I don't know if you remember my history here at CF. I was a Christian from the time I joined in 2002 until 2008. I believe it was this forum that I once stated something like "I believe because I can't not believe." Ultimately, of course, I was wrong.
Something of what you said reminds me of CS Lewis' statement that aliens might have a certain perspective on our lives but *we* have the inside track. I believe this is from Mere Christianity. But Lewis is wrong. Objectivity is desirable because at least in the attempt of objectivity we attempt to subtract bias from what we are seeing. Stepping outside our beliefs to evaluate them as if we didn't already believe them is essential to understanding what is true.
Sure, I may have been wrong in my evaluation of my faith, but I could not conclude that Christianity was supportable. Believing because I had always believed was not enough; believing because I was part of a community that held those beliefs was not enough; the idea that I was closing in on a coherent internally consistent theology was not enough. There was no support external to myself for my beliefs. It is not enough.
I held on to the idea of God communicating directly to me. But, too, the voices in my head I had to acknowledge were just me.
May you continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling.
