What is the hardest thing about marriage?

[madaz]

Don't sugar-cat it. Be totally honest. I want to know what to expect and not hear the glamorous fairy tale side of things so that I can know whether marriage is for me or not and be adequately prepared if it is.

Marriage can be like anything else, frustrating and hard at times but I believe if you have patience, honesty, trust, love and above all clear communication you can make any marriage relatively easy. I believe nobody can actually be adequately prepared for marriage but there certainly can be glamorous fairy tail moments, they are very real. Keep in mind that a marriage needs both of you to make it work but it only takes one of you to end it.
My wife and I recently celebrated 22 years together on 12/12/12.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Congrats on 22 years! My parent celebrate their 35th on Dec 20th.

 

[crimsonleaf]

If anyone has the magical solution to getting your husband to listen.. I'd love to hear it lol. Asking nicely doesn't work. Asking nicely repeatedly doesn't work. I know complaining, nagging, threatening, withholding, poisoning, etc, definitely don't work. What's left??



I always figure that the seat needs to be down for 3/4 of "activities" done in the bathroom and only needs to be up for 1/4 of said activities. And I am not going to list them here, lol. Therefore, statistically, the seat should remain down

Beyond that, I am completely grossed out by open toilets. I put not only the seat down, but the LID down. Research shows that flushing with the seat/lid open spews all sorts of bacteria into the air and onto every surface within about 6 feet of your toilet, which could include things like bath towels and toothbrushes I wish someone would have compassion on me and just keep the stupid lid down lol. Public bathrooms are even worse; there's no lid!!!

I'm joking of course. I've been trained to put both the seat and lid down, and to NEVER pull the flush without the lid down (because of the toothbrush thing).

In fact, I'm a model husband in far too many ways to list here, but modesty precludes me from saying so.

 

[motherprayer]

The hardest thing about marriage is compromise. We have to learn how to be a unit, and to put the unit at a higher priority level than any one part. This is also the most rewarding thing, if done correctly.

 

[sdmsanjose]

Settleling for less

When you find out your spouse's short comings; the ones that affect you the most then
accepting them and still be giving

 

[crimsonleaf]

The hardest thing about marriage is accepting that there are now two wills in the household not one, and that each will is equally worthy of consideration. MotherPrayer is right about compromise, but compromise doesn't mean the will of one person will always trump the will of the other. It's possible that only one of the partnership is doing the compromising, which is unhealthy. It's a two way street, so both parties have to fully understand that and be fully open with each other.

After 41 years together we have it sussed. My wife makes all the minor decisions, like where we live, what schools the kids go to etc. I get to make the major ones, like should we attack Iran, will we put a man on Mars, should the UK withdraw from the European Union. It seems to work for her at least.

 

[dobson67]

Crimsonleaf pretty much said what I would have said.

 

[sdmsanjose]

BY Crimsonleaf
The hardest thing about marriage is accepting that there are now two wills in the household not one, and that each will is equally worthy of consideration. MotherPrayer is right about compromise, but compromise doesn't mean the will of one person will always trump the will of the other. It's possible that only one of the partnership is doing the compromising, which is unhealthy. It's a two way street, so both parties have to fully understand that and be fully open with each other.

After 41 years together we have it sussed. My wife makes all the minor decisions, like where we live, what schools the kids go to etc. I get to make the major ones, like should we attack Iran, will we put a man on Mars, should the UK withdraw from the European Union. It seems to work for her at least.

I really enjoyed your post

My wife also makes the minor decisions like how many children we will have, what house we live in, her retirement date. I get the big ones like when to take the cars in for an oil change, what tools I buy, and what brand of lawn mower we buy.
Ok that was my attempt a being a comedian.

We both make decisions that are big. Sometimes we argue over that but in the end we both consider each other. The part about the two wills is so true.

CrimsonLeaf
Congratulations on the 41 years!
We will celebrate our 44th in few days
I am just waiting for her to tell me what I have to buy her!
Hee Hee

 

[crimsonleaf]

We will celebrate our 44th in few days
I am just waiting for her to tell me what I have to buy her!
Hee Hee

Congrats to you too. You will inevitably lose the battle and not buy her anything. Then, two days after the event she'll tell you that in 1979 she dropped a massive hint about something which you still haven't got her. It's something she's always wanted. When you ask her what it is she'll just say "Guess", and that will keep you busy until your 45th, when the whole process will start again.

 

[Meadows1024]

The hardest part for.me is cleaning up after my husband. I can have the house perfectly clean, the 5 minutes later there are dirty dishes laying around, along with dirty clothes. I struggle with getting myself motivated to.clean as it is, that just makes it worse.

 

[crimsonleaf]

The hardest part for.me is cleaning up after my husband.

Don't clean up after your husband. He's already done it once and it's soul-destroying not to be appreciated.

I can have the house perfectly clean, the 5 minutes later there are dirty dishes laying around, along with dirty clothes.

Then pull yourself together woman, especially after all the cleaning work your husband's done. Make sure your dirty clothes are in the wash basket. He's probably had a hard day and won't want to see them.

I struggle with getting myself motivated to.clean as it is, that just makes it worse.

So you said. Have you considered therapy?

 

[Meadows1024]

Don't clean up after your husband. He's already done it once and it's soul-destroying not to be appreciated.



Then pull yourself together woman, especially after all the cleaning work your husband's done. Make sure your dirty clothes are in the wash basket. He's probably had a hard day and won't want to see them.



So you said. Have you considered therapy?

Um...this makes no sense, but thanks. My husband and I both work 40 hours doing the same things at the same workplace. It's not MY stuff that has to be cleaned up. I clean up after myself, it's hard to keep up with him sometimes. If I left the mess, the house would be horrible all the time.

 

[J0hnSm1th]

For me the hardest thing is communication. To be honest and open enough in what you say that the truth is in your words. Yet to be gracious and considerate enough that your words don't wound your spouse. This gets harder as the years go by. The times you don't quite manage it causes a small cut. These cuts build up such that something which would have once been trivial can become the last straw.

 

[Joshua0035]

will we put a man on Mars

Clearly we should put a women on Mars and a man on Venus. I just do not see why or how we could consider anything different from that.

 

[crimsonleaf]

Um...this makes no sense, but thanks. My husband and I both work 40 hours doing the same things at the same workplace. It's not MY stuff that has to be cleaned up. I clean up after myself, it's hard to keep up with him sometimes. If I left the mess, the house would be horrible all the time.

I wondered if you'd guess the whole thing was meant to be humorous so I added the smilies. Never mind, that's English vs American humour.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Thinking about it more I think the balance between loving your spouse and loving God makes it hard. Some spouses love God so much that they don't really seem to care about you. Its like your just something living with them. Where as other spouses love the spouse so much that they forget about God often. So you have to find a good balance. God will never leave you, but a spouse can if they feel like you don't show them any love.

 

[pappastratos]

The wedding is the easiest part of marriage, dont make it hard, sex is easy, do what comes natural, Hardest part ?? is MONEY,

 

[Aunt Bee]

Being Self-Less

 

[cerette]

I think the hardest part is trying to be fair and please two sets of families when it comes to holidays, grandkids and what not!!

 

[cerette]

I wondered if you'd guess the whole thing was meant to be humorous so I added the smilies. Never mind, that's English vs American humour.

I got such a good laugh out of it!!!