what does it really mean to be "my brother's/sister's keeper"?

[lambkisses]

He is not going to change. He has no reason to change.

The only person you can change is you, and you have told us that you too have some issues yourself. The fact that there is such low self esteem that it is okay to be cheated on, verbally abused, etc.... my heart goes out to you. I hope you will consider getting a counselor and doing some serious work. I'd really like to see you as a healthy, happy, person being the very best lambkisses she can be! I'd like to see you reach your potential!

I appreciate you I really do. But one thing that I don't think people here understand is that being with my husband and trying, not necessarily to change him, but guide him had actually done a lot for me and my walk. Before we came into each other's lives both he and I were objectively a lot worse. I personally was in a really dark place compared to now. Back then I absolutely hate everything about myself. I hated my weight, my appearance, my financial situation, my relationship situation, and my career situation. No looking back, except for my relationship and financial situation, I had no reason to be so down on myself. I have always been pleasantly plump, I have always been considered curvy and cute, I had a really well paying job as a research chemist a Dow. However due to my depression I didn't really see those things so got into bad relationships (I know some of you think my marriage is a bad relationship, but trust me I have been with worse guys) and spent money I didn't have. I was a mess myself, to the point where I would have erotic fantasies concerning my own death. Of course I was too much of a coward to actually consider ending my own life so I would endulge in fantasies (by chatting with people online, role plays, etc.) where I would be brutally murdered, canniabalized, raped and killed. I started believing that a sow had more purpose in life and intrinsic value than I did as a person.
That is when I reconnect with the guy who would eventually be my husband. He is 4 years younger than me so we weren't exactly friends growing up. I baby sat him a few times when I was a teenager but I didn't really know him until we were both adults. All I remembered of him from when he was a child was he was always very polite, very respectful, not shy but quiet. Anyways like I said when we reconnected as adults it wasn't one of those he was my prince and rescued me situations at all. The first couple times we spoke he wasn't exactly nice to me, nor was he a gentleman but i was in such a dark place I liked the poor treatment. In fact he introduced himself to be by touching me inappropriately, insulting my weight, and then groping me. What had happened wad on a cold day after church my car wouldn't start, when I had the hood up to see what was going on he snuck up behind me, grabbed my love handles, made a comment about how I can only hide so much by sucking in. When I tried to hit him he grabbed my arm and held my waist and made a comment about how he remembers me as the fattie who would eat an entire pizza when I baby sat him. I honestly thought he was going to attack me and now looking back part of me at the time was looking forward to a sexual assault. But instead of attacking me he spun me around and let me go, then told me that my car won't start because the starter isn't getting enough current, he could hear it when he was in his truck. He told me he could get it started but if he did I would have to oink like a pig for him and show him my bacon. I at first told him to get lost because I can just get the church grounds keeper to jump it for me. That's when he pulled out a set of cables and told me that I am welcome to try and that I can even use his truck and if it started he would give me 200 dollars. He was absolutely correct, it would not jump, that's when he made his offer again and since I was frazzled and desperate I accepted. Once I accepted he took out a fork, bent the tines, connected it to my battery's positive via the jumper cables, crawled underneath the car and got it to start. He manually jumped the starter Solonoid and motor with the fork. Iasked him howh he did it, he obliged by shutting off the car and doing it again to show me. Living up to my end of the deal, I pulled my shirt up so he could see my belly and I oinked like a pig. He laughed at me then got into his truck and drove away. Like I said, at that time I really hated myself so I was both very ashamed but I was aroused by his abusive treatment. For the next few days I started my car exactly like he showed me until my dad saw me do it. He got upset and demanded to know why I was doing something so unsafe, I told him and he proceeded to call my future in laws to tell them what a wonderful new trick their son taught his baby girl. Apparently my future in laws made my future husband come over to our place to fix it for real. When he came over to do it he was not very happy he was being forced to do something that he felt wasn't his responsibility so he made a point of being extra mean to me. Because of the state of mind I was in, I was more and more attracted to him and started bring extremely flirtatious. Soon he got the hint and we started a rather immoral sexual relationship. I knew I was being used, but I didn't care. I knew I was being used as a sex toy but it gave me a sense of worth. I knew he didn't care about me and that both angered me and aroused me at the same time. Then things turned around one day, I ran into an ex who was the jealous type and when he found out I was seeing some one else he got physical with me and beat me up pretty bad. Later that day when my future husband came to pick me up for that day's "encounter" he saw I was all bruised up (my ex had always been very careful not to hit me in the face), instead of having sex we spent the whole time talking. That's when I first realized the kind of guy my husband really was. He told me how he loved my padding, how he really enjoyed my body, and how he supposed that I was pretty fun to be around. That day he took me on a real date and it was really fun. Again this isn't one of those Disney happily ever after stories, I was still a very damaged person at that time. Now I was afraid that he pitied me and no longer desired me as a plaything (at the time my self worth was tied up in being a desired plaything), depression does some terrible things to a person. A few days later I heard through the grape vine that my ex was "carjacked" and badly beaten by 3 assailants and that there was talk that my future husband and 2 of his "companions " were possible suspects (this was later confirmed years later upon a drunken boast). At this point I fixated on my future husband, I admit it was an unhealthy obsession, I became determined to break up his engagement. I thought that even if he were not just mine alone, if he got married to some one else there would be a chance I would loose him. So I worked on him, I worked on him and worked on him until he ended things with his fiancee and even agreed to marry me. I agreed that if he saw some one else too it would be OK as long as I didn't have to address it because I figured sharing was better than not having him at all.
He is and was by no means a bad husband or even a bad guy. Yes, our personal bedroom activities would be considered abnormal but we both enjoyed it, and outside the bedroom he doted on me and made me feel so wanted and loved that the darkness started to lift slowly. With the darkness lifting I was able to examine my own walk with God and my responsibilities as a Christian partner. That is when I started to realize and recognize the other things, like the constant fights with other people, the unhealthy cult of personality he built up with his companions, the ethics of ignoring his fornication but for the most part I kept my mouth shut. Every now and then I would try to remind him what is expected of him as a Christian because remember, at this juncture he was still highly regarded in the church ,but he didn't seem interested. Although I did notice more and become concerned with his faults I noticed more and more how truly good his heart is. Like I noticed how he would absolutely refuse to leave some one stranded with a disabled vehicle, I noticed no matter how much he would complaine about some of the old biddies at church he would never refuse to assist any of them when it came to home/car/tree emergencies. He liked to tell me it was all for money but I always notice that he conveniently "forgets" to charge for services when the person he is helping is over the age of 50. He has the potential and the heart to be warrior for christ, just not the maturity. And that is what really scares me some times. Like the time he was beaten by the Saudi religious police. He took it upon himself to stand up for a woman being harassed for momentarily opening the face portion of her burka. He confronted and fought off 2 police officers and was then subdued by another 4. When Saudi Aramco got him released, it was obvious he was badly beaten while in custody. He never regretted it but if you ever ask him about the situation, he would never mention the girl but will tell you all about how the Saudis need more combat training if the only way they could defeat him was going 4 on 1. Some times it seems to me that he really is more concerned that people will think he is a good guy so he does his darnest so people would think he is a bad guy. That coupled with how charasmatic he can be makes me think that they're is a lot of potential for good in him and part of me feels it is my responsibility to help bring it out. I understand I am not his mother and I cannot change him but I feel in my heart of hearts that the goodness is apart of him and God is calling me to help him understand that it is OK for people to think he is a good guy so he doesn't have to try so hard to look like a bad guy. After all God often uses imperfect people in his perfect plan. Perhaps I feel this responsibility because I believe God used him to pull me out of the place I was in.

 

[Meowzltov]

I appreciate you I really do. But one thing that I don't think people here understand is that being with my husband and trying, not necessarily to change him, but guide him had actually done a lot for me and my walk. Before we came into each other's lives both he and I were objectively a lot worse. I personally was in a really dark place compared to now. Back then I absolutely hate everything about myself. I hated my weight, my appearance, my financial situation, my relationship situation, and my career situation. No looking back, except for my relationship and financial situation, I had no reason to be so down on myself. I have always been pleasantly plump, I have always been considered curvy and cute, I had a really well paying job as a research chemist a Dow. However due to my depression I didn't really see those things so got into bad relationships (I know some of you think my marriage is a bad relationship, but trust me I have been with worse guys) and spent money I didn't have. I was a mess myself, to the point where I would have erotic fantasies concerning my own death. Of course I was too much of a coward to actually consider ending my own life so I would endulge in fantasies (by chatting with people online, role plays, etc.) where I would be brutally murdered, canniabalized, raped and killed. I started believing that a sow had more purpose in life and intrinsic value than I did as a person.
That is when I reconnect with the guy who would eventually be my husband. He is 4 years younger than me so we weren't exactly friends growing up. I baby sat him a few times when I was a teenager but I didn't really know him until we were both adults. All I remembered of him from when he was a child was he was always very polite, very respectful, not shy but quiet. Anyways like I said when we reconnected as adults it wasn't one of those he was my prince and rescued me situations at all. The first couple times we spoke he wasn't exactly nice to me, nor was he a gentleman but i was in such a dark place I liked the poor treatment. In fact he introduced himself to be by touching me inappropriately, insulting my weight, and then groping me. What had happened wad on a cold day after church my car wouldn't start, when I had the hood up to see what was going on he snuck up behind me, grabbed my love handles, made a comment about how I can only hide so much by sucking in. When I tried to hit him he grabbed my arm and held my waist and made a comment about how he remembers me as the fattie who would eat an entire pizza when I baby sat him. I honestly thought he was going to attack me and now looking back part of me at the time was looking forward to a sexual assault. But instead of attacking me he spun me around and let me go, then told me that my car won't start because the starter isn't getting enough current, he could hear it when he was in his truck. He told me he could get it started but if he did I would have to oink like a pig for him and show him my bacon. I at first told him to get lost because I can just get the church grounds keeper to jump it for me. That's when he pulled out a set of cables and told me that I am welcome to try and that I can even use his truck and if it started he would give me 200 dollars. He was absolutely correct, it would not jump, that's when he made his offer again and since I was frazzled and desperate I accepted. Once I accepted he took out a fork, bent the tines, connected it to my battery's positive via the jumper cables, crawled underneath the car and got it to start. He manually jumped the starter Solonoid and motor with the fork. Iasked him howh he did it, he obliged by shutting off the car and doing it again to show me. Living up to my end of the deal, I pulled my shirt up so he could see my belly and I oinked like a pig. He laughed at me then got into his truck and drove away. Like I said, at that time I really hated myself so I was both very ashamed but I was aroused by his abusive treatment. For the next few days I started my car exactly like he showed me until my dad saw me do it. He got upset and demanded to know why I was doing something so unsafe, I told him and he proceeded to call my future in laws to tell them what a wonderful new trick their son taught his baby girl. Apparently my future in laws made my future husband come over to our place to fix it for real. When he came over to do it he was not very happy he was being forced to do something that he felt wasn't his responsibility so he made a point of being extra mean to me. Because of the state of mind I was in, I was more and more attracted to him and started bring extremely flirtatious. Soon he got the hint and we started a rather immoral sexual relationship. I knew I was being used, but I didn't care. I knew I was being used as a sex toy but it gave me a sense of worth. I knew he didn't care about me and that both angered me and aroused me at the same time. Then things turned around one day, I ran into an ex who was the jealous type and when he found out I was seeing some one else he got physical with me and beat me up pretty bad. Later that day when my future husband came to pick me up for that day's "encounter" he saw I was all bruised up (my ex had always been very careful not to hit me in the face), instead of having sex we spent the whole time talking. That's when I first realized the kind of guy my husband really was. He told me how he loved my padding, how he really enjoyed my body, and how he supposed that I was pretty fun to be around. That day he took me on a real date and it was really fun. Again this isn't one of those Disney happily ever after stories, I was still a very damaged person at that time. Now I was afraid that he pitied me and no longer desired me as a plaything (at the time my self worth was tied up in being a desired plaything), depression does some terrible things to a person. A few days later I heard through the grape vine that my ex was "carjacked" and badly beaten by 3 assailants and that there was talk that my future husband and 2 of his "companions " were possible suspects (this was later confirmed years later upon a drunken boast). At this point I fixated on my future husband, I admit it was an unhealthy obsession, I became determined to break up his engagement. I thought that even if he were not just mine alone, if he got married to some one else there would be a chance I would loose him. So I worked on him, I worked on him and worked on him until he ended things with his fiancee and even agreed to marry me. I agreed that if he saw some one else too it would be OK as long as I didn't have to address it because I figured sharing was better than not having him at all.
He is and was by no means a bad husband or even a bad guy. Yes, our personal bedroom activities would be considered abnormal but we both enjoyed it, and outside the bedroom he doted on me and made me feel so wanted and loved that the darkness started to lift slowly. With the darkness lifting I was able to examine my own walk with God and my responsibilities as a Christian partner. That is when I started to realize and recognize the other things, like the constant fights with other people, the unhealthy cult of personality he built up with his companions, the ethics of ignoring his fornication but for the most part I kept my mouth shut. Every now and then I would try to remind him what is expected of him as a Christian because remember, at this juncture he was still highly regarded in the church ,but he didn't seem interested. Although I did notice more and become concerned with his faults I noticed more and more how truly good his heart is. Like I noticed how he would absolutely refuse to leave some one stranded with a disabled vehicle, I noticed no matter how much he would complaine about some of the old biddies at church he would never refuse to assist any of them when it came to home/car/tree emergencies. He liked to tell me it was all for money but I always notice that he conveniently "forgets" to charge for services when the person he is helping is over the age of 50. He has the potential and the heart to be warrior for christ, just not the maturity. And that is what really scares me some times. Like the time he was beaten by the Saudi religious police. He took it upon himself to stand up for a woman being harassed for momentarily opening the face portion of her burka. He confronted and fought off 2 police officers and was then subdued by another 4. When Saudi Aramco got him released, it was obvious he was badly beaten while in custody. He never regretted it but if you ever ask him about the situation, he would never mention the girl but will tell you all about how the Saudis need more combat training if the only way they could defeat him was going 4 on 1. Some times it seems to me that he really is more concerned that people will think he is a good guy so he does his darnest so people would think he is a bad guy. That coupled with how charasmatic he can be makes me think that they're is a lot of potential for good in him and part of me feels it is my responsibility to help bring it out. I understand I am not his mother and I cannot change him but I feel in my heart of hearts that the goodness is apart of him and God is calling me to help him understand that it is OK for people to think he is a good guy so he doesn't have to try so hard to look like a bad guy. After all God often uses imperfect people in his perfect plan. Perhaps I feel this responsibility because I believe God used him to pull me out of the place I was in.

I am glad you came out of a darker place. I think there were other ways it could have been done, but certainly I'm glad that you are happier now than you were.

All things work together for good for them that love God. Even if you have made mistakes, God can and does bring good out of them if you serve him.

Times have been darker, but things still aren't great. You obviously still look down on yourself, and sadly excuse others treating you like dirt, instead of seeing yourself as the woman made in the image of God that you truly are. God loves you so much that he DIED for you -- you deserve a LOT better, better from other people in your life, and better from yourself.

Have you ever had professional counseling before?

 

[lambkisses]

I am glad you came out of a darker place. I think there were other ways it could have been done, but certainly I'm glad that you are happier now than you were.

All things work together for good for them that love God. Even if you have made mistakes, God can and does bring good out of them if you serve him.

Times have been darker, but things still aren't great. You obviously still look down on yourself, and sadly excuse others treating you like dirt, instead of seeing yourself as the woman made in the image of God that you truly are. God loves you so much that he DIED for you -- you deserve a LOT better, better from other people in your life, and better from yourself.

Have you ever had professional counseling before?

I have, and nothing has ever really worked. To be honest, my husband doesn't treat me like dirt. He does really annoying troublesome things but he is one of the first people in my life who really made me feel that I as I am is worthy of love and acceptance. Let me tell you, growing up as the little chubby girl in a huge Italian family does wonders for the self esteem. I spent most of my life being pinched, prodded, the occasional threat of being roasted for Easter dinner so by the time I was an adult not only did I see my self as an over fed pig but I also hated myself for it. My husband was the first person who made me feel beautiful for it. There wasn't any you are so beautiful but. .. or you would be so cute except... You would be so lady like if you didn't eat as much as you do. .. hey, hey there show down save some for every one else. .. or my favorites, your face is so pretty to bad your tummy is. .. Yes my husband calls me his little piggy but he loves her for being a plump little pig rather than in spite of it. That's what help draw me out of the place I was in. Would I prefer if he didn't sleep around, definitely. Would I prefer that at least the girl he is seeing on the side weren't pretty much my only friend now, you bet but the fact is I agreed to this long before we were even married.
And about serving God, that is what I an trying my best to do. I know I made my mistakes and I am trying my best to be better for them (I will say right now that I don't see other men despite my husband having one, possibly more, girlfriend(s)) I genuinely feel very sorry for the pain I must have caused my husband's ex fiancee. I really do believe that helping my husband mature and redirect his amazing gifts into the service of God Is what I am being called to do. There is so much good within in and so much potential to do so much good. I have never in my life met some one who could command the unwavering loyalty of not one but six people who would possibly follow him to hell and back. They practically worship him to the point where they readily accept being renamed and obey him without question . Now imagine what could be if my husband used that type of sway in the service of the Lord rather than as a play thing? Even without his goon squad my husband himself can do some phenomenal things. Not only is he a top rate engineer, he is an amazing metal fabricator, he's an expert mechanic, no one is as tough as he is, he is absolutely fearless (seriously it took 4 Saudi religious police officers to restrain him after he beat up another two), and most important of all; he genuinely cares about people, even strangers (although he does his best to not show it). I am just imagining what good he could do and what good he could inspire if he would mature into that genuine servant of God whom I know God wants him to be.

​

 

[Phil 1:21]

lambkisses,

I have never given the following advice here, but after reading this thread and the others you posted about "church discipline," I can come to only one conclusion. You need a divorce lawyer, a moving truck, and a regular appointment with a therapist to get past this septic tank you have for a marriage. Seriously, your husband is a mess and you are enabling it.

 

[Meowzltov]

I have, and nothing has ever really worked. To be honest, my husband doesn't treat me like dirt. He does really annoying troublesome things but he is one of the first people in my life who really made me feel that I as I am is worthy of love and acceptance. Let me tell you, growing up as the little chubby girl in a huge Italian family does wonders for the self esteem. I spent most of my life being pinched, prodded, the occasional threat of being roasted for Easter dinner so by the time I was an adult not only did I see my self as an over fed pig but I also hated myself for it. My husband was the first person who made me feel beautiful for it. There wasn't any you are so beautiful but. .. or you would be so cute except... You would be so lady like if you didn't eat as much as you do. .. hey, hey there show down save some for every one else. .. or my favorites, your face is so pretty to bad your tummy is. .. Yes my husband calls me his little piggy but he loves her for being a plump little pig rather than in spite of it. That's what help draw me out of the place I was in. Would I prefer if he didn't sleep around, definitely. Would I prefer that at least the girl he is seeing on the side weren't pretty much my only friend now, you bet but the fact is I agreed to this long before we were even married.
And about serving God, that is what I an trying my best to do. I know I made my mistakes and I am trying my best to be better for them (I will say right now that I don't see other men despite my husband having one, possibly more, girlfriend(s)) I genuinely feel very sorry for the pain I must have caused my husband's ex fiancee. I really do believe that helping my husband mature and redirect his amazing gifts into the service of God Is what I am being called to do. There is so much good within in and so much potential to do so much good. I have never in my life met some one who could command the unwavering loyalty of not one but six people who would possibly follow him to hell and back. They practically worship him to the point where they readily accept being renamed and obey him without question . Now imagine what could be if my husband used that type of sway in the service of the Lord rather than as a play thing? Even without his goon squad my husband himself can do some phenomenal things. Not only is he a top rate engineer, he is an amazing metal fabricator, he's an expert mechanic, no one is as tough as he is, he is absolutely fearless (seriously it took 4 Saudi religious police officers to restrain him after he beat up another two), and most important of all; he genuinely cares about people, even strangers (although he does his best to not show it). I am just imagining what good he could do and what good he could inspire if he would mature into that genuine servant of God whom I know God wants him to be.

​

I am glad that you are doing your best to love and serve the Lord!!! My mantra is "God accepts me as I am, and calls me to something higher." When I'm down on myself, I remember the part about accepts me as I am. When I get too comfortable with how I am, I remember the part about calls me to something higher.

I realize that you believe you didn't get a lot out of counseling -- but that tells me you either didn't get a great counselor, or you didn't take their advice, or things really were going well, but for whatever reasons you dropped out prematurely. I can tell you that as someone with bipolar disorder, I have had years and years and years of therapy, and it really took that long, along with pharmaceutical therapy, to get my ducks in a row. I have no idea what's going on with you or what you need. I only wish you well, and want to encourage you to continue to get all the help you need. Don't give up! You are worth it.

You see, I know your self esteem is rock bottom, because you have given me examples in your own posts of your husband abusing you. Let me state them back to you:

• He calls you words that you can't repeat in the forum. This is verbal and emotional abuse. Even calling someone piggy who is sensitive about their weight is abusive. He clearly doesn't care about your feelings.
• He cheats on you. This is a deal breaker. Some women forgive it if it's past. But no woman with self respect puts up with it unless she is being equally abusive and manipulative.
• Can I assume from your weight that he was the feeder and you were the feedee? This is an abusive relationship, and he is an abuser. A loving spouse is to care for the welfare of the other. A feeder doesn't care about the health or emotional well being or their significant other -- they only care about the gratification of their fetish. It's a completely selfish thing.

I will tell you the things I am in deepest concern about.

I am concerned that you are minimizing his dysfunction. He is not a nice or loving person. This is the man who, by your own words, allowed a mere teen to go out into the dangerous night with nothing but a few trinkets "of power." No concern for her well being. No concern for the well being of her family. That is not a loving person. Loving people do not say, "It's not my responsibility," or help only when they benefit from it.
I am concerned that you are in denial that he is not going to change. He is comfortable where things are. He has NO REASON to change. Everyone is doing things the way he wants. He has it made. You aren't threatening to leave. You aren't nagging him about his affair(s). He has a nice lazy little job arrangement where he can spend hours with his adolescent circle of gamers. The question isn't why won't he change. They question is why should he? He's got it made.
And finally, I'm concerned that by focusing on being his helper, his fixer, you are neglecting fixing yourself (the only person you can really help). This is classic co-dependency. This is the biggest reason I want to encourage you to find a counselor. This is just too big a thing for a forum to deal with. I actually DO do counsling, but it's just not the same typing back and forth and not seeing you personally. Besides, for any counseling to work, you have to commit to it.

With that, I'm going to have to cut off the online advice. It is counter productive to allow you to vent the drama without being proactive. The best thing I can do for you is to help you to see that this isn't a 'HIM' problem. It's a family problem that includes things you brought into the marriage that were around long before you even met him. Try to find someone that is directive. You don't need someone that is going to just have you do endless navel gazing--that sort of therapy will only make you worse. You've got to go and take care of those things. You owe it to him, you owe it to the marriage, and MOST OF ALL, you owe it to the beautiful woman of God that you are.

 

[Meowzltov]

lambkisses,

I have never given the following advice here, but after reading this thread and the others you posted about "church discipline," I can come to only one conclusion. You need a divorce lawyer, a moving truck, and a regular appointment with a therapist to get past this septic tank you have for a marriage. Seriously, your husband is a mess and you are enabling it.

You know, my posts tend to be longer, because I'm trying to reason with her to get her to go into counseling for her own problems. But you are absolutely correct as well. Sometimes it takes a non-counselor to just call a spade a spade.

 

[Hearingheart]

Just curious....what type of engineer is your husband? Are his companions also engineers and are they older or same age as him?

 

[lambkisses]

Just curious....what type of engineer is your husband? Are his companions also engineers and are they older or same age as him?

He is a thermal fluids engineer, four of his buddies are engineers as well, with the other 2 being engineers in training. Three of them are a year younger, 2 are his age and the girl he calls "Eurydice" is 3 years older than he is.

I realize that you believe you didn't get a lot out of counseling -- but that tells me you either didn't get a great counselor, or you didn't take their advice, or things really were going well, but for whatever reasons you dropped out prematurely. I can tell you that as someone with bipolar disorder, I have had years and years and years of therapy, and it really took that long, along with pharmaceutical therapy, to get my ducks in a row. I have no idea what's going on with you or what you need. I only wish you well, and want to encourage you to continue to get all the help you need. Don't give up! You are worth it.

Every one I have been to wants me to be on pills. I have never been on a combination that didn't make my problems worse. When I use to fantasize about being brutally killed and eaten, I was on the happy pills. I appreciate your advice but u really do not believe it is right for me. Also I am NOT sensitive about my weight, at least not anymore. I have a bomb figure and I love my pudge and curves. I use to be ashamed that I loved to eat and of my big appetite but that all changed with my husband. Also, I was the one who wanted to be fed, he was the one who actually said we couldn't do it anymore. Apparently he got freaked out when a "friend" of his died from a stroke, in fact after that happened he put me on this insane diet and started working me out like crazy. He only let up on that after I got injured in a Kung-fu accident.
One more thing, my niece wasn't out at night. This happened at like 9 or 10 in the morning, that's why she went to his work and everyone was there. I believe him when he says he honestly believed she wasn't in danger. He was just a jerk to my sister in law and my brother.

 

[Hearingheart]

He is a thermal fluids engineer, four of his buddies are engineers as well, with the other 2 being engineers in training. Three of them are a year younger, 2 are his age and the girl he calls "Eurydice" is 3 years older than he is.

Every one I have been to wants me to be on pills. I have never been on a combination that didn't make my problems worse. When I use to fantasize about being brutally killed and eaten, I was on the happy pills. I appreciate your advice but u really do not believe it is right for me. Also I am NOT sensitive about my weight, at least not anymore. I have a bomb figure and I love my pudge and curves. I use to be ashamed that I loved to eat and of my big appetite but that all changed with my husband. Also, I was the one who wanted to be fed, he was the one who actually said we couldn't do it anymore. Apparently he got freaked out when a "friend" of his died from a stroke, in fact after that happened he put me on this insane diet and started working me out like crazy. He only let up on that after I got injured in a Kung-fu accident.
One more thing, my niece wasn't out at night. This happened at like 9 or 10 in the morning, that's why she went to his work and everyone was there. I believe him when he says he honestly believed she wasn't in danger. He was just a jerk to my sister in law and my brother.

Thank you for answering my question. I don't want to pry or get too personal. I will continue to pray for you and your family.

Please don't get offended for I really am praying for you and want the best of health for you in the Lord. God knows you better than you know yourself and loves you as a precious daughter.

My husband is a civil engineer, my cousin is a mechanical engineer, her sister is married to an engineer and I have two nephews that are engineers; industrial and electrical. My dad is an engineer also, so I have some experience with the engineer types and personality characteristics and it's been bothering me how your husband can be only 26 and already managing other engineers plus getting contracts for his firm. If he has contracted for jobs I'm assuming he's a PE. It takes four years after getting a degree before you can sit for the PE exam. His age and position don't add up.

In all kindness, I'm not trying to put you on the spot. I pray that you will be comforted in the name of our Lord, Jesus. I pray that the new church you are attending will bring a new beginning of health and wellness for you and your family.

It's times like this that I hate the internet because it's so anonymous and impersonal. What we have here on this forum really can't take the place of person to person contact and followup. ((Hugs))

 

[lambkisses]

Thank you for answering my question. I don't want to pry or get too personal. I will continue to pray for you and your family.

Please don't get offended for I really am praying for you and want the best of health for you in the Lord. God knows you better than you know yourself and loves you as a precious daughter.

My husband is a civil engineer, my cousin is a mechanical engineer, her sister is married to an engineer and I have two nephews that are engineers; industrial and electrical. My dad is an engineer also, so I have some experience with the engineer types and personality characteristics and it's been bothering me how your husband can be only 26 and already managing other engineers plus getting contracts for his firm. If he has contracted for jobs I'm assuming he's a PE. It takes four years after getting a degree before you can sit for the PE exam. His age and position don't add up.

In all kindness, I'm not trying to put you on the spot. I pray that you will be comforted in the name of our Lord, Jesus. I pray that the new church you are attending will bring a new beginning of health and wellness for you and your family.

It's times like this that I hate the internet because it's so anonymous and impersonal. What we have here on this forum really can't take the place of person to person contact and followup. ((Hugs))

Yes he is a PE, he just got it two years ago, he finished school at 20 and the 4 years allows you to count time you spent in Co-op. I wouldn't have believed it myself if I didn't babysit him when he was 10. Yes he is very young but that has a lot more to do with how hard his parents were on him. From what I understand he didn't really have a childhood because his parents made him focus on the bible and academics. His mom is actually proud of the fact that they only summer vacation activity he ever had was VBS and Kumon. One of my earliest memories of him was I could get him to do my high school Geometry homework in exchange for pixie sticks or mike and Ike candies when I use to watch him (he was 10 and I was 14) He had to rush himself through college because a diploma would be the only way he would have any measure of freedom. This is one of the reasons I excuse a lot of the crazy crap that he pulls. I figure he never got to get it out of his system as a child so I should let him get it out now. I actually have my PE too (Chemical) but i worked for close to 6years before i passed the exam . He gets to supervise other engineers because it is his buddy's daddy's company. The department started off as just him he initially got that job because his buddy's daddy needed a design stamped by a PE. My husband convinced him to start an engineering department so they can do consulting work for some contacts he made while we were in the middle east (he actually use to have a job at a big corporation but "resigned" due to having way too many conflicts with people. This is another reason correcting his behavior is so incredibly difficult. He had a bit of a strict childhood but he was insanely lucky in his adult professional life. He had a job right out of college which he finished young, this job took him to different parts of the world. He was exposed to many different managers, rig supervisors, company men, project managers, and other influential people. Once that job ran it's course he had the experience he needed to sit for the PE exam, he passed so now he had that little piece of paper plus a rolodex full of contacts. Then his buddy's daddy needed an engineer to perform an approval for him so of course he was the first choice for that job (mind you this man knew my husband since he was 7). That in turn got his foot in the door of that company. Now having licence and being attached to a company with manufacturing capabilities he was able to reach out to some of the influential people he met in his last job to offer them services. With bids for business in hand my husband was able to leverage his buddy's daddy into building a department around him and giving him a stake in the company. Then they hired two of his friends from college ("ptolomy" and "cleatus") he met "Eurydice" at the offshore technology conference and "phylotos" was a friend of his best friend. The other two were just hired off of monster. The department swelled in size to handle a refinery job that the company landed. In short my husband had just the right combination of intelligence, acumen and dumb luck to get to where he is today.
Also before you say anything, I am well aware that my husband's actions and activities do not exactly line up with the tenants of the engineer's creed. I have told him many times perhaps his time with his EIT'S is better spent reviewing fluid flow rather than lessons on how to shoot arrows from horseback, an impressive feat yet with little praticality in this day and age.

 

[Hearingheart]

Yes he is a PE, he just got it two years ago, he finished school at 20 and the 4 years allows you to count time you spent in Co-op. I wouldn't have believed it myself if I didn't babysit him when he was 10. Yes he is very young but that has a lot more to do with how hard his parents were on him. From what I understand he didn't really have a childhood because his parents made him focus on the bible and academics. His mom is actually proud of the fact that they only summer vacation activity he ever had was VBS and Kumon. One of my earliest memories of him was I could get him to do my high school Geometry homework in exchange for pixie sticks or mike and Ike candies when I use to watch him (he was 10 and I was 14) He had to rush himself through college because a diploma would be the only way he would have any measure of freedom. This is one of the reasons I excuse a lot of the crazy crap that he pulls. I figure he never got to get it out of his system as a child so I should let him get it out now. I actually have my PE too (Chemical) but i worked for close to 6years before i passed the exam . He gets to supervise other engineers because it is his buddy's daddy's company. The department started off as just him he initially got that job because his buddy's daddy needed a design stamped by a PE. My husband convinced him to start an engineering department so they can do consulting work for some contacts he made while we were in the middle east (he actually use to have a job at a big corporation but "resigned" due to having way too many conflicts with people. This is another reason correcting his behavior is so incredibly difficult. He had a bit of a strict childhood but he was insanely lucky in his adult professional life. He had a job right out of college which he finished young, this job took him to different parts of the world. He was exposed to many different managers, rig supervisors, company men, project managers, and other influential people. Once that job ran it's course he had the experience he needed to sit for the PE exam, he passed so now he had that little piece of paper plus a rolodex full of contacts. Then his buddy's daddy needed an engineer to perform an approval for him so of course he was the first choice for that job (mind you this man knew my husband since he was 7). That in turn got his foot in the door of that company. Now having licence and being attached to a company with manufacturing capabilities he was able to reach out to some of the influential people he met in his last job to offer them services. With bids for business in hand my husband was able to leverage his buddy's daddy into building a department around him and giving him a stake in the company. Then they hired two of his friends from college ("ptolomy" and "cleatus") he met "Eurydice" at the offshore technology conference and "phylotos" was a friend of his best friend. The other two were just hired off of monster. The department swelled in size to handle a refinery job that the company landed. In short my husband had just the right combination of intelligence, acumen and dumb luck to get to where he is today.
Also before you say anything, I am well aware that my husband's actions and activities do not exactly line up with the tenants of the engineer's creed. I have told him many times perhaps his time with his EIT'S is better spent reviewing fluid flow rather than lessons on how to shoot arrows from horseback, an impressive feat yet with little praticality in this day and age.

So your husband started college when he was 15 or 16?

 

[lambkisses]

So your husband started college when he was 15 or 16?

Sort of. . He was 17 but he entered college as a "supersophmore". He had a raft of Ap credits, SATII credits, community college dual credits which allowed him to enter college as a second semester sophomore with a 4.0 GPA. On a side note, if you have children I strongly urge you to see to it that they take full advantage of the AP, IB, or dual credit opportunities their high school has to offer. For example take an AP calculus class, if your child completes the class and then performers well on the AP test he/she can get up to 6 college hours for that one class. That test costed I think 40 dollars when I was in high school, when I went to college one credit hour cost I think 90dollars. So 40 bucks versus 540 bucks is A HUGE savings. Imagine what your child could do with that money especially if he or she has a couple of those under his or her belt. That goes the same for SATII your child could potentially test out and receive credit for all his/her basic sequence classes. I personally didn't have near as many as my husband did but my parents were really cool in the fact that for every college hour I saved by testing out they gave me in cash half of the money I saved. Also entering college with a base 4.0 GPA does wonders for your opportunities too. I was given a "Women in engineering " scholarship and my husband had various labs and research organizations pratically fighting over him, the summer after his first year at college. And because he was in such a high demand for the different summer programs he was able to select one which gave him credit (which brought him even closer to early graduation)and experience which would count towards engineering time.
In all I think my husband spent 2 and a half years actually in college. I am really glad you asked your question though because the answer should give some context to the crazy. My husband is an excellent example of "too much of a good thing" when it comes to parenting. True, pushing him so hard had made him insanely successful, however I think not letting him be a child is what is the root cause of nearly all his problems. That's why he knows scripture almost by heart yet he does so much in defiance to it. This is also another reason I continue to look the other way on his sexual daliances, he never really had to chance to experience those little adolescent events (first dance, first date, etc) that most of us take for granted so I really can't hold it against him that his views on relationships and female companionship may be a little skewed. To me it is also very telling that he seems to have an attraction to women who are 5 to 10 years his senior. I think that is partially due to him being plunked into classes with people much older and more developed than himself right as he was going through puberty.

 

[lambkisses]

So your husband started college when he was 15 or 16?

I forgot to say to you, if you want to pm me I can give you a good run down on a good strategy to minimize the cost of an engineering degree. The plan my husband was on may have been a tad intense and something I don't recommend but the plan I was on allowed me to graduate in 3 years plus one summer with a degree in ChemE. Thus isn't a sales pitch, just some advice to be weighed if you have children who want to continue the engineering tradition in your family.

 

[Hearingheart]

I forgot to say to you, if you want to pm me I can give you a good run down on a good strategy to minimize the cost of an engineering degree. The plan my husband was on may have been a tad intense and something I don't recommend but the plan I was on allowed me to graduate in 3 years plus one summer with a degree in ChemE. Thus isn't a sales pitch, just some advice to be weighed if you have children who want to continue the engineering tradition in your family.

Thanks, but my children are grown....my youngest is 30.

 

[lambkisses]

Thanks, but my children are grown....my youngest is 30.

cool, I just turned 30 myself recently. I dread the cost education would be when my future children get to college age. I sincerely hope that they either pick a major where the name of the job is in the name of the degree or they are pretty enough that it doesn't matter

 

[lambkisses]

Thanks, but my children are grown....my youngest is 30.

Also for what is worth I agree with you, at 26 years old my husband should not be managing other engineers norshould he have that licence. Frankly, if it were up to me I wouldn't trust him to manage a Dairy Queen. The technical ability is there no question about it but not the maturity. He finished college when most college kids were sneaking into bars with fake id's he got his PE license when most of his high school friends were just getting their diplomas.
I whole heartedly believe the 4 years of mandatory experience is not only to develop the technical skill set but also the maturity. Engineering is Suppose to be a 4 year degree but most take 5 and some up to 6 putting the average age of an engineering grad to be between 22 and 24 there by putting new PE'S to be around 26 to 28 when they first get licenced. I was 29 myself when I got mine. However the state school my husband went to let's you graduate once you have the requisite number of credit hours so they had to hand him that diploma at the age of 20. And since he completed the requirements for licensure at 24 they had no choice but to issue him his stamp. If you ask me if he is careless/dishonest enough to do something that would endanger people, property, or the environment the answer is a resounding no. But if you ask me if he is ready to mentor other engineers, the answer to that is a resounding no as well. When it comes to actual engineering mentoring "Eurydice"is much better, she is much more patient, she is much more serious (when my husband isn't around), and she is much less silly. She is 29 and when it comes to the babysitting/mentoring aspects of being an engineering manager she is the real lead there.