What is the percentage of good to bad men?

[PloverWing]

This may seem like a very odd question but I have not seen any good men in my life. My husband beat me, my brothers were friends with him moreso than me and my father was nowhere to be seen. To me the answer is 100% bad. At least for keeping me safe. What is your experience?

This is a horrible experience. I hope you are safely away from your husband's violence now.

My experience of the men around me -- at work, at church, and so on -- is that the majority of them are good, caring guys. Some genuinely go out of their way to help other people. Some were, unfortunately, raised in a time and subculture where explicit sexism was taught as good and normal, and they have trouble shaking free of these biases. But even these sexist guys usually aren't physically violent, in my experience. Domestic violence is real and awful, but I think it's a minority of men who engage in domestic violence.

I certainly don't look to men to keep me safe, and of course one is always careful and watchful, but I'm not usually afraid of physical violence in the presence of most men.

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

The same question can be asked about women I guess. I think more than ever in these Last Days is the need for biblical truth, God's word clearly shows us how to recognise narcissists and wolves in sheep's clothing and to avoid being unequally yoked. Also the need for all of us to no longer conform to the pattern of the world but be transformed as we renew our minds, as the scripture says (Romans 12:1-2). Kind Regards

If we speak of ethics and morals, a narcissist was undetected by me. My ex went from my best friend to a "husband" according to his old country ethics, overnight. I guess I should have seen it coming but I didn't. But ethics and morals should hold a biblical example. Do not eat or have anything to do with such immorality would be a good place to start, for my brothers at least. Anyway, I did hold my silence but it still bothers me, as I said. That is ethics I can relate to.

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

The odds seem to favour bad don't they. We are all good and bad at the same time. God doesn't distinguish between liitle bad and a whole lotta. So do you wish to ask where man draws the line at what is good and bad? Would the numbers change if we were to take into consideration what mankind actually thought even if they did not actually do a deed?

Jesus would think so.

 

[NBB]

I would say no higher than the percentage of bad/good women. Maybe life gave you bad men, to others bad women.

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

I would say no higher than the percentage of bad/good women. Maybe life gave you bad men, to others bad women.

There is not one good, no not one, so the scripture say. The Holy Spirit within each other in a mutual submission to that of our human spirit in His image is needful now more that ever.

Thanks for your reply.

 

[GTW27]

Blessings in Christ Jesus! How many men are truly willing to lay it all down before The Lord. How many men are truly willing to hand the keys to their life, to The Lord. I did this long ago. I used to be the worst of man. Every bad thing that could be mentioned about man, I was. I walked in the darkness. I did not know. There is a teaching and understanding that only The Lord(Holy Spirit) can give. This teaching involves knowing what is in man.(Gospel of John, Chapter 2, last sentence) "for He Himself knew what was in man." Once this is understood, it is much easier to understand why people do what they do. This is why Jesus said, "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do. It is also much easier to forgive them. When you see The Lord in a man, in all that he says and does, in public and in private then that is the closest thing to a good man. And that man will confess that this goodness is not of himself, but is of The Lord.

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

Blessings in Christ Jesus! ... When you see The Lord in a man, in all that he says and does, in public and in private then that is the closest thing to a good man. And that man will confess that this goodness is not of himself, but is of The Lord.

HuMan being male and female, I don't come close to being in public and in private the Image of God yet all the goodness that I have I have gotten from being with the Lord and is of Him. Thank you for sharing that GTW27

 

[Brad D.]

Don't get me wrong, I know there are good men out there but I am interested in the op question according to other females

I have been hesitant to answer this post as it seemed an incredibly painful process that perhaps from the above quote you were looking more from a feminine perspective. But I have been praying for your healing process. I hope this public confession has helped this process and not hindered it. I suppose at the end of the day if through all the hurts and pains we have in this life and the ones others inflict upon us we can still love Him and trust Him we have done well. And somehow if We can see His great love towards us through it all we have done even better. May He do those things in your heart only He can do, and may you come through the furnace better for it.

 

[timf]

What is the percentage of good to bad men?

Gen 18:32 And he said, Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak yet but this once: Peradventure ten shall be found there. And he said, I will not destroy it for ten's sake.

The percentage varies. It Sodom it may have been less than 1%

Our society used to have a higher percentage of Christians who actually tried to live their faith. This has been dropping dramatically.

However, it is probably not a good idea to only rely on a higher percentage, but to cultivate wisdom and discernment so that wrong choices can be reduced.

 

[Leaf473]

When the time is right for each of us, we may wish to consider,

Have you noticed how some people seem to find quality spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends? Others get one bad apple after another?

Some of it is luck, yes. But some of it is the people we unconsciously attract... and are attracted to.
The keyword is "unconsciously".

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

When the time is right for each of us, we may wish to consider,

Have you noticed how some people seem to find quality spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends? Others get one bad apple after another?

Some of it is luck, yes. But some of it is the people we unconsciously attract... and are attracted to.
The keyword is "unconsciously".

Lack of maturity to discern may be key also.

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

This is a horrible experience. I hope you are safely away from your husband's violence now.

Yes, long ago now.

My experience of the men around me -- at work, at church, and so on -- is that the majority of them are good, caring guys. Some genuinely go out of their way to help other people. Some were, unfortunately, raised in a time and subculture where explicit sexism was taught as good and normal, and they have trouble shaking free of these biases. But even these sexist guys usually aren't physically violent, in my experience. Domestic violence is real and awful, but I think it's a minority of men who engage in domestic violence.

It's such a closed world around a home. I don't think my brothers would have known if they didn't all live at my home at one time or another, But that just made me more uncomfortable that the reason they were living there was because of me but felt they owed him their loyalty.

I certainly don't look to men to keep me safe, and of course one is always careful and watchful, but I'm not usually afraid of physical violence in the presence of most men.

I wasn't talking about all men keeping me safe either. I just thought my brothers should not have been so friendly to him over me when we did split up or before. Like I said it was the hurtful feelings. God says to hold no grudges and forgive everybody everything, so just something that was a long time in forthcoming I guess.

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

I have been hesitant to answer this post as it seemed an incredibly painful process that perhaps from the above quote you were looking more from a feminine perspective. But I have been praying for your healing process. I hope this public confession has helped this process and not hindered it. I suppose at the end of the day if through all the hurts and pains we have in this life and the ones others inflict upon us we can still love Him and trust Him we have done well. And somehow if We can see His great love towards us through it all we have done even better. May He do those things in your heart only He can do, and may you come through the furnace better for it.

It's not an easy thing to discuss I must admit. Both persectives are welcome. Thank you for the prayers. I don't believe I'm alone in the process and as many have pointed out it's not a gender problem after all, but yes, it does feel good to discuss it even tho I lack many words.

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

What is
to cultivate wisdom and discernment so that wrong choices can be reduced.

I agree!

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

Agreed. To me, the following would go a long way towards domestic stability and fostering a healthy environment for children:

1. Mother and Father, each with their complimenting skills and functions.
2. Mother and Father submitting to each other mutually (e.g. Paul’s writings) while still acknowledging the headship of the Father.
3. Children raised to respect their parents (OT, Proverbs 10:1).
4. Children raised to model the example of their parents love for all, duty to all.

I would think that if you’re looking for a husband or wife, finding one that is explicitly committed up front to these ideals would be key. Most of these ideals are in fact the inversion of today’s accepted norms, to the detriment of all.

Why would these skills work over, say, a 2-parent working family (that most are) with no headship except the mutual submission to Christ? Roles unevenly divide work when both work outside the home. Love for all duty to all is a motto I'm unfamiliar with.

That may be going off topic.

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

This thread I started on General Theology Poor Christian teaching leading to young Christian girls being taken advantage of ? | Christian Forums has the same theme. I'm hoping it is part of the healing process and as Brad pointed out, being still in the fire is what the Refiner makes gold out of. Thank You Father!

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

Why would these skills work over, say, a 2-parent working family (that most are) with no headship except the mutual submission to Christ? Roles unevenly divide work when both work outside the home. Love for all duty to all is a motto I'm unfamiliar with.

That may be going off topic.

When I say no headship but Christ, I think that is where my best friend turned 'husband' went dreadfully wrong. I know he said it hurt him more than me to 'have' to do that. Weird. I know I lost respect for him immediately so maybe that was what he was trying to beat into me, I don't know. The bible says women are to respect their husbands so if leadership means anything it should be led by love and respect will follow.

 

[timothyu]

Have you noticed how some people seem to find quality spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends? Others get one bad apple after another?

Might it not depend on what the seeker has been taught about what love is?

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

When the time is right for each of us, we may wish to consider,

Have you noticed how some people seem to find quality spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends? Others get one bad apple after another?

Some of it is luck, yes. But some of it is the people we unconsciously attract... and are attracted to.
The keyword is "unconsciously".

Or perhaps just for the glory of God to be shown?

 

[Brother-Mike]

When I say no headship but Christ, I think that is where my best friend turned 'husband' went dreadfully wrong. He had the old country upbringing that was written in stone I wasn't aware that I had to bow to. I called it the god of masculinity. I remember asking him once what would happen if I actually did something wrong? kill me? harsh eh. But that's my recollection of it. Anyway, headship/husband were not what I married. I married my best friend that never learned how to treat his wife better. Maybe he thought that was love. I know he said it hurt him more than me to 'have' to do that. Weird. I know I lost respect for him immediately so maybe that was what he was trying to beat into me, I don't know. The bible says women are to respect their husbands so if leadership means anything it should be led by love and respect will follow.

My heart goes out to you Citizen in hearing how this unfolded for you, so please know that I share these thoughts here with love and respect... but with honesty too.

1. Any abuse as you've described above, regardless of faith or upbringing, is wrong and certainly not in keeping with anyone who correctly adheres to an "Image of God" humanity. I hope that in your situation you had people to turn to (church?) for help, and that they also didn't worship the same "god of masculinity". God knows if I ever saw a man abusing a woman in public (or vice-versa) I would be on him like the whirlwind.
2. Re. your earlier post today: those four points that I laid out represent, to me at least, something like a biblical and psychological ideal, which isn't to say that all relationships following these points are good, nor that all relationships not following them are bad. But, like so many issues today, nuance and subtlety seem to have been abandoned to tribal, dualistic thinking. So in this case, to state these might be "an ideal" equates to many (especially progressive leaning) as a hard indictment or even as a presumption that those holding to the ideal hate those who don't.
3. I wasn't necessarily making a comment on working versus stay-at-home moms, but if I was to cast my vote as to which model provides the most stable, attentive environment for children then I'd vote for the latter. Doesn't mean that latchkey-kids can't be raised correctly (look at me after all who can find fault here?) but all other factors aside, if I was aiming to maximize the wellbeing of the children, that's where I'd land.
4. Re. headship - to me this would function akin to a "nuclear option" that would rarely be relied on. A healthy, functional relationship between man and woman would be of utmost respect and mutual, careful decision making. Only in situations where it came down to a final impasse would the vote go to the man. The man should always prefer mutual agreement over headship-ruling, and the woman should always prefer to cede to headship-ruling over festering disagreement.
5. Re. "love for all, duty to all" - that just seemed right when I was typing. I'm sticking with it