At best, you are two different people with the same goal and different ways of getting to it.
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What is the hardest thing about marriage?
- Thread starter proverbswisdom
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Niffer
So...that just happened.
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Loving when they're unlovable
Forgiving when they're not repentant
Giving grace and being understanding when you feel short tempered and justified.
The hardest part about marriage is controlling my own reactions and realizing it's not about how *he* acts, but how *I* respond and how Christ told us to.
Peace,
~ Niffer
Forgiving when they're not repentant
Giving grace and being understanding when you feel short tempered and justified.
The hardest part about marriage is controlling my own reactions and realizing it's not about how *he* acts, but how *I* respond and how Christ told us to.
Peace,
~ Niffer
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CounselorForChrist
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Thinking about it more I find another hard part is not being sucked into another persons views as an american. I hear WAY to many stories of a husband or wife that starts to hang around a different crowd then he/she normally does and he/she ends up changing because of that crowd.
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One of the hardest things is change. And I don't mean trying to change your spouse, but realizing when God needs to make a change in you.
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AmericanSamurai
the super dry member
I thought marriage was all about having a great time and having fun with your spouse and also lots of *WINK WINK* you know...
You mean to tell me that's not it?
You mean to tell me that's not it?
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And most often it isn't, (like a movie) I wish they would tell you that in pre-martial counseling. I remember my first argument with my husband I thought it was the end of our marriage. I cried for days!
It was financial and sexual for us. which it is for most marriages. The sexual part was due to his depression, the financial part was due to irresponsibility. Even though we went to counseling later in the marriage, it was to late. We both just kinda gave up.
It was financial and sexual for us. which it is for most marriages. The sexual part was due to his depression, the financial part was due to irresponsibility. Even though we went to counseling later in the marriage, it was to late. We both just kinda gave up.
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CounselorForChrist
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Actually alot of people marry expecting to change their spouse in many ways. If people go into it thinking that then will be disappointing. While everyone grows as they age, trying to change them to meet what you think is perfect is a bad idea. Most of the women online at dating sites had ridiculous list of what the perfect man was to them. Being christian was obviously one of the things. But the rest were things having nothing to do with being a christian. Body type, height, hair color, weight...etc
I tell people its not impossible to marry someone that you dreamed of having. BUT God knows who we actually need and often its not always exactly how we wanted the person to be. I trust Gods decision to bring me someone more then I do my own decision.
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I thought marriage was all about having a great time and having fun with your spouse and also lots of *WINK WINK* you know...
You mean to tell me that's not it?
Too funny!
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Stealth001
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Observer
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Putting the other person ahead of yourself, prioritising them and their feelings above your own... near impossible for some people lol. My husband and I have had major difficulty doing that. We feel the need to defend ourselves against each other, rather than put each other first. That can be a very hard state to achieve in marriage... selflessness. You can easily feel neglected and disappointed in a marriage, because we're all human and get selfish sometimes.
Also, agreeing on decisions in life... financial issues, jobs, cars, houses, children?
Also, agreeing on decisions in life... financial issues, jobs, cars, houses, children?
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CounselorForChrist
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Life. Life is the hardest thing. Married or single there will always be things testing you. So in marriage the tests can have bigger effects on your lives together depending on how the trial is responded to. Aside from that I'd say children are the hardest thing.
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Inkachu
Bursting with fruit flavor!
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I know that parenting is just one of many phases of marriage, but I'm gonna throw co-parenting in there! When one parent has one set of child-rearing expectations, and the other parent has another, it is a powder keg waiting to spark lol. I know that it's a lot more difficult for me, because my husband just came into our family a few years ago, so he hasn't been fathering my son since he was born. But honestly, learning to be a family, and co-parent this child, is the hardest part of my marriage. When it's just my husband and myself together, it's sooooo much easier. Toss in the struggles of a 13 year old, and sometimes it's like I'm living in an insane asylum. What's so hard is that I NEVER had any problems with my son until now; raising him was a breeze, and was so much fun, I loved every minute of it. And now it's like these two great relationships (me + son, and me + my husband) have collided, and they can't seem to mesh, and it's just a constant mess of messiness. And I'm on the side thinking "It's SO easy to love both of you, why can't all three of us get along together??"
Anyway.
Anyway.
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Wandering Cat Lady
Tins the Chocoholic
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For me the hardest thing is remembering to remember my spouse. I love him to death but my first thought is rarely about him...so it takes concentrated effort. I have to remember that what he does should not be all about me and what I want. I have to remember to lay myself completely down at times. I have to remember that expectations are often not reality and not even healthy. Some are, but some aren't. Sometimes I don't like being married because what I wouldn't do for the bed to myself or a life where I don't have to take him into account. But the blessing I get from being married is outweighing my faults against it. The blessing I am getting from having my husband in my life is immense.
I also struggle when we are complete opposites on things...when I want him to support me and he can't...even down to small things like being at a concert, I will be up and jumping around with everyone and he will look like he's at a funeral. I have to contend with the looks I get from people and the overall feeling that he doesn't enjoy being with me at that. Have to overlook his weaknesses or differences and realize that at the heart he loves me, cares for me, supports me, and is my perfect mate.
Hard to do. Went into the marriage expecting him to be my everything, expecting him to understand all of my quirks and to just accept them. Am almost 7 years into it and realizing that him asking me to change some things has been good...that if he doesn't accept my behaviors, it's not because my bad behaviors should be accepted, but because they need to change. It's challenging but worth it.
I also struggle when we are complete opposites on things...when I want him to support me and he can't...even down to small things like being at a concert, I will be up and jumping around with everyone and he will look like he's at a funeral. I have to contend with the looks I get from people and the overall feeling that he doesn't enjoy being with me at that. Have to overlook his weaknesses or differences and realize that at the heart he loves me, cares for me, supports me, and is my perfect mate.
Hard to do. Went into the marriage expecting him to be my everything, expecting him to understand all of my quirks and to just accept them. Am almost 7 years into it and realizing that him asking me to change some things has been good...that if he doesn't accept my behaviors, it's not because my bad behaviors should be accepted, but because they need to change. It's challenging but worth it.
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Hm... we are about to be going on our one year anniversary, and to be honest with you, this year has been so wonderful with my husband.
I have really learned that change will bother you, if you let it. Before my husband, I had never lived with another man (he hadn't lived with a woman). So, when we came together, it was really just about adjusting to each others habits and ways. That is really all I can think of.
Marriage is so beautiful. I'm sure that there will be many hard things ahead of us but, in the end, as long as my husband is right there by me, as me with him, everything will be fine. The Lord has allowed us to be husband and wife and my passion is to serve my husband and honor him.
I have really learned that change will bother you, if you let it. Before my husband, I had never lived with another man (he hadn't lived with a woman). So, when we came together, it was really just about adjusting to each others habits and ways. That is really all I can think of.
Marriage is so beautiful. I'm sure that there will be many hard things ahead of us but, in the end, as long as my husband is right there by me, as me with him, everything will be fine. The Lord has allowed us to be husband and wife and my passion is to serve my husband and honor him.
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NothingIsImpossible
Well-Known Member
Living like your a couple and not single. Many habits from someones single life often carry over into the marriage and you have to learn to nip those in the butt before they stress the marriage out. Learn to say your sorry after a fight no matters whos fault it is because being prideful kills a marriage.
Realize your going to have some diffrences at some point. Whether its what movies you like, what you like to do for fun or even what you want for dinner. This also means you have to learn to sacrifice sometimes. Also learn to talk alot because not talking can cause stress. Just try not to go overboard like picking on every super tiny flaw because no one is perfect. By that I mean if your spouse tends bite their nails, don't grill them on it no matter what your feeling is on it.
Its ok to bring it up of course but its not the end of all things if they do it. Your going to have diffrences. Just like you are going to have fights. Sometimes big fights that may make you feel like you should have not married. But if your strong then you both will make it through everything.
Realize your going to have some diffrences at some point. Whether its what movies you like, what you like to do for fun or even what you want for dinner. This also means you have to learn to sacrifice sometimes. Also learn to talk alot because not talking can cause stress. Just try not to go overboard like picking on every super tiny flaw because no one is perfect. By that I mean if your spouse tends bite their nails, don't grill them on it no matter what your feeling is on it.
Its ok to bring it up of course but its not the end of all things if they do it. Your going to have diffrences. Just like you are going to have fights. Sometimes big fights that may make you feel like you should have not married. But if your strong then you both will make it through everything.
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DianePerez
Member
As per me adjustment is the most difficult or you can say that hardest part of marriage. Standing in the exceptions of others is also a very hardest thing to do. When a new member comes to our life then we have take lots of responsibility, we have to take the responsibility which is very tough for most of the couple.
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