What is forgiveness anyway?

[TomTD]

Hi,
Could someone explain what they believe is meant by the words 'forgiveness'? Does it involve pretending something never happened? Putting yourself in a position to be hurt again? I know that in christianity we're supposed to forgive each other "70 x 7" i.e., indefinitely, but what does that mean in practice? And what if forgiving someone opens up the recurring possibilityof them harming others (at least in your own opinion?)

As you can probably tell, this isn't an abstract argument... I'm currently in the middle of a rather sticky family situation where one person is taking a christian line (I think) but I'm not convinced that blanket allowance of things to happen is altogether the best solution.

Any views would be very welcome!

Cheers, Tom.

 

[ps139]

My short answer: Forgiveness is realizing that you are no better than anyone else, and that you are susceptible to sin just as they are. Forgiveness is, "You made a mistake, I still love you." Only God has the power to forgive because He makes the rules and He never sinned...God has no need of being saved. He is salvation.
To not forgive is to elevate yourself above the offender.
Of course, only a true confession/repentance can receive true forgiveness.
Forgiveness of an action is not to be equated with tolerance or acceptance of that action. While we forgive the person, we can never say, "your sin is not bad." That is the rationale behind the saying "Love the sinner, hate the sin."

 

[blessed2]

I'm not the wisest person here or the most spiritually mature but I'd like to share my thoughts on forgiveness and what God revealed to me.
Now as per God....His forgiveness of our sins...yes. He says that he casts our sins away....into the sea's of His forgetfulness. Thank God that He is God!!!! I wouldn't be good at it. lol

As for us, here goes.
God said to Forgive...but he didn't say that it'd be easy.
I was the casuality of a teen marriage that ended by the time I was about a year old.
When I was 4yrs. my mother met and married a man that she knew only 11 days.
He was an abusive man to both of us.
He beat her.....would drag me out of bed to make me watch him beat her...and the abuse didn't stop at that. He was abusive in every way imaginable...mentally, physically, emotionally and sexually.
I was sexually abused. Once, when I was 4yrs...he and my mother was arguing. To hurt her, he went after me. He ripped the clothes off me and jerked the cord off the tv and beat me from my neck to my ankles till I stood in my own blood...I couldn't even cry any more....you know that short sharp gaspy sound children make after a hard cry, that was all I could do. I experienced that and so much more....so many unmentionable things until they sold me to my real father, whom I really didn't even know, for $1000 when I was 9yrs old.
I stuggled for 30yrs over my childhood. Every area of my life was effected...a tone in the voice, a smell, anything could trigger those memories and it was like experiencing it all over again..the memories, nightmares. It effected how I responded to my husband, my anger and internal suffering effected my children....and it effected my spiritual life.
Being a christian and loving the Lord with my whole heart, I wanted to do what He asked of me more than anything and He said: forgive. Scripture after scripture about it and it tore me apart.
How could I forgive when I still suffered so...still felt it so strongly?
I prayed and prayed...Lord, I know you want me to forgive but I don't know how...help me....help me.
I was ashamed because He gave all to me and I struggled to do what He asked...ashame that I wished death on my step father...I could hide that from God...He knew....I'd cry in the night about that.
"Oh Lord, how can you love me, you know how I feel...is my heart so wicked? You know my heart better than I, am I really so wicked as that? How can I ask your forgiveness?"
That night He revealed to me my true heart in a dream.
I dreamed that I was in a car with my stepfather and he was tormenting me, threatening my life and holding a gun on me. (this was his way of gaining power over us) Remarkably, I decided that I was not going to be afraid anymore. I pulled the car over and told him that and if he killed me, he killed me. I got out and started walking off through a field....I heard the shot and with sudden certainty knew that he had shot himself....I was at once horrified and filled with sickening grief.
I woke up sitting jolt upright with my hands shot out in front of me screaming aloud "NO!"
God revealed my true heart...
I didn't really want him dead....I wanted him changed...different.
I realized that God's plan of forgiveness is not just for "them" but for us.
All those years of suffering and anger did not hurt him but it was killing me.
The Lord said that whatever we bind in heaven would be bound and what we loose...etc.
I had him bound in my unforgiveness...God couldn't work in his life to effect changes in him....and I was bound in it too. As long as I harbored that unforgiveness God couldn't heal my wounds....the unforgiveness kept them fresh.
And here's the deal....He said forgive, he never said that I had to give them opportunity to abuse me further and I don't but I have released that to God....I will remember what happened but I can talk about it now and it lacks the emotional punch in the stomache that it once had...I don't suffer it anymore.
Shortly after, he called me and asked for my forgiveness and I could say that I already had...and I hear that my mother is now a christian.

 

[shprdslamb7]

To not forgive is to elevate yourself above the offender

Yes, to not make yourself judge, jury and executioner when there is only One worthy of those titles.

Wow, blessed...what a testimony! That is really what forgiveness is about.

Forgiveness is not really for the other person, but, for ourselves. It frees us from the hurt. We can grow so in the Lord when we forgive.

But, we are not to be doormats because of it.

Really good thread.

 

[Rafael]

The Bible says that we have to forgive or we will not be forgiven. Pretty simple in statement, but not so easily lived. Going to God with our hearts and praying for His power to change our hearts might be the only way we can forgive in certain situations. I've seen it done, and have experienced having hard feelings dissolve only after asking God to help me with them - not just one time but many.

 

[Ragman]

Forgiveness is a loaded word. It is a "relational" word and an active word. At its most basic level forgiveness implies to make one whole and to restore one into right relationship in love. When the Bible says that "God forgives us" it does not mean that God "only" sets aside our sins or pretends they did not happen, but that because of our sins God works to make us whole, to restore us and to make us able to be in right relationship with Him.

Therefore for us to forgive others is not to pretend they have not wronged us but to work with love to make them whole and restore them. This means to be honest with them and ourselves and lovingly not forgetting about their capacity to do wrong, but not to reject them because they have done wrong and are capable of doing it again and again.

RM

 

[TomTD]

Thank you all for your thoughts....blessed2 especially. I'll mull them over for a while.
Tom.

 

[blessed2]

Tom,

know that there are many here that will be here for you and support you through whatever it is that your going through.
Please feel free to pm if you need an ear or some support.
I don't know what you may be struggling with but God does and I'll be praying that He helps you through it.
Love in the Lord, Laura

 

[hogrifle]

Forgiveness is; After knowing that "the wages of sin is death", walking up to the place of your execution, approaching that summit where a waiting cross is coldly stepped atop it, crying out to God desperately for mercy and then discovering that the cross is already blood stained. The executioner bluntly replies, "This cross has already served it's death purpose. IF it is YOUR cross, then you are now free to go."

 

[GL2814]

Forgiveness is God cleaning the slate clean.

 

[TomTD]

So how much of forgiveness is a 'state of mind' - not being hung up on whatever happened - and how much is practical? Is it possible to forgive someone, but still decide that it would be better not to see them again? Or would that be a contradiction in terms?

Tom.

 

[Carico]

No, I do not believe it would be a contradiction! It would be foolish to undertake friendships with untrustworthy people. I can understand and feel for people who are lost and can't help themselves. I have nothing but pity for them. But befriending people who are not only not nourishing to me, but dangerous would be throwing pearls to swine.

 

[shprdslamb7]

So how much of forgiveness is a 'state of mind' - not being hung up on whatever happened - and how much is practical?

I'm not sure what you mean by practical. Like Laura said, when you truly forgive someone, you can think about the wrong they committed against you and not have that little "knot in your stomach".

The second question? I think Carico answered it quite well.

 

[Thunderchild]

To forgive is to cancel a debt (emotional or physical, real or imagined). Most commonly, forgiveness is granted on the basis of pre or post conditions. (repentance, perhaps, or maybe just the claim to be sorry.)
There is no particular injunction to forgive in circumstances where there is no reason to believe that an offence will not be repeated.

 

[SolomonVII]

In the Lord's prayer, it may be worthwhile noting that our own forgiveness from God is contingent on our willingness to forgive others who have hurt us.

As Blessed2's testimony so poignantly demonstrates, when love becomes the basis of our relationships with other people,we discover that vengeance is not our deepest desire, but only that the transgressor repents. Forgiveness is a demonstration of the restorative power of God's love. It frees us from the bondage of hatred, and allows us to heal. I pray that this is so.

 

[Irocc]

Could someone explain what they believe is meant by the words 'forgiveness'? Does it involve pretending something never happened?

This is what I think forgiveness is; not holding somethg against someone.
In as after they've hurt you and you've forgiven them, you no longer have hate or malice or whatever for them. I believe there's a peace that comes after one has forgiven; and that kinda makes it better than when you haven't forgiven someone.
Coz as long as you hold somethg against that person, seeing them will be enough to bring the pain back again.
I don't know if this is making sense
What do you think