What are the best things to do in order to be content being alone?

[J Daniel]

I agree with all you say.

I wanna say something before I go.

I was reading a thread about online dating and I saw your comment you said about how women get inundated with messages and when you speak to a woman online don't expect to be the only one she is talking with.

Made me feel kinda sad (cos I am lil mentally scarred from previous long distance).

I want to be honest about the entire past long distance relationship.........

Okay - I am going to be VERY honest about it (I hope you have patience to still read through it......)

Though it was sinful the relationship - I can't lie I do miss her......and she was from Catholic family (but she was not really a believer in the Christian sense) she was more NEW SCHOOL agreed with things like LGBT and other things that I knew I could not support.

Anyway, things with me and her were difficult cos of the long distance. And at times I would end our relationship cos of anger of distance (frustration cos nobody wants to be with somebody that is 3000 miles away in New England, USA).

Anyway, year in I did download Tinder and was messaging women. She knew I was on WhatsApp speaking to women (cos i was online not speaking to her).

She came to the UK and found out was upset and when she found out was upset and even asked me questions like *Do you jack off for them on camera too?* ................. cos me and her used to do things on camera for each other I leave at that you get idea.

And I felt very sick when she asked me that - and I guess my spirit inside made me realise that our relation was not right - and made me realise that something is not right about our union.

Anyway as she was still here I was still in the flesh and we had intercourse etc etc and she left but I was still on Tinder.

She knew and I was no longer on Tinder but we didn't really talk - then we kinda spoke more 3 weeks later and then got back together talking however I didn't know (she never said) that she was dating new people joined a site and met a divorcee that she liked and ended up having sex with this guy and that was her way of 'moving on'.

She told me AFTER I booked my flight to see her in the summer.

I was very upset and broken and it made me realise just how CHEAP sex is. Ya know?

Can just move on like that and have sex with somebody else like that. I was not perfect! But I never did have sex with other women!!! NEVER!!!

For a lil while mind was corrupt cos made me think *it is that easy for her to just do that?* again more fornication with somebody else.

So we ended it and she did refund my plane fare.

From then I made it my business not to have sex till marriage and repeat the same mistakes. Cos I could very easily gone back on Tinder and meet women and really take things to the sexual extreme.

But, at the sametime, I knew it wouldn't make me feel better - just cos she did it.

So then I came across John Pipper's video about rejection and from there I felt I need to make a change.

So, I guess, that is why now I am so into the idea of just being married now (with the Godly woman that I can learn from and question) a woman I get on with and not make the same errors.

Despite what she did - i still care for her - I feel that she is repeating the same cycle eventually.

Cos I learned these last 4 weeks that sex outside of marriage is a KILLER!

Cos I have given away something that I can never ever get back! The whole SOUL TIE thing.

Cos sex with somebody is exchange of spirits and blood etc etc etc (you get the point).

I just want to be a settled man - no more of this online stuff.

I guess why i was lil sad about that thread you commented on about ONLINE DATING cos I know my previous woman would have been *inundated* with messages - she told me she went on a few dates etc etc etc before meeting this divorcee man online.

I guess I just feel i dunno like so much was happening and I never knew. I KNOW I WAS NOT PERFECT!

But the idea that somebody you TRULY care for is intimate else where is not a nice feeling...............cos that thing of sex is sacred for one person. Then just felt like what we did physically was nothing - like i was just another body in her CV (resume) of men.............

That is why marriage I am so for it now - and doing it UNDER CHRIST.

Not saying I am getting married tomorrow! But what I am saying is that I want to do thing right. And I will not be doing that stuff ever again till marriage cos it scares you mentally.

People act like men don't get scared from sexual soul ties THAT IS A LIE! Men are just as mentally scarred. Just because women are 'receivers' in sex doesn't mean they are more scarred. Not true.

So yeah. That is why I am now trying to press in new light.

Sorry for long message.

That is why feels like my confidence and self-esteem is rock bottom.

Starting new in every area.

But the Christian way i said to God despite all I forgive her and as broken as I was I said to God if me and her NOT being together means we reach our purpose separately then fine.

And HURTS cos feelings come out of illegitimate relationships that NEVER SHOULD BE! Look at Abraham and Hagar! Classic example!

And truth is - the relationship with me and her should have ended before it even started!

Being on an emotional rollercoaster for NOTHING!

Feelings are a sucker.

Now - i wanna do things right.

Dating is just that - just dating finding out about them - SEX should not be on any part of it! Cos once that is done you are tied emotionally then have created feelings for this person you never would have had before........

Reason why God wanted things done in a certain way - to avoid all this crap.

Anyway sorry for going on - I just wanted to talk.

Truth is why I joined this forum was so I could talk and listen to other Christians.

I am very much in process (not perfect).

But I am trying to change.

Hence why BAPTISM need to walk in the spirit (as Galatians says).

But I do want to speak to that woman at church - that is one of my objectives - I feel I owe it to myself to know about her.

Cos it is easy to speak to people on dating sites - but in person FIRST TIME of the CUFF different story!

Anyway I am sorry for long message.....

Truthfully, I do this with all attractions. The reasons may be good or bad and I won’t know unless I ask the question.



Both of those of course. But what catches my eye and keeps it is confidence. Not the sort borne of ego but self-awareness. Oftentimes maturity and wisdom are part of the picture and I value that.



If given the choice I’ll take a complement every time. I want someone who isn’t afraid to push and challenge me. And can accept the same himself. The mutual stretching betters us each. Our spiritual fruit will multiply as a result.



I know someone like that. He’s gorgeous, intelligent, and ticks most of my boxes. Save God. It can never be. I won’t forsake Him.



How funny. My friend knew him as well and immediately recognized his interest. I’ve learned a lot through him and have grown in my faith and as a woman. For that I’m grateful.



I used to say my complexity is in my simplicity. I think it still fits.



It’s a new beginning. That old life is dead.

 

[J Daniel]

Baptism isn't to change you. It is an outward statement that you are a new man and are going to live the Christian life you claimed when you asked Jesus to be your Lord. Baptism is just telling others publicly that you intend to set your heart on following Christ. Now, would be the perfect time. You still have the old man to shed.

Yes - i know baptism can't change me - again people have been baptised in past but it is just a wasting of water! Just a WASH! Well please, sir, tell me how I COMPLETELY SHRED THE OLD MAN OF MYSELF! Cos, believe me I wish to God I could erase everything old about myself! The old sinful memories etc etc - I just want a new start.....................

As for what to do now, learn how to serve others. Prepare yourself to be a Godly man in your next relationship. You don't do that by jumping into a new relationship but by learning to put others (not just those you are attracted to) ahead of you. Ask at church for volunteering opportunities. It might be visiting an old man who can't get out of his house much and assisting with things around his house. It might be serving in some capacity at the church. It might be a churchwide volunteer activity like a mission trip to an inner city area, or cleaning up a park, or an event like a dance for special needs adults.

Okay being a Godly man in my next relationship I agree! Cos I spoke with my mother (she is born again) about the bad things I did in previous relationship and she said I must be Christ like in next woman I meet and treat her how I would want to be treated cos we all have feelings!

I like what you said about not needing to jump into a new relationship to do that - but by helping at church - okay perfect - well my 6 week break is coming up so will have time to volunteer in some way! I just want to give my time for that - help mould me!


I think this is probably a time for you to grow as a Christian so that you have the tools to be a Christian spouse one day. It is easier if following God is already your habit than trying to learn how to follow God when your GF is pulling you in a different direction.

I love your words of wisdom sir. I will write down your points once I am back from the gym! But thank you man! Really love these words! I really want to be that model Christian that really helps others and has a beautiful spirit.

I think I am just scared at the same time - that I won't get a chance with another woman again (mentally just damaged) after everything. I need Christ so badly.............................

Good luck.

 

[blackribbon]

Don't you owe it to her to become a healthy version of you first? She can't fix you. Even having a Christian relationship with her won't fix your issues. You need to focus on becoming a Godly man that has forgiven himself as well as having accepted God's forgiveness before you are in any shape to enter in a relationship with another who likely has her own history and pain.

Good luck. She can't fix you. Only God can.

 

[J Daniel]

1. Yes - i know baptism can't change me - again people have been baptised in past but it is just a wasting of water! Just a WASH! Well please, sir, tell me how I COMPLETELY SHRED THE OLD MAN OF MYSELF! Cos, believe me I wish to God I could erase everything old about myself! The old sinful memories etc etc - I just want a new start.....................

2. Okay being a Godly man in my next relationship I agree! Cos I spoke with my mother (she is born again) about the bad things I did in previous relationship and she said I must be Christ like in next woman I meet and treat her how I would want to be treated cos we all have feelings!

3. I like what you said about not needing to jump into a new relationship to do that - but by helping at church - okay perfect - well my 6 week break is coming up so will have time to volunteer in some way! I just want to give my time for that - help mould me!

4. I love your words of wisdom sir. I will write down your points once I am back from the gym! But thank you man! Really love these words! I really want to be that model Christian that really helps others and has a beautiful spirit.

5. I think I am just scared at the same time - that I won't get a chance with another woman again (mentally just damaged) after everything. I need Christ so badly.............................

Baptism isn't to change you. It is an outward statement that you are a new man and are going to live the Christian life you claimed when you asked Jesus to be your Lord. Baptism is just telling others publicly that you intend to set your heart on following Christ. Now, would be the perfect time. You still have the old man to shed.

As for what to do now, learn how to serve others. Prepare yourself to be a Godly man in your next relationship. You don't do that by jumping into a new relationship but by learning to put others (not just those you are attracted to) ahead of you. Ask at church for volunteering opportunities. It might be visiting an old man who can't get out of his house much and assisting with things around his house. It might be serving in some capacity at the church. It might be a churchwide volunteer activity like a mission trip to an inner city area, or cleaning up a park, or an event like a dance for special needs adults.

I think this is probably a time for you to grow as a Christian so that you have the tools to be a Christian spouse one day. It is easier if following God is already your habit than trying to learn how to follow God when your GF is pulling you in a different direction.

Good luck.

 

[J Daniel]

You are right

Can you give me SIMPLE steps of how i heal myself (I WILL WRITE THE OTHER THINGS FROM YOUR OTHER THREAD!!!!) I just want you to give me in simple simple dumb steps!

I know nobody can fix me but Christ - just during this process - I see a woman I like - but I guess she should not be focus when I am trying to sort myself in the spirit of Christianity.......................

They say things like *SOMETIMES A SEASON OF SINGLENESS IS NEEDED* to build with God.

Am I trying to do both of SEEKING HER and REBUILDING when truth is I can only do one to start off (more important is the REBUILDING IN THE SPIRIT OF CHRIST).

However - I feel as if time would be running out - SILLY I KNOW COS CHRISTIAN WOMEN THAT ARE SINGLE ARE ALWAYS AROUND - I am just still in process of recovering from the past............... =/

Thank you please give me your wise steps thanks!

Don't you owe it to her to become a healthy version of you first? She can't fix you. Even having a Christian relationship with her won't fix your issues. You need to focus on becoming a Godly man that has forgiven himself as well as having accepted God's forgiveness before you are in any shape to enter in a relationship with another who likely has her own history and pain.

Good luck. She can't fix you. Only God can.

 

[blackribbon]

1. Yes - i know baptism can't change me - again people have been baptised in past but it is just a wasting of water! Just a WASH! Well please, sir, tell me how I COMPLETELY SHRED THE OLD MAN OF MYSELF! Cos, believe me I wish to God I could erase everything old about myself! The old sinful memories etc etc - I just want a new start.....................

I was baptized in a lake. No water was wasted and I likely was physically dirtier than when I walked in. It changed nothing about me. It was an act of obedience and an outward testimony. It doesn't change anything that wasn't changed before you waded in the water. And becoming Christ-like isn't an overnight thing nor easy. It is a daily walk where you put your desires away and live the life modeled by Christ, making the needs of others your priority and goal. It is about loving people...not physically like sex, but loving with your heart the people who are hard to love and those that need Christ-like love in their lives. It is through loving others, that you will feel God's love yourself.

Until you can love that dirty beggar in the corner like Christ does, you can't love a partner/spouse the way He commands you to. Time to practice loving on people you have no desire to please or date. Time to build that relationship with God so you can be a Godly man when you do meet the woman that you want to marry.

 

[blackribbon]

My suggestion is to go to church and ask if there are some homebound Christian men in your church that you can visit. Commit to visit one at least weekly. Learn to be this man's friend. He could be old or young, but find someone who needs a friend. You may just talk about sports, play chess, or watch favorite movies together. Your goal is to find what you have in common. Bring a snack for him and you to share each visit.

Next, ask for the name of an older strong Christian woman who may be single or may be widowed who needs help and to be visited. Likely she will pray for you when you are not there, so double blessing. She also would be a good source on understanding how to be a godly man who would make a Godly husband some day. Again, commit to visit her once a week. Offer to do odd jobs, give her rides places, or just sit and visit. Bring your Bible and ask her to teach you about God and Jesus.

If you do this, you life will be so much richer in 6 months than it is now. Your ability to love will be more Christ-like and be more attractive to younger women. And you will not have as much time to sit, moan, and feel sorry for yourself. It will be a time to grow. And in the end, I suspect you will feel very blessed, happier, and wholer than you do now.

Two very simple things. Two people who you can improve their lives. And you get practice in loving selflessly. And I bet your life will look very different by Christmas.

 

[bèlla]

I was reading a thread about online dating and I saw your comment you said about how women get inundated with messages and when you speak to a woman online don't expect to be the only one she is talking with.

Let me clarify a few things. I have never joined a dating site. I was a member of a couple of forums that included people who participated on defunct sites and mailing lists. We were part of the same circles for many years.

The personal section allowed members to communicate privately and share their profile. Most guys are messaging lots of women and copying the words. There are moments when we received the same one. ;-)

The challenge with online dating is the possibility for hedging and both sexes do it. You may be the lone one they’re talking to. But the probability of that being the case is small.

Juggling prospects is a headache. It doesn’t take me long to determine if I’m interested. I don’t believe in extending things just because. However, my stance isn’t everyone’s. Some prefer to keep options close just in case. But I feel that’s repugnant.

Okay - I am going to be VERY honest about it (I hope you have patience to still read through it......)

Stop worrying. I like your personality. It’s refreshing and to the point.

I was very upset and broken and it made me realise just how CHEAP sex is. Ya know?

It’s a slippery slope and sex was probably her way of coping with her anger. Though that doesn’t make it go away.

So, I guess, that is why now I am so into the idea of just being married now (with the Godly woman that I can learn from and question) a woman I get on with and not make the same errors.

You learned a lesson that others take many rounds to grasp. It isn’t strange that you care for her well-being. Prayer would do a lot for you both. It will turn the wound into a blessing and heal your pain and seek the Lord’s intervention for her too.

Prayer is the litmus test for my heart. If I don’t feel a compulsion to go to the Lord on that person’s behalf he’s the wrong one. If I’m unwilling to suffer and sacrifice I don’t go forward.

Cos sex with somebody is exchange of spirits and blood etc etc etc (you get the point).

That can be remedied. We’ll discuss it later.

But the idea that somebody you TRULY care for is intimate else where is not a nice feeling...............cos that thing of sex is sacred for one person. Then just felt like what we did physically was nothing - like i was just another body in her CV (resume) of men.............

I was abstinent before the Lord snatched me back. Even then I had a principle about physical intimacy and felt it shouldn’t be distributed like flyers. It dishonors me and I won’t debase myself in that way.

But the Christian way i said to God despite all I forgive her and as broken as I was I said to God if me and her NOT being together means we reach our purpose separately then fine.

I said the same and want the best for him in every way. That hasn’t changed. Your perspective is a sign of maturity. Some people wish otherwise.

Cos it is easy to speak to people on dating sites - but in person FIRST TIME of the CUFF different story!

Engaging with someone on the Internet is fine. But the moment you come together physically the clock resets. That’s when you begin.

I like hearing you talk. You’re real and that’s important. I’m not looking for mister religious. Or an armchair scholar. It’s the bones that matter. The person who wants to improve will earn my respect because he’s trying and isn’t content to remain as is. He’s brave.

I’m not sure where he is to be found. But I’m keeping my eyes open.

 

[J Daniel]

You made some amazing statements man! They almost make me wanna cry.........for real!

When you said *UNTIL YOU LOVE THAT DIRTY BEGGAR LIKE CHRIST DOES YOU CAN'T LOVE SPOUSE THE WAY HE COMMANDS YOU*

I am sorry that was a striking statement..............kinda make me wanna cry............cos trying to find the answer to the opposite sex when in reality every boils down to you (ME) and giving to others...........really caring for others.........loving people you have no desire to be physical with....but a loving them with your heart. That is an amazing testimony!

You are right being Christ like is not an overnight thing! It is a life long thing - no doubt!

I read on YouTube a comment somebody said *CHRISTIANITY IS NOT A RELIGION BUT IT IS A RELATIONSHIP*

About being that Godly man - cos at my Church there is a young pastor (more an ordained teacher) 35 (6 years old than me) and he is married and he has a great aura about him. Very approachable and loving man.

And, I think to myself, 'I need to be that type of Godly man' not for my own satisfaction but to please Christ and in turn please myself! To know I am doing what God wills us to do - ya get me?

I opened up to him about my experience etc and he told me he went through a savage break up of 4 years and turned to the church after and put God first in everything. Met his wife through the church doing works etc.

But Mr Ribbon. Thank you ever so much for your words - tomorrow morning (I hope should I get up early enough) I will write down the steps you said to make.

I believe these steps taken (with prayer) will help me in the right direction.

Cos these prayers would be answered - why? Cos it is God's will for us to be Christ like.

Start with loving people you would not not ordinarily care for etc but like I said will take notes on what you said.

Thank you very much - God Bless

P.S when you said I owe it to myself to be well first under God (to that effect) before anything else you are right (I always knew this) just didn't know HOW to go about it the right way.

I am thankful I have the 6 weeks break starting next week so I can fulfil these things you mentioned! Cos I want to be that Godly man! As much as I want to marry that type of woman in future - I must work to be that Godly man first.

Thanks again I will be rereading everything you said!

I was baptized in a lake. No water was wasted and I likely was physically dirtier than when I walked in. It changed nothing about me. It was an act of obedience and an outward testimony. It doesn't change anything that wasn't changed before you waded in the water. And becoming Christ-like isn't an overnight thing nor easy. It is a daily walk where you put your desires away and live the life modeled by Christ, making the needs of others your priority and goal. It is about loving people...not physically like sex, but loving with your heart the people who are hard to love and those that need Christ-like love in their lives. It is through loving others, that you will feel God's love yourself.

Until you can love that dirty beggar in the corner like Christ does, you can't love a partner/spouse the way He commands you to. Time to practice loving on people you have no desire to please or date. Time to build that relationship with God so you can be a Godly man when you do meet the woman that you want to marry.

 

[J Daniel]

1. Okay sorry I fort you did join a dating site once upon a time. My apologies for that.

2. Well that was her choice - she said she really connected and liked him - her way to move on but that is her choice - I will say this (COS ME AND HER WERE NOT EVEN MARRIED) and it cut! So only God knows how married people when they find out somebody had sex outside the marriage how they would feel?!?!? My God............................................not cool! My perspective on thing VERY different!

3. Yes I do pray for her well being just for Christ to enter her heart - I think issue for me cos at times I will miss her - but other friends of mine say - THE FACT SHE DID THAT TELLS ME SHE IS NOT WORTH IT - maybe! But still just pray she is well. That is all. Cos there will come a time in life I will need grace and mercy. Ya know? So yeah. But I do feel she is repeating same cycle I do..............

4. Please tell me how I can remedy that aspect (of exchanging via sex) cos this affected me BADLY at work (I am a teacher) and I was breaking down at school =/ and my school had to send me home multiple times before the doctor signed me off for *ANXIETY STATE* Cos when so much time was invested but that sexual intimacy - and again sucks cos I will never get that back when that should have been with my future wife - my body too priceless to just give away. That is just for marriage! Not repeating same errors!

5. Well everybody is looking for that right person - as much as I want to know that woman - reading what Mr. Ribbon says it does make sense for me to sort myself with Christ - yes people will say you can still talk to her and sort self - TRUE - I think that is played by ear. But I do want to be that Godly man. Cos it will be good for my heart. To be in the mind of helping and giving without expectations.
So, I will need to create an action plan based on what that user said.
I have always said (since this issue) if I could meet somebody and we GROW together that would be amazing - however to be fair from she is a believer you are growing together with Christ. So yeah......

Life - what can I say! Just must be wise and be sensible and have Christ close.

Let me clarify a few things. I have never joined a dating site. I was a member of a couple of forums that included people who participated on defunct sites and mailing lists. We were part of the same circles for many years.

The personal section allowed members to communicate privately and share their profile. Most guys are messaging lots of women and copying the words. There are moments when we received the same one. ;-)

The challenge with online dating is the possibility for hedging and both sexes do it. You may be the lone one they’re talking to. But the probability of that being the case is small.

Juggling prospects is a headache. It doesn’t take me long to determine if I’m interested. I don’t believe in extending things just because. However, my stance isn’t everyone’s. Some prefer to keep options close just in case. But I feel that’s repugnant.



Stop worrying. I like your personality. It’s refreshing and to the point.



It’s a slippery slope and sex was probably her way of coping with her anger. Though that doesn’t make it go away.



You learned a lesson that others take many rounds to grasp. It isn’t strange that you care for her well-being. Prayer would do a lot for you both. It will turn the wound into a blessing and heal your pain and seek the Lord’s intervention for her too.

Prayer is the litmus test for my heart. If I don’t feel a compulsion to go to the Lord on that person’s behalf he’s the wrong one. If I’m unwilling to suffer and sacrifice I don’t go forward.



That can be remedied. We’ll discuss it later.



I was abstinent before the Lord snatched me back. Even then I had a principle about physical intimacy and felt it shouldn’t be distributed like flyers. It dishonors me and I won’t debase myself in that way.



I said the same and want the best for him in every way. That hasn’t changed. Your perspective is a sign of maturity. Some people wish otherwise.



Engaging with someone on the Internet is fine. But the moment you come together physically the clock resets. That’s when you begin.

I like hearing you talk. You’re real and that’s important. I’m not looking for mister religious. Or an armchair scholar. It’s the bones that matter. The person who wants to improve will earn my respect because he’s trying and isn’t content to remain as is. He’s brave.

I’m not sure where he is to be found. But I’m keeping my eyes open.

 

[J Daniel]

Cos I have some mental baggage I need to rid off and also I need to work more with Christ - and I SOMETIMES feel a woman might get in the way (Christian woman) unless she can HELP BUILD and HEAL too.

Times I feel I need a period away with Christ only..................but Mr Ribbon hit everything on the head tbh!

Well what makes you say that it is unwise to pursue someone else?

 

[J Daniel]

Jotted it down in my phone!

Thank you.

Got to start some where!

This will help with my Christian confidence as well too!

Thanks again!

If you do this, you life will be so much richer in 6 months than it is now. Your ability to love will be more Christ-like and be more attractive to younger women. And you will not have as much time to sit, moan, and feel sorry for yourself. It will be a time to grow. And in the end, I suspect you will feel very blessed, happier, and wholer than you do now.

Two very simple things. Two people who you can improve their lives. And you get practice in loving selflessly. And I bet your life will look very different by Christmas.

 

[bèlla]

No worries.

Betrayal is never fun. Revenge is pointless. If she couldn’t forgive it’s better to say so. Her mistake reveals she has growing to do as well.

I’ll have to write it up. Ideally, a day of fasting is best when you do it. The process will involve prayer and confession and petitions for spiritual removal and severance of all ungodly ties.

He’s correct. I’ve been at this a long time and invested years in self-awareness. When I came to faith I focused on God alone. I had three years in His presence undisturbed. Now the root is strong and isn’t easily shaken.

In respect to marriage, my upbringing provided good examples of godly leadership and submission. There are no feminists in our family and the men are providers.

I had a clear understanding of headship and femininity. He added more and provided parameters for future interactions. The guidelines are meant to aid my discernment and keep me on the straight and narrow.

I think you’re on the right track. Growing together is important. It keeps the relationship fresh. I invested a lot of time in my betterment. I took classes, specialized training, and devoured books on related subjects that would enhance my proficiency. I wanted to be an asset to him and used my time wisely.

Now I’m returning to etiquette and looking at a course for Chinese tea service and lettering. Part of my calling involves sharing myself, relationship, and lifestyle with the public. Putting yourself on display isn’t easy but He’s readied me for the task.

As for you, God’s at work. He’ll do a glorious thing in your soul if you let Him and don’t get distracted or grow impatient. Just keep walking. He’s right next to you.

 

[J Daniel]

1. Yeah betrayal no fun. I was no angel either but this is where i learn.

2. She said she did forgive me but look decision made.

3. Not looking for revenge shows my weakness not about that i just want her to find Christ cos I don't want her to get more heartache.

4. What should i fast from in order to help?

5. How do you do petition for spiritual removals?

6. Yes it is great you only had God as your focus. Cos i am hands on helping others at my church in a self less manner well benefit me 100% via action!

7. Yes parameters very important!!!!!! And necessary! I agree so much. The man must provide for family that's nature! An lead spiritually with the wife assisting too. I agree! A Godly woman knows this hence why hearing your views are a breath of fresh air!

8. Also I'm kinda going through an *identity crisis* if you will......i dunno i feel like my vision is altered...i dunno people are attracted to whom they are attracted to....i dunno i think that's for another thread tbh! But i love how you're taking on new etiquette to help enhance yourself an spread your Godly spirit that's beautiful!!!

No worries.

Betrayal is never fun. Revenge is pointless. If she couldn’t forgive it’s better to say so. Her mistake reveals she has growing to do as well.

I’ll have to write it up. Ideally, a day of fasting is best when you do it. The process will involve prayer and confession and petitions for spiritual removal and severance of all ungodly ties.

He’s correct. I’ve been at this a long time and invested years in self-awareness. When I came to faith I focused on God alone. I had three years in His presence undisturbed. Now the root is strong and isn’t easily shaken.

In respect to marriage, my upbringing provided good examples of godly leadership and submission. There are no feminists in our family and the men are providers.

I had a clear understanding of headship and femininity. He added more and provided parameters for future interactions. The guidelines are meant to aid my discernment and keep me on the straight and narrow.

I think you’re on the right track. Growing together is important. It keeps the relationship fresh. I invested a lot of time in my betterment. I took classes, specialized training, and devoured books on related subjects that would enhance my proficiency. I wanted to be an asset to him and used my time wisely.

Now I’m returning to etiquette and looking at a course for Chinese tea service and lettering. Part of my calling involves sharing myself, relationship, and lifestyle with the public. Putting yourself on display isn’t easy but He’s readied me for the task.

As for you, God’s at work. He’ll do a glorious thing in your soul if you let Him and don’t get distracted or grow impatient. Just keep walking. He’s right next to you.

 

[bèlla]

1.
What should i fast from in order to help? How do you do petition for spiritual removals?

The goal of fasting is to attune your will to God. I employ three methods. For challenges, I use a three-day fast. For ongoing issues I utilize sunrise to sunset fasts. And for things I want to bring into my life I create a weekly fast.

Spiritual problems are the result of sin or sinful influences. Removals are inefficient if the malady remains. You have to reach a point where you’re done or have put aside the behavior that caused it. Then you can clean the house and avoid contamination in the future.

In the case of sexual sin, the remedy is evident. Stop fornicating. But you’d also need to be cognizant of the situations which lead you to that path. That’s your gateway and shutting the door will keep you free of infestation.

There is a difference between sin and continual sin that’s the result of strongholds. The latter always have a spiritual element to them.

Yes it is great you only had God as your focus. Cos i am hands on helping others at my church in a self less manner well benefit me 100% via action!

Most of my time was spent in prayer, service and study. Prayer created an intimate link between the Lord and I. I’d spend hours talking to Him and nurturing the connection.

But when I became aware of my purpose and what He sought from me. I redirected my focus to that aim and that’s where it remains.

Yes parameters very important!!!!!! And necessary! I agree so much. The man must provide for family that's nature! An lead spiritually with the wife assisting too. I agree! A Godly woman knows this hence why hearing your views are a breath of fresh air!

Thank you. I agree and that’s the lone example I’ve seen and lived. I’ve never had a partner who expected me to supplement him or provide for his needs financially. I don’t attract them.

As a woman, I look for complements in my friendships too. I don’t align myself with women who hold negative opinions about the opposite sex or seek its diminishment. While I’m cordial to feminists, I would never take one in my bosom.

You have to plant healthy seeds in your garden. You can’t give your ear to unwholesome elements and expect to be unscathed. One of the ways I gauge a woman’s company is how she speaks of her companion or previous ones. Her discourse reveals the way she’ll advise me in my situation.

The same holds true with men. Listen to them. There’s wisdom in a multitude of counsel. But that assumes the ones around you are wise. Gather them. When you’re facing challenges you’ll have reliable sources to turn to.

Also I'm kinda going through an *identity crisis* if you will......i dunno i feel like my vision is altered...i dunno people are attracted to whom they are attracted to....i dunno i think that's for another thread tbh!

Altered in what way?

Attraction is a complicated subject. But I believe if we’re looking ahead to marriage we’ll need a godly approach. And that means giving attention to our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual selves. We can’t esteem one over the other. All matter.

But i love how you're taking on new etiquette to help enhance yourself an spread your Godly spirit that's beautiful!!!

I view it as a service unto myself, the Lord and future partner. You have to bring more to the table besides a body. Give him something of worth to celebrate.

 

[J Daniel]

1. Okay - so fasting - is that a case of eliminating something? TV? Gaming? etc - anything that does not bring you closer to Christ. How does sunrise and sunset fasting work? Cos I always fort fasting was a food thing. I have heard it discussed at church - people saying they are fasting - no TV or something for a period of time

2. As for removal of sins/spiritual issues - I have stopped the things that caused me the problems - the sexual immortality etc etc etc - the fact that I have not done that - I think shows I have grown spiritually in that sense.
What I will say is that sometimes I will look at women (but not LUSTING! MAKE THAT CLEAR) but more in admiration of their beauty. Cos femininity is such a positive for me! I love it! What makes a female a woman ya know? God created wonderfully!
But same time I know it is about the spirit! But also as you said earlier PHYSICAL ATTRACTION IS FROM GOD - that is true!

3. Prayer - Service - Study: that is the main backbone for most! I think cos I have the long 6 week break I can really utilise the time! Be hands on like I said! Interesting you said you spend hours talking to Christ - cos a lot I talk to myself out loud as if he were next to me. Just another form of communication (for me anyway)! So good on you!

4. I defo agree you can gauge a person's character how they speak about their past partner etc that is a good one! Cos truth is people never look in the mirror to say *I WAS AT FAULT FOR bla bla bla* or whatever just always pointing finger.

5. I agree!!!! For marriage looking for that somebody must approach in Godly manner 100%!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think, at the moment, just altered - just seeming to be looking up white women a lot I dunno.......(and my previous was white btw) and the woman I speak about at church she is black (make clear) but I just seem to have an attraction for white women I dunno this is why Mr Ribbon saying must sort self first and serve others and that listing he gave me was priceless and I can't wait to act on it starting tomorrow when I am at midweek service

*I CAN'T LOVE A DIRTY BEGGAR ON THE STREET LIKE CHRIST DID - HOW CAN I LOVE MY FUTURE SPOUSE IN THE WAY THE BIBLE COMMANDS US TO* Probably the best comment I have recieved on here! Answered so much on what I need to do!

(DON'T GET ME WRONG YOUR COMMENTS HAVE BEEN WONDERFUL TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Glad I joined to help me in this Christian quest!

The goal of fasting is to attune your will to God. I employ three methods. For challenges, I use a three-day fast. For ongoing issues I utilize sunrise to sunset fasts. And for things I want to bring into my life I create a weekly fast.

Spiritual problems are the result of sin or sinful influences. Removals are inefficient if the malady remains. You have to reach a point where you’re done or have put aside the behavior that caused it. Then you can clean the house and avoid contamination in the future.

In the case of sexual sin, the remedy is evident. Stop fornicating. But you’d also need to be cognizant of the situations which lead you to that path. That’s your gateway and shutting the door will keep you free of infestation.

There is a difference between sin and continual sin that’s the result of strongholds. The latter always have a spiritual element to them.



Most of my time was spent in prayer, service and study. Prayer created an intimate link between the Lord and I. I’d spend hours talking to Him and nurturing the connection.

But when I became aware of my purpose and what He sought from me. I redirected my focus to that aim and that’s where it remains.



Thank you. I agree and that’s the lone example I’ve seen and lived. I’ve never had a partner who expected me to supplement him or provide for his needs financially. I don’t attract them.

As a woman, I look for complements in my friendships too. I don’t align myself with women who hold negative opinions about the opposite sex or seek its diminishment. While I’m cordial to feminists, I would never take one in my bosom.

You have to plant healthy seeds in your garden. You can’t give your ear to unwholesome elements and expect to be unscathed. One of the ways I gauge a woman’s company is how she speaks of her companion or previous ones. Her discourse reveals the way she’ll advise me in my situation.

The same holds true with men. Listen to them. There’s wisdom in a multitude of counsel. But that assumes the ones around you are wise. Gather them. When you’re facing challenges you’ll have reliable sources to turn to.



Altered in what way?

Attraction is a complicated subject. But I believe if we’re looking ahead to marriage we’ll need a godly approach. And that means giving attention to our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual selves. We can’t esteem one over the other. All matter.



I view it as a service unto myself, the Lord and future partner. You have to bring more to the table besides a body. Give him something of worth to celebrate.

 

[bèlla]

Okay - so fasting - is that a case of eliminating something? TV? Gaming? etc - anything that does not bring you closer to Christ. How does sunrise and sunset fasting work?

Many eliminate food or specific meals and may have liquids (water, tea, or coffee) to remain hydrated and stave off headaches. During the fast you might abstain from pleasures like gaming and television. The sacrifice is your way of demonstrating your desire to focus on God.

As for removal of sins/spiritual issues - I have stopped the things that caused me the problems - the sexual immortality etc etc etc - the fact that I have not done that - I think shows I have grown spiritually in that sense.

You heeded to the Lord’s direction and that’s important. Not only for your walk but the diminishment of temptation too.

Interesting you said you spend hours talking to Christ - cos a lot I talk to myself out loud as if he were next to me. Just another form of communication (for me anyway)! So good on you!

I laid down my connections when I came to faith. I didn’t have Christian friends. I wanted His input on my relationships. If He redeemed them fine. If not, I accepted it. Instead of talking to them I spoke Him. And He never stops talking!!

Cos truth is people never look in the mirror to say *I WAS AT FAULT FOR bla bla bla* or whatever just always pointing finger.

If they can’t see the truth in themselves. How will they help you do the same? What you’re looking for is someone who learned from their mistakes and is able to admit it. I use that subject because its common and provides insight on their heart.

I just seem to have an attraction for white women

That’s okay. I am a woman of color. I can recognize beauty in all races. But my companions are Caucasian and have been so for over twenty years. I’m attracted to them.

DON'T GET ME WRONG YOUR COMMENTS HAVE BEEN WONDERFUL TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I would never tell you that. They’re different types of love. Loving him is easy. You do it through acts of kindness. That’s simple. A little conversation or service and you’re done.

You’re not taking him home with you. You’re not invested in him in the same way you are with your spouse. He’s not crawling in your mind and heart. And you aren’t opening up your soul to him. That’s a different scale.

His capacity to wound you is diametrically less than hers. She can inflict a type of pain you never knew existed. You cannot compare them.

You’re offering yourself to him expecting nothing in return but that isn’t true for her. You want something back. You are giving but your desire is for her to give in return. And when she doesn’t you feel that absence within. You’re not bothered if he won’t. It’s okay.

You learn to love your mate through your walk with God. Your submission to Him is the avenue to yielding to her needs as Christ has done for us. And when you consider your relationship with the Lord and the honor and respect you show Him. You’re given a template of how to behave with her.

The premise is simple. If you wouldn’t say it to God. Don’t say it her. If you wouldn’t do it to God. Don’t do it to His beloved either.

It’s not complicated. The more He occupies within you the more you have to give to others. You cannot be barren and expect plenty elsewhere. You’ll operate in your flesh. Not God.

Charity doesn’t make a person a good spouse. There are many who are generous and terrors to live with. You’ll find them in the church and they have stellar reputations. Until the wife talks or seeks help for things she’s enduring at home. And everyone’s surprised.

You cannot appreciate her divine makeup without recognizing and cherishing your own. You will encounter your beauty from a holy perspective and begin to see yourself as He does. Because the Christ in you sees the Christ in her and that transforms your mind and response. And you bear each other’s burdens and weaknesses in grace. Then you’re ready to love her.

That’s what I mean by suffering and sacrifice. That’s what He did.

 

[J Daniel]

1. Okay - abstain from pleasures that will help you focus more on God - well - these days don't have much pleasures except the gym and this forum - other than that. Many ways I have been in a form of fasting since everything - but of course I will look carefully!

2. Well God must be first in all relationships.

3. Yes of course beauty in all colours! I am just going through a lil thing atm! I will come out of it. But if you fall for somebody doesn't matter colour (long as a child of Christ) that is all that matters. When you say you're *woman of colour* you mean of Southern American/Middle American descent? Will need to be accurate in that statement

4. YES LOVING THE OPPOSITE SEX YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO IS EASY! Yes! But, loving that homeless beggar not AS easy (we are like that human nature) Christ very much different - I just feel for me to GROW I need to do these hands on things and really know how to *STEP UP* in that regard! Cos Christ would want me to STEP UP! To help that person in need.

Quick story when me and my mother came from the MLB London Series game (when Yankees and Red Sox came) after the game was on the train and a woman (homeless) was begging for TISSUES and SANITARY stuff. Everyone on train acting like she was invisible.

Now - i was in my own mind cos of break up crap - but just sad how everyone ignored - my mother said she never had anything at the time - the poor woman was going through carriages begging for tissues and was crying.......sorry you don't do that in public with strangers like that. She needed help.

Christ was hands on curing lepers - yet today can't even give a begging person a tissue =/

Just small things like this - I will need to be hands on (I can't sure lepers of course!) but things like that - cos people feel embarrassed to help or give a beggar a lil spare change (who legitimatey needs it!)

My mother felt supremely bad and prayed for the woman (then she actually said she did have a tampon in her bag but never had it in her to give it to her cos embarrassment =/) But she said she learn from that.

But point is - I must create a love for helping in that sense people I know I don't want something back from.

Now you said when you love somebody you are attracted to you want something back I AGREE!!!! But from encompassing EVERYONE in that care and love (sure yes make clear to that one person you like 'Hi I would like to know you better' that is NORMAL) But, for me I need to be more hands on (and active in that seeking of the lady too).

Today - beautiful day - seeing many beautiful women and I think *I NEED TO HAVE GUTS JUST TO MAKE CONVO* cos feels like beauty is passing me by and I don't want to be the type that only approaches beauty via online circumstances - no! Want to be in person! Ya know?

Sorry I go on! ¬_¬

A man (Christian man) old man married on YouTube once said *PEOPLE LOVE WHEN YOU SHOW INTEREST IN THEM* men and women. That is true I guess.

But - nobody wants interest from somebody they are not that attracted too either >.< LOL I mean djfosbhufisjnbhs SORRY I GO ON! Look, tbh, it is everything - i dunno! When you spirit is high you can do ANYTHING - when it is not as high as once upon a time - saying HELLO seems a task - but I don't want the world to past by either! So it is everything.

But - again I must be hands on! Helping around the church etc etc etc etc cos Mr Ribbon is correct! Will fill me and help me grow.

5. Yes good charity does not mean you will be a great spouse - but I do think if you put others ahead - that will put you in good stead to be that loving spouse as well - I mean if somebody is not good to their spouse then clearly they do not value them.......................

The Book of Ephesians I love that book of the Bible full of love on how to treat your spouse <3 but of course you must have a strong attraction to help with that and knowing you have something that is valuable in your spouse - it is everything!!!!

Many eliminate food or specific meals and may have liquids (water, tea, or coffee) to remain hydrated and stave off headaches. During the fast you might abstain from pleasures like gaming and television. The sacrifice is your way of demonstrating your desire to focus on God.



You heeded to the Lord’s direction and that’s important. Not only for your walk but the diminishment of temptation too.



I laid down my connections when I came to faith. I didn’t have Christian friends. I wanted His input on my relationships. If He redeemed them fine. If not, I accepted it. Instead of talking to them I spoke Him. And He never stops talking!!



If they can’t see the truth in themselves. How will they help you do the same? What you’re looking for is someone who learned from their mistakes and is able to admit it. I use that subject because its common and provides insight on their heart.



That’s okay. I am a woman of color. I can recognize beauty in all races. But my companions are Caucasian and have been so for over twenty years. I’m attracted to them.



I would never tell you that. They’re different types of love. Loving him is easy. You do it through acts of kindness. That’s simple. A little conversation or service and you’re done.

You’re not taking him home with you. You’re not invested in him in the same way you are with your spouse. He’s not crawling in your mind and heart. And you aren’t opening up your soul to him. That’s a different scale.

His capacity to wound you is diametrically less than hers. She can inflict a type of pain you never knew existed. You cannot compare them.

You’re offering yourself to him expecting nothing in return but that isn’t true for her. You want something back. You are giving but your desire is for her to give in return. And when she doesn’t you feel that absence within. You’re not bothered if he won’t. It’s okay.

You learn to love your mate through your walk with God. Your submission to Him is the avenue to yielding to her needs as Christ has done for us. And when you consider your relationship with the Lord and the honor and respect you show Him. You’re given a template of how to behave with her.

The premise is simple. If you wouldn’t say it to God. Don’t say it her. If you wouldn’t do it to God. Don’t do it to His beloved either.

It’s not complicated. The more He occupies within you the more you have to give to others. You cannot be barren and expect plenty elsewhere. You’ll operate in your flesh. Not God.

Charity doesn’t make a person a good spouse. There are many who are generous and terrors to live with. You’ll find them in the church and they have stellar reputations. Until the wife talks or seeks help for things she’s enduring at home. And everyone’s surprised.

You cannot appreciate her divine makeup without recognizing and cherishing your own. You will encounter your beauty from a holy perspective and begin to see yourself as He does. Because the Christ in you sees the Christ in her and that transforms your mind and response. And you bear each other’s burdens and weaknesses in grace. Then you’re ready to love her.

That’s what I mean by suffering and sacrifice. That’s what He did.

 

[bèlla]

Several days ago I came across a post whose wisdom really impressed me. I liked it so much I bookmarked the page to reference it later. I’m introducing it to shed light on my previous response and how the conclusions were drawn.

For some, the greatest aspiration is finding their soulmate and being with them in a happy, life-long (as God intended!) marriage.

Or--Perhaps you seek a wife to compliment you and help further your other life goals (the help-meet who will give you more joy to go along with the joy you already have)?

I very much want to be married, but my ultimate life goal is to write fiction that ministers to others for Jesus (mainly in novel form).

For myself, a husband is a great desire that I understand to be a personal need that I have and I do believe God has called me to eventually enter into that glorious partnership of Holy Union between husband and wife, but I would definitely call it a secondary life goal. Writing for the Lord is my primary life goal.

My greatest aspiration is fulfilling my purpose and the mission God has given me. Marriage isn’t the sundae. It’s the cherry on top. I see it as a ministry unto Him. Not an avenue for companionship. Although that’s nice. But I’m thinking bigger than that and looking at it as an opportunity to demonstrate godly service and submission to the world. I want to point others to Him always.

God uses different mechanisms to bring us to the place He desires. Much of this is dependent on who we are within and the obstacles to our holiness. For some its service. For some it’s marriage and children. Or maybe adoption instead. Others are sent into the marketplace or on missions to different countries.

Much like the woman referenced, He’s my first love. Surrendering to Him and submitting to His will is all. You develop a deeper trust, faith, and belief. Because there’s no impediments. He isn’t competing with my heart with anything or anyone else. And He’s taught me how to love.

When you love someone you find yourself loving the things and people they love too. It’s contagious.

abstain from pleasures that will help you focus more on God

No, that isn’t what I mean. Pleasures in themselves aren’t bad. What’s harmful is when we’re ruled by them. But in all instances this should be addressed in prayer. Ask the Lord to show you the things you need to lay down and what He’d like you to put in its place. That may include study, ministry, prayer, or something else.

I reached this point because no one told me what to do. I was able to listen to the Holy Spirit and lean into His will. And I encourage you to look to Him always. He knows better than everyone.

When you say you're *woman of colour* you mean of Southern American/Middle American descent? Will need to be accurate in that statement

I am of African-American, French, English, Jewish and Native-American descent. And when you mix that together you get a propensity for sunburn. ;-)

YES LOVING THE OPPOSITE SEX YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO IS EASY!

Eros is easy. Agape, not so much. If it was we’d see more stability in Christian marriages. But our divorce rates mirror society’s.

I just feel for me to GROW I need to do these hands on things and really know how to *STEP UP* in that regard! Cos Christ would want me to STEP UP! To help that person in need.

If the Lord is leading you to serve, ask Him for divine appointments. That’s when things get interesting! A few years ago on a windy day my hat blew off and landed in the middle of street. I headed into the street, oblivious to traffic to retrieve my Burberry hat.

Thankfully, a homeless gentleman saw the folly of my behavior and intervened. He put a hand up to usher me back and grabbed it for me. I thanked him and returned home. We crossed paths one month later near Christmas Eve. It was bitterly cold.

I offered to buy him coffee but the words that came from my mouth were not in my vernacular. He said yes and I went to Starbucks. We spoke for a while and it was the beginning of a connection which blessed us both. I ministered to him for months and he’s no longer there. He’s found a home.

As that door closed another opened and I was put over a group which introduced people to Christianity while sharing a meal. Most of the members were homeless men. The church wasn’t aware of my experiences with the other person. That was God’s doing. At the conclusion of the program they came to faith, forsook addictions, found jobs and places to live.

That’s what I mean by divine appointments. I let Him choose. His suggestions may take me out of my comfort zone. I’d ask for them during my quiet time or before heading outdoors. They’re always interesting.

Just small things like this - I will need to be hands on (I can't sure lepers of course!) but things like that - cos people feel embarrassed to help or give a beggar a lil spare change (who legitimatey needs it!)

Everyone loved the homeless man in my neighborhood. I’ve never seen such. Women and children would talk to him. He was very articulate and a musician. He also believed in God. The stores would bless him. He was a veteran and told me how much he received. We had deep conversations.

A man (Christian man) old man married on YouTube once said *PEOPLE LOVE WHEN YOU SHOW INTEREST IN THEM* men and women. That is true I guess.

It’s true. I make small conversation when I’m out and always talk to the employees at the places I frequent. I’ve been able to minister to many and am greeted with hugs and kisses. Because I see them. Not their position. And that makes a difference.

Right now, your focus is a woman. There’s nothing wrong with desiring a woman. But you need time at His feet. Spend a few moments in the Christian advice and marriage forums and look at the challenges people are wrestling with. It isn’t easy.

 

[J Daniel]

1. I like the quote you made - some very interesting points! I think it is down to what you are feeling inside. Some people really want that GOD FEARING partner - others have different objectives (all with the ambition to serve Christ).

2. What is my purpose? Well for now is saving money for home deposit (which I am very close to doing) but for Christ what is my purpose? To start being hands on and helping others......to understand who he was (by reading the bible) - trying to move forward in right way.

3. Well yes Christ won't let you down - where as humans do - he is the safest person to truly open your heart to and not get hurt.

4. Oh right - okay - well you have a big mix there.

5. Sometimes I dunno what the Lord is really leading me to do - I want to serve - it is the biblical and Christian way - so I go down that road cos it is his will for us all - but like I said the woman thing (you already know).

6. As you engaged with the homeless man (the community full stop) that helps to give you great confidence as a person and being HANDS ON IN THERE! It is a great thing! Have worth and fulfilment! I REALLY CAN'T WAIT TO BE ENGAGING AT THE CHURCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7. DO I DESIRE A WOMAN? No and yes! I just want to engage in talk with good (BELIEVER) women - but sametime I feel it might not be great for me to be in a relationship - sametime I do want a good Godly woman to chat with that I have a pull towards? Make sense?

Yeah there ya go!

How old are you btw? Cos you said something about 20 years doing something so I guess you are around a specific age which I won't say incase you strike me with thunder

Several days ago I came across a post whose wisdom really impressed me. I liked it so much I bookmarked the page to reference it later. I’m introducing it to shed light on my previous response and how the conclusions were drawn.

For some, the greatest aspiration is finding their soulmate and being with them in a happy, life-long (as God intended!) marriage.

Or--Perhaps you seek a wife to compliment you and help further your other life goals (the help-meet who will give you more joy to go along with the joy you already have)?

I very much want to be married, but my ultimate life goal is to write fiction that ministers to others for Jesus (mainly in novel form).

For myself, a husband is a great desire that I understand to be a personal need that I have and I do believe God has called me to eventually enter into that glorious partnership of Holy Union between husband and wife, but I would definitely call it a secondary life goal. Writing for the Lord is my primary life goal.

My greatest aspiration is fulfilling my purpose and the mission God has given me. Marriage isn’t the sundae. It’s the cherry on top. I see it as a ministry unto Him. Not an avenue for companionship. Although that’s nice. But I’m thinking bigger than that and looking at it as an opportunity to demonstrate godly service and submission to the world. I want to point others to Him always.

God uses different mechanisms to bring us to the place He desires. Much of this is dependent on who we are within and the obstacles to our holiness. For some its service. For some it’s marriage and children. Or maybe adoption instead. Others are sent into the marketplace or on missions to different countries.

Much like the woman referenced, He’s my first love. Surrendering to Him and submitting to His will is all. You develop a deeper trust, faith, and belief. Because there’s no impediments. He isn’t competing with my heart with anything or anyone else. And He’s taught me how to love.

When you love someone you find yourself loving the things and people they love too. It’s contagious.



No, that isn’t what I mean. Pleasures in themselves aren’t bad. What’s harmful is when we’re ruled by them. But in all instances this should be addressed in prayer. Ask the Lord to show you the things you need to lay down and what He’d like you to put in its place. That may include study, ministry, prayer, or something else.

I reached this point because no one told me what to do. I was able to listen to the Holy Spirit and lean into His will. And I encourage you to look to Him always. He knows better than everyone.



I am of African-American, French, English, Jewish and Native-American descent. And when you mix that together you get a propensity for sunburn. ;-)



Eros is easy. Agape, not so much. If it was we’d see more stability in Christian marriages. But our divorce rates mirror society’s.



If the Lord is leading you to serve, ask Him for divine appointments. That’s when things get interesting! A few years ago on a windy day my hat blew off and landed in the middle of street. I headed into the street, oblivious to traffic to retrieve my Burberry hat.

Thankfully, a homeless gentleman saw the folly of my behavior and intervened. He put a hand up to usher me back and grabbed it for me. I thanked him and returned home. We crossed paths one month later near Christmas Eve. It was bitterly cold.

I offered to buy him coffee but the words that came from my mouth were not in my vernacular. He said yes and I went to Starbucks. We spoke for a while and it was the beginning of a connection which blessed us both. I ministered to him for months and he’s no longer there. He’s found a home.

As that door closed another opened and I was put over a group which introduced people to Christianity while sharing a meal. Most of the members were homeless men. The church wasn’t aware of my experiences with the other person. That was God’s doing. At the conclusion of the program they came to faith, forsook addictions, found jobs and places to live.

That’s what I mean by divine appointments. I let Him choose. His suggestions may take me out of my comfort zone. I’d ask for them during my quiet time or before heading outdoors. They’re always interesting.



Everyone loved the homeless man in my neighborhood. I’ve never seen such. Women and children would talk to him. He was very articulate and a musician. He also believed in God. The stores would bless him. He was a veteran and told me how much he received. We had deep conversations.



It’s true. I make small conversation when I’m out and always talk to the employees at the places I frequent. I’ve been able to minister to many and am greeted with hugs and kisses. Because I see them. Not their position. And that makes a difference.

Right now, your focus is a woman. There’s nothing wrong with desiring a woman. But you need time at His feet. Spend a few moments in the Christian advice and marriage forums and look at the challenges people are wrestling with. It isn’t easy.