Through out my life, ever since I was little, I was (and am) very sensitive to the other realm, so to speak. If someone hated me, I can tell because I'll get physically sick, usually a stomach ache. I can tell whether a person is talking about me or not (have confronted and got accurate results) can tell how a person feels about me (Adjusted my temperament and got results), can tell how a person is feeling about themselves. There are other examples, but I want to keep it simple and continue with the story.
It was when I was fifteen... I moved to another room of my house. My family and I, we were all Christians, but we weren't the type who believed in demons or bad spirits. After moving to this room, I couldn't sleep at night, all morning I felt tired, unless out of the house, I felt unnaturally afraid of the Bible,I started using a lot of curse words, I was drawn to angry rap music, I was always sick, and couldn't pay attention when studying in that room, I would get unreasonably angry with God, was unnaturally intensely disturbed by horror movies, I would hear negative thoughts and voices, and almost every night that I managed to sleep, I would have sleep paralysis. It was a horrible time for me. Even when I prayed, I just felt that my heart was hardened, I couldn't pray effectively. My mind was literally in a 'cloud' of depression and hate, no matter how hard I tried (trust me I really tried many times and tried hard), I couldn't get out of it.
Now looking back, I am sure that there was a bad spirit or maybe even a demon in that room. But for two to three whole years I didn't suspect it, chalking everything up to depression ( I had an almost abusive mom in my childhood. I'll tell you how I managed to be free from it, and it was also how I came to know that Jesus is very real, I mean I was a Christian , but Jesus always seemed like this semi real being nobody could touch to me, something out of a faraway myth.
I was seventeen, I started seeing a name everywhere I turned, (not a hallucination, but more like an omen, with which I would be reading a book and that name would always pop up in the text, or reading a newspaper article with the name written in it or seeing a movie with the character with that name, like when we read a bible verse and we'll know that God wants to speak to us through it, you know? That feeling?). Of course I didn't think much of it. I was, still am, very practical by nature , I didn't easily believe in spirits and other worldly beings influencing our lives. So I didn't think much of it. Another thing I think worth mentioning is that I went to a tuition center, and on a paining on a calendar on the front desk was of a face of a woman. (I'm a girl but this wasn't a romantic attraction- more like a person or a best friend I'd admire, or find that I can relate well with). The face captured my attention because it was a face with a lot of character. There are many pretty faces, but few have character in their faces.
Anyway, I saw the name (it is Elizabeth, in case you need to know) and then I saw the face, and I saw these for a few months before seeing the person in real life. I was at home at night and again I couldn't sleep as usual, so I called my boyfriend at that time (now my ex) and he offered to drive me around the city. We drove around and ended up going to an all night cafe. I didn't know why but I had an unexplainable aversion to the shop. AND it was in this shop where I saw the woman.
Before continuing with the tale, I would like to point out something: my life is weird. Whenever I have an unexplainable aversion to something, I end up loving the said thing a lot if I give it a chance and try it out. Case in point: when my dad first introduced me to Star Wars, I didn't even give it a chance before thinking it was silly and I had an aversion to it. But once I gave it a chance, Star Wars became my favorite franchise. Another example, when I went to college, I didn't know which church to choose from. My friend had given me a list of churches. There was one church I from the get go wrote off cause I didn't like the sound of it, but I called every number and nobody picked up, except the church I wrote off, and to this day it is still my fav church. One last example: in high school, the first day I met my best friend, but at first I hated her for no reason, and then when I got to know her, she is now my best friend forever.
To continue: i had an aversion to the cafe but I didn't want to trouble my boyfriend so I went and sat in. We sat where it was hard for other people to see us, on the top floor in a corner, but although it was hard for people to see us in this spot, we could see a lot of the shop clearly. My boyfriend wanted to go and check out the shop next to it, but I didn't want to move so I sat at that corner to wait for him. Then this group of young expats entered the shop and they couldn't see me but I could see them. I listened to their conversation cause I had nothing else to do, and I looked at them, then suddenly I noticed the woman, her friend called her by her name, Elizabeth, and her face... it was the one I saw on the calendar. I was hit by a severe sense of deja vu (more severe than any I've had) and I kept watching them. The more I saw them I was a little... confused because of the familiarity I saw in this person and the way she behaved, was very like me. I felt like I was looking at myself. She didn't look like me in features, although our facial symmetry (or lack thereof actually) was very uniformed, and so was out facial bone structure, but I don't know how to explain this... our expressions and impressions and actions, intimations in voice , gestures, etc were too similar to just ignore. They were joking around and then I learned that she was a Christian too. I wanted to introduce myself but my boyfriend came back and said he wanted to go.
I went back then but after that... I didn't feel the same anymore...I didn't think of that woman anymore, but I felt like the 'cloud' hanging over my head was gone, inside me, I was so at peace. My spirit was joyful. I remember thinking, 'wow God is real! This is what Heaven must feel like!' It was unlike anything else, very spiritual, I felt it in my being, and I was so sure I knew then God was real, Jesus was real and that He really died for my sins. For the first time in my life, the magnitude of His sacrifice was so REAL to me. My senses were sharpened, I was able, for once in a really really long while, to be totally, completely, entirely in the present.
This spiritual high lasted for a few weeks, and then it gradually came down, and then I think the bad spirit in my room OR assigned to my soul was fighting for me. I started seeing things in the dark, I felt bad things with me. I would feel a whirlwind on the crown of my head, I would see things in the dark if I squinted, (once I saw a huge man but with the head of a lion, not of a man) and it was scary. Things started becoming weirder. Other people who weren't Christian (I was in an asian country at that time of this happening) would give me odd looks and look at me like I'm dangerous when I past them, but I think this was because people from pagan religions can sense when the Holy Spirit was near (I believe that the feeling I got was the anointing of the spirit, although idk why the woman served as a certain trigger.) And I saw black birds in the sky, so many of them, all shapes, sizes, when my family and I were dining at an outdoor restaurant. It was a swarm of them, quite scary, I know I didn't imagine them because my brothers saw them too.
I told my father prayed all this, and so he prayed. I don't know what he prayed, because he always said that 'knowledge is his god', but he prayed, and all these things disappeared. They all went away, thank God.
I'm posting this here because 1) I want to know your take on my story, what was it that really happened?
2) I would like to ask, what was that woman to me? Because, although i forgot about her, fate kept showing and sending to me people who look like her, or sending circumstances which made me wonder about her, as if to remind me. I was thinking, perhaps she may be a good friend to me in the future? Or like a mentor?
3) What types of spiritual gifts do I have, if any? I have told a number of my christian friends about this, but they only said that I have a 'sensitivity' to the spirit world, didn't give me much revelation.
Thanks for reading all of this. I know that what I disclosed was very personal, I hope you won't misinterpret my meaning. If you are unsure about anything I've told you, please ask. I am quite certain someone will give me a good view on this because many here seem to have similar experiences and are more familiar than I am about these things. My family don't believe in all these things, they would rather not talk about it, and it's quite hard to find someone who do know about this things, who is not very busy. If you need anymore info, please ask.
God bless.
Also, I think I have a gift of discernment, but I haven't been able to hone it until now, I just MAY (fingers crossed) have found someone to guide me sort of. And please pray for me... I'm struggling with a family who is very messed up but doesn't want to admit it, and I keep running back to them because I love them and don't ever want to give up on them but the facts are that they are simply poisonous to my spirit. I can't tell the whole story here as it will rail this post off topic, just please pray for me that God will send the right people into my life to help me with this family issue (not to mend them, because I've really tried everything and I have given up on them), pray that He'll send someone who will love me in their place, and send someone to guide me in my spiritual gifts. Please don't judge me for this problem with my family... you don't know how hard I tried and how many times I just got attacked back for all my efforts and thinking I'll never bounce back again. Regards.
