What should I do?

[blackribbon]

Physical attraction isn't necessarily about physical beauty. I know that I didn't necessarily consider my husband to be super good looking when I met him. However, as I got to know him, I soon realized that I was very physically attracted to him...this is a different type of connection. Interesting enough, by the time I married him, I did think he was the best looking and sexiest man I knew (and still think that). And when I looked in his eyes, it was very apparent that he felt that way about me. And even 24 years later, he still saw me that way even though I was no longer that pretty little girl that I once was. I think he still saw her when he looked at me.

 

[Christownsme]

She wants to marry me the same as I do, knowing the situation. You guys don't know the whole story. I'm recovering from something traumatic that we both have figured into the equation. We both see counseling. She deserves what she truly wants in the Lord, a husband who will love her as best he can.

When I look at her I feel peaceful and she feels the same way to me. I think some of you depend on sexual gratification way too much as defining marriage. If you burn with lust, as Paul speaks of, marry. But if you don't burn with lust, it's not a sin to still marry. Because of specific reasons, I won't get into here, we have fallen in love with each other, and plan to marry and find the passion grow as days go by. It's funny, you guys say one thing, and my Christian counselor who is a pastor says another. Makes me wonder why I'm on this forum asking questions like I did.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Do not marry someone you are not attracted to.

 

[Christownsme]

Do not marry someone you are not attracted to.

I am attracted to her - that's what I'm trying to say. In all different kinds of ways. The physical attraction will grow as we spend time together.

 

[blackribbon]

You did not ever say that your gf was aware how you felt...and you only addressed your feelings. No, we don't know the whole picture and hopefully, your pastor does. However, I am...and I only imagine other people here...basing my advice on having experienced marriage. I have 16 plus years of a good solid marriage (with our share of hard times in the early years) to base my advice on. Yes, if you both feel the same way and understand what the other feels, then you can have a good marriage. Just don't bail later because it suddenly isn't enough when someone does walk into your life that does 'light your fire'.

 

[K9_Trainer]

She wants to marry me the same as I do, knowing the situation. You guys don't know the whole story. I'm recovering from something traumatic that we both have figured into the equation. We both see counseling. She deserves what she truly wants in the Lord, a husband who will love her as best he can.

When I look at her I feel peaceful and she feels the same way to me. I think some of you depend on sexual gratification way too much as defining marriage. If you burn with lust, as Paul speaks of, marry. But if you don't burn with lust, it's not a sin to still marry. Because of specific reasons, I won't get into here, we have fallen in love with each other, and plan to marry and find the passion grow as days go by. It's funny, you guys say one thing, and my Christian counselor who is a pastor says another. Makes me wonder why I'm on this forum asking questions like I did.

I'm not sure what you expected when you came on here to ask that...Surely not that everybody would just echo your pastor? It's not like he's the end all authority of all things Christian. If you don't want different opinions, then don't ask. It's not unchristian to view sexual attraction as an important factor in a relationship.

Anyway, you're right, we don't know the whole story. We only know what you tell us and we were not told that she knows of the situation. That does change things.

If you are getting counseling together and working on yourself, and you both want to marry, then by all means get married. Nobody here can stop you and nobody is saying that it can't work. Just that sex (and lack of), and sexual attraction which go hand in hand, can really complicate a relationship if it's not "right" (for lack of a better word). And that shows just how important it really is. Sexual issues can destroy a relationship just as easily as sex with love and a connection it can enhance it.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I am attracted to her - that's what I'm trying to say. In all different kinds of ways. The physical attraction will grow as we spend time together.

How do you know that it will? Has that happened for you in previous relationships?

My husband and I were fortunate enough to have the whole package when it comes to mutual attraction. I read about other couples who are having problems in the area of physical attraction and it always is detrimental to their marriage. It is always something that can come up in marriage as people get older or other things happen to cause issues with physical attraction, but why start off with that against you already?

This is something that at least needs to be thoroughly discussed between the two of you to see if you are on the same page and whether or not that would still be the case if you do not become physically attracted later on after all.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Man, I know how you feel and I hear what you're saying, but you sound like someone who is absolutely not in love. If you marry her without loving her, you'll never be happy and she'll never be happy, and that's never the right thing.
Maybe Nienna's right and it will grow organically, but you cannot force these things. This isn't about willpower or righteousness, it's about what will work and what won't. Give it time, see what develops, but for the love of God, don't get married to this girl without being in love with her.

QFT.

 

[citizenthom]

I am attracted to her - that's what I'm trying to say. In all different kinds of ways. The physical attraction will grow as we spend time together.

Don't marry her until and unless it does--and until and unless it grows to a burning desire.