What is the responsibility of a husband/father?

[Larniavc]

What is the responsibility of a husband/father?

If he's a Christian, to lovingly rule over his family.

Which worked out well for you?

 

[Par5]

So if things aren't going well it's his fault?

Well, if he is unwilling to help his wife around the house then he has to take some of the blame. Sounds like he is just a lazy lump using his cultural background as an excuse to sit on his ass. What kind of man would sit back and not help his wife when she needed help raising their child and doing household tasks? I would say it was a man who didn't truly love his wife. If he is not prepared to change and show his wife the respect she deserves, then she should show him the door!

 

[OldWiseGuy]

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. ... Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ." - Ephesians 5:1-2,21

This is followed by a series of examples of human relationships. Wives and husbands (5:22-33), children and parents (6:1-4) and slaves and masters (6:5-9). In each example Paul takes the social expectation (wives submitting to husbands, children to parents, slaves to masters) and also inverts each (husbands to their wives, parents to their children, masters to their slaves). So he commands husbands to submit and serve their wives, he tells parents to respect their children, and he commands masters to serve their slaves.

The Apostle is flipping the social architecture on its head here. Because the order of human relationships in the Church, as redeemed in Jesus, is not based on power but love.

Having a penis doesn't mean you are owed anything.
Having money doesn't mean you are owed anything.
Having status doesn't mean you are owed anything.
Having property doesn't mean you are owed anything.

You are owed nothing, instead you give everything. Now pick up your cross, follow Jesus, lay down your life and become crucified. Imitate the God who throws Himself away in love, having this same mind in you that was in Christ Jesus, who poured Himself out, emptied Himself, becoming a slave, and gave His life freely for all.

-CryptoLutheran

How do we interpret this instruction from Paul?

1 Corinthians 11:2-3 (KJV)

2 "Now I praise you, brethren, that ye remember me in all things, and keep the ordinances, as I delivered them to you.

3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God."

 

[OldWiseGuy]

In this particular case (i.e. the thread we are participating in, based on the information we have) YES.

It is his fault as he is a bad partner.

He does sound like a jerk. She should divorce him and find someone who will help with the housework.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

Well, if he is unwilling to help his wife around the house then he has to take some of the blame. Sounds like he is just a lazy lump using his cultural background as an excuse to sit on his ass. What kind of man would sit back and not help his wife when she needed help raising their child and doing household tasks? I would say it was a man who didn't truly love his wife. If he is not prepared to change and show his wife the respect she deserves, then she should show him the door!

Sad that her love for him is based on him becoming a housekeeper.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

Which worked out well for you?

Not really. My ex and I didn't share the same values. It was a bad match.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

Gloating that someone I presume you at one point loved is doing worse than you?

Stay classy, San Diego.

No gloating. I wish her well but I'm afraid her "die was cast" long before I met her.

 

[Larniavc]

Not really. My ex and I didn't share the same values. It was a bad match.

Fair enough. Please forgive my former abruptness.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

"Submit to one another out of reverence to Christ" is St. Paul's exhortation. If the husband thinks of himself as master, rather than servant; that he is owed something, rather than offering himself. If he thinks that his wife is supposed to submit to him, instead of that he is supposed to submit to her, then he is not serving, but lording.

The exhortation to be a servant is not a teaching which we use to tell others to serve us. It is the exhortation to us to serve others. This is applicable in all of our inter-personal relationships.

-CryptoLutheran

Exactly. Yesterday I helped a guy get his car out of a snow bank. If I hadn't 'taken over' ('ruled' over) the effort he might still be there. I had the tools and experience to take command of his vehicle and his problem and solve it very quickly. He understood this and allowed me to exercise 'authority' over the effort, putting himself at my disposal (under my 'command'). Working together thusly we got him out in short order.

Interestingly he initially waved me past declaring that he had the situation under control and 'help' was on the way (later when a neighbor did arrive, he was empty-handed of anything that would have been useful), but I perceived that he was in more trouble than he realized. He was a heavy man, in his mid forties, and even dressed lightly (bib overalls, t-shirt, and tennis shoes) he was sweating profusely, hair plastered to his head, t-shirt soaked, and clearly exasperated with his failed efforts at getting his car out of the snowy ditch.

Noticing this I felt that he might be in danger of a heart attack so I imposed myself into the situation. He immediately accepted my help and seeing my confidence, and a proper shovel (he was trying to shovel snow with a flimsy plastic snow shovel totally unfitted for the task), as well as some "traction boards" that I always carry he placed himself under my guidance, asking what he should do to compliment my own effort.

He thanked me profusely when we got him going again stating that "not many people would stop and help as you did". Apparently several had driven past him already and not offered help. That he initially waved me past might have been out of pride, or a personal reluctance to accept help. People are often like that.

The point is that unless he assented to my leadership I would not have been able to help him. I would have been limited to imitating his failed efforts, i.e. "the blind leading the blind" with both remaining in the ditch.

 

[zephcom]

My husband claims "not my culture" when it comes to helping with the cooking. I'd post in married forum but I am not even allowed despite my marital status in my account...but anyway:

In this era, it is hard for me to find the line in the grey area that is what is people's responsibilities, how serious and when we take them way too seriously, etc.

I have a 3 month old baby and people (even from his culture, minus they grew up here vs back in Taiwan) ask him "so you do some of the cooking?" "I guess you do a lot of cooking now?"
As if this is a normal thing to help a new mother. Except NOPE. My husband makes all kinds of excuses to avoid it.

My husband also is a save face type (just like in his "culture") and I even see him flat face lying to people from both church and not from church alike. I am always in this moral frustration to interject and correct him as if his memory is horrible because he makes himself sound like he does more than he ever does, or even pretends he totally agrees with someone's idea at small group. I told him they don't need his "affirmation" of their own thoughts, we are supposed to be REAL here.

He also called me useless for not packing his lunch box!
I am very dedicated to making the baby happy and want her to have good moral compass...but with him around, how can I? I have to do it in secret of what is and isn't a good man to marry. I feel at battle everyday of my life.

Take your baby, all the money you can put your hands on and leave him. You are being abused by your husband and it will never get any better.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

My husband claims "not my culture" when it comes to helping with the cooking. I'd post in married forum but I am not even allowed despite my marital status in my account...but anyway:

In this era, it is hard for me to find the line in the grey area that is what is people's responsibilities, how serious and when we take them way too seriously, etc.

I have a 3 month old baby and people (even from his culture, minus they grew up here vs back in Taiwan) ask him "so you do some of the cooking?" "I guess you do a lot of cooking now?"
As if this is a normal thing to help a new mother. Except NOPE. My husband makes all kinds of excuses to avoid it.

My husband also is a save face type (just like in his "culture") and I even see him flat face lying to people from both church and not from church alike. I am always in this moral frustration to interject and correct him as if his memory is horrible because he makes himself sound like he does more than he ever does, or even pretends he totally agrees with someone's idea at small group. I told him they don't need his "affirmation" of their own thoughts, we are supposed to be REAL here.

He also called me useless for not packing his lunch box!
I am very dedicated to making the baby happy and want her to have good moral compass...but with him around, how can I? I have to do it in secret of what is and isn't a good man to marry. I feel at battle everyday of my life.

I get the feeling that this child isn't his. Is this correct?

 

[SheldonCooper]

My husband claims "not my culture" when it comes to helping with the cooking. I'd post in married forum but I am not even allowed despite my marital status in my account...but anyway:

In this era, it is hard for me to find the line in the grey area that is what is people's responsibilities, how serious and when we take them way too seriously, etc.

I have a 3 month old baby and people (even from his culture, minus they grew up here vs back in Taiwan) ask him "so you do some of the cooking?" "I guess you do a lot of cooking now?"
As if this is a normal thing to help a new mother. Except NOPE. My husband makes all kinds of excuses to avoid it.

My husband also is a save face type (just like in his "culture") and I even see him flat face lying to people from both church and not from church alike. I am always in this moral frustration to interject and correct him as if his memory is horrible because he makes himself sound like he does more than he ever does, or even pretends he totally agrees with someone's idea at small group. I told him they don't need his "affirmation" of their own thoughts, we are supposed to be REAL here.

He also called me useless for not packing his lunch box!
I am very dedicated to making the baby happy and want her to have good moral compass...but with him around, how can I? I have to do it in secret of what is and isn't a good man to marry. I feel at battle everyday of my life.

I'd recommend divorcing him. Doesn't sound healthy in a psychological sense. He's showing signs of being mentally abusive as well as emotionally abusive. You could seek a marriage counselor for further analysis on this matter which would probably be the more sensible thing to do.

The role of a husband/father, contrary to popular belief, is actually not alpha. I'm not sure where you 2 live, but being a citizen of the United States we have lived in a patriarch type culture for as long as I can remember. Meaning that our society puts man at the head of a household. That is literally a genetic contradiction.

Women have the XX chromosome while Men have the XY chromosome. Genetically, women are the more dominant gender solely in the area of procreation. It is why women are very tempting to men and men are genetically weak in this area. However, what we lack in the area of coitus we make up for in logic/cognitive thinking. That's where the checks and balances come in. All that to simply say..

Men and Women were literally created to be equals.

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

Well, if he is unwilling to help his wife around the house then he has to take some of the blame. Sounds like he is just a lazy lump using his cultural background as an excuse to sit on his ass. What kind of man would sit back and not help his wife when she needed help raising their child and doing household tasks?

He sounds like a Conservative Christian to me. The woman must do all chores. And treat the husband like a King. Even if they both work full time. Even in her 9th month of pregnancy. He's the master and she's his property. Nothing is his fault and everything is the wife's fault.

 

[Minoa]

I get the feeling that this child isn't his. Is this correct?

Only had intimacy with him...I had no real bfs til age 25 and wanted to wait even longer now as this didnt turn out so great for all my waiting til then

 

[OldWiseGuy]

Only had intimacy with him...I had no real bfs til age 25 and wanted to wait even longer now as this didnt turn out so great for all my waiting til then

Sorry. It sounded like you were putting some space between him and your daughter so I thought she might not be his.