what does it really mean to be "my brother's/sister's keeper"?

[lambkisses]

Whoa. I always think I'm immature, I mean I know all the DC Comics characters, The Shadow, etc, but I just listen to them on the radio/podcast. I had no idea you were dealing g with all this.

To be fair to him normally it is a blast. Just some times it can be a head ache

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

exodus 23:4-5

obviously this girl isn't an ox or a donkey, but not only did this guy not help to restore this girl back to her parents whom he knew, but basically decided to harm these people by encouraging their daughter to run away.

this flies in the face of the command to love your neighbor. Jesus didn't give the example of the beaten man on the road not being the Samaritan's responsibility.

 

[Victory-N-Christ]

A couple days ago there was another major stir in the family that made me wonder what exactly does it mean to be "my brother's keeper". Right now every one in my family is furious with my husband.
On Wednesday I was out running errands with my mother when I received a panicked call from my sister in law that her 16 year old, my step niece, didn't show up at school. (Don't worry all, she was found 6 hours later with her boyfriend but that is immaterial to my issue, although we do praise God for delivering her).
Of course my mother and I are concerned so we start calling every one we know to see if they could help look for her. Naturally the first person I call is my husband. When I called him and told him what happened he told me to "relax, because I just missed her by half an hour". So I asked him where she went and he told me that he didn't know and that she told him she was leaving home.
Upon hearing that my reaction was pretty much:
"She's doing what? ! And you didn't think to call me or her mother? ! You just let her go? ! You didn't even ask where she was going? !", and so forth. That's when my mom swung the car around and we both headed to my husband's office. On the way we managed to call my father, my brother, and my sister in law so we all arrived at my husband's office at the same time.
Naturally my sister in law was hysterical, her 18 year old had just recently left home and is estranged from the family and now this. She was shouting and screaming and demanding to know where her baby girl was and what my husband knew. It was so bad that my husband's boss made us all go into my husband's office and close the door. So this is what my husband told us:
He said that about an hour before we all got there, my step niece showed up at his work and was wanting to see him or the "Companions". So they got my husband and he asks her what's up and why isn't she in school. He then said that she told him that she wants to leave home and that she knew she could trust him so she came to see him for a small loan to "start her new life". At this point every one's reaction was "WHAT THE HELL, YOU DIDN'T THINK YOU NEEDED TO CALL HER PARENTS? YOU GAVE HER MONEY AND SENT HER ON HER WAY? WHAT KIND OF ADULT ARE YOU? " . He then told every one to "relax" abs he didn't just "give her money and send her on her way". He told us that he told her that it was "Dangerous to go alone" so he gathered his "Companions" and ordered each one of them to "give her an item of power which would aid her in her spirt quest". Right here you would have thought that of 7 grown adults (the 6 "Companions"plus my husband) some body would have stepped up and said that maybe they should call the parents or a truant officer, but no. Instead one of the girls pulled out a cell phone and started recording and every one of them gave her a nicknack for her quest. From what my husband said, corroborated on video that was shot, she received from the Comoanions: a coffee mug, a handful of rubber bands, a fidget spinner, a granola bar, 2 highlighters and a zippo. And all the while you can see that all 6 of them were snickering and joking. Then my husband said that he took her out to his truck and allowed her to select one item out of the back. He said that she chose a machete, so that's why it's unfair for us to accuse him of just sending her on her way. That's when my father erupted and was all like "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? ! YOU GAVE HER A MACHETE?! AND LET HER LEAVE? " . My husband then cooly replied to him that even at the beginning of a video game they always start you off with one weapon a few items so he didn't see what the big deal was. My sister in law then chimed in that the "big deal" was that he turned a 16 year old, who should be in school, loose with out any real concern for her wellbeing or that of her family. That is when my husband told her that her daughter "wasn't his problem". Now everyone was shouting and my brother and father demanded to speak to the "Companions" so my husband opened the door and blew into a hunting horn and all six of them piled into the office. Again the questions of where she's went? Why did you let her leave? were asked and the answers were pretty much we don't know, we don't care this isn't our problem. He added that this is a relatively safe area and that since she is white she"will be fine " and that she will most likely come back when she gets hungry. My husband then said that he was expecting vendor to come meet him so he couldn't spend any more time on this but if we wanted help to look for her, he would let us have 2 of the Companions but I would need to take them to the house so they could "saddle up" (my husband still wasn't taking this seriously ). My sister in law then laid into him saying that he is the most immature insensitive a hole she had ever met and that he would be held accountable if anything happened to her little girl. He then retorted that he was sure that the bang up job she was doing as a mother had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that her older daughter is a basket case and that now her younger one ran off too. My sister in law was about to jump across the desk to hit him but she was restrained by the two female Companions. My husband then had us all thrown out.
Luckily we found her a few hours later when the parent of one of her friends called.
That night when my husband got home we had a long discussion about this. Basically he justified his actions with, "I don't like your sister in law, her daughter isn't my problem, so I have no responsibility or duty towards her". I tried to remind him if the story of Cain and Able and how God was displeased when Cain asked if he is his brother's keeper. My husband says that what displeased God was Cain's wrath and envy. And he said furthermore he nor I are even blood related to my sister in law or her daughters so the Cain and Able example doesn't apply.
This is what got me to thinking what does it mean to be one's keeper? Did my husband shirk his duty as my step niece's "keeper" did he have a responsibility as her keeper? Did his Companions have a responsibility? I am speaking of responsibility in a biblical sense.

"Companions"?? I got stuck right there.

 

[lambkisses]

"Companions"?? I got stuck right there.

I have talked about them at length in other posts. Basically, my husband is engineering manager at a company owned by his best friend's dad, and his "Companions", (as in Companion Cavalry) are a group of his subordinates whom he gives special treatment to. Those guys pretty much are a group of cronies who do whatever he says both at work and outside of work. For what whatever reason my husband really identifies with Alexander from the Reign the Conqueror Manga so he has formed is group of buddies to mimic Alexander and his Companion Cavalry. And for whatever reason those guys have gone along with it to the point where they have allowed my husband to rename them, as in they actually answer to those names whenever they are dealing with my husband, each other, and people my husband knows. In this group of "Companions " there are 4 young men and 2 young women, the guys are: "Ptolomy ",Cleatus", "Phylotos ", and "haphaestion" the two girls are "Euryidice " and "Cassandra". They take this little game of make belive, which I don't like being a part of, really seriously that they do not acknowledge me when I use their real names. In fact the girl who answers to "Eurydice", whom I became friends with, whom wants me to attend church with her, absolutely will not answer to her real name even when it is just me and her. For a while she even refused to use my real name, and keep referring to me as "Roxxane" despite me telling her I didn't want to participate in their little game.

 

[Victory-N-Christ]

I have talked about them at length in other posts. Basically, my husband is engineering manager at a company owned by his best friend's dad, and his "Companions", (as in Companion Cavalry) are a group of his subordinates whom he gives special treatment to. Those guys pretty much are a group of cronies who do whatever he says both at work and outside of work. For what whatever reason my husband really identifies with Alexander from the Reign the Conqueror Manga so he has formed is group of buddies to mimic Alexander and his Companion Cavalry. And for whatever reason those guys have gone along with it to the point where they have allowed my husband to rename them, as in they actually answer to those names whenever they are dealing with my husband, each other, and people my husband knows. In this group of "Companions " there are 4 young men and 2 young women, the guys are: "Ptolomy ",Cleatus", "Phylotos ", and "haphaestion" the two girls are "Euryidice " and "Cassandra". They take this little game of make belive, which I don't like being a part of, really seriously that they do not acknowledge me when I use their real names. In fact the girl who answers to "Eurydice", whom I became friends with, whom wants me to attend church with her, absolutely will not answer to her real name even when it is just me and her. For a while she even refused to use my real name, and keep referring to me as "Roxxane" despite me telling her I didn't want to participate in their little game.

Hi there. Thanks for explaining the meaning behind the "companions" .I've never read any of your other posts describing them.

 

[lambkisses]

Hi there. Thanks for explaining the meaning behind the "companions" .I've never read any of your other posts describing them.

I know it sounds silly, the first time I met those clowns in real life I didn't believe it myself. Seriously, I have been a full in receptionist at his job and I am constantly getting calls from vendors and clients wanting time speak to "Ptolomy" and "Philotas" and nobody bats an eye. But I am off the opinion "what ever floats your boat".

 

[mcarmichael]

I found your story very amusing.

 

[lambkisses]

exodus 23:4-5

obviously this girl isn't an ox or a donkey, but not only did this guy not help to restore this girl back to her parents whom he knew, but basically decided to harm these people by encouraging their daughter to run away.

this flies in the face of the command to love your neighbor. Jesus didn't give the example of the beaten man on the road not being the Samaritan's responsibility.

This is what I have always been taught to believe but it is hard to get this through to my husband. He still doesn't get it, as he is still needling everybody. Just today when my dad asked him if he was ready to apologize he told my father that he would like the tomahawk back because in his words "this is a Excalibur type situation, if she is done with it she needs to return it just like how king Arthur had to take the sword back to the lake. "

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

This is what I have always been taught to believe but it is hard to get this through to my husband. He still doesn't get it, as he is still needling everybody. Just today when my dad asked him if he was ready to apologize he told my father that he would like the tomahawk back because in his words "this is a Excalibur type situation, if she is done with it she needs to return it just like how king Arthur had to take the sword back to the lake. "

Sounds like he just doesn't care while displaying spectacular levels of immaturity.

 

[lambkisses]

Sounds like he just doesn't care while displaying spectacular levels of immaturity.

That's him alright. He told me "I don't care about her, I don't know her, we aren't friends".

 

[Meowzltov]

A couple days ago there was another major stir in the family that made me wonder what exactly does it mean to be "my brother's keeper". Right now every one in my family is furious with my husband.
On Wednesday I was out running errands with my mother when I received a panicked call from my sister in law that her 16 year old, my step niece, didn't show up at school. (Don't worry all, she was found 6 hours later with her boyfriend but that is immaterial to my issue, although we do praise God for delivering her).
Of course my mother and I are concerned so we start calling every one we know to see if they could help look for her. Naturally the first person I call is my husband. When I called him and told him what happened he told me to "relax, because I just missed her by half an hour". So I asked him where she went and he told me that he didn't know and that she told him she was leaving home.
Upon hearing that my reaction was pretty much:
"She's doing what? ! And you didn't think to call me or her mother? ! You just let her go? ! You didn't even ask where she was going? !", and so forth. That's when my mom swung the car around and we both headed to my husband's office. On the way we managed to call my father, my brother, and my sister in law so we all arrived at my husband's office at the same time.
Naturally my sister in law was hysterical, her 18 year old had just recently left home and is estranged from the family and now this. She was shouting and screaming and demanding to know where her baby girl was and what my husband knew. It was so bad that my husband's boss made us all go into my husband's office and close the door. So this is what my husband told us:
He said that about an hour before we all got there, my step niece showed up at his work and was wanting to see him or the "Companions". So they got my husband and he asks her what's up and why isn't she in school. He then said that she told him that she wants to leave home and that she knew she could trust him so she came to see him for a small loan to "start her new life". At this point every one's reaction was "WHAT THE HELL, YOU DIDN'T THINK YOU NEEDED TO CALL HER PARENTS? YOU GAVE HER MONEY AND SENT HER ON HER WAY? WHAT KIND OF ADULT ARE YOU? " . He then told every one to "relax" abs he didn't just "give her money and send her on her way". He told us that he told her that it was "Dangerous to go alone" so he gathered his "Companions" and ordered each one of them to "give her an item of power which would aid her in her spirt quest". Right here you would have thought that of 7 grown adults (the 6 "Companions"plus my husband) some body would have stepped up and said that maybe they should call the parents or a truant officer, but no. Instead one of the girls pulled out a cell phone and started recording and every one of them gave her a nicknack for her quest. From what my husband said, corroborated on video that was shot, she received from the Comoanions: a coffee mug, a handful of rubber bands, a fidget spinner, a granola bar, 2 highlighters and a zippo. And all the while you can see that all 6 of them were snickering and joking. Then my husband said that he took her out to his truck and allowed her to select one item out of the back. He said that she chose a machete, so that's why it's unfair for us to accuse him of just sending her on her way. That's when my father erupted and was all like "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? ! YOU GAVE HER A MACHETE?! AND LET HER LEAVE? " . My husband then cooly replied to him that even at the beginning of a video game they always start you off with one weapon a few items so he didn't see what the big deal was. My sister in law then chimed in that the "big deal" was that he turned a 16 year old, who should be in school, loose with out any real concern for her wellbeing or that of her family. That is when my husband told her that her daughter "wasn't his problem". Now everyone was shouting and my brother and father demanded to speak to the "Companions" so my husband opened the door and blew into a hunting horn and all six of them piled into the office. Again the questions of where she's went? Why did you let her leave? were asked and the answers were pretty much we don't know, we don't care this isn't our problem. He added that this is a relatively safe area and that since she is white she"will be fine " and that she will most likely come back when she gets hungry. My husband then said that he was expecting vendor to come meet him so he couldn't spend any more time on this but if we wanted help to look for her, he would let us have 2 of the Companions but I would need to take them to the house so they could "saddle up" (my husband still wasn't taking this seriously ). My sister in law then laid into him saying that he is the most immature insensitive a hole she had ever met and that he would be held accountable if anything happened to her little girl. He then retorted that he was sure that the bang up job she was doing as a mother had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that her older daughter is a basket case and that now her younger one ran off too. My sister in law was about to jump across the desk to hit him but she was restrained by the two female Companions. My husband then had us all thrown out.
Luckily we found her a few hours later when the parent of one of her friends called.
That night when my husband got home we had a long discussion about this. Basically he justified his actions with, "I don't like your sister in law, her daughter isn't my problem, so I have no responsibility or duty towards her". I tried to remind him if the story of Cain and Able and how God was displeased when Cain asked if he is his brother's keeper. My husband says that what displeased God was Cain's wrath and envy. And he said furthermore he nor I are even blood related to my sister in law or her daughters so the Cain and Able example doesn't apply.
This is what got me to thinking what does it mean to be one's keeper? Did my husband shirk his duty as my step niece's "keeper" did he have a responsibility as her keeper? Did his Companions have a responsibility? I am speaking of responsibility in a biblical sense.

Truth be told, it sounds like your husband is a pagan. The whole thing about "objects of power" and only helping your family and stuff are all pagan ideas. If he claims to be a Christian, the conversion isn't complete.

It also makes me wonder a few other things, ranging from how mature your husband is to how high he scores on the psychopathy scale. I'm like, Hmmmm where is this cluelessness coming from?

Being your brother's keeper means simply, don't let your brother be hurt. Watch out for his welfare.

Another place in the Torah says it this way: "Do not stand idly by your neighbor's blood." IOW if we see our neighbor in trouble, we are required to help. Leviticus 19:16

He needs to read the story of the Good Samaritan, where it teaches us to help out anyone in trouble, even if they are a complete stranger of an enemy people.

 

[lambkisses]

Truth be told, it sounds like your husband is a pagan. The whole thing about "objects of power" and only helping your family and stuff are all pagan ideas. If he claims to be a Christian, the conversion isn't complete.

It also makes me wonder a few other things, ranging from how mature your husband is to how high he scores on the psychopathy scale. I'm like, Hmmmm where is this cluelessness coming from?

Being your brother's keeper means simply, don't let your brother be hurt. Watch out for his welfare.

Another place in the Torah says it this way: "Do not stand idly by your neighbor's blood." IOW if we see our neighbor in trouble, we are required to help. Leviticus 19:16

He needs to read the story of the Good Samaritan, where it teaches us to help out anyone in trouble, even if they are a complete stranger of an enemy people.

To be clear, I hate when ever he tells me something is not his problem. He seems to think much is not his problem. He knows the story of the good Samaritan, he actually probably knows more bible than any body I know. His response to the good Samaritan is that the girl was never really in trouble and that she would come home when she got hungry. I keep telling him that her physical safety is not the only thing that was of concern at the time, there was also the peace of mind of her parents He counters with, perhaps the time to worry about her was the 16 years leading up to her running away, and that the real issue that should be addressed is my sister in law's crappy parenting.
Also I don't think my husband's issue is an incomplete conversation. He was born into the faith so conversion really isn't the right term. What do you call it when someone he up with the faith but resents the restrictions after seeing how much fun every one around him is having? And how does that get fixed?
In addition, about objects of power, it is actually much stupider than you think. Don't think pagan, think video game, more specifically the legend of Zelda. (You know, "it's dangerous to go alone, take this" the iconic scene where Link receives the sword from the old man. Honestly I think it is a little worse that he was thinking more video game than pagan faith because in the least, if he did it out of some pagan tradition there would be sincerity present. He did what he did because he and his cronies wanted a good laugh.

 

[Meowzltov]

To be clear, I hate when ever he tells me something is not his problem. He seems to think much is not his problem. He knows the story of the good Samaritan, he actually probably knows more bible than any body I know. His response to the good Samaritan is that the girl was never really in trouble and that she would come home when she got hungry. I keep telling him that her physical safety is not the only thing that was of concern at the time, there was also the peace of mind of her parents He counters with, perhaps the time to worry about her was the 16 years leading up to her running away, and that the real issue that should be addressed is my sister in law's crappy parenting.
Also I don't think my husband's issue is an incomplete conversation. He was born into the faith so conversion really isn't the right term. What do you call it when someone he up with the faith but resents the restrictions after seeing how much fun every one around him is having? And how does that get fixed?
In addition, about objects of power, it is actually much stupider than you think. Don't think pagan, think video game, more specifically the legend of Zelda. (You know, "it's dangerous to go alone, take this" the iconic scene where Link receives the sword from the old man. Honestly I think it is a little worse that he was thinking more video game than pagan faith because in the least, if he did it out of some pagan tradition there would be sincerity present. He did what he did because he and his cronies wanted a good laugh.

There is an awful lot of immaturity going on here. "I want to do what makes me feel good and not be burdened by responsibility." How old is this guy? (He sounds about 15.)

If he's been baptized and raised in the church, he is clearly backslidden (in rebellion against God) which gives me a bad feeling. Is he committing serious sins? Theft? Cheating on income taxes? Seeking vengeance against others? Cheating on you? Assaulting other people? Verbally abusing you or worse? You get the idea. *Serious* sins. If so, he has lost his salvation, and someone needs to talk turkey with him, to bring him back to repentance. Beware of pastors who give a false sense of security with OSAS; they will just give him the freedom to continue in his spiritual destruction.

Good luck to you. As they say, "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior," so it's likely he won't change. Can you live with it? For the rest of your life?

 

[lambkisses]

There is an awful lot of immaturity going on here. "I want to do what makes me feel good and not be burdened by responsibility." How old is this guy? (He sounds about 15.)

If he's been baptized and raised in the church, he is clearly backslidden (in rebellion against God) which gives me a bad feeling. Is he committing serious sins? Theft? Cheating on income taxes? Seeking vengeance against others? Cheating on you? Assaulting other people? Verbally abusing you or worse? You get the idea. *Serious* sins. If so, he has lost his salvation, and someone needs to talk turkey with him, to bring him back to repentance. Beware of pastors who give a false sense of security with OSAS; they will just give him the freedom to continue in his spiritual destruction.

Good luck to you. As they say, "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior," so it's likely he won't change. Can you live with it? For the rest of your life?

He's 26. As of last week both of us have been expelled from the church and I am sampling another one.
Yes he constantly gets into fights, he doesn't steal (he has no need to, we are rich, we live on acreage,we have horses and he's the engineering manager for a well service company), I he cheats on income tax in the sense that he doesn't report any of the "shade tree jobs he does ", he doesn't really seek revenge buy he does hold grudges against people pretty much forever. I am pretty sure he cheats on me but I don't mind, the girl I am pretty sure he is seeing in the side is nice enough and me and her are friends. It isn't really fair for me to expect him to not have a side chick because I was one the side chick who broke up his engagement and convinced him to marry me. I knew what I was getting into so I can't complain, the rule is as long as I am not forced to deal with it I just don't ask. He doesn't abuse me, he does call me a pig but I enjoy it as part of our itimacy (we had a feeder feedee relationship until he got scared because some one he was close to died of a stroke ). All in all he is really good to me I just wish he didn't cause some of the trouble he tends to cause.

 

[Meowzltov]

He's 26. As of last week both of us have been expelled from the church and I am sampling another one.
Yes he constantly gets into fights, he doesn't steal (he has no need to, we are rich, we live on acreage,we have horses and he's the engineering manager for a well service company), I he cheats on income tax in the sense that he doesn't report any of the "shade tree jobs he does ", he doesn't really seek revenge buy he does hold grudges against people pretty much forever. I am pretty sure he cheats on me but I don't mind, the girl I am pretty sure he is seeing in the side is nice enough and me and her are friends. It isn't really fair for me to expect him to not have a side chick because I was one the side chick who broke up his engagement and convinced him to marry me. I knew what I was getting into so I can't complain, the rule is as long as I am not forced to deal with it I just don't ask. He doesn't abuse me, he does call me a pig but I enjoy it as part of our itimacy (we had a feeder feedee relationship until he got scared because some one he was close to died of a stroke ). All in all he is really good to me I just wish he didn't cause some of the trouble he tends to cause.

Are you making this stuff up? I'm just saying I don't know if I'm being trolled or not. I'm going to respond as if you are being genuine.

I have grave doubts about his salvation. I would proceed on the assumption that he has abandoned God.

I don't know why your church is disciplining you, and you don't need to go into it. But for a Church to do this, it has to be something serious, and I would really search my heart about what's going on. Something needs to change.

Again, the main problem is immaturity. The more you say, the more it illustrates this point.

I am not one to butt into the marriages of others, but you have brought up some issues, and it wouldn't be right for me to just ignore what you've shared. It sounds like not only was your marriage built on an immoral foundation, but neither of you seem to have a mature understanding of what a marriage entails, such as fidelity and wanting the best interest of the other. I would have suggested you talk to your pastor about things, but I guess that's not going to happen at this point.

This is really much bigger than a message board can deal with. I know you can't fix him, but there are a lot of things you can do to make yourself a healthier person that knows you don't deserve to be abused and cheated on. I would consider some counseling for yourself, and also to deal with him.

 

[lambkisses]

Are you making this stuff up? I'm just saying I don't know if I'm being trolled or not. I'm going to respond as if you are being genuine.

I have grave doubts about his salvation. I would proceed on the assumption that he has abandoned God.

I don't know why your church is disciplining you, and you don't need to go into it. But for a Church to do this, it has to be something serious, and I would really search my heart about what's going on. Something needs to change.

Again, the main problem is immaturity. The more you say, the more it illustrates this point.

I am not one to butt into the marriages of others, but you have brought up some issues, and it wouldn't be right for me to just ignore what you've shared. It sounds like not only was your marriage built on an immoral foundation, but neither of you seem to have a mature understanding of what a marriage entails, such as fidelity and wanting the best interest of the other. I would have suggested you talk to your pastor about things, but I guess that's not going to happen at this point.

This is really much bigger than a message board can deal with. I know you can't fix him, but there are a lot of things you can do to make yourself a healthier person that knows you don't deserve to be abused and cheated on. I would consider some counseling for yourself, and also to deal with him.

I am not making this up. Yes our marriage was based on some very immoral foundations however many are. That is partially the reason why we have no fault divorce in this country. The difference is we just decided that we are happier staying together because we enjoy living with each other. Truth be told we got together because we share a sexual fetish. Our relationship was suppose to be nothing more than a fling but I got attached and want things to not to end.
Really and sadly there actually is nothing strange about our relationship. In this country you have many many unfaithful men who are powerful, attractive, and of means who step or on their wives. You have many women who lure men out of relationships. We are just a tad more honest about it. I am just under no illusion of what I am to him.
It sounds disgusting but the truth of the matter is I was pretty much a living sex toy, we then connected and became friends and then we decided that what we had was special enough to not want to end it. I don't kid myself about things.
Also there is the matter of culture. He comes from a culture that is rooted in 2000 years of institutional anarchy where up until very recently it was very acceptable for men of means to have consorts in addition to a spouse. Right wrong or indifferent adultery was for the most part normalized and the only shame in it is if the man is unable to provide for all the women in his life. Heck even their national hero Dr.Sun Yat Sen, the father of their country had both a wife and a consort. Children from both relationships had positions in the early Chinese government. It is interesting to note that Dr Sun was a Christian and it was his goal to strengthen and modernize China based on Christian principles. The point I am trying to make is not, "he is a Christian and he did it ergo it is OK" the point I am trying to illustrate is that part of the issue is cultural, despite being /claiming to be a Christian no body bat an eye to Dr.Sun's relationship status. There was no issue from pagan Chinese, Christian Chinese (and there were a lot of them back then),or secular Chinese. No one accused him of hypocrisy, not even his enemies because truth be told that was something that was common and acceptable in their culture. My husband is from that same culture, and I was the one who shoehorned my way into his life so that is one of the things I feel I have no right to change. However the other issues, i.e the immaturity, the confrontational behavior, the lack of empathy, those are things that are unacceptable in any culture and I feel that he really should change.

 

[Hearingheart]

Are you making this stuff up? I'm just saying I don't know if I'm being trolled or not.

This thought has entered my mind, also.

Lambkisses,

I have read through your other threads and posts. You seem willing to put up with the drama that goes with your marriage and family and continue to wallow in it. Your perceptions of what a relationship is, seems based on your experience and it's sad that this has colored your opinion of healthy relationships in the Body of Christ. I really don't think you have a clue what is healthy anymore.
Nothing that is said will make a difference until the blinders are off and you discontinue justifying actions that lead to sin.
It is not just your husband that has issues, you also have some serious issues. God is patient and calling you and people on this forum have been patient and sacrificed their time to answer your posts. How long will you continue to go round and round is up to you. There is a way for you to step back and start to walk toward maturity in the Lord.

 

[lambkisses]

This thought has entered my mind, also.

Lambkisses,

I have read through your other threads and posts. You seem willing to put up with the drama that goes with your marriage and family and continue to wallow in it. Your perceptions of what a relationship is, seems based on your experience and it's sad that this has colored your opinion of healthy relationships in the Body of Christ. I really don't think you have a clue what is healthy anymore.
Nothing that is said will make a difference until the blinders are off and you discontinue justifying actions that lead to sin.
It is not just your husband that has issues, you also have some serious issues. God is patient and calling you and people on this forum have been patient and sacrificed their time to answer your posts. How long will you continue to go round and round is up to you. There is a way for you to step back and start to walk toward maturity in the Lord.

I appreciate all the advice, I have tried some of it but ultimately what can I actually do? Prayer, counseling, seeking God's guidance can do so much. The truth is he doesn't need me, I need him more than he needs me, so there is little I can do but enjoy the parts of the relationship I enjoy and tolerate the parts that I don't. He isn't a bad guy, that's why more than anything, what I am looking for her is ways to reason with him and help him work through some of the issues. I know that I am an enabler but the reality is there is little I can do so some times it is best not to rock the boat. I know one of the reasons he is constantly in rebellion is because of his severely strict up bringing. His parents would proudly tell everybody that my husband's child hood summers consisted of Kumon and VBS. While everyone else was out having fun his parents wanted him to stand out as a pious scholar and obviously it backfired, well partially at least. I know it's not an excuse but the truth is he doesn't need an excuse to do anything since he isn't beholden to anyone. And please don't anyone say he is beholden to God because God has yet to do something to correct his behavior. What I am attempting to do is find ways to reach him without pushing him further away. His parents tried the strict path and it didn't work. So what can I really do aside from try to apologize for him and smooth over incidents.

 

[Hearingheart]

You are not his mommy and you can't "fix" him nor should you feel the need to apologize or be accountable for his behavior. You need to figure out a way to walk as an upright woman of God and not get sucked into childishness. You don't have to smooth things over with family because they already know what he's like. The reason I wrote in the manner I did, is because I see a pattern in our posts. If you are ok with your marriage as is, then get yourself some healthy girlfriend relationships, take up a hobby, go volunteer somewhere. Go to a church where you are getting fed healthy food and walk in God's love. Stop all nagging, gossip, whining, complaining and diligently seek to practice the fruits of the Spirit. This is about YOU getting healthy spiritually. Pray for your husband and give him to God and keep giving him to God every time you want to take over and fix it.

 

[Meowzltov]

My husband is from that same culture, and I was the one who shoehorned my way into his life so that is one of the things I feel I have no right to change. However the other issues, i.e the immaturity, the confrontational behavior, the lack of empathy, those are things that are unacceptable in any culture and I feel that he really should change.

He is not going to change. He has no reason to change.

The only person you can change is you, and you have told us that you too have some issues yourself. The fact that there is such low self esteem that it is okay to be cheated on, verbally abused, etc.... my heart goes out to you. I hope you will consider getting a counselor and doing some serious work. I'd really like to see you as a healthy, happy, person being the very best lambkisses she can be! I'd like to see you reach your potential!