What to do when fellow Christians question your Christianity?

[OrthodoxLady1994]

Let me first say I'm not making this to argue, be holier than thou, or do any of the stupid and mean things I'm about to describe having to put up with. That is not my intention and Lord Have Mercy no one here falls into that particular trap with this topic. In the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Amen.

I come from a very denominationally mixed family but the vast majority are Protestant, my aunt, uncle, and cousin are the only Roman Catholics and myself am the only Orthodox person in the clan.

In the several years since my conversion, this has led to a lot of misunderstanding, hard feelings, confusion, and general lack of friendliness that...did not need to happen... most of it I was on the receiving end of, though I confess I may not have always handled it in a way that was altogether Christ like. Here is some of the stuff I've had to hear/watch.

Be told I'm going to Hell

Be told that I have betrayed the family

Be told I have disgraced the family

Be called a harlot, Idol worshipper, heathen, several disgusting expletives one doesn't normally hear in civilized conversation

Watch my Aunt and Uncle give my grandmother a misinformed and biased article about exactly how I am "lost" and how to witness to me to "bring me back into the arms of Christ"

Be accused of not having a relationship with Jesus

Be accused of witchcraft

Be told that I must be possessed and require an exorcism

This list could go on a lot further but I think you get a general idea... These are my relatives, the ones I talk to and that my parents and Grandmother talk to, some of this was actually my own mother. Just... it really hurts, and as much as I really, really don't want to stoop to their level, avoiding it is a lot easier said than done at family functions when I'm surrounded by these people for upwards of three to five hours at a time. What would you do?

 

[Kit Sigmon]

The same thing I do with relatives who disapprove of me being married to
someone of a different ethnic group...those are relatives I don't hang out
with....if my husband isn't welcomed, I'm not going to be around them.

 

[PloverWing]

I am so sorry you're having to go through this.

Sometimes, in situations like this, the family members eventually calm down and allow some reasonable conversations to take place. Alas, sometimes they don't. It depends on the personalities of the family members.

I suggest letting some time pass -- like, a few more years. During that time, try to avoid conversations about religion, if you can. Over time, they may decide that their relationship with you as their daughter/granddaughter/niece is important to them, and that they're damaging that relationship, and that they're willing to have conversations with you in which they listen instead of just preaching.

If your family members reach that point, see if you can have some conversations in which you inform them about Eastern Orthodoxy. Many Protestants have no clue what Eastern Orthodoxy is about. Your conversations can fill in what they don't understand, little by little -- basically, showing them that Eastern Orthodox Christians are in fact Christians.

If, on the other hand, your family members never do reach a place of listening to you, then keep whatever distance you need in order to keep your sanity. Keep avoiding conversations about religion. If things are still awful, maybe attend fewer family functions. Don't talk with your family members as often on the phone, and so forth. Some physical distance can help you get the emotional distance you need in order to preserve your sanity.

I will be thinking of you, and I hope things improve for you.

 

[OrthodoxLady1994]

Kind of not an option, unless I also want to freeze out the family members I actually want to keep. They're kind of a package deal.

 

[friend of]

Ah, the life of an outcast. It's more bitter on some days than others. Unless you are preaching a different Gospel and claiming that salvation can be reached through other means than Jesus, all Christians should be accepting of anyone who claims to love Lord Jesus.

I'm a new convert and some people at my Young Adults meetings think I'm not saved/don't have a relationship or love for Jesus because I didn't grow up within the church, I guess. I sense quibbling over some of my words and evil aspersions, for whatever reason. It stings and I feel helpless, but whenever I try to open up or add to the discussion, people have little interest in anything I say, they just go back to whatever they were talking about. I can't really explain anything.

I kind of want to ask them whether they truly believe someone can be converted later in life, as I was, or if Jesus is incapable of entering someone's life and everyone who's really saved must be brought up in the Church from cradle to grave. It makes me yearn to point out the hypocrisy when they speak about spreading the Word at the meetings, but they'd just be offended. It kinda feels like they're taking tally of whatever observable faults they notice of me, but they don't do it among themselves. As someone from the outside, if I did not know any better, I would think Christianity was no more than a social club for those who think they are righteous and/or better than everyone else.

2 Timothy 2:14

It sucks because I do love this Church and I need fellowship to supplement my walk with Christ and I'd love to get to know people attending here on a deeper level if they'd give me the time of day, and be less presumptive of my motives, having patience, but being under a microscope is never easy. I have to remember that fear of man lays a snare, and that I shouldn't feel compelled to worry over censoring everything I say at the risk of offending them, but when I do converse sometimes I don't usually feel very good afterward. I'm probably just going to drop out and find other avenues for friendship, because I've done this for awhile and not much has really come from it, in terms of lasting relationships. It's a real shame, they missed out on a brother who would have loved nothing more than to be there for them.

I find solace in the expectation that my enduring of said persecution from among these peers, without just cause (I'm not preaching a different Gospel, I'm here seeking Christian fellowship to fill a lack of fellowship in my life) is going to exonerate me at the great revealing. And so it will be with you, @OrthodoxLady1994 take care, God bless, run to Christ whenever these persecutions target you, and be blessed when they speak ill of you!

Matthew 5:1-12

 

[friend of]

ust... it really hurts, and as much as I really, really don't want to stoop to their level, avoiding it is a lot easier said than done at family functions when I'm surrounded by these people for upwards of three to five hours at a time. What would you do?

Take it very slow. Ensure you establish the questions (or inquisition) they are asking of you, and that you're all on the same page. Oftentimes when people are in accusatory-mode, their minds will jump from one accusation to another, not giving you any time to respond. It's at this time that you should try your hardest to focus on the original question and see it through to a resolution (do they accept your answer here? If not, why not.) and not get sidetracked by their tangents.

Inquire what about your answers is "incorrect" and then ask if they can give you time to clear things up, and explain your thought-processes more in depth. Examine their own thought-processes and explain their faulty reasoning and how their assumptions are unfounded calmly. There's also a point where some people are simply not able to understand or sympathize with the thought processes of another, and it's best to recognize that there is nothing you can do, and avoid conversation to minimize relationship damage.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

No different than mine.
Jesus say the ones who do the will of His Father be his family...
so that's where I found mine...in the family of God.

Later on my Granny came around as did a couple of cousins, they saw I
wasn't going to bow down to them and do whatever it take to be included.
Some other kin told me not to bother coming to they house, no hardship actually,
my fellow believers and those from my husband's side be fine with us.
My husband has a truckload of grand babies and they love on me just like they
do they real granny.

 

[Sketcher]

That's horrible.

What I have done when dealing with aggressive Catholics who made awful claims about my Protestant faith is emphasize my beliefs about Jesus, which should match theirs if they truly believe what their own denomination teaches about Jesus. I would advise that you do the same.

 

[Tolworth John]

While I have serious doubts about the RC + orthodox churches I assess believers based on what they say they believe.

I would suggest you talk a language that your protestant relatives understand and minimise the ritualistic aspecs of your faith.

 

[Aino]

Well it sounds horrible. I agree with the posters who said it were best to avoid whatever discussions with your relatives that have anything to do with your or their or anyone's religion or faith or such. If it were my family, I could even straight out say that I'm not going to discuss this, period. They won't troll you too long, but as long as they do, try not feeding their behaviour but kill it with silence instead. And when a decent amount of time has passed, six months or a year or two - as long as it takes for you to be able to discuss normal things without being hateful - then maybe take it up and try to see together what you have in common faithwise. That's what I first thought of.

 

[GandalfTheWise]

The reality is when any of us adopt spiritual or lifestyle choices outside the typical range our family and friends are used to, it will cause some reaction. Some of our choices can be liberating and healthy; others are not. Sometimes their reactions are healthy and other times not. Often, our family is ultimately trying to look out for our own good as they see it.

There's been some good advice given on this thread already. The only thing I'd add is to spend some time during your prayer and devotional times to bring this before God and ask for discernment. Often (but not always), there are a few root issues that rise up and produce a whole range of symptoms in relationships. In relationships, we often spend our time and effort fighting these symptoms rather than dealing with the root causes. Is the real root cause of problems that you became Orthodox? It might be. Or are there other things that are the real issues? Is it possible that this is partly a manifestation of some long-term communication or relationship or personality issues that have been going on for longer and it just brought them to the surface?

 

[seashale76]

You pray for them.

How long have you been Orthodox? My mother and some others in my family (and my husband's family) have said and done similar things. It was worse earlier on, now they've chilled out twelve years on. I also know a few families at church that were essentially disowned by their families for a long time when they became Orthodox. I know others that lost long-time friends. I've never seen the like- but when people become Orthodox Christians- other people tend to flip out about it (in a way that never occurs when people quit going to church and live a secular life- strangely enough). You are very much not alone. Practically every convert to Orthodox Christianity has a story similar to this.

I'll answer any questions posed to me- but have had to learn to not get involved in arguments when I am goaded. My mother will still go out of her way to goad me at times.

 

[OrthodoxLady1994]

It's been about 6 years for me.

I think Mom is mainly upset that her church (United Methodist) "Isn't good enough anymore" which...isn't quite it. I suppose you could put it like that if you wanted to put it in the worst way possible.

My Aunts and Uncles, it's mainly just alien to them and they're the Catholic-hating type of Protestants anyway so they see the liturgy, get culture shock and assume their worst (and incorrect) ideas of Catholicism apply to us as well.

Sadly, knowing her, mom will probably stay mad, she'll tone it down when I'm around her (eventually) because she loves me, but most likely she'll never make real peace with it.

The rest of the family are very, very ignorant about what we believe. I've tried to explain it to them calmly and in words they understand when they start these fights (usually asking why I won't eat ham during lent or why I'm wearing that "funny-looking" (three barred) cross is what starts it). So far they can't really be reasoned with. It makes me sad.

 

[OrthodoxLady1994]

While I have serious doubts about the RC + orthodox churches I assess believers based on what they say they believe.

I would suggest you talk a language that your protestant relatives understand and minimise the ritualistic aspecs of your faith.

If you'd be open to it, I'd like to hear sometime what those doubts are, it might help me understand the theological basis for my family's reaction.

 

[Tolworth John]

It will depend on how much they understand what they believe.
If something causes arguements don't do/wear it.

Ad for doubts/problems:-
Sacrifice of the mass, that the elements become the blood and body of Jesus.
confession to a priest, priests as an adopted child in Gods family I have no need of an intercessor between me and my heavenly father.

They for me are the many ones, secondary praying to mary/saints, relics/icons.

 

[~Anastasia~]

I wonder why becoming Orthodox seems to cause more trouble with families and friends than any other. I am sorry you are having such problems, and if you've been enduring it for 6 years with no improvement, I'm sure your efforts to remain Christlike with them are helping you grow in grace. You have my prayers.

I have actually seen some progress in some relationships. One thing that really made matters worse, in my case, was trying to explain Orthodoxy. That may be a failing on my part, to explain with sufficient grace, but when they were already antagonistic, it never helped.

I followed for a while the "don't discuss religion" practice, and I think that allowed (in my case) things to cool off a bit. Then when matters of faith would naturally come up, I try VERY HARD to focus on what I am reasonably sure they would affirm as good and agreeable. It's not perfect, and I am still saddened when sometimes a good discussion stops suddenly and I can see the realization that suddenly reaches them that they are talking to an Orthodox Christian, and they usually quickly end the conversation. But I let it go without comment. I pray for them. Over a few years I have seen improvement, but I still have to endure mocking frequently.

It is trying, especially when sometimes people who don't go to any church at all, or those who admit they never pray except to bless their meals sometimes, some who don't read Scripture, or who might even live with a partner unmarried can all "be Christian" on the basis of a prayer once repeated. And yet at the same time, they sometimes deny that people following the same faith as the Apostles, who are probably living their faith in various aspects of their lives, who usually regularly participate in a relationship with Christ - they deny that such people can be Christian at all. And at the same time we pray for them and hope fervently for their spiritual good.

There is one other thing, but possibly "too late" and also possibly not something you'd want to do for the sake of your personal discipline. But our priest often reminds us that we are expected to be gracious guests during fasting periods - if we are offered non-fasting foods at someone's house, rather than refusing it with the reason that we are fasting, he tells us to accept it with thanks and not draw attention to our fasting. However, if they already know about our fasting cycles, to change and begin to eat could probably just weaken your testimony.

As far as the cross, I'm not sure of your personal practice. I have my own baptismal cross and my Nouna's, who died later within a year of my baptism. Sometimes I wear hers. Maybe it could help if you had a budded or some other kind of cross besides the tri-bar, when visiting them? Or not ... I know I wouldn't want to stop wearing my baptismal cross. Just a thought.

I hope things improve for you, for the sake of peace in your family. Prayers for you!

 

[lastofall]

[for me anyway] it depends on what they find contemptible: if I am a thief, and they tell me that it is unbecoming for someone that professes Christ to steal, and it is sin; then I will rejoice for the admonition, that I may repent. But if it is a matter if orthodoxy that another does not agree with your way of following Christ, then we both must examine ourselves whether we are in the faith; and prove our own selves, lest we be found counterfeit. It may be that we are following amiss unaware? as for me, I would not wish to follow the Lord Jesus Christ wrongly, for I by all means would have that the Lord in the last day know me, and not say to me, "I never knew you".