Evening everyone. I've had this problem for several years now.
I have been blessed and cursed, I have enjoyed and suffered through two miracles that God has given me. I'll explain.
I have been going to the same church for ten years or so. Never have I ventured to another since. But for an annual tradition, a separate branch invites our and several other youth congregations to sleep over for a couple of days. Every year I went with my friends and we messed around, and acted like the kids we were.
A two years ago, I had gotten separated from my clique. I forget why, but I ended up wandering around the other church's game room. There were two girls and two guys playing volleyball at the end. I casually came over started a conversation about volleyball with them.
My attention shifted to the girls, and the guys excused himself. I hit it off great with one of the girls.
In other words, I hit on them.
I considered that to be a miracle in itself because if you knew me as well as I do, I'd be the last person to pull off something as smooth as that. I can barely hold a conversation with half my friends, and I'm extremely bad at starting conversations.
But on that day, at that moment, I felt like I knew exactly what to say, when I had to say it, to be able to draw in two young ladies from their guy friends without creeping them out. There was literally a funny feeling in my forehead right before I went to talk to them that day.
That one girl and I really came off great. Every day for the next couple of days we would meet in random areas of the church and just talk. Now I realize I fell in love with her. But back then I just thought my atomic-level G had finally been born, and I was a player at heart. But then she told me, on the last day, that she was moving. Far away. (4 hours, but to a high school kid back then, 4 hours by car might as well have been on the moon)
I remember being as crushed as a stupid freshman could be. I moaned, cried, but I got over it, especially after an expulsion took my mind off of things.
And then, three years passed. I got used to a new school. I had stopped going to the youth congregation meet, and decided for old time's sake to stop by. The same game room. The same separation from my friends. I sat, watching a group of five other kids play ping pong on the table and make necklaces. The table now replaced the indoor volleyball net.
And God! Praise the Lord and my God is a cruel God! That same feeling crept in my head! Like a pleasant headache; I came up to them and started a dialogue with them. I had no idea what I was doing, it was just that they reminded me of that girl from so long ago. From them, I learned, to my complete shock, that they were the friends of those girls past, and that she was doing fine, working to help villages in China then.
I want to illustrate impossibility of this event. There were hundreds of teens at this event. Of which, I meet the only 5 people who still remember the same girl God guided to me once before, at the same time that God invokes within me the power of Gs and pimps everywhere, in the exact same place, after three years.
I'm sorry for the long back-story. I said, back at the top, that I have been blessed, and I have suffered through two miracles. I say I was blessed because these two miracles have convinced me without a doubt there is God. I was slipping away from Christianity back then, and I know for certain if I were not presented with the overwhelming evidence of not one, but two miracles concerning the same person, at the same place, at the same time, that I would have given up my faith long ago. (Hell, two miracles is almost overkill, but then again, one miracle could just be written off as dumb luck)
I say I was cursed, because now this girl has consumed my thoughts. And it hurts like a B----. I was overcome at first, with the realization that the girl from so long ago could have been my destined partner. it is true Ive never met anyone more beautiful, that I enjoyed being around more, and has taken an interest in me.
the second wave of thoughts that hit me is that I met this amazing person, and she was taken away from me as I got to know her. If you would think that because she left my life from circumstances out of my control, that it would make it better, it doesn't.
and the third realization is that God must have planned this. God planned for me to be pained by someone I once gave up as lost. God wanted me to meet that girl, so long ago, to get to know her fleetingly. He also wanted me to meet the only people that would bring her back into my thoughts out of hundreds. What if that G-power had hit while I was walking to the restroom, or reading, or brushing my teeth or something? Hell.
i've come to the conclusion that God has something planned for me. But what? the message is incomplete. I feel like I'm acting out the part of a love-struck fool in a cheap, C-list romance movie, and we're midway through. Please, I need help. I can feel this problem eating at me, every day.
Almost as bad is the self-disgust i have for myself, constantly.
I look at myself in the mirror, and I see an idiot who is killing himself over a girl that he talked with for less than ten hours, FIVE YEARS AGO. I have no doubt that she would be horrified to know that there is anyone out there in the world who is so keenly interested in her.
Every day, I pray. I apologize to God for letting a girl take priority over him. I apologize to her, for putting her in a supremely uncomfortable and awkward position, even if she doesn't know it. I pray for help. I pray for guidance. I pray for God to just hurry up and let me know what He is trying to say.
That I have written a small book, on the internet, pleading for help, should illustrate how desperate I am. Thank you, for reading through this, and helping out a fellow Christian in his petty life troubles.
I'm sorry for the long post.
I have been blessed and cursed, I have enjoyed and suffered through two miracles that God has given me. I'll explain.
I have been going to the same church for ten years or so. Never have I ventured to another since. But for an annual tradition, a separate branch invites our and several other youth congregations to sleep over for a couple of days. Every year I went with my friends and we messed around, and acted like the kids we were.
A two years ago, I had gotten separated from my clique. I forget why, but I ended up wandering around the other church's game room. There were two girls and two guys playing volleyball at the end. I casually came over started a conversation about volleyball with them.
My attention shifted to the girls, and the guys excused himself. I hit it off great with one of the girls.
In other words, I hit on them.
I considered that to be a miracle in itself because if you knew me as well as I do, I'd be the last person to pull off something as smooth as that. I can barely hold a conversation with half my friends, and I'm extremely bad at starting conversations.
But on that day, at that moment, I felt like I knew exactly what to say, when I had to say it, to be able to draw in two young ladies from their guy friends without creeping them out. There was literally a funny feeling in my forehead right before I went to talk to them that day.
That one girl and I really came off great. Every day for the next couple of days we would meet in random areas of the church and just talk. Now I realize I fell in love with her. But back then I just thought my atomic-level G had finally been born, and I was a player at heart. But then she told me, on the last day, that she was moving. Far away. (4 hours, but to a high school kid back then, 4 hours by car might as well have been on the moon)
I remember being as crushed as a stupid freshman could be. I moaned, cried, but I got over it, especially after an expulsion took my mind off of things.
And then, three years passed. I got used to a new school. I had stopped going to the youth congregation meet, and decided for old time's sake to stop by. The same game room. The same separation from my friends. I sat, watching a group of five other kids play ping pong on the table and make necklaces. The table now replaced the indoor volleyball net.
And God! Praise the Lord and my God is a cruel God! That same feeling crept in my head! Like a pleasant headache; I came up to them and started a dialogue with them. I had no idea what I was doing, it was just that they reminded me of that girl from so long ago. From them, I learned, to my complete shock, that they were the friends of those girls past, and that she was doing fine, working to help villages in China then.
I want to illustrate impossibility of this event. There were hundreds of teens at this event. Of which, I meet the only 5 people who still remember the same girl God guided to me once before, at the same time that God invokes within me the power of Gs and pimps everywhere, in the exact same place, after three years.
I'm sorry for the long back-story. I said, back at the top, that I have been blessed, and I have suffered through two miracles. I say I was blessed because these two miracles have convinced me without a doubt there is God. I was slipping away from Christianity back then, and I know for certain if I were not presented with the overwhelming evidence of not one, but two miracles concerning the same person, at the same place, at the same time, that I would have given up my faith long ago. (Hell, two miracles is almost overkill, but then again, one miracle could just be written off as dumb luck)
I say I was cursed, because now this girl has consumed my thoughts. And it hurts like a B----. I was overcome at first, with the realization that the girl from so long ago could have been my destined partner. it is true Ive never met anyone more beautiful, that I enjoyed being around more, and has taken an interest in me.
the second wave of thoughts that hit me is that I met this amazing person, and she was taken away from me as I got to know her. If you would think that because she left my life from circumstances out of my control, that it would make it better, it doesn't.
and the third realization is that God must have planned this. God planned for me to be pained by someone I once gave up as lost. God wanted me to meet that girl, so long ago, to get to know her fleetingly. He also wanted me to meet the only people that would bring her back into my thoughts out of hundreds. What if that G-power had hit while I was walking to the restroom, or reading, or brushing my teeth or something? Hell.
i've come to the conclusion that God has something planned for me. But what? the message is incomplete. I feel like I'm acting out the part of a love-struck fool in a cheap, C-list romance movie, and we're midway through. Please, I need help. I can feel this problem eating at me, every day.
Almost as bad is the self-disgust i have for myself, constantly.
I look at myself in the mirror, and I see an idiot who is killing himself over a girl that he talked with for less than ten hours, FIVE YEARS AGO. I have no doubt that she would be horrified to know that there is anyone out there in the world who is so keenly interested in her.
Every day, I pray. I apologize to God for letting a girl take priority over him. I apologize to her, for putting her in a supremely uncomfortable and awkward position, even if she doesn't know it. I pray for help. I pray for guidance. I pray for God to just hurry up and let me know what He is trying to say.
That I have written a small book, on the internet, pleading for help, should illustrate how desperate I am. Thank you, for reading through this, and helping out a fellow Christian in his petty life troubles.
I'm sorry for the long post.
