What constitutes dating?

[com7fy8]

Well, we are family, in Jesus. So, possibly it is good to go to things where more than one Christian is with us, and not isolate with only one person. But I think you can be prayerful and communicate and be trustworthy with each other, about what your understanding is and your intentions. So, if you know someone and she says she understands you want to be single, you can go out. And you might have an understanding that if one of you starts to get more interested in the other, that that one will be honest enough so say this is starting. In love which is honest, you can do this.

But I am sure that there has been "love" that people have fallen in, which was not honest, but only being charmed; and we see how people have become because of falling for the wrong people. There are people who are, really, in love with what they want, not really the other person; but love does not have us only using anyone.

My opinion now is that God's love will not sexually attract you to someone He does not want you to marry. So, if you prayerfully evaluate someone and find you two can trust each other for non-marital dating, enjoy. But we need all our Jesus family people; so I would hope you enjoy and share with various brothers and sisters, however.

 

[dayhiker]

I have a number of ladies I meet regularly that I guess one could call them dates. 3 of them are long distance so I only see them ever few weeks. I love going on dates to dance, go out to eat or a movie. Even meeting to walk around a pond or thru a park is great fun. We get to catch up on our lived and what we have been up to. Last week I had a date with a massage therapist and we swapped massages.

 

[Goodbook]

I think if you actually have enough cash to go to a movie or dinner or concert on your own and willing to make the effort, then it doesnt take much to ask someone else to go with you.

Dont be afraid to ask someone out. They may really appreciate being asked even if they cant go with you. Give them a fair bit of warning though, dont expect them to drop everything and go with you right away.

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

I think if you actually have enough cash to go to a movie or dinner or concert on your own and willing to make the effort, then it doesnt take much to ask someone else to go with you.

Dont be afraid to ask someone out. They may really appreciate being asked even if they cant go with you. Give them a fair bit of warning though, dont expect them to drop everything and go with you right away.

I do at times but often feel afterwards I could have had more fun going alone. Sometimes I just want to go to a movie. I don't want to eat dinner with someone first or do something afterwards. I just want to see the movie. Given you can't talk during a movie going with someone to a movie and nothing else is hardly worth it. You might as well go alone.

I do believe I am low in dopamine and am seeing my psychiatrist about it soon. That could explain a number of my issues. If I get on dopamine boosting medication it could make a big difference.

 

[Goodbook]

No law saying you cant go alone, but dont complain about it if thats what you prefer.

 

[dayhiker]

I sure don't see NotUrAvgGuy complaining! Not sure why you have felt the need to repeat it 20 times in several different ways since you started posting on Mature Singles. Do you know why this is what you want to talk about so much? To I guess is that sums up your life, then that is naturally what you would talk about.

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

I sure don't see NotUrAvgGuy complaining! Not sure why you have felt the need to repeat it 20 times in several different ways since you started posting on Mature Singles. Do you know why this is what you want to talk about so much? To I guess is that sums up your life, then that is naturally what you would talk about.

Bad habit. Sorry. I think talking about it helps me cope with it. I will try to let it go.

 

[dayhiker]

Bad habit. Sorry. I think talking about it helps me cope with it. I will try to let it go.

Its not that I want you to stop talking about it, especially since it helps you. I just didn't understand since you clearly understand who you are and how you enjoy being alone much of the time. So I didn't get why you would be talking about it so much. I'm all about people being able to share what they need to on these message boards.

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

I think it's another part of what's wrong with me. I tend to dwell on things like this and over-analyze. I have a hard time just letting it go. Not sure why. I have been in and out of counseling most of my adult life including for the last 2+ years weekly. Like many introverts I am a deep thinker. I love to learn and am constantly learning. Since I have very little social contact maybe expressing myself in forums like this (even if I am repeating myself) acts like a pressure relief valve.

I think this contributes to me over talking when in social situations. I ask questions and listen but once I get to know someone then it's a lot of small talk which bores me. So I want to talk about all the things I've been learning and most people just don't learn to the degree I do so I have TONS to talk about and they mostly have the everyday stuff to talk about. So I'm wanting to talk about centrifuges used to enrich uranium and they are just not able to say much.

 

[dayhiker]

I can relate to that tho I don't think I was as intense as you sound. I have done a lot of studying in my life. Have like 240 Bachelor college credits and then there is all I've studied just to learn things. I don't know that I over analyzed things tho.
At the time I was listening to some teaching on Rom.8:3-8 where it talks about the differences in the body of Christ. The list there was term our motivational gifts in this teaching. Not everyone has the gift of teaching and of course we ahve to learn before we can teach.

At some point a number of years ago I started to get really interesting in knowing people. I also believe God was asking me to be friends with people. I quickly learned as you have that most people aren't interested in knowing details about how the world works. So what motivated me I learned didn't motivate them, so I had to accept them with their interests if they were going to see me as a friend. Thus I cam to appreciate small talk as the glue that allowed me to be friends with people.
I guess I also had to get more into my emotions to be accepted as a friend as well. In college I took a test that said I was 99% logical over against empathetic.

So I've moved a long ways from where I was to where I am now.

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

I have friends and can make small talk but it's hard to do it for long periods of time. I am very empathetic. Last night was a funny example. I was hiking with a friend and mentioned how the downhills are the hardest on my legs as my cycling does not strengthen the muscles that help arrest your momentum on downhills. She then said something incorrect about how many hamstring muscles we have so I quickly and graphically pointed out what muscles make up the front of our legs. She listened then laughed and I asked why she laughed and she said "you are just a walking encyclopedia." To some extent that is true but while I love learning for learning's sake there is often a practical reason I learn what I do. I tore the sartorius muscle once in my left thigh and to better understand the injury I did some reading. I did not get a medical degree or read volumes. So now I know somethings about the thigh. I retain a lot of what I learn which helps. I know some people would just get the treatment and soon forget anything they learned about the injury but I file it away in that file cabinet in my brain.

 

[exitstageright]

Personally I don't consider it dating if I am out with a woman strictly as a friend and I am not paying her way. That's just hanging out with a friend. It is understood upfront that I am not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. Beyond a friendly hug there is no physical contact. No talk of marriage or romance. Just two friends hanging out so to me that is not a date.

Does fully clothed cuddling count as a date? Even though she states that we are just friends? When we are watching my DVDS of "The Twilight Zone",she usually asks me to give her a foot massage. I never turn her down.

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

Does fully clothed cuddling count as a date? Even though she states that we are just friends? When we are watching my DVDS of "The Twilight Zone",she usually asks me to give her a foot massage. I never turn her down.

I would not call that a date. You are close friends but without a pursuit of a romantic relationship.

 

[dayhiker]

I'd call it a date as its a planned get together. I pursue romantic relationships but I'm not prusueing marriage.

exit ... I have a friend who is always giving woman foot massages.

 

[blackribbon]

Both people have to consider it a romantic date for it to BE a romantic date. If I considered it a "date", I'd consider it a date like when I go out with my same sex friends. Exit, don't ruin your friendship by thinking that she is going to change what she has clearly defined as "what your relationship" is. Sometimes time will change things but don't feel betrayed if it doesn't. She obviously has been clear and upfront with you and by spending time with her, you have committed that you are "okay" with her conditions....no matter how many foot rubs you give.