What is the hardest thing about marriage?

[proverbswisdom]

Don't sugar-cat it. Be totally honest. I want to know what to expect and not hear the glamorous fairy tale side of things so that I can know whether marriage is for me or not and be adequately prepared if it is.

 

[dysert]

Don't sugar-cat it. Be totally honest. I want to know what to expect and not hear the glamorous fairy tale side of things so that I can know whether marriage is for me or not and be adequately prepared if it is.

You'll probably get a lot of different answers to this one, but I think for us it's mostly been merging our two individual dreams, goals, desires, etc., into one. For example, if one of us wanted children, but the other didn't. Or (on a smaller scale) if one of us wanted to build a new house but the other wanted to stay put. There are times when we want mutually exclusive things, and the challenge is to figure out how to resolve these separate desires as they occur.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

I'd say its realizing its not like you see in romance movies or other media. Its not a nonstop joyride of happiness. You will have ups and downs. You may have differences and even fights. Its not perfect.

 

[DZoolander]

What the last person said pretty much sums it up.

People are a complex mixture of tons of beliefs, attitudes, proclivities and experiences. When you're marrying someone - you're gonna run the gamut of how they (and you) react to millions of different types of situations. Sometimes it's great - sometimes it isn't. There's nobody that you're 100% compatible with - and in addition to the good times - there's gonna be times of friction.

The point is to be true to yourself - determine what you accept - and what you won't. I think that's the CRUCIAL thing in marriage. Not everything is bliss - nor are many things worth a fight. There are things that are blissful - and there may be things that you will not tolerate (hopefully very few). Defining those things and keeping them in mind helps you work through all issues.

Hope that makes sense.

 

[The Marquess]

The hard work that goes into a marriage and the need to hear and honor what your spouse wants or needs even if it's not something you're prepared to give. Marital selflessness is so difficult.

 

[iambren]

As it has been mentioned, marriage is a whole lot more "meat and potatoes" rather than a joyride. Sooo I think the challenge is for each of you to keep growing as individuals, not taking each other for granted, not going stagnant or bored. Keep it fresh.

 

[SiyoNqoba]

Putting him before myself all the time.

I am heavily pregnant, and often would love to spend the day doing absolutely nothing. But he is working full time as well as studying to be an EMT, and he has a major exam on Tuesday. I've resolved to give the house a complete tidy up, so that he can study and relax without worrying about the mess. All I want to do is sit down and relax, and I have to remind myself that I'm doing it for my husband.

A lot of stuff like that happens all the time. That's the hardest part - not being able to be selfish all the time.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Putting him before myself all the time.

Blessings to you. It does seem hard for many woman to do that. I know as I guy its hard for me to accept my fiance (soon to be wife) has to be submissive. But I accept it because its what God commands.

 

[SiyoNqoba]

Blessings to you. It does seem hard for many woman to do that. I know as I guy its hard for me to accept my fiance (soon to be wife) has to be submissive. But I accept it because its what God commands.

You'll have to put your wife before yourself, too. Remember that Christ, who is the head of the Church, died for her

 

[Cre8iveMom]

I agree with the above posters, marriage is not like a movie! It isn't always exciting and romantic. (dishes, laundry, housework, kids...) However I think some of the hardest parts of relationships is while dating.
It's sometimes difficult to get to know the person you are getting involved in and developing feelings for. You can get too caught up in the together time, the movies, the dates, the fun things. It's butterflies when they're around.
Make sure you take a step back and REALLY know who this person is! Ask questions- lots of questions. And be honest and up front with them and yourself. You don't want to go into a marriage with someone you think you know. Don't pretend to like things just so they will like you more, it may come back to bite you later.
Look at other people's marriages and relationships around you, make sure of the things that you want and don't want in your marriage or in your spouse. It is much easier to get along and be on the same page in a marriage if you already know how the other person will react in situations, and what they expect out of you and the relationship as a whole.

My marriage is not problem free by any means, but we have very strong bonds and convictions. I tried to look past all the good feelings and butterflies and get to truly know who it was I was getting close to. I found out that he and I wanted the same things and believed the same things. I asked lots of questions and left no stone un-turned. I have no regrets and a happy married life! This was also a great piece of advice given to us..."Never stop being newlyweds!"

 

[LinkH]

Blessings to you. It does seem hard for many woman to do that. I know as I guy its hard for me to accept my fiance (soon to be wife) has to be submissive. But I accept it because its what God commands.

It's a good thing to accept before you get married. I believed in it theoretically, but paid little attention to it until late in marriage. Then my wife and I had to kind of rework that aspect of our relationship. It's better to discuss it before marriage and in the early stages of marriage. John Chrysostom preached an ancient sermon on marriage which has some good advice on this topic.

 

[LinkH]

Don't sugar-cat it. Be totally honest. I want to know what to expect and not hear the glamorous fairy tale side of things so that I can know whether marriage is for me or not and be adequately prepared if it is.

For me, I would say it was going so long without getting married. It would have been good to meet her right out of college or right after I got my first decent-paying job, but it may have just been a matter of God's timing.

Let's see-- hard things. Dealing with in-laws can be hard...for both of you. Even if someone has great in-laws, it can still be hard to get used to the change in relationship dynamics. If there is a controlling mother-in-law on either side, that can create tension. My mom was never controlling, but there could still be some tension early on-- not arguing, but my wife wondering what my mom meant by certain comments, and stuff like that. They really get along well now, though. My wife's in-laws are from Asia, and they expect money from their kids sometimes in their culture, which was an adjustment for me.

For me as a man, something that was hard was figuring out how to lead. It wasn't hard in that I struggled with it. I just didn't have a clear vision of what to do, and so I didn't do it, and didn't think much of it. If I had it to do over again, early in our marriage, I would have laid out some expectations in regard to issues like headship and submission, respect and respectful behaviors, sexuality, division of finances, and discussed them with my wife. I could also have had regular daily times of prayer with my wife beyond prayer before driving somewhere and prayer before eating... for example, at bedtime.

I would imagine submitting to a husband could be difficult for some women, especially those raised in a culture that despises the concept. It is important though. It does help keep peace in the home. If you embrace the concept now, it will help you choose a husband. If you have in mind you want someone you can submit to in leading the home, that may help you filter out some who would not be a good husband for you. It's better to have that mindset now instead of choosing a man who isn't as good at leading, you take over, and then realize that was wrong and try to reverse things, then you end up following someone who isn't leading you in a good direction.

 

[Verve]

To be honest, I don't think there is anything really too difficult about marriage.

However, I will be honest when I say that I had amazing Christian mentors who were beautiful examples of how a Christian marriage should work.

The submission bit can be difficult for some, but I'd advise a study on submission for anyone...married or not.

One piece of advice that has really stuck with me is that as a couple who is devoting ourselves to be yoked together is to remember our real authority and test any argument by His Word.

This idea is summed up for me in a simple way by a woman who I consider a real inspiration.

"We don't have fights. We have TIFs."

TIF = Time of Intense Fellowship

That being said, one of the hardest things about marriage can be having good communication.

If you can start out with things on the right track it is much easier to maintain then deal with the issues that come from a poorly kept relationship.

 

[Hetta]

Don't sugar-coat it. Be totally honest. I want to know what to expect and not hear the glamorous fairy tale side of things so that I can know whether marriage is for me or not and be adequately prepared if it is.

I don't believe that every marriage is the same, so it would depend on you and the person you choose to marry as much as anything.

For me, the hardest thing was giving up my own life, because it is not your own life any more. You are irrevocably tied to another person, and you are in it for keeps. So, you must take this absolutely seriously. Any thoughts like "well if it doesn't work out .." - don't marry if you have those thoughts. My life isn't my own, and neither is my husband's life his own. Our lives are tied together. That's wonderful, but also sometimes a little suffocating. I sometimes need to get away from it for a little while - not doing any wrong, but just being myself as I remember myself as a free teenager. This could be spending a few hours getting a manicure and pedicure, meeting some female friends for dinner, etc. You have to keep some elements of your own life, because otherwise you can be absorbed to where you don't exist any more. This is even more so when there are children. So, "pleasing yourself" is a thing of the past! That, I think, is fundamental.

 

[Nerd Girl Supreme]

The selflessness required to make it work and last. The grand disillusionment that becomes apparent once you can reflect on marriage vs dating lol. Learning to treasure the sacrifices required to stick with it for life. Resigning yourself to seeing the toilet seat up for the next 50 years

 

[CounselorForChrist]

You'll have to put your wife before yourself, too. Remember that Christ, who is the head of the Church, died for her

It's a good thing to accept before you get married. I believed in it theoretically, but paid little attention to it until late in marriage. Then my wife and I had to kind of rework that aspect of our relationship. It's better to discuss it before marriage and in the early stages of marriage. John Chrysostom preached an ancient sermon on marriage which has some good advice on this topic.

Defiantly. Me and my fiance talk about it often. Where as alot of couples I know that are in long distance relationships don't talk about it. So submission is so random with them.

Learning to treasure the sacrifices required to stick with it for life.

Thats one thing I notice alot of newly weds don't seem to do. They think "Whats mine is mine, whats yours is yours!". Thats not a marriage. You become one for a reason. You share and sacrifice.

Resigning yourself to seeing the toilet seat up for the next 50 years

I've learned from watching my parents that as a man DO NOT argue about the toilet seat. Not unless you like sleeping on the couch. ^.^

 

[crimsonleaf]

I complain about my wife leaving the toilet seat down ALL the time. Will she listen?

 

[Nerd Girl Supreme]

I've learned from watching my parents that as a man DO NOT argue about the toilet seat. Not unless you like sleeping on the couch. ^.^

If anyone has the magical solution to getting your husband to listen.. I'd love to hear it lol. Asking nicely doesn't work. Asking nicely repeatedly doesn't work. I know complaining, nagging, threatening, withholding, poisoning, etc, definitely don't work. What's left??

I complain about my wife leaving the toilet seat down ALL the time. Will she listen?

I always figure that the seat needs to be down for 3/4 of "activities" done in the bathroom and only needs to be up for 1/4 of said activities. And I am not going to list them here, lol. Therefore, statistically, the seat should remain down

Beyond that, I am completely grossed out by open toilets. I put not only the seat down, but the LID down. Research shows that flushing with the seat/lid open spews all sorts of bacteria into the air and onto every surface within about 6 feet of your toilet, which could include things like bath towels and toothbrushes I wish someone would have compassion on me and just keep the stupid lid down lol. Public bathrooms are even worse; there's no lid!!!

 

[dysert]

If anyone has the magical solution to getting your husband to listen.. I'd love to hear it lol. Asking nicely doesn't work. Asking nicely repeatedly doesn't work. I know complaining, nagging, threatening, withholding, poisoning, etc, definitely don't work. What's left??



I always figure that the seat needs to be down for 3/4 of "activities" done in the bathroom and only needs to be up for 1/4 of said activities. And I am not going to list them here, lol. Therefore, statistically, the seat should remain down

Beyond that, I am completely grossed out by open toilets. I put not only the seat down, but the LID down. Research shows that flushing with the seat/lid open spews all sorts of bacteria into the air and onto every surface within about 6 feet of your toilet, which could include things like bath towels and toothbrushes I wish someone would have compassion on me and just keep the stupid lid down lol. Public bathrooms are even worse; there's no lid!!!

I'm with you (and I'm a guy!). Both my wife and I prefer to keep the LID down (after the "activities", of course). I don't know why this has to be a big deal with anyone. It's a very simple process and only takes about 2 seconds of your life.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Beyond that, I am completely grossed out by open toilets.

I only use the bathroom at home. Even then I inspect it for stuff because of my germ phobia. I never...ever use a bathroom when out. Public restrooms are just nasty (although womens I hear are nightmarish). I will use a friends bathroom only if I have to.