What is the responsibility of a husband/father?

[Minoa]

My husband claims "not my culture" when it comes to helping with the cooking. I'd post in married forum but I am not even allowed despite my marital status in my account...but anyway:

In this era, it is hard for me to find the line in the grey area that is what is people's responsibilities, how serious and when we take them way too seriously, etc.

I have a 3 month old baby and people (even from his culture, minus they grew up here vs back in Taiwan) ask him "so you do some of the cooking?" "I guess you do a lot of cooking now?"
As if this is a normal thing to help a new mother. Except NOPE. My husband makes all kinds of excuses to avoid it.

My husband also is a save face type (just like in his "culture") and I even see him flat face lying to people from both church and not from church alike. I am always in this moral frustration to interject and correct him as if his memory is horrible because he makes himself sound like he does more than he ever does, or even pretends he totally agrees with someone's idea at small group. I told him they don't need his "affirmation" of their own thoughts, we are supposed to be REAL here.

He also called me useless for not packing his lunch box!
I am very dedicated to making the baby happy and want her to have good moral compass...but with him around, how can I? I have to do it in secret of what is and isn't a good man to marry. I feel at battle everyday of my life.

 

[Tanj]

I do all the cooking in my home, and there aren't any babies there either. Having said that:

Seek professional counseling.

You are clearly building up a grudge against your husband, and that never ends well.

 

[thecolorsblend]

Marriage is about joining together. It's a bit difficult to believe your husband showed no sign of this whatsoever before the wedding, tbh. A division of labor is mandatory. Everybody needs to do something to keep the house going. Having a job and paying the bills isn't enough. Somebody needs to cook. So (in my opinion) it makes sense for whoever doesn't cook to clean up afterward, no matter what "their culture" is.

Speaking of, people frequently use "culture" as a euphemism for "race". Is that the case here?

 

[ViaCrucis]

Seek professional counseling.

You are clearly building up a grudge against your husband, and that never ends well.

This.

-CryptoLutheran

 

[OldWiseGuy]

My husband claims "not my culture" when it comes to helping with the cooking. I'd post in married forum but I am not even allowed despite my marital status in my account...but anyway:

In this era, it is hard for me to find the line in the grey area that is what is people's responsibilities, how serious and when we take them way too seriously, etc.

I have a 3 month old baby and people (even from his culture, minus they grew up here vs back in Taiwan) ask him "so you do some of the cooking?" "I guess you do a lot of cooking now?"
As if this is a normal thing to help a new mother. Except NOPE. My husband makes all kinds of excuses to avoid it.

My husband also is a save face type (just like in his "culture") and I even see him flat face lying to people from both church and not from church alike. I am always in this moral frustration to interject and correct him as if his memory is horrible because he makes himself sound like he does more than he ever does, or even pretends he totally agrees with someone's idea at small group. I told him they don't need his "affirmation" of their own thoughts, we are supposed to be REAL here.

He also called me useless for not packing his lunch box!
I am very dedicated to making the baby happy and want her to have good moral compass...but with him around, how can I? I have to do it in secret of what is and isn't a good man to marry. I feel at battle everyday of my life.

Sounds like you are "unequally yoked" to this man, and that you are going to protect your child from his influence. Good luck with that.

 

[Phil 1:21]

What is the responsibility of a husband/father?

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4

“Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.” Colossians 3:21

"25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:25-33

"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

 

[Larniavc]

My husband claims "not my culture" when it comes to helping with the cooking. I'd post in married forum but I am not even allowed despite my marital status in my account...but anyway:

In this era, it is hard for me to find the line in the grey area that is what is people's responsibilities, how serious and when we take them way too seriously, etc.

I have a 3 month old baby and people (even from his culture, minus they grew up here vs back in Taiwan) ask him "so you do some of the cooking?" "I guess you do a lot of cooking now?"
As if this is a normal thing to help a new mother. Except NOPE. My husband makes all kinds of excuses to avoid it.

My husband also is a save face type (just like in his "culture") and I even see him flat face lying to people from both church and not from church alike. I am always in this moral frustration to interject and correct him as if his memory is horrible because he makes himself sound like he does more than he ever does, or even pretends he totally agrees with someone's idea at small group. I told him they don't need his "affirmation" of their own thoughts, we are supposed to be REAL here.

He also called me useless for not packing his lunch box!
I am very dedicated to making the baby happy and want her to have good moral compass...but with him around, how can I? I have to do it in secret of what is and isn't a good man to marry. I feel at battle everyday of my life.

If you are able too you should leave this guy if he is unable to change.

Else you run the risk of you and you child having years of unhappiness.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

If you are able too you should leave this guy if he is unable to change.

Else you run the risk of you and you child having years of unhappiness.

Or she could change. My wife left me because I wouldn't change. I'm doing fine, but her life is a wreck.

 

[Larniavc]

Or she could change. My wife left me because I wouldn't change. I'm doing fine, but her life is a wreck.

Any guy who is not working in partnership with his partner is no better than a parasite.

 

[Larniavc]

I'm doing fine, but her life is a wreck.

You must be very proud of your accomplishment.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

Any guy who is not working in partnership with his partner is no better than a parasite.

So if things aren't going well it's his fault?

 

[OldWiseGuy]

You must be very proud of your accomplishment.

Why not, I worked hard for them (with the help of Godly and conservative values).

 

[OldWiseGuy]

What is the responsibility of a husband/father?

If he's a Christian, to lovingly rule over his family.

 

[ViaCrucis]

What is the responsibility of a husband/father?

If he's a Christian, to lovingly rule over his family.

Christians don't rule, they serve.

-CryptoLutheran

 

[OldWiseGuy]

Christians don't rule, they serve.

-CryptoLutheran

That's how we rule. (It's a mystery to most.)

 

[ViaCrucis]

That's how they rule.

"Submit to one another out of reverence to Christ" is St. Paul's exhortation. If the husband thinks of himself as master, rather than servant; that he is owed something, rather than offering himself. If he thinks that his wife is supposed to submit to him, instead of that he is supposed to submit to her, then he is not serving, but lording.

The exhortation to be a servant is not a teaching which we use to tell others to serve us. It is the exhortation to us to serve others. This is applicable in all of our inter-personal relationships.

-CryptoLutheran

 

[OldWiseGuy]

"Submit to one another out of reverence to Christ" is St. Paul's exhortation. If the husband thinks of himself as master, rather than servant; that he is owed something, rather than offering himself. If he thinks that his wife is supposed to submit to him, instead of that he is supposed to submit to her, then he is not serving, but lording.

The exhortation to be a servant is not a teaching which we use to tell others to serve us. It is the exhortation to us to serve others. This is applicable in all of our inter-personal relationships.

-CryptoLutheran

You have it backwards. It's the wife's duty to "reverence" her husband, willingly. Just as it's the husbands duty to lead (rule) his family willingly.

"to reverence, venerate, to treat with deference or reverential obedience." Ephesians 5:33 (KJV). (Greek: reverence)

Husbands don't command wives to respect and obey them, God does. God has established husbands as the head of the family. Sadly many men today have abrogated this responsibility.

 

[ViaCrucis]

You have it backwards. It's the wife's duty to "reverence" her husband, willingly. Just as it's the husbands duty to lead (rule) his family.

"to reverence, venerate, to treat with deference or reverential obedience." Ephesians 5.

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. ... Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ." - Ephesians 5:1-2,21

This is followed by a series of examples of human relationships. Wives and husbands (5:22-33), children and parents (6:1-4) and slaves and masters (6:5-9). In each example Paul takes the social expectation (wives submitting to husbands, children to parents, slaves to masters) and also inverts each (husbands to their wives, parents to their children, masters to their slaves). So he commands husbands to submit and serve their wives, he tells parents to respect their children, and he commands masters to serve their slaves.

The Apostle is flipping the social architecture on its head here. Because the order of human relationships in the Church, as redeemed in Jesus, is not based on power but love.

Having a penis doesn't mean you are owed anything.
Having money doesn't mean you are owed anything.
Having status doesn't mean you are owed anything.
Having property doesn't mean you are owed anything.

You are owed nothing, instead you give everything. Now pick up your cross, follow Jesus, lay down your life and become crucified. Imitate the God who throws Himself away in love, having this same mind in you that was in Christ Jesus, who poured Himself out, emptied Himself, becoming a slave, and gave His life freely for all.

-CryptoLutheran

 

[Larniavc]

So if things aren't going well it's his fault?

In this particular case (i.e. the thread we are participating in, based on the information we have) YES.

It is his fault as he is a bad partner.

 

[Larniavc]

Why not, I worked hard for them (with the help of Godly and conservative values).

Gloating that someone I presume you at one point loved is doing worse than you?

Stay classy, San Diego.