What is up with this?

[Neostarwcc]

This is starting to make me really angry. This is the second therapist that advised me to divorce my wife. It doesn't matter how much you tell them "I'm religious I don't want a divorce." Or how much you tell them "When I asked my wife to marry me that was my covenant with God to be with her forever." Or "when I made my marriage vows it was God I promised to be with her forever. I'm not getting divorced."

They don't care. They don't care about my vows or about me, instead they just want to tear my marriage apart and people wonder why I hate therapists and their atheistic ideas and practices.

The first therapist that told me to get a divorce, I wasn't even married to my wife for 24 hours! I was SO angry at her I asked my wife 5o leave the therapists office and I screamed at her for a good 10-15 minutes I was so massively angry and upset at her.

Why is it therapists just can't let go and think they have the answer to all your problems (because divorce is always the answer)... just.... idk I'm angry.

What happened to the days where men used to be men and not the pansies they are today? What happened to the days of a housewife and when married people respected each other? No! That exists no more, we just have to divorce each other left and right, have sexual encounters with random strangers, get pregnant than have no idea who the father is because there 35 different possible options? I mean, really? DNA tests wouldn't even be needed if we'd only cross our legs, find a person we love and want to be with and then solely only be with that person for the rest of our lives! I'm sorry this is just making me angry. We supposedly have freedom of religion in this country yet, we cannot PRACTICE our religion without dozens of therapists and whatnot telling us it's dangerous and bull to remain committed to an abusive partner. WHAT ABUSE? These days people get divorced if somebody even looks at them funny! You know why my first therapist wanted me to get divorced less than 24 hours after I got married?

Because my wife and I had some small argument in front of her over God knows what because of course, 99.9% of your arguments you don't ever remember! Yeah. I'm going to end my marriage i JUST got into just because I had a spat that I don't even remember and if I did remember, WHAT'S ONE ARGUMENT! Is it REALLY worth getting divorced over one argument? There is ZERO reason for divorce outside of sexual immorality! I mean, come on!
.
I'm trying to step up and be a man. I'm trying to help my wife do her part but you have to get these stupid and dangerous femenisitic ideas out of her head! I don't know how to proceed. No therapist is ever going to tell me, so guess CF is the next best thing *eyeroll*

 

[ripple the car]

Imho CF is better than a secular therapist at this point. From what I am gathering, while years ago a good therapist would have worked with the couple to save the marriage, it seems like divorce is now viewed as the best option. That stinks.

Bring us and your pastor your problems, man. We’ll pray for you, and your wife.

 

[Albion]

Were these therapists all psychology goofballs, or were they pastors with credentials in counseling? The former are to be avoided like the plague, even though you have to be careful when seeking out one of the latter.

 

[Neostarwcc]

I'm trying my best to be a man and to man up but what also makes me angry sometimes is my wife. She has a great and supportive husband and she calls my actions unnecessary and selfish. Like I need to eventually fix her computer when I get the money. She calls it unnecessary and selfish and I'm like, what do I have to gain for fixing your computer? You're on it and on your cell phone all day you really know no other life so ofc you need it.

once our bankruptcy is final we can move on financially but it's like, our marriage needs so much work. It's like I'm the only one who has ever put work on our relationship. Jeanette is just so lazy and she's brainwashed by general society. Luckily she doesn't believe in divorce either or we'd be divorced a long time ago.

I don't know. We're just not happily married. I want her to let me step up and be a man and provide for her. I deeply love her and would do anything for her but... It's like she doesn't love me at all (I know she does. But it seems that way)

Or at least not the kind of love Jesus demands from us. Unconditional sacrificial love.

 

[Neostarwcc]

Were these therapists all psychology goofballs, or were they pastors with credentials in counseling? The former are to be avoided like the plague, even though you have to be careful when seeking out one of the latter.

The first one was a therapist here in town. As far as I know she's not religious or might be Buddhist idk. But I thought even in Buddhism divorce was a big no no. The therapist I'm seeing now though is an online therapist. It was $160 for the first month so I figured I'd give it a try. All I know is the therapist specializes in Trauma and I have PTSD so I thought it'd be a good fit. Honestly I should just get my therapy here for free lol. All you really do in therapy is talk and I talk non stop here lol.

But, part of the reason I have PTSD is my wife. So I guess he wanted to get rid of my triggers.

 

[Sparagmos]

This is starting to make me really angry. This is the second therapist that advised me to divorce my wife. It doesn't matter how much you tell them "I'm religious I don't want a divorce." Or how much you tell them "When I asked my wife to marry me that was my covenant with God to be with her forever." Or "when I made my marriage vows it was God I promised to be with her forever. I'm not getting divorced."

They don't care. They don't care about my vows or about me, instead they just want to tear my marriage apart and people wonder why I hate therapists and their atheistic ideas and practices.

The first therapist that told me to get a divorce, I wasn't even married to my wife for 24 hours! I was SO angry at her I asked my wife 5o leave the therapists office and I screamed at her for a good 10-15 minutes I was so massively angry and upset at her.

Why is it therapists just can't let go and think they have the answer to all your problems (because divorce is always the answer)... just.... idk I'm angry.

What happened to the days where men used to be men and not the pansies they are today? What happened to the days of a housewife and when married people respected each other? No! That exists no more, we just have to divorce each other left and right, have sexual encounters with random strangers, get pregnant than have no idea who the father is because there 35 different possible options? I mean, really? DNA tests wouldn't even be needed if we'd only cross our legs, find a person we love and want to be with and then solely only be with that person for the rest of our lives! I'm sorry this is just making me angry. We supposedly have freedom of religion in this country yet, we cannot PRACTICE our religion without dozens of therapists and whatnot telling us it's dangerous and bull to remain committed to an abusive partner. WHAT ABUSE? These days people get divorced if somebody even looks at them funny! You know why my first therapist wanted me to get divorced less than 24 hours after I got married?

Because my wife and I had some small argument in front of her over God knows what because of course, 99.9% of your arguments you don't ever remember! Yeah. I'm going to end my marriage i JUST got into just because I had a spat that I don't even remember and if I did remember, WHAT'S ONE ARGUMENT! Is it REALLY worth getting divorced over one argument? There is ZERO reason for divorce outside of sexual immorality! I mean, come on!
.
I'm trying to step up and be a man. I'm trying to help my wife do her part but you have to get these stupid and dangerous femenisitic ideas out of her head! I don't know how to proceed. No therapist is ever going to tell me, so guess CF is the next best thing *eyeroll*

You don’t sound mature enough to be married. You clearly can’t control your temper and you are not open to feedback.

 

[Sparagmos]

Imho CF is better than a secular therapist at this point. From what I am gathering, while years ago a good therapist would have worked with the couple to save the marriage, it seems like divorce is now viewed as the best option. That stinks.

Bring us and your pastor your problems, man. We’ll pray for you, and your wife.

It’s exceptionally rare for a therapist to suggest divorce early in therapy. It indicates that the therapist witnessed evidence of serious abuse.

 

[Neostarwcc]

It’s exceptionally rare for a therapist to suggest divorce early in therapy. It indicates that the therapist witnessed evidence of serious abuse.

Ma femme me maltraite, mais moi aussi.

Oops wrong thread! I said my wife does abuse me but I also sometimes abuse her too.

 

[musicalpilgrim]

Pray and read your Bible everyday, keep a journal of a Bible verse that speaks to you every day. Thank God for everything and bless him.
Speak only kindness to your wife.
I pray for you both. That the Lord will draw you together with strong ties of love and grant you both the rich experience of knowing Jesus with real certainty and clear understanding.

 

[ripple the car]

I'm trying my best to be a man and to man up but what also makes me angry sometimes is my wife. She has a great and supportive husband and she calls my actions unnecessary and selfish. Like I need to eventually fix her computer when I get the money. She calls it unnecessary and selfish and I'm like, what do I have to gain for fixing your computer? You're on it and on your cell phone all day you really know no other life so ofc you need it.

once our bankruptcy is final we can move on financially but it's like, our marriage needs so much work. It's like I'm the only one who has ever put work on our relationship. Jeanette is just so lazy and she's brainwashed by general society. Luckily she doesn't believe in divorce either or we'd be divorced a long time ago.

I don't know. We're just not happily married. I want her to let me step up and be a man and provide for her. I deeply love her and would do anything for her but... It's like she doesn't love me at all (I know she does. But it seems that way)

Or at least not the kind of love Jesus demands from us. Unconditional sacrificial love.

Do you guys ever get out of the house together? Like, for a walk, or stroll down to an ice cream joint or something? That might help.

 

[Neostarwcc]

Do you guys ever get out of the house together? Like, for a walk, or stroll down to an ice cream joint or something? That might help.

We used to go to Church every Sunday. I think the last time we've been out of the house though is a week or so ago we walked to the mailbox and back. We really are together 24/7 and that doesn't really help. I'm clingy and want to be with her all the time and she wants to be alone.

 

[renniks]

It’s exceptionally rare for a therapist to suggest divorce early in therapy. It indicates that the therapist witnessed evidence of serious abuse.

Arguing isn't abuse. It's normal.

 

[ripple the car]

We used to go to Church every Sunday. I think the last time we've been out of the house though is a week or so ago we walked to the mailbox and back. We really are together 24/7 and that doesn't really help. I'm clingy and want to be with her all the time and she wants to be alone.

You guys should get outside more often. It’ll likely help your mood, and hers, help you guys reconnect, and get you out in the fresh air. No devices, no phones, no social media, just take a walk together.

 

[Sparagmos]

Ma femme me maltraite, mais moi aussi.

Oops wrong thread! I said my wife does abuse me but I also sometimes abuse her too.

Why are you allowing this to continue? If you believe in male headship, you are responsible to take the lead to end the abuse. You say you don’t believe in divorce per God’s word, but the Bible is equally opposed to abuse. You can separate without getting a divorce if you want to stay married.

 

[Sparagmos]

Arguing isn't abuse. It's normal.

I didn’t say arguing was abuse. The OP says they abuse each other.

 

[renniks]

You guys should get outside more often. It’ll likely help your mood, and hers, help you guys reconnect, and get you out in the fresh air. No devices, no phones, no social media, just take a walk together.

One of the first things to go in a marriage is dating each other. I say this from experience and from my own struggle to stay close to my wife.
Take the time to go do things you both have an interest in, and even if you're not that interested, do it for her.

 

[ripple the car]

One of the first things to go in a marriage is dating each other. I say this from experience and from my own struggle to stay close to my wife.
Take the time to go do things you both have an interest in, and even if you're not that interested, do it for her.

I am also wondering if his wife (Jeanette) is spending an excessive amount of time online, or on Facebook. If she’s literally addicted to social media, video games, or her phone, that may not be helping things.

 

[renniks]

I am also wondering if his wife (Jeanette) is spending an excessive amount of time online, or on Facebook. If she’s literally addicted to social media, video games, or her phone, that may not be helping things.

Again, in my experience, either or both of us being on some computer screen all the time is detrimental to the relationship.

 

[Halbhh]

I'm trying to help my wife do her part but you have to get these stupid and dangerous femenisitic ideas out of her head!

You can't 'get these stupid_____ideas out of her head' by arguing against them, (even against something mistaken or wrong, much less something partly right).

Ideally, we'd do the opposite: try to appreciate the real thing, or truth, behind or in the point of view.

So, to try to appreciate what is true or good in the idea or behind it. Like for example: women are indeed equal, and indeed ought to be treated with respect as a total equal, and so on.

So, suppose a person says to me X ideas that have like 5 parts. 5 things are being said. Suppose I know that 1 or 3 of the things is mistaken. Ok. Instead of arguing with them about the mistaken part, I focus on validating to them the correct part, or the real thing deeper down or behind it.

Validating.

Why?

Because it tells the truth that that 1 true part is real and true. And it helps them get free, become un-stuck, and become able to move past it, to their own next step. If you can validate the real thing, or the true thing, then the person can begin to relax a little, stop fighting, and make progress, on their own.

Basically you can't fix your wife. But you can love her and accept her and then she can begin to heal or get fixed naturally. And best of all, just pray for her also.

 

[Neostarwcc]

You guys should get outside more often. It’ll likely help your mood, and hers, help you guys reconnect, and get you out in the fresh air. No devices, no phones, no social media, just take a walk together.

Not a bad idea I need to lose like 100 pounds at the very least.