What should I do?

[Wolfe]

But it wasn't truly solitary confinement which was my point. It is very tempting - and easy - to distort the hard things you face into more than they really are. It's in our nature to do this. But this distortion makes things much worse, not better, when we indulge in it. I get that you're looking for a sympathetic ear. But sometimes what we really need, what will really help, isn't a "Poor boy! How awful!" But a reality check.

Ok from now on I'm only going to be extremely literal with you, because it seems any deviation from what literately happened, is reason to dismiss.
This is the literal reality, no I'm not alone, I have family, that hardly speak to me, offer no help to me mentally, support me none, and make conscious efforts to ignore me. Are they bad people? No, just not the social types. But no, literately, I'm not alone.
I'm not distorting it, I need help, no one will help me. As bare bones as it can get, I've asked God for help, nothin, do I blame him? No.
It falls on me to improve my situation, I don't feel I can, I ask for help. I receive no help.
I'm not looking for sympathy, not looking for pity, if someone does, whatever. I'm looking for help, and advice.

Then why say otherwise? I understand your family life may be difficult, but adding to the misery of it by exaggeration doesn't help any.

No exaggerations have been made, no one helps me, no one cares to help me.
Are they bad people? No.
Do I blame them? No.
They keep me fed, and with a warm bed. That's all I can ask of them.

Well, your own words betray your claim here.

Your interpretation of my words betray me.

But here's a prime example of adding drama. You aren't actually alone. You have family, however distant they may seem to you. You have a community of people around you with whom you can form relationships (you mentioned a seniors home nearby and a church you've attended). Now, you may feel lonely despite being among others, but this feeling isn't something forced upon you by your circumstances. It is the consequence of choices you're making about how you'll interact (or not) with others and how you're thinking about yourself and your situation. I used to be in almost exactly the same state as
you and told myself much the same things as you have. I, too, felt alone and blamed my circumstances rather than myself for how I felt. But the truth was that I had withdrawn and made it very hard for others to be my friend. I had thrown up many barriers to social interaction just as you are. And so, I would mourn my isolation but never assume any responsibility for it. The only way this changed was when I finally acknowledged the truth of the verse from Proverbs my Dad always quoted to me,

"He who would have friends must show himself friendly."

I'm not trying to point fingers but help you see the way out of the loneliness you feel.

No, I'm not actually alone.
I am mentally incapable of socializing normally. I cannot introduce myself, I cannot speak to people normally, this is not an assumption I have made, I have tried, I have tested it. Many time.
I am not responsible for the years of isolation that I lived through, the isolation was forced, the fact that my family was there does not make it better, in fact if I look back they only made it worse.
Are they bad people? No.
I am a friendly guy, and I try to make my outside appearance show that. Along with my tone of voice.

Because the two things are directly related. How you are walking with God (or not) has an enormous impact on how you live. Loving God always means loving other people and investing in relationships with them. The more you love God, the more you will be in the lives of others blessing them and fellowshipping with them. And the more this is so, the less lonely and despairing you will feel.

You're not suggesting that because I don't have friends, that means I don't love God.
That's lunacy.

I love other people, anytime I get asked for money from people, homeless or not, I have given what I had, even though it's never more than like 2 bucks in quarters.
My brother, who's a jerk all the time, anytime he needs help, I have helped.
I don't yell at people.

Hey, it's not just my opinion.

Galatians 5:14
14 For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

1 John 3:10-11
10 In this the children of God and the children of the devil are manifest: Whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is he who does not love his brother.
11 For this is the message that you heard from the beginning, that we should love one another,

1 John 3:16-18
16 By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.
17 But whoever has this world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him?
18 My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.

1 John 4:7-8
7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.
8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

The higher your view of God, the more you'll love Him. And the more you love Him, the more you will love others. And the more you love others, the more you will be in their lives serving as a conduit of God's love, light and truth to them.

Already said, just because I aint got friends, don't mean I don't love other people, or don't love God.
The fact that I'm trying should tell you that.
Just because you have friends (presumably), does not make you a better christian, or assume that you have a higher view of God.

No. But have you laid your life before God and given Him free reign to do with you as He wishes?

I have, my very first prayer to Him (that I consciously said), included that.
But like I said, I don't feel this is what he wants of me.
I have learned enough of Christ to spread the word, that's what I want to do, ultimately.

But salvation is a Person: Jesus Christ. When you are saved, he comes to live within you by the Holy Spirit.

1 John 5:11-12
11 And this is the testimony: that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son.
12 He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life.

Salvation isn't eternal fire insurance and a get-into-heaven ticket, but a love-relationship with God. Are you experiencing that love relationship? I don't see how you can be and still be so miserable. Surely, daily fellowship with the Almighty God of the Universe should bring you joy, and peace, and contentment, not misery.

I do have that relationship with God, I can feel his love, and his care for me.
I love God, I'm peaceful because of God, I'm joyful because I will be with him one day.
You're asserting that being depressed is a sin, and that because I'm depressed, I don't love God, or have a high view of him.
Quit saying this, it is no true.
You cannot make an assumption on my view of God, that is contrary to what I have said my views to be.
Unless my statements clearly state otherwise, which they do not.
Being sad is not a sin, feeling lonely is not a sin.

Well, this is certainly what you've convinced yourself is true. I did the same thing when I was your age. But you do have the ability and the freedom to make friendships with those around you and share the love of God with them - just as I did. No has forced you into your room, locked the door and set a guard to make sure you never leave, have they?

I haven't convinced myself that I can't, I literately can't. I've tried, many times. I have tested it. I can't, hence why I asked for advice.
I don't understand why this has turned into a debate on my perception of God, or my circumstances.

But happiness is not the ultimate goal of the life of a disciple of Jesus. God wants you to be like Christ (Ro. 8:29) that your life may properly glorify Him (1Cor. 10:31). That's the fundamental reason you exist. And fulfilling this purpose for your existence will not always make you happy - though it will make you joyful.

Matthew 16:24-25
24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.
25 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

No, happiness may not be the ultimate goal of life, but it's a gift from God, wouldn't you agree? I've never been happy, not once that I can recall. Ever. That is not an exaggeration, that is the truth. Just because I want to be happy, does not mean that I don't want God.


I don't understand why you're trying to make it out to be a bad thing, that I want to be a happy person.

I had my own hardships growing up. We all do. God doesn't say to us, though, that our hardships can be an excuse to withdraw from others and despair.

I haven't withdrawn from others, in despair.
I have tried to, many many times. I'm trying to figure out why I can't, fix the problem, then try again.
I am not using it as an excuse to be a hermit.

And God? Was He not there, willing to comfort you? Has He not loved you with a love no human can ever match?

So because I desire human companionship, I don't love God above all things?
I don't desire a human companionship over God, that would be silly.
If I did, it'd be a different story, your judgement would be just. You should never love a human over God, not even your own spouse.
Not to say you can't love them, but when if you would die for your spouse, but not for God, there's a problem, I feel.

Except God. He's always there to talk to and confide in and has promised to help you through all that you face in life.

I have talked to him, he has not helped.
Am I mad? No.
Do I blame him for my problems? No.
I don't know why he hasn't helped, but I trust him enough to know that he's doing the right thing in not helping me.
I see it as like a test, I have remained faithful this last year that I've been a Christian (give or take).
Even through depression, and some horrific things that have happened, that as I've said, I wont share publicly.
The thing that does help, is to know that God does love me, and does care for me.

Stop looking at yourself and start looking at God. The more you do, the more others will become your preoccupation. As you make God the center of your attention, He will direct you to move into the lives of those around you and share His love and truth with them. As you do this, the rest of your life will come into focus and find shape and direction.

I'm not looking at myself, my focus is on God, and has been for quite some time.
He hasn't done anything, that I can see.
He could be working hard on it, but as of now, being a relatively new christian, I see it as more of a test of faith.
I have remained faithful, as stated, I have not once doubted his existence since I have recognized his existence.

Again, why have you not turned to God and yielded your struggles and hurts to Him? Why carry a load God has called you to give to Him?

Matthew 11:28-30
28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

I've told him everything, I've asked for help, I've asked for him to make it better.
As I've stated, he hasn't done anything to help, from what I can see. I'm not going to discount the possibility that he is in the process of helping, I just need to be patient.
Again, I see it as more of a test, to see if I truly stand with him.
He knows my biggest fears, and he knows what would mess with me most.
My life, the one that I live, would be hell for me, as an individual. There is no objective depression, no situation that warrants more or less depression, it is all subjective.

I'm sorry that I'm not diseased, or debilitated, I guess that means I can't be sad eh?
I pray for those people, I'm sorry that they go through what they go through, I support the charities, I donate at the little things at the register in the stores. And when I'm able, I will donate more and more, and try to help them. I don't ignore them, I know they got it bad, and worse than I do.
But again, a worse situation does not make a bad situation better. I'm not saying I have it worse.
And you comparing it to an xbox not working is silly, I can tell you the stuff in a pm, that have happened to me, that would put you in a better mindspace about it, if you like.
Equating it to an xbox not working, or something insignificant like that is an insult.

Look, I understand, you're tryin to help. Whether you are or not, is irrelevant, the fact is you are trying.
I thank you infinitely for trying, I'm grateful, and I really mean no disrespect.
Taking time outta your day to respond, is all I can ask.
All I'm tryin to do is give you a better idea of my head space, why I feel the way I do, and the reality of my circumstances.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Wolfe]

Have you tried writing down some of your goals? Start maybe with
a few small step ones. Before the end of the day you will.....
I made a list of things at 14 and updated after was saved at 15. This
list was used for many years. Completed it all- except marry a pilot.
But I did hook up with guys wanting to fly. It helped me give my testimony
as to when received Jesus Christ. Sometimes it seems having that list caused others that could help me meet my goals to care. They would
say things like...Oh look, isn't that cute...she has it on her list. She's been
crossing things off her list as she did them. Well, if it is on a list...You made
an actual list? We had a horse that we boarded, and traded off riding friends'
ones, but I also had a hope to ride a camel and an elephant. Did both. Wanted
to juggle...skate by the ocean...go up in a hot-air balloon...and lots of stuff, including showing care for others. When you tell us that you stay mostly around home...in your room, I cannot imagine doing that. After 14, got my
permit...later had Driver's ed...band/flute...drill team...pets...Girl Scouts, private guitar lessons, voice and drama lessons, church activites, a job/at 16, debate club, french club, student tutor, skating lessons, school choir,
played my guitar for concerts for the younger kids-chosen via a contest at
my high school, anyway was very busy.

Nope, aint gave much though to a list.

Most things I want(ed) to do, have either done past me by, or I can't do them for psychological reasons, like the Army. Most likely wont be able to enlist, cause I aint exactly right in the head no more, and I'm not confident that it's fixable.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[aiki]

Ok from now on I'm only going to be extremely literal with you, because it seems any deviation from what literately happened, is reason to dismiss.

No, I don't dismiss what you say when it is hyperbolic, but I do think it is important for you to recognize when you are being hyperbolic and how it may exaggerate how you ought to feel about your difficulties in life. So, to that end, I point out your exaggerations.

I'm not distorting it, I need help, no one will help me. As bare bones as it can get, I've asked God for help, nothin, do I blame him? No.

Really? God refuses to help you? Interesting. He helps me all the time. Why is He responding to my requests and not to yours? I know He loves you just as much He loves me. I know He wants to make you a "vessel meet for His use" just as much as He wants to make me such a vessel. I know He makes to you in His word all the promises He makes to me. I'm no more special to Him than you are. So, why is He not answering your prayer when He is answering mine often?

There are really only three answers:

1.) You aren't saved.
2.) You are saved but sin which you have not confessed and/or from which you have not repented stands in the way.
3.) You simply don't know how to walk rightly with God.

Which ones apply to you?

It falls on me to improve my situation, I don't feel I can, I ask for help. I receive no help.

Maybe the help you're looking for and the help God wants to give you are two different things. Maybe God is more interested in helping you to be godly than He is in giving you more pleasant circumstances. Maybe your hard circumstances are the training ground God wants to use to make you more like Jesus. You wouldn't be the first person with whom God has worked this way.

No exaggerations have been made

Saying you've been literally alone all your life is an exaggeration.

They keep me fed, and with a warm bed. That's all I can ask of them.

But if they truly didn't care for you, why would they feed and shelter you? Why not just turn you out and be done with the expense and nuisance of keeping you around? Maybe they care more for you than you've convinced yourself that they do.

I am mentally incapable of socializing normally. I cannot introduce myself, I cannot speak to people normally, this is not an assumption I have made, I have tried, I have tested it. Many time.

Yeah, I used to tell myself similar things. None of it was true. But I sure had talked myself into believing it was. When I did as I suggested to you in my first post to you to do and stopped demanding people meet me on my terms, lo and behold, I actually could make friends.

Many time.
I am not responsible for the years of isolation that I lived through, the isolation was forced, the fact that my family was there does not make it better, in fact if I look back they only made it worse.

Just making excuses, here. Every withdrawn person I know always has a list of "good reasons" they are withdrawn. And all of those reasons put all of the responsibility for their being withdrawn anywhere else but on them. So long as this remains the case, they never cease to be withdrawn. If you really want to alter the unhappiness in your life, at some point, you're going to have to acknowledge your role in making yourself as you are.

Already said, just because I aint got friends, don't mean I don't love other people, or don't love God.

No, it doesn't. But the more you love God, the more other people will be your concern and not yourself. The more you love what God loves, the more you love the people for whom He died, the less social awkwardness will hinder you from interacting with them and being a friend to them.

I love other people, anytime I get asked for money from people, homeless or not, I have given what I had, even though it's never more than like 2 bucks in quarters.

This is the least of the ways to love people. Real love, the kind of love Jesus showed and calls us to show to others, involved establishing relationships with people. Certainly, be generous to the poor, but this is just the beginning of loving your neighbor as yourself.

Just because you have friends (presumably), does not make you a better christian, or assume that you have a higher view of God.

Of course not. More friends doesn't make you a more loving person. But having no friends at all defies God's command to love others. And the only reason people defy His commands is because they have a love problem with their Heavenly Father.

I have, my very first prayer to Him (that I consciously said), included that.

The surrender and submission to God of the past extends only to the moment when you cease to yield to Him. Every time you sin, every time you neglect to live as God has called you to live in thought, word or deed, you no longer are living in submission to Him. And the only way to return to such a state is by confession of your unyieldedness to Him and by consciously surrendering to Him once again. This is a moment-by-moment process through each day, not a once-for-all state of affairs. If you have lived all the time since you were saved thinking you were surrendered to God, you have been living instead in a state of unconfessed rebellion to Him. Perhaps this is one of the reasons your prayers to God seem to fall on deaf ears.

You're asserting that being depressed is a sin, and that because I'm depressed, I don't love God, or have a high view of him.
Quit saying this, it is no true.

I'm not saying it, the Bible is:

Galatians 5:22-23
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.

If the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy and peace, and you are experiencing depression instead, what does this tell you about how things are between you and God? If His Spirit is working in you unhindered by wrong attitudes, thoughts and actions, why isn't your life one of peace, and joy, and love?

Romans 14:17
17 for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

If the apostle Paul is right here, how can one who is in the kingdom of God, who is born-again and walking rightly with God, not have the peace and joy of the Holy Spirit? If being in God's kingdom is joy and peace how can one in that kingdom be depressed and lonely?

Matthew 11:28-29
28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

If being "yoked" with Christ means rest for the soul, how can one who is so yoked be depressed and feeling lonely? Aren't these things the opposite of a soul at rest. It seems so to me...

I could go on and on. The life you are living, the depression and loneliness you are feeling are not characteristic of the life the Bible says should be the experience of one who is in a love-relationship with God, who is yoked with Christ, who is a member of God's kingdom.

Being sad is not a sin, feeling lonely is not a sin.

Being sad is one thing; being depressed is another. They aren't identical things. So, no, being sad isn't a sin. Being depressed, though, I'm not so sure. See above.

No, happiness may not be the ultimate goal of life, but it's a gift from God, wouldn't you agree? I've never been happy, not once that I can recall. Ever. That is not an exaggeration, that is the truth. Just because I want to be happy, does not mean that I don't want God.

I think happiness is a good thing. But should it be the ultimate goal of life as the World urges us constantly to think? Absolutely not. Of all the truly important things in life, happiness is not even on the list. Now, joy, on the other hand, should be a constant in the life of a disciple of Jesus. It doesn't concern me that you have had no happiness in life. Happiness isn't really at all important. Have you been joyful? That's what I want to know. And if not, there is something terribly wrong - not with your circumstances, but with your fellowship with God. Joy, you see, is entirely independent of circumstances. It is the fruit of God's Spirit in us and of the knowledge of His love and presence with us in every moment.

I don't understand why you're trying to make it out to be a bad thing, that I want to be a happy person.

Because trying to be a happy person is like a dog chasing its tail. Be a godly, contented, peaceful and joyful person instead. These are the things God is wanting to form in you, not fleeting and ultimately unsatisfying happiness.

So because I desire human companionship, I don't love God above all things?

You deflected my questions here. Why is that? Let me ask them again:

And God? Was He not there, willing to comfort you? Has He not loved you with a love no human can ever match?

I have talked to him, he has not helped.

Oh? His word, the Bible, is full of help. How often are you in it, studying and applying it to how you live every day? King David wrote:

Psalms 1:1-3
1 Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night.
3 He shall be like a tree Planted by the rivers of water, That brings forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also shall not wither; And whatever he does shall prosper.

Too often I hear Christians claim God is silent and unhelpful but they are the same Christians who rarely if ever read their Bible and never actually apply what it says to how they live. How about you?

I don't know why he hasn't helped, but I trust him enough to know that he's doing the right thing in not helping me.

Perhaps He is helping you; you just can't see it. Or perhaps the help you're asking Him for is not the help He knows you really need. God is not nearly as interested in our circumstances as He is in our response to our circumstances.

The thing that does help, is to know that God does love me, and does care for me.

Amen!

I'm not looking at myself, my focus is on God, and has been for quite some time.

Then why are your posts about your depression, and your loneliness, and your unhappy home life? You know, the more you focus on the things that depress and upset you, the more they will continue to do so. This is, in part, why it is so vital to be "looking unto Jesus the Author and Finisher of your faith." (Heb. 12:2) A change to your attitude about your life will require a change in your focus.

I have remained faithful, as stated, I have not once doubted his existence since I have recognized his existence.

Uh huh. So, let me ask you: Do you know who you are in Christ? Do you know about your justification, sanctification and identification with and through Christ? If not, this will have a great deal to do with why your life as a Christian is so unpleasant.

I've told him everything, I've asked for help, I've asked for him to make it better.

Again, God's answer to life's problems isn't to remove the problems, to change our circumstances, but to change us.
He explains in detail how this happens in His word. Are you studying and applying it often?

There is no objective depression, no situation that warrants more or less depression, it is all subjective.

I disagree. See my earlier posts.

I'm sorry that I'm not diseased, or debilitated, I guess that means I can't be sad eh?

It means you have cause to be grateful and even glad that your situation isn't worse. Practicing such gratefulness on a daily basis is a powerful remedy for depression.

But again, a worse situation does not make a bad situation better.

I never said it did. But keeping perspective on your situation and recognizing that it could be much worse is important to seeing your situation clearly and responding to it with balance.

And you comparing it to an xbox not working is silly, I can tell you the stuff in a pm, that have happened to me, that would put you in a better mindspace about it, if you like.
Equating it to an xbox not working, or something insignificant like that is an insult.

You misunderstood me. Read my example again. I was not comparing your situation to a kid fussing over a broken X-box. I was explaining how the nature of a situation ought to determine our reaction to it. You appear to agree with me.

I'm spending all the time I am talking with you because I know where you're coming from. I was a loner. Solitary. Withdrawn. And I felt it was the fault of those around me, and my circumstances, and things totally out of my control. I hurt. A lot. But my hurt never changed anything except to make me more and more unhappy. And my blaming everyone and everything else but myself for my isolation kept me isolated. It wasn't until I began to think and act along the lines I've shared with you in my posts, that I (not my circumstances) began to change and got free of the terrible loneliness and depression that had gripped me. I guess I'm trying to tell you that I feel for you. I really do. And my way of showing that I do is to share with you what brought me free of the prison of loneliness I had made for myself.

Selah.

 

[Wolfe]

No, I don't dismiss what you say when it is hyperbolic, but I do think it is important for you to recognize when you are being hyperbolic and how it may exaggerate how you ought to feel about your difficulties in life. So, to that end, I point out your exaggerations.



Really? God refuses to help you? Interesting. He helps me all the time. Why is He responding to my requests and not to yours? I know He loves you just as much He loves me. I know He wants to make you a "vessel meet for His use" just as much as He wants to make me such a vessel. I know He makes to you in His word all the promises He makes to me. I'm no more special to Him than you are. So, why is He not answering your prayer when He is answering mine often?

There are really only three answers:

1.) You aren't saved.
2.) You are saved but sin which you have not confessed and/or from which you have not repented stands in the way.
3.) You simply don't know how to walk rightly with God.

Which ones apply to you?



Maybe the help you're looking for and the help God wants to give you are two different things. Maybe God is more interested in helping you to be godly than He is in giving you more pleasant circumstances. Maybe your hard circumstances are the training ground God wants to use to make you more like Jesus. You wouldn't be the first person with whom God has worked this way.



Saying you've been literally alone all your life is an exaggeration.



But if they truly didn't care for you, why would they feed and shelter you? Why not just turn you out and be done with the expense and nuisance of keeping you around? Maybe they care more for you than you've convinced yourself that they do.



Yeah, I used to tell myself similar things. None of it was true. But I sure had talked myself into believing it was. When I did as I suggested to you in my first post to you to do and stopped demanding people meet me on my terms, lo and behold, I actually could make friends.



Just making excuses, here. Every withdrawn person I know always has a list of "good reasons" they are withdrawn. And all of those reasons put all of the responsibility for their being withdrawn anywhere else but on them. So long as this remains the case, they never cease to be withdrawn. If you really want to alter the unhappiness in your life, at some point, you're going to have to acknowledge your role in making yourself as you are.



No, it doesn't. But the more you love God, the more other people will be your concern and not yourself. The more you love what God loves, the more you love the people for whom He died, the less social awkwardness will hinder you from interacting with them and being a friend to them.



This is the least of the ways to love people. Real love, the kind of love Jesus showed and calls us to show to others, involved establishing relationships with people. Certainly, be generous to the poor, but this is just the beginning of loving your neighbor as yourself.



Of course not. More friends doesn't make you a more loving person. But having no friends at all defies God's command to love others. And the only reason people defy His commands is because they have a love problem with their Heavenly Father.



The surrender and submission to God of the past extends only to the moment when you cease to yield to Him. Every time you sin, every time you neglect to live as God has called you to live in thought, word or deed, you no longer are living in submission to Him. And the only way to return to such a state is by confession of your unyieldedness to Him and by consciously surrendering to Him once again. This is a moment-by-moment process through each day, not a once-for-all state of affairs. If you have lived all the time since you were saved thinking you were surrendered to God, you have been living instead in a state of unconfessed rebellion to Him. Perhaps this is one of the reasons your prayers to God seem to fall on deaf ears.



I'm not saying it, the Bible is:

Galatians 5:22-23
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.

If the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy and peace, and you are experiencing depression instead, what does this tell you about how things are between you and God? If His Spirit is working in you unhindered by wrong attitudes, thoughts and actions, why isn't your life one of peace, and joy, and love?

Romans 14:17
17 for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

If the apostle Paul is right here, how can one who is in the kingdom of God, who is born-again and walking rightly with God, not have the peace and joy of the Holy Spirit? If being in God's kingdom is joy and peace how can one in that kingdom be depressed and lonely?

Matthew 11:28-29
28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

If being "yoked" with Christ means rest for the soul, how can one who is so yoked be depressed and feeling lonely? Aren't these things the opposite of a soul at rest. It seems so to me...

I could go on and on. The life you are living, the depression and loneliness you are feeling are not characteristic of the life the Bible says should be the experience of one who is in a love-relationship with God, who is yoked with Christ, who is a member of God's kingdom.



Being sad is one thing; being depressed is another. They aren't identical things. So, no, being sad isn't a sin. Being depressed, though, I'm not so sure. See above.



I think happiness is a good thing. But should it be the ultimate goal of life as the World urges us constantly to think? Absolutely not. Of all the truly important things in life, happiness is not even on the list. Now, joy, on the other hand, should be a constant in the life of a disciple of Jesus. It doesn't concern me that you have had no happiness in life. Happiness isn't really at all important. Have you been joyful? That's what I want to know. And if not, there is something terribly wrong - not with your circumstances, but with your fellowship with God. Joy, you see, is entirely independent of circumstances. It is the fruit of God's Spirit in us and of the knowledge of His love and presence with us in every moment.



Because trying to be a happy person is like a dog chasing its tail. Be a godly, contented, peaceful and joyful person instead. These are the things God is wanting to form in you, not fleeting and ultimately unsatisfying happiness.



You deflected my questions here. Why is that? Let me ask them again:

And God? Was He not there, willing to comfort you? Has He not loved you with a love no human can ever match?



Oh? His word, the Bible, is full of help. How often are you in it, studying and applying it to how you live every day? King David wrote:

Psalms 1:1-3
1 Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night.
3 He shall be like a tree Planted by the rivers of water, That brings forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also shall not wither; And whatever he does shall prosper.

Too often I hear Christians claim God is silent and unhelpful but they are the same Christians who rarely if ever read their Bible and never actually apply what it says to how they live. How about you?



Perhaps He is helping you; you just can't see it. Or perhaps the help you're asking Him for is not the help He knows you really need. God is not nearly as interested in our circumstances as He is in our response to our circumstances.



Amen!



Then why are your posts about your depression, and your loneliness, and your unhappy home life? You know, the more you focus on the things that depress and upset you, the more they will continue to do so. This is, in part, why it is so vital to be "looking unto Jesus the Author and Finisher of your faith." (Heb. 12:2) A change to your attitude about your life will require a change in your focus.



Uh huh. So, let me ask you: Do you know who you are in Christ? Do you know about your justification, sanctification and identification with and through Christ? If not, this will have a great deal to do with why your life as a Christian is so unpleasant.



Again, God's answer to life's problems isn't to remove the problems, to change our circumstances, but to change us.
He explains in detail how this happens in His word. Are you studying and applying it often?



I disagree. See my earlier posts.



It means you have cause to be grateful and even glad that your situation isn't worse. Practicing such gratefulness on a daily basis is a powerful remedy for depression.



I never said it did. But keeping perspective on your situation and recognizing that it could be much worse is important to seeing your situation clearly and responding to it with balance.



You misunderstood me. Read my example again. I was not comparing your situation to a kid fussing over a broken X-box. I was explaining how the nature of a situation ought to determine our reaction to it. You appear to agree with me.

I'm spending all the time I am talking with you because I know where you're coming from. I was a loner. Solitary. Withdrawn. And I felt it was the fault of those around me, and my circumstances, and things totally out of my control. I hurt. A lot. But my hurt never changed anything except to make me more and more unhappy. And my blaming everyone and everything else but myself for my isolation kept me isolated. It wasn't until I began to think and act along the lines I've shared with you in my posts, that I (not my circumstances) began to change and got free of the terrible loneliness and depression that had gripped me. I guess I'm trying to tell you that I feel for you. I really do. And my way of showing that I do is to share with you what brought me free of the prison of loneliness I had made for myself.

Selah.

I'm gonna stop this point by point debate, cause it's kinda silly honestly.
Instead, I'm just gonna have a heart to heart, because there has obviously been some sort of miscommunication.

What worked for you, aint gonna work for me. I don't know why, it just doesn't work.
Let me reiterate how I feel about life, if there is no God, life is meaningless, meaningless things have no point, pointless things are tedious, life is tedious, I don't do tedious things. I would off myself, cold, hard, and literal.

I'm thankful, and grateful, for the things I have, and the opportunity I have had to learn.
I am joyful because I will die, death comforts me. This life isn't where we belong, I recognize that.
I share the gospel every chance I get, only on the internet though, so far. And it's been fruitful, fills my time pretty good lot.
And it brings me a lot of contentment in life, that I know when I die, my life would have atleast meant something to someone.
I'm joyful for death, I'm content and ready to die, and I'm peaceful, knowing I will go to Heaven, when I die.
My life is death, pretty much. It isn't a sad thing, it's quite good, when you consider where I'm going, opposed to where I am.
The best circumstance on earth, can't come close to that of Heaven, I'm sure of it.

It's very hard to explain, but I have like 2 emotion paths, that run parallel to each other.
I am not happy, I am desperately miserable, I'm in bad shape mentally.

Spiritually, I'm peaceful, joyful, and content with dying. I'm not of the world, I recognize anything I gain here is utterly worthless in the grand scheme, cause it'll all be dust some day.
Hearts deceitful, and my hearts buried 100 feet underground, and until I can find a way to dig it up, I'm gonna be stuck here.
I don't know how, I think about how all the time, I've tried, and so far nothing works.
Not even God, visibly he aint helped my circumstance, and like I said, if he aint gonna help, it's for 1 of 2 reasons.
1. I'm suppose to be here, in which case I will stay without question or complaint.
2. He doesn't care whether I'm in this situation or not, and it falls on me to fix it.
(Elusive 3rd option bein that he is fixing it, I just can't see it).
I don't blame him, I'm not mad, I have no reason to be.
If he is the reason for my circumstances, then there must be a good reason.
And if he isn't the blame doesn't rest on him.
The fact that he could help but doesn't, seems to bother lots of folks, don't much bother me.
Aint one to look for handouts, life's tough sometimes, and you just gotta power through it.
If he helps me, sweet, if he doesn't, gotta be a good reason for it.
Just gotta trust him, I trust em to do the right thing. Fully, aint a doubt in my mind that whatever he's doing, it's what's suppose to be done. But again, as I've said, I've received no obvious instructions, so I'll try to better things on my own.

I'm not attached to anything, and that's what I think it means by contentment.

My childhood was filled with violence, pain, and misery. There's nothing that's gonna change that, and it'll forever haunt my mind.

I look forward to dying, even if I was the happiest man on earth I would.
It's going to happen, there's no way around it, there's no reason to fear it, because what happens after it is awesome.

I constantly try to change my outlook on my circumstances, but it just doesn't work.
I missed out on a lot of stuff in my childhood, that I looked forward to, things that were promised to me never came, simple things, like going to school. That meant a lot to me.
A lot of people hold their childhood closely, I just wish I could forget mine ever happened and move on.
Because for a lot of people, they had good times growin up, hear my dad talk about em all the time, makes me sad to know that the first couple decades I've lived here, will forever be filled with people dying, violent crime happening to me, violence, semi broken family, and just general unhappiness.
I got a lotta visible scars, that I gathered from the violent stuff, there's a whole other side to this that I aint saying, I'd PM it to you, but that's it. And people look at that, and their first thought is, this guys a psycho.

What ultimately gets me down, is I wanted to remember things fondly so bad. I wanted to have those nice lil stories to tell my kids some day, if I get to have kids. Instead I got scars I can show em, Hey I got this one when I was stabbed back in, I wanna say late(ish) 2015. I got this whole secret life no one knows about, that I've put past me, and I've just tried to forget about it.
Didn't kill anyone, or anything as extreme as that, just a buncha stuff I aint particularly proud of.

It means a great deal to me, and I don't think I'm ever going to get through it on my own, I think I prolly do need to see a therapist, or somethin.
I've asked God to help me, yes. But I think he's more likely to do that through another person, than just magically make my problems disappear. Not to say he wont, or can't, just saying I think the earthly resources, that I believe God has provided, should be utilized.

 

[aiki]

I'm gonna stop this point by point debate, cause it's kinda silly honestly.

I don't think so. I've lived long enough to see how vital to walking well with God are the things I've been saying to you. They may seem like nitpicking to you, but to the degree you aren't careful about how you're thinking about your situation, about God, and about yourself, to that same degree your life will have strayed from the actual truth of things. I understand why this would seem silly to you, though. I thought much the same thing when I was your age.

What worked for you, aint gonna work for me. I don't know why, it just doesn't work.

What worked for me is right out of the Bible. You know, God's word? What do you believe about it, exactly? Do you think its contents are God-breathed? Do you disagree with the apostle Paul when he wrote,

2 Timothy 3:16-17
16 All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness,
17 that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.

If you don't think what Paul wrote here is true, then I have no advice, really, to offer you. But if God's word is applicable to all of His children across all times, then you would do well to pay very close attention to it.

What worked for you, aint gonna work for me. I don't know why, it just doesn't work.
Let me reiterate how I feel about life, if there is no God, life is meaningless, meaningless things have no point, pointless things are tedious, life is tedious, I don't do tedious things. I would off myself, cold, hard, and literal.

Uh huh. I understand.

I'm thankful, and grateful, for the things I have, and the opportunity I have had to learn.
I am joyful because I will die, death comforts me. This life isn't where we belong, I recognize that.

Well, yes and no. We aren't on this earth by accident. God put us here for a reason, so it isn't entirely accurate to say "this life isn't where we belong." At this moment, we exist where God intends we should exist, and if this is true, then we are where we belong. We have a heavenly home to which we are headed, praise God, but for now we have an important journey to make through this life.

I share the gospel every chance I get, only on the internet though, so far. And it's been fruitful, fills my time pretty good lot.

Glad to hear it!

It's very hard to explain, but I have like 2 emotion paths, that run parallel to each other.
I am not happy, I am desperately miserable, I'm in bad shape mentally.

Spiritually, I'm peaceful, joyful, and content with dying. I'm not of the world, I recognize anything I gain here is utterly worthless in the grand scheme, cause it'll all be dust some day.

You can no more be "desperately miserable" and joyful at the same time than you can be in a well-lit room that is totally dark. The "joy of the Lord" overcomes our misery, it dissolves it. The peace of God which passes all understanding eradicates "bad mental shape."

If you gain souls for God, invest in deepening and expanding your understanding and application of His word, and are the hands and feet of Jesus to those around you, all you do here on this earth will not "be dust some day." People and God's word endure into eternity, which is why, in part, we are constantly exhorted in Scripture to seriously invest in both. We also have an eternal reward we are building while here on this earth. All we do in loving service to God will be rewarded by Him in eternity. So, not all you may gain here and now is "utterly worthless." Some of it can be incredibly precious and eternal!

Hearts deceitful, and my hearts buried 100 feet underground, and until I can find a way to dig it up, I'm gonna be stuck here.
I don't know how, I think about how all the time, I've tried, and so far nothing works.

Well, if you want to be more like Jesus, the process begins by reckoning on who you are in him. When you were born-again, a series of things became true of you for the first time. This is what the Bible tells us. Do you know what those things are, exactly? If not, it will be quite impossible to live in the truth of them each day. But many Christians live this way. They are spiritual "millionaires" - "priests and kings," the Bible says - but live like spiritual paupers. They don't know who they are as children of God, what is theirs as "joint-heirs with Christ" and as those united with him in his death, burial and resurrection, and so they live, well, a lot like you are: Frustrated, and despairing, and bound under the hurts and fears of life, unable to see any other way of being. But this doesn't have to be the way they, or you, live. There is a life that can be lived in the victory, and joy, and peace of Jesus if only you would lay hold of it by faith.

Not even God, visibly he aint helped my circumstance, and like I said, if he aint gonna help, it's for 1 of 2 reasons.
1. I'm suppose to be here, in which case I will stay without question or complaint.
2. He doesn't care whether I'm in this situation or not, and it falls on me to fix it.
(Elusive 3rd option bein that he is fixing it, I just can't see it).

What is probably more likely the case is that you have already in Christ what you need to live the "abundant life" God offers to you in His word. You just don't know it. As I said, God isn't so much interested in what you're going through as He is in your response to what you're going through. He wants to change you, not your circumstances.

Aint one to look for handouts, life's tough sometimes, and you just gotta power through it.

Which says a lot about how poorly you understand the Christian life. Brother, you need to be discipled.

But again, as I've said, I've received no obvious instructions, so I'll try to better things on my own.

Oh, you've received plenty of instructions - in your Bible. Read them. Apply them. And your life will change for the better.

I'm not attached to anything, and that's what I think it means by contentment.

You seem attached to the desire to live differently than you are. But that's quite all right. You aren't a Buddhist.

My childhood was filled with violence, pain, and misery. There's nothing that's gonna change that, and it'll forever haunt my mind.

My childhood was filled with violence, and pain, and fear, too. But it only has as much grip on me in the present as I choose to give it. The past doesn't have to shape my present; it only does when I choose to let it. Hopefully, one day you'll get sick enough of living in the shadow of your past to let it go.

I constantly try to change my outlook on my circumstances, but it just doesn't work.

Well, you've clearly spent a fair amount of time building up the hurts and horrors of your past and living in the gloom of them. You can't change this sort of thinking over night. It takes time. You've got some retraining of your mind to do. Be patient - and persistent - about changing the character of your thought-life. This process begins with anchoring your mind to God's truth, letting it shape how and what you think. Until this is done, your thinking will continue in its present course of darkness and despair.

I have discipled a fair number of men over the years. If you're interested, let me know. Maybe we can work something out online.

Selah.

 

[Wolfe]

What worked for me is right out of the Bible. You know, God's word? What do you believe about it, exactly? Do you think its contents are God-breathed? Do you disagree with the apostle Paul when he wrote,

2 Timothy 3:16-17
16 All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness,
17 that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.

If you don't think what Paul wrote here is true, then I have no advice, really, to offer you. But if God's word is applicable to all of His children across all times, then you would do well to pay very close attention to it.

No, I most definitely believe the whole bible is the word of God.

I just think different things work for different people, with different mentalities.
My souls fine, I'm set, ready to go, saved. I know this to be a fact, the transformation of me has been astonishing.
Didn't always used to be a friendly pacifist type, I used to be filled with hate, anger, was very toxic to people, physically and emotionally. All displaced anger at God, as I can realize that now, but I don't wanna get into a full testimony. A year ago, used to hate em, cause of the pain n such. When I finally realized it wasn't him, prayed, and started to follow Christ. Literately over night, I changed. Woke up without the ball of negativity, and hatred. Now I'm pretty much incapable of violence, or anger, not to say I never get mad, or feel like throwing down. But it's just so much slower now, you know. Only thing I can attribute it to is Christ, cause people don't just change over night on their own like that. I've kept this pacifism ever since, so I know I'm saved. It's my head I need to work on, and my heads different than yours I'd say.
And that's what I mean by what worked for you, wont work for me.

Well, yes and no. We aren't on this earth by accident. God put us here for a reason, so it isn't entirely accurate to say "this life isn't where we belong." At this moment, we exist where God intends we should exist, and if this is true, then we are where we belong. We have a heavenly home to which we are headed, praise God, but for now we have an important journey to make through this life.

Yea, I know, I just meant that stuff like money, fame, stuff, cars, etc. Don't mean jack.
Didn't mean to say this life means nothing, just saying stuff we gain is worthless.

I have no attachment to money, or my computer here.
Sure, they're nice, I like em, but when I die I aint gonna miss em, aint even gonna pass my mind.
If someone else needs my money, take it, just leave me enough to pay for a lil place to live, and food.
Any luxury items are on the bottom of my list, of course I enjoy em.

You can no more be "desperately miserable" and joyful at the same time than you can be in a well-lit room that is totally dark. The "joy of the Lord" overcomes our misery, it dissolves it. The peace of God which passes all understanding eradicates "bad mental shape."

If you gain souls for God, invest in deepening and expanding your understanding and application of His word, and are the hands and feet of Jesus to those around you, all you do here on this earth will not "be dust some day." People and God's word endure into eternity, which is why, in part, we are constantly exhorted in Scripture to seriously invest in both. We also have an eternal reward we are building while here on this earth. All we do in loving service to God will be rewarded by Him in eternity. So, not all you may gain here and now is "utterly worthless." Some of it can be incredibly precious and eternal!

That's what I mean about fulfillment, and meaning.
Only life I see worth to live is a missionary, or some variant of it.
Aint lookin to be rich, or have a fancy car or house.

Well, if you want to be more like Jesus, the process begins by reckoning on who you are in him. When you were born-again, a series of things became true of you for the first time. This is what the Bible tells us. Do you know what those things are, exactly? If not, it will be quite impossible to live in the truth of them each day. But many Christians live this way. They are spiritual "millionaires" - "priests and kings," the Bible says - but live like spiritual paupers. They don't know who they are as children of God, what is theirs as "joint-heirs with Christ" and as those united with him in his death, burial and resurrection, and so they live, well, a lot like you are: Frustrated, and despairing, and bound under the hurts and fears of life, unable to see any other way of being. But this doesn't have to be the way they, or you, live. There is a life that can be lived in the victory, and joy, and peace of Jesus if only you would lay hold of it by faith.

Not really sure what you mean, I live by my convictions, and of course I check them with the bible.
If it doesn't add up, I either don't do it, or don't not do it.

What is probably more likely the case is that you have already in Christ what you need to live the "abundant life" God offers to you in His word. You just don't know it. As I said, God isn't so much interested in what you're going through as He is in your response to what you're going through. He wants to change you, not your circumstances.

He has changed me a great deal (above)

Which says a lot about how poorly you understand the Christian life. Brother, you need to be discipled.

Don't understand what you mean, only thing in regards to my life I ask for, is to make it better somehow if he would.
What I meant by what I said is, I ain't gonna ask for things. I do the things I can with myself, I ask for spiritual strength, and patience. But as far as that goes, no I don't ask for a specific thing. I'm not going to, it's petty in my opinion.
The things I want can be obtained without a divine intervention, and it isn't sinful, I suppose it could lead to sinful things, but pretty much everything could.
I like that serenity prayer

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can't change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

I feel I gotta make a conscious effort to change things, sitting here waiting for God to do it, I don't think it's gonna yield results.
Best I can ask for is guidance, and strength.
And that's what I mean by I don't take handouts, you gotta work for what you want.

Oh, you've received plenty of instructions - in your Bible. Read them. Apply them. And your life will change for the better.

I do, and I ain't found a verse that says that I can't do what I'm doing.
Like I said, I work for what I want. I don't do it on my own, obviously. But I gotta make a conscious effort to change, I gotta want it.
Otherwise I don't think anything is gonna change, physically.

You seem attached to the desire to live differently than you are. But that's quite all right. You aren't a Buddhist.

No I'm not a Buddhist.
And I am attached to living a different life, not a life of luxury, or fame, or fortune.
I wanna help people, I want friends, I want the horrific images to stop playin in my head.
I wasn't in a war, so I feel kinda silly saying this, it's gotten to the point where I'd say I got ptsd.
Not trying to take away from those who went through a war, but I mean what I went through aint childs play.
Like I said, I haven't killed anyone, let's get that out of the way.
Been half lying, I aint been isolated all these years. Just the 6 or 7 or so months that I wasn't isolated, I wish I could forget.
I don't feel right getting into detail, like I said, publicly.
People who went through similar stuff, more young people are on this site, people who have sensitivities to this sorta thing.

Like I said, I'll pm it to you if you want so you could get a better handle on my headspace on it, but I don't know you or your sensitivities, gotta warn ya, it's kinda graphic, if I'm gonna explain it in any amount of detail.

My childhood was filled with violence, and pain, and fear, too. But it only has as much grip on me in the present as I choose to give it. The past doesn't have to shape my present; it only does when I choose to let it. Hopefully, one day you'll get sick enough of living in the shadow of your past to let it go.

Much easier said than done, like I said, the months that I was out and about, were pretty graphic.
I can't just let go of it. No matter how many times anybody says, put it on God, it doesn't help.
Certain things I gotta get help with, I think God provides certain people, like therapist, and the like. And I think that's what I need.

As I stand now, I don't see anyway to get over my past. Not alone.
I continue to pray, but so far, nothin.

Well, you've clearly spent a fair amount of time building up the hurts and horrors of your past and living in the gloom of them. You can't change this sort of thinking over night. It takes time. You've got some retraining of your mind to do. Be patient - and persistent - about changing the character of your thought-life. This process begins with anchoring your mind to God's truth, letting it shape how and what you think. Until this is done, your thinking will continue in its present course of darkness and despair.

I have discipled a fair number of men over the years. If you're interested, let me know. Maybe we can work something out online.

Yea, I mean, you see some of the things I've seen, and some of the things that have happened to me.
Stays in your mind.

And I do try to work on it, it's tough.
I'm young, and ain't nobody helping me, it's really hard.
And by nobody, I mean no people.
you need people help too sometimes, God uses people to help other people right? As I understand it.

And I dunno what you mean by disciple, I guess if you think it'd help, sure.

 

[Kiterius]

Alright, this is half a prayer request, and half advice, I decided I needed advice more than a prayer (not belittling prayer), so I posted here.

Basically, been depressed my whole life, it isn't a brain thing, I have identified the problem, and for 4 or so years, I've been trying to fix the problem.
The problem is loneliness, I am a very social person, living the life of an introvert.
I don't go out, I don't do anything, speak to anyone, I'm alone.

The life I live, is forced on me, it's either be miserable and alive, or die on the streets, I don't live in the best of towns, crime wise.
The best option for my physical survival, is to just live as I am now. But I fear my mental health is dwindling, and there isn't much I can do to save it.

Here is why it is forced, I have no license to drive and I cannot get one until I am 18, family rule.

I was forced to be homeschooled, even after expressing that I wanted, and needed to go to school.

And I was forced to not go to homeschooler events and that sort of stuff, basically I was forced into an anti social lifestyle.

I have reach an age now, where I can actually do something about it (17), but what that is, I don't know.

I've literately tried everything I can think of.

1. Befriend locals. Drunks, and meth heads are not good friends for a child.

2. Go to a church. I do, sometimes, it's the only place I can go, but the problem arises, the years of anti socialization, have made me inept at socializing like a normal human. I physically cannot just go up and talk to people, I've tried, and I've tried to force myself, it's not going to happen. I rely on them coming up to me and starting a conversation, which does not happen, because I look like a serial killer, being honest. I wouldn't approach me either.

3. Make friends online. I have, but it doesn't cut it, I need physical people.
Why? I'm not sure, text just doesn't cut it.
I need someone to care about me, and I need to be able to see it.
No one in my life cares, or loves me, not even my family.

4. Go to a store and talk to people, surely they're not bad people. Maybe, maybe not, but the point in 2 stands.

I've exhausted all I can think of, and all my coping mechanisms no longer work.

Every 4 months or so, I get in a state like I am now, I start getting extremely depressed, then eventually accept it, and move on.
I need to avoid the depression stage, and have nothing to accept.
I need to fix it, because before long, I will lose my mind.

I have 1 more year, before my license, and I gain my freedom (but how long after that will it take for me to actually be free), I don't think I'll make it another year, because each time this happens, I lose a bit of myself, eventually I will be nothing.

I think about a way out endlessly.
I do not attribute this suffering to God, I don't blame it on him, I know he loves me.
A year ago I didn't even have God, and a year ago I was worse, so that is an improvement. But I also see I'm sliding down a hill again, I'm just trying to keep my head above water until things can get better.
I will get to the point I was a year ago, before long.

There are other reasons I feel the way I do, not just the being lonely.
It's also the why, why was I forced to live like this, and why is it impossible for me to fix?
There's got to be a way out that I'm not seeing.

So, what do I do?

What would you do?

There are no bad ideas

I also want to note, I hate posting things like this, because I know it could be much much worse, I could have no legs, or not have this computer (which has been the reason I've stayed sane so long), it could always be worse. But that doesn't make a bad situation good.

I ask for prayers and advice, if you will, and Thank You, in advance.
(also if this is the wrong forum area I apologize, move it if you want.)

God Bless.

You should eat good, healthy foods. Fruit, for example, or vegetables.

 

[aiki]

I've mentioned discipleship to you a couple of times, so let me explain what I mean. Jesus gave two basic, primary commands to his disciples: 1.) Preach the Gospel (Matt. 10:7; Mk. 16:15) and 2.) Make disciples. (Matt. 28:19). In order to do the second, the first has to have happened. The first step a person takes into fellowship with God is being born-again, but that is only the beginning of walking with Him. It's like being on the porch of a house and taking a step through the front door into the house. Many people get saved - they walk through the door - but then they mill about at the door and never move farther into the house. They are glad and relieved just to be in the house and are content to remain at the door. This is often, at least in part, because they have never been discipled. So, what does it mean to be discipled? Essentially, it's being helped to move farther into the "house," into fellowship with God and into a fuller, deeper understanding of the Christian faith. Discipleship answers the questions that often follow being saved: "Now what?" and "How does this all work?"

Believers who are not discipled are like newborn babies left to fend for themselves. It is a cruel and careless thing to do this to a newborn and it is equally cruel - and destructive - to leave a new believer unguided spiritually. Very often, believers who are not discipled develop a patchwork understanding of their faith that is confused and missing vital parts. This leads to frustration, and moral compromise, and guilt which in turn leads to fear, or anger, and/or the feeling that God is a million miles away. It also often leads to a tight, unending cycle of sin-confession-sin-confession that the undiscipled believer thinks is the normal Christian life. Sometimes, not being discipled leads new believers into false teaching and damaging religious practices, too. You can see, then, I hope, why it's so important to be discipled.

I think being discipled would be a big help to you. It would create a systematic and clearly defined understanding of the Christian faith that would enable you to go deep with God. And as you go deep with Him, the things you're presently struggling with will get resolved.

There is a cost to be considered, though:

Matthew 16:24-25
24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.
25 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

Luke 14:26-33
26 "If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple.
27 And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.
28 For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it--
29 lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him,
30 saying, 'This man began to build and was not able to finish.'
31 Or what king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand?
32 Or else, while the other is still a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks conditions of peace.
33 So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple.

Many people don't realize that being saved is a spiritual transaction. It isn't just that a person takes the gift of salvation and gets to heaven by and by. No, the Bible speaks of what happens when a person is born-again as an exchange. The person who desires to be saved is giving up their life for the life God offers to them in Jesus Christ. This is why we read in Scripture:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?
20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.

So, are you interested in learning to be a disciple of Christ?

Selah.