What parenting style have you adopted?

[Zoe]

I have a 21 month old daughter. We have never followed a certain style of parenting. We tend to lean towards attachment parenting. (feeding on demand, picking up child when crying, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, etc.) I have always tried to do things that felt right in my heart. Anyway, the reason I am posting is because you've asked several times about Dr. Dobson's parenting books. I have also looked into these books because I have always loved Dr. Dobson's other teachings. I decided his approach was not for me after reading some parts of his books. He talks about having a fight with his dog and hitting it so hard that it never disobeyed again. He advises to hit a 9 month old on the back of the leg with a switch when they try to climb the stairs. He suggests poking an uncooperative baby with the diaper pin while changing them. All of these things were red flags to me. But you should decide for yourself. Here is a link to his most popular book on parenting:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0842374310/qid=1089002526/sr=1-19/ref=sr_1_19/102-8385499-5244154?v=glance&s=books

You will need to scroll down to read the reviews in case you are not familiar with Amazon.

 

[Jillian1527]

*laughs* I adopted the "Jennifer Nicole Parenting Program", it consists of banging my head against a brick wall, disolving in tears right along side my 3 year old, tickling her till she stops crying, rewarding good behavior with special treats, and punishements in various forms. We do the time-out chair, standing in the corner, and spankings for the particularly heinous. Oh yes, and I let her bite her own arm real good if she decides to bite someone. I give her a little help via pressure on her jaw. It's funny how her own teeth hurting her gets the point across when nothing else works. Anywho, I haven't adopted anyone's particular style. We just piece together what we have to to make things work. She is continually changing and adapting, so we have to also to keep things relevant. What worked with her a week ago may not work with her now.

This is me too. I just go with the flow and learn with my girls.My oldest has taught me so much about parenting. I do what I feel is right. Books are great to read and have ideas from but to solidly go by them I feel is wrong. There is only one book I live by.

JMHO.
-Jillian
P.S. I really hope that doesnt sound harsh. I really dont mean it to come off that way.

 

[nb_christseeker]

get a farm, raise some livestock, teach them hard work that way =)

 

[magnum]

I adopted the "My own best shot at it" method.

I am a dad who has had full custody of my daughter since she was 7. I make mistakes but I do the best I can. I love her and tell her so everyday. I keep her in church as much as possible. "She is now 16" I set rules and boundaries and I stick to my word. I once told her if she did a specific thing "A disobidient thing" I would ground her for 6 months. Guess what. I grounded her for 6 months. It was hard but I did it.

I am the final say. I have ultimate authority and I do what I can to make sound decisions full of love and guidance.

My daughter and I still hold hands when we go places so I must be doing something right!

 

[Jillian1527]

My daughter and I still hold hands when we go places so I must be doing something right!

Awwe that is so cute.. Good for you!! sounds like your doing a great job!

-Jillian

 

[magnum]

I hope me and Tiffer Dan "Nick name" never stop holding hands. She is one of two loves of my life. The other is my wife. Jesus is the love of everlasting so I guess that will make 3 loves of my life!

 

[Newmom123]

Wow. The Dobson book sounds a bit harsh. I read the reviews. Now are they true? Does he REALLY advocate poking your child with a diaper pin if they are uncooperative on the changing table?

Just wondering why you support the book, if you do. I've really heard the negative (with specific examples) and have only heard the general "I agree with it" when it comes to the positive.

Have any of you successfully used Love and Logic for a 15 month old baby? I feel like my daughter doesn't fully understand the choice thing right now.

 

[Zoe]

Wow. The Dobson book sounds a bit harsh. I read the reviews. Now are they true? Does he REALLY advocate poking your child with a diaper pin if they are uncooperative on the changing table?

Just wondering why you support the book, if you do. I've really heard the negative (with specific examples) and have only heard the general "I agree with it" when it comes to the positive.

Have any of you successfully used Love and Logic for a 15 month old baby? I feel like my daughter doesn't fully understand the choice thing right now.

Yes, he really does advise that, I read it for myself because my mother had the book.

 

[WolfGate]

and what is "couch time"??

"Couch Time" is making sure you set aside a few minutes each day for the mom and dad to spend together, with each other as the priority, with the child around. It may only be a few minutes to talk, hold hands, whatever (and doesn't have to be on a couch), but the child isn't supposed to interrupt. Generally starts as soon as the child is able to understand simple instructions from mom and dad - though some advocate doing it even earlier (for reason #1 that is stated below.)

The intention is two-fold. First is to help the child see that mom and dad place importance on their relationship with each other (fosters security in the stability of the family for the child) and second helps them start learning patience and respect for adult conversations

Again, it doesn't need to be long, and even if you spend much time together after the kids go to bed, supporters of this practice believe it helps the child if you do it with them around.

 

[magnum]

What does a person, a parent do if they find out there child Maybe "13,14,15,16 or 17" has had sex or is having sex??

Anybody got the "Perfect guide to parenting in impossible situtaions?"

Oh, and don't tell me it is about what the kid has been taught because I have seen this happen with kids from every background, social level, relgious upbringing etc.

I have a 16 year old daughter and I am not sure how to handle this difficult topic. I have discussed this with her but I am not sure that my disussions and warnings and expressions of love and understanding will be enough to prevent this from happening.

 

[Newmom123]

What does a person, a parent do if they find out there child Maybe "13,14,15,16 or 17" has had sex or is having sex??

Anybody got the "Perfect guide to parenting in impossible situtaions?"

Oh, and don't tell me it is about what the kid has been taught because I have seen this happen with kids from every background, social level, relgious upbringing etc.

I have a 16 year old daughter and I am not sure how to handle this difficult topic. I have discussed this with her but I am not sure that my disussions and warnings and expressions of love and understanding will be enough to prevent this from happening.

I have a 15 month old, so I can't really speak from experience...

would love to hear from the veterans out there on this one.

 

[lucypevensie]

Yes, he really does advise that, I read it for myself because my mother had the book.

Whaaaat????? You sure he says to poke your kid with a pin?

I've read almost all of Dobson's main books and have seen nothing horrifying. Maybe I missed the pin thing?

See, this is why I think people should just read books for themselves instead of relying on other's perceptions. There are people who think Dobson is a tyrant, and there are people who think Dobson is extremely compassionate. Just check out a book at the library and skim it, you don't have to read each and every word.

 

[nb_christseeker]

be sure to say "NO" all the time to crush their little spirit.

not really, but i see that happen ALL the time and it just makes me sick.

 

[magnum]

be sure to say "NO" all the time to crush their little spirit.

On the contrary. All I ever see is parents giving in to their kids every demand. But I am not surprised. The liberals would hvae you think you have no choice and if you do say no you are in violation os some law

 

[Christiana]

We have adopted a nurturing style of parenting. We believe in breastfeeding for at least a year, co sleeping, lots of love and affection and of course lots of discipline as well.(a lot of the discipline will come later as our bub is only 8.5 months.For more information on our style, read Parenting by heart by Pinky Mckay, any books written by William Sears and most importantly of all the bible.
So far our style has been one hundred per cent effective. OUr son is the most delightful, affectionate, happy and peaceful child you could have come across.

 

[mcb1998au]

I think the best way is your way. I have a 5 year old son and we have done things our way it isnt up to anyone else to say what is right and what is wrong. I must admit though we havent been very strict in diciplining him- he hasnt really need it. Find your own way is all i can really advise.

 

[Kathryn13]

As a substitute teacher, and a mom of a 12 yr. old and a 9 yr. old, I can say that any parenting style that focuses on the child doesn't work, and any style that teaches the child to focus on others does. That is because God wants US to focus on Him and others and not on our selves. It sure is amazing how many selfish children there are out there who just have not been raised to have any respect for the people around them...mostly because their parents don't so they don't know how to teach it to their children. So sad.

 

[Kathryn13]

By the way, something that has really worked for any group of kids I've worked with, and especially for my own kids were: Don't do Dangerous, Destructive, or Discourteous (I used to use the word "rude" when they were younger) Deeds. I always had a reason for why what they did was wrong, and it can always fit into one of these 3 categories. On the flip side, you can always praise a kid by pointing out that they are being: Responsible, Resourceful, or Respectful. Just something I thought I'd pass on.

 

[alaskamolly]

Dobson is mean and cruel?

Woah...

I guess it just depends on the perspective of the reader.
I thought he was very well-spoken and gentle!



He just actually thinks that parents ought to expect their children to obey, and to learn to respond correctly to authority.

That's not a very popular thing, these days, but in God's book, it's considered highly commendable.



Your local library will have Dobson books, so you can go check one out for yourself and find out first-hand, for free! (I'm always a fan of a bargain--heehee).

Seriously, as a parent of 4 happy children (who's parents have expected them to obey and taught them to do so, within the context of a warm, lively, and accepting home), I think you will be doing your little one a favor.

As others have said, no one book is going to have all the answers for your particular child, but it's always nice to glean good ideas from them--sometimes ideas that will change your lives, for the better!


Blessings in Him,
Mol

 

[alaskamolly]

any parenting style that focuses on the child doesn't work, and any style that teaches the child to focus on others does. That is because God wants US to focus on Him and others and not on our selves.

So true!!!