Throughout the centuries there have been many rituals for finding a mate in human communities. Nowadays many Christians take issue with society's model, dating, as popularised on television and film leading to the invention of other models (e.g. courting). Unfortunately the book of "How to find a mate" was inexplicably missed from the bible. So in this thread it's time for you to invent and present your ideal model for finding a mate. A few areas you may wish to consider:
- What stages are there? - Friendship? Non-exclusive? Exclusive? Engagement? What differentiates the stages, what do you call them and what do you call the other person during each stage?
- Where and how do you meet? - Online? Speed dating? Church? Random people in a bar? Do you approach, wait to be approached or does someone else introduce you?
- Who is involved in the relationship at each stage? - Is it just you and the other person or do friends, family, the church or anyone else have a role to play?
- Who is there when you meet? - Just the two of you or will other people be there? Do you always meet in public or is meeting in private OK?
- Where do you meet? - When is it OK to go to the other persons house? Are candle lit restaurants too romantic? Does the cinema distract from the point?
- Physical intimacy - What physical intimacy is appropriate at what stage? Hugging? Holding hands? Kissing? French kissing? Sex?
- Timing - How long do you expect each stage will take?
- Name - finally and most importantly: what do you call your very own model for finding a mate.
Don't feel restrained to this points (except the last), I'm just trying to give you things to think about. Have fun.
i don't have a set model for dating, courting, finding a woman. the same requirements still exist even when i believed.
1. be a moral person. have your moral and ethical life in order. if you don't, stay away from me. i don't have the time to deal with a woman searching how to live. we are human beings, it isn't that hard. i'm not looking for perfection because perfection doesn't exist. but what i'm looking for is someone i can relate to on this level. if there's no relation there will be nothing between the person and i.
2. physical things will have to be worked out between the woman and myself. i see no reason to wait till marriage for sex, but i also see no reason to live sexualy uncontrolled. so we'll work that out together.
3. where do we meet? depends on where the first place we meet each other at.
4. how long does each stage take? who knows. you can't put a timetable on such things. each stage reflects the closer that the woman and i would be. only time will tell how that all progresses.
5. the stages are simple. become friends, and if there's the ability to move forward either fast, or slow we both descide that together on how to fast to move.
6. who's involved? this one has changed. i would prefer the family and friends be kept out of it until it gets serious between the woman and i. that's a whole different part and stage of the relationship to getting the family and friend in, and i would prefer that stage to be done in to reflect the serious stage me and the woman would be in the relationship itself.
7. i perfer to meet just the two of us. i'm workable though with that. but for me, when a woman wants to meet me the first one on one, that shows some security in herself. that way we don't create a 3rd wheel and two, she don't require other people to guide her desicions. she trusts her own intution, her own judgement over others, and that's a huge plus for me. i want a strong headed, and a strong willed woman, not a woman that requires her friends to guide her. plus, i like one on one attention better to get to know someone. no distractions, no idea of having to include the whole party when the sole purpose of the date would be to get to know someone.
i call this plan just a way of finding someone that isn't based on rules, or some outline. human interaction can't be defined all neatly into a defined little box of the do's and don'ts. plus, it seems like almost everytime someone does that, they have an agenda behind it. they've been hurt or want to protect themselves from getting hurt. the more you put up walls, the more you realize, no one wants to tear them down, and the more you realize that you may have passed up opportunities. so to me, this plan is just "The Schmoe's Way of Trying to Find a Good Woman."
