What should I do?

[Christownsme]

There is a girl who has captured my heart - her inner beauty shows thru. I've fallen in love with her as a friend. She wants to marry, but I'm not attracted to her physically. But I love her, care for her, and I've discovered "love" is a choice, an action verb. By marrying her I would make a promise to make that choice to love her daily. She's my best friend, and I don't know if I should go there or not, since I'm not attracted in the physical sense. Any advice you can share? Is this common?

 

[The Nihilist]

There is a girl who has captured my heart - her inner beauty shows thru. I've fallen in love with her as a friend. She wants to marry, but I'm not attracted to her physically. But I love her, care for her, and I've discovered "love" is a choice, an action verb. By marrying her I would make a promise to make that choice to love her daily. She's my best friend, and I don't know if I should go there or not, since I'm not attracted in the physical sense. Any advice you can share? Is this common?

You can't make yourself love someone, no matter how perfect she is for you. I feel for you, but that's just not the way it works. Sorry, bud.

 

[Christownsme]

You can't make yourself love someone, no matter how perfect she is for you. I feel for you, but that's just not the way it works. Sorry, bud.

What does "love" supposed to mean? A committment or just mere feelings? I really want to help her and be there for her. I can make a committment to her, but I may not overflow with feelings for her. Feelings are fickle, and shouldn't be trusted anyway. Doing the right thing is what I want to do.

 

[Nienna_Lady_of_Tears]

I wasn't initially attracted to my husband physically either (and he wasn't physically attracted to me), but I'll tell you, as the love grows so will the physical attraction. Give it a chance.

 

[The Nihilist]

What does "love" supposed to mean? A committment or just mere feelings? I really want to help her and be there for her. I can make a committment to her, but I may not overflow with feelings for her. Feelings are fickle, and shouldn't be trusted anyway. Doing the right thing is what I want to do.

Man, I know how you feel and I hear what you're saying, but you sound like someone who is absolutely not in love. If you marry her without loving her, you'll never be happy and she'll never be happy, and that's never the right thing.
Maybe Nienna's right and it will grow organically, but you cannot force these things. This isn't about willpower or righteousness, it's about what will work and what won't. Give it time, see what develops, but for the love of God, don't get married to this girl without being in love with her.

 

[LinkH]

The thing that changes when you get married, if you are behaving yourself, is you sleep together. Will the lack of physical attraction cause you not to do what you are supposed to do in that department, with the enthusiasm and frequency your wife will need?

There are a lot of things about a person that can be attractive besides outward appearances.

The Bible says,
Proverbs 31:30
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Here is a video that talks about the importance of marrying a woman who fears the Lord instead of choosing a wife based on looks or charm.

Choosing a Wife/Beauty is Vain - Tim Conway - YouTube

 

[citizenthom]

Do not, do not, DO NOT marry someone you are not physically attracted to. You will be doing both of you a horrible disservice.

 

[Nienna_Lady_of_Tears]

I wasn't saying to marry her, I was saying to give it time to grow before you make a decision. Though I wasn't initially attracted to my husband he did grow on me, before we got married.

 

[iambren]

Long-lasting love that goes the distance(ie marriage) has present three characteristics: warm friendship, undeniable physical attraction, and character that stays committed in the tough times. Sometimes there is more of this or that but all three must be there. It would seem cruel to marry one lacking any of these; like a 3-legged stool missing a leg--it's not going to hold up.

 

[Grace51]

There is a girl who has captured my heart - her inner beauty shows thru. I've fallen in love with her as a friend. She wants to marry, but I'm not attracted to her physically. But I love her, care for her, and I've discovered "love" is a choice, an action verb. By marrying her I would make a promise to make that choice to love her daily. She's my best friend, and I don't know if I should go there or not, since I'm not attracted in the physical sense. Any advice you can share? Is this common?

you say you are "in love" with her. but i disagree. i think passion has to be part of the equation. yes, it cant be the only thing that you feel for her. but it has to be part of the equation.

anyway, if you are really in love with someon, you wont be pondering right now.

 

[blackribbon]

She deserves to be with someone who is passionate about her.

 

[Grace51]

The thing that changes when you get married, if you are behaving yourself, is you sleep together. Will the lack of physical attraction cause you not to do what you are supposed to do in that department, with the enthusiasm and frequency your wife will need?

There are a lot of things about a person that can be attractive besides outward appearances.

The Bible says,
Proverbs 31:30
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Here is a video that talks about the importance of marrying a woman who fears the Lord instead of choosing a wife based on looks or charm.

Choosing a Wife/Beauty is Vain - Tim Conway - YouTube

sorry, are you serious? i seem to recall came across one of your posts where you stated you wanted someone who's pretty and thin ( or something along that line) before you got married, and you found those qualities in your wife (obviously i assume those are not the only qualities that attracted you to her in the first place).

 

[Christownsme]

She deserves to be with someone who is passionate about her.

It would break my heart to see her with someone else. I'm just saying the sex appeal isn't as important as the love we have for each other as human beings. There's a really deep connection there. I don't know if we can pass that love up.

 

[citizenthom]

It would break my heart to see her with someone else. I'm just saying the sex appeal isn't as important as the love we have for each other as human beings.

Well, you've got a thread full of married believers telling you that it is, with Scriptural support from 1 Corinthians. Up to you whether to listen or not.

 

[blackribbon]

It would break my heart to see her with someone else. I'm just saying the sex appeal isn't as important as the love we have for each other as human beings. There's a really deep connection there. I don't know if we can pass that love up.

I repeat...SHE deserves someone who is passionate about her. This isn't only about your feelings. I'd suggest that you spend some time with God seeking that passion before you subject her to a less than total love.

If you decide to move forward and she accepts, I'd suggest that you spend some time in pre-marital counseling being completely open and honest with the counselor and each other.

 

[blackribbon]

Sex appeal isn't everything ... but it is important. Trust me ... as a woman, it is important to know that you are beautiful and attractive to the one person who matters most in the world ... even if you know the rest of the world doesn't see you that way.

 

[Melethiel]

I wouldn't want to marry someone who didn't want to sleep with me, no matter how much of a connection we had otherwise. I've known several guys who I had that emotional connection with, but without the sex appeal, they're nothing more than good friends.

 

[renewed21]

There is a girl who has captured my heart - her inner beauty shows thru. I've fallen in love with her as a friend. She wants to marry, but I'm not attracted to her physically. But I love her, care for her, and I've discovered "love" is a choice, an action verb. By marrying her I would make a promise to make that choice to love her daily. She's my best friend, and I don't know if I should go there or not, since I'm not attracted in the physical sense. Any advice you can share? Is this common?

From a Christian perspective, what does physical beauty have to do with love?

From a worldly view, it has a lot to with love.

Bottom line, even worldly beauty fades, then what? If you can count on someone and they are your best friend, then that's what a marriage foundation is laid upon.

Most importantly, if you both have truely given your lives to Christ, then you are both ahead of the relationship game.

 

[renewed21]

I repeat...SHE deserves someone who is passionate about her. This isn't only about your feelings. I'd suggest that you spend some time with God seeking that passion before you subject her to a less than total love.

If you decide to move forward and she accepts, I'd suggest that you spend some time in pre-marital counseling being completely open and honest with the counselor and each other.

1 million% agreed

 

[K9_Trainer]

I think physical attraction is too important a part of a romantic relationship to ignore. If there's no sex appeal, no desire to be intimate with her, then what you have isn't a romantic relationship. It's a friendship. You would be doing her and yourself a disservice if you continued this into marriage. She will be heartbroken if she finds out that you don't think she's sexy or attractive enough to have sex with. She deserves somebody who desires her like that.