help you find the root of the attractions to help you heal. I am certain even if the homosexual attractions persists, God still loves you and will help you not to act on them.

 

[OK Jeff]

I was never assaulted or abused. I let this in voluntarily when I was drinking so badly. I had an insatiable appetite for anything related to sex. It's amazing where the mind will go if you keep pushing the next boundary. And it's even harder to go back. I did this to myself

 

[makeajoyfulnoise100]

My suggestion then is to do the total opposite. Instead of looking at images of gay men why not read a book about Godly women and learn about their stories. Maybe your wife has books with female authors. You have a way out because God doesn't give you more sin than you can handle. The choice is you can fight the temptations and you can overcome them. And anything you read, you can discuss with your wife.

You say your marriage is great 75% of the time, how about focusing on that 25% that isn't and seek answers to make that negative 25% way less.

 

[OK Jeff]

Thank you for the response. I've been doing pretty well what you've said. And it truly does help. The problem comes and goes so it will take time to know.

 

[Joe 73]

I am not in your situation exactly, but I have been dealing with exclusively same sex attraction all through my teenage years.(i am now 19).
Theres probably a little bit more to it then being lonely(though that helps alot).
Your main enemy is shame. Its hard to have those feelings when your not ashamed of yourself. guilt is a little bit different, guilt is when you judge your own actions, shame is when you judge yourself. Shame is not usually helpfull. It sounds like you might still feel ashamed for letting yourself have those homosexual experiences. You should try to have more compassion and understanding for your mistakes. Also remember God's infinite mercy. He loves you infinitely, and has a purpose for you, even in the midst of whatever mess you got into. You need to forgive yourself, and love yourself. If you can love yourself it also enables you to love others from a place of generosity, instead of doing it to feel good about yourself.

You probably are tempted to revisit the moments because of the shame you feel for them. If you can conquer the shame, the feelings won't control you as much.

If your problem goes beyond that, if the homosexual attractions go back to childhood or puberty, then it will probably be harder. you might have unment gender identification needs.

I am guessing you are just having these feelings because of homosexual encounters you had and not because of childhood difficulties(because your marriage is doing pretty well).

I hope this helps. I am praying for others struggling with homosexual feelings and addictions

PS. Get rid of the pornography as soon as you can. put a cross on the login screen of your computer. the pornography is not going to help

 

[RedeemedtoManhood]

I would suggest for you to dig deeper. What are the roots for your homosexual desire? Gender detachment, craving the love of your father? Not athletic in childhood, leading to overcompensation, admiration in same-sex then sexualizing it? These are common reasons, based on the bulk of research.

 

[OK Jeff]

Definitely not athletic. That's a thing? I'd love to find the root of this. Although it hasn't bothered me lately, it's always come and gone.

 

[OK Jeff]

I'm cautiously optimistic by some of the advice I've received here. Having a sexual struggle with the wife (as mentioned in another thread) and have yet to go there. But pornography sure becomes tempting.

 

[Greg Logan]

I am a married man. I'm happy in my marriage 75% of the time. I had a couple of homosexual experiences years ago, but felt the Lord delivered me from it. But still today I've noticed the urges come back with a vengeance when I'm feeling lonely, isolated, almost depressed. I get this way when my wife is either on her cycle (thus off me) or having a bout of her own mild depression. I haven't acted on it with anyone of course, but gay pornography is a temptation I can't always seem to resist. It's difficult, frustrating, humiliating.

Thanks for candidly sharing. May I suggest figuring out why you are ending up being lonely? Esp. as a married man?

BTW - I dance for a hobby - gets me out of the house - and in the company of others. I hang out in about 3 or 4 Men's group - all for community and connection.