What are the best things to do in order to be content being alone?

[J Daniel]

I am just about getting over a 'long distance relationship' break up which I have taken hard (2 years long).

That specific relationship was made in sin - there was fornication (sexual immortality) - did not treat her as well as I could have (not Christ like) - nightclubs together - and God was not at the top of the relationship.

In my prayers, I have confessed to God that it was a sinful relationship and from this moment I have not engaged in anything like that again.

There were beautiful moments as well - but it was not a Christian relationship - idolatry on both sides.

I am trying to start fresh in life. I have joined a church but I seem to have a pull to want to date again (however in my heart I know this is not the right move as I need to mend internally and become closer with Christ). ***Doesn't help as there is somebody at my church I have an interest in***

I do have ambitions to get baptised - down the line - and live for Christ - so I can truly move on from the past.

What are the best ways in order for a young (in the process) Christian man to become content alone?

I want to master this - so I am in the position where I do not feel I need to rely on a woman/marriage for ultimate happiness.

Hope I get good advice.

Thanks.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

I am just about getting over a 'long distance relationship' break up which I have taken hard (2 years long).

That specific relationship was made in sin - there was fornication (sexual immortality) - did not treat her as well as I could have (not Christ like) - nightclubs together - and God was not at the top of the relationship.

In my prayers, I have confessed to God that it was a sinful relationship and from this moment I have not engaged in anything like that again.

There were beautiful moments as well - but it was not a Christian relationship - idolatry on both sides.

I am trying to start fresh in life. I have joined a church but I seem to have a pull to want to date again (however in my heart I know this is not the right move as I need to mend internally and become closer with Christ). ***Doesn't help as there is somebody at my church I have an interest in***

I do have ambitions to get baptised - down the line - and live for Christ - so I can truly move on from the past.

What are the best ways in order for a young (in the process) Christian man to become content alone?

I want to master this - so I am in the position where I do not feel I need to rely on a woman/marriage for ultimate happiness.

Hope I get good advice.

Thanks.

The best way is to do the red highlighted portion of your text. Don't wait. The sooner you start sowing those seeds in your life, the better.

 

[devin553344]

I am just about getting over a 'long distance relationship' break up which I have taken hard (2 years long).

That specific relationship was made in sin - there was fornication (sexual immortality) - did not treat her as well as I could have (not Christ like) - nightclubs together - and God was not at the top of the relationship.

In my prayers, I have confessed to God that it was a sinful relationship and from this moment I have not engaged in anything like that again.

There were beautiful moments as well - but it was not a Christian relationship - idolatry on both sides.

I am trying to start fresh in life. I have joined a church but I seem to have a pull to want to date again (however in my heart I know this is not the right move as I need to mend internally and become closer with Christ). ***Doesn't help as there is somebody at my church I have an interest in***

I do have ambitions to get baptised - down the line - and live for Christ - so I can truly move on from the past.

What are the best ways in order for a young (in the process) Christian man to become content alone?

I want to master this - so I am in the position where I do not feel I need to rely on a woman/marriage for ultimate happiness.

Hope I get good advice.

Thanks.

You should get baptized and serve God in your church. This will fill you with the holy spirit and fill that void that is usually filled with friendship.

 

[J Daniel]

Yes, reaping what you sow is definitely true in Galatians - I am trying to walk in the spirit - it is all a process.

Have you been baptised?

If so, what changed for you in life?

The best way is to do the red highlighted portion of your text. Don't wait. The sooner you start sowing those seeds in your life, the better.

 

[J Daniel]

Yes, I see.

Can I ask - after you were baptised what experiences did you have in life after?

Cos, I understand it is God's will for all of us to be born again (as I believe in Acts and John) it is made clear that baptism and believing in Christ is the only way to the Kingdom of Heaven.

I am asking because I do not take baptism as something cavalier! This is a huge thing and I know once I do such a thing certain things I can not ever go back to again.

You should get baptized and serve God in your church. This will fill you with the holy spirit and fill that void that is usually filled with friendship.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Yes, reaping what you sow is definitely true in Galatians - I am trying to walk in the spirit - it is all a process.

Have you been baptised?

If so, what changed for you in life?

Yes. Everything.

 

[salt-n-light]

I am just about getting over a 'long distance relationship' break up which I have taken hard (2 years long).

That specific relationship was made in sin - there was fornication (sexual immortality) - did not treat her as well as I could have (not Christ like) - nightclubs together - and God was not at the top of the relationship.

In my prayers, I have confessed to God that it was a sinful relationship and from this moment I have not engaged in anything like that again.

There were beautiful moments as well - but it was not a Christian relationship - idolatry on both sides.

I am trying to start fresh in life. I have joined a church but I seem to have a pull to want to date again (however in my heart I know this is not the right move as I need to mend internally and become closer with Christ). ***Doesn't help as there is somebody at my church I have an interest in***

I do have ambitions to get baptised - down the line - and live for Christ - so I can truly move on from the past.

What are the best ways in order for a young (in the process) Christian man to become content alone?

I want to master this - so I am in the position where I do not feel I need to rely on a woman/marriage for ultimate happiness.

Hope I get good advice.

Thanks.

Ive been there. Long distance have that type of hyper-romanticism that is easy to turn into idolatry of some sorts, especially if you are truly dedicated to the relationship. It took me a couple years myself to get over it.

First, you need to be grateful. Be grateful for whatever good or bad you are in right now. Be grateful for what you will be achieving in this path walking with God. Those in the future that you will cross paths with. Practice that everyday, thank God and thank others.
Secondly, you need to be present. Notice the people around you again, go out and hang with other people, explore what you have in your neighborhood. Be interested in learning new things and how to cultivate healthy godly relationships with people. Take note of yourself and bring up to God things you see yourself struggle with. Be present with God as well, get to know God and your identity in Him. We tend to dismiss alot that happens right in front of us, but I encourage you to slow down.
Thirdly, you need to be action-oriented.Are there things around you you need to change? That you can help with? What is it that is your goal in this life? You will find that once you have a vision for something, the right people including your mate will naturally follow you. But it starts with a clear vision,goal, and game plan. Get others involve.

I found that not only the past seems to fade away, but at times when people see from afar that you are growing in grace, that they get curious. That happened with me. But I'm so passionate for the work im doing for the Lord and others, that i'm never lonely even when I want a break and be by myself, because I feel supported by God and those that share the same dream and vision. I also walk in integrity and do right by God and others. Things that should worry me don't have room.

 

[J Daniel]

Could you give some examples when you say *everything* I am sorry understand I just want understanding.

I understand Matthew says that we should seek God first and everything else will follow.

I do feel that we should still try to seek *but have the Lord at the top of all things*

Yes. Everything.

 

[bèlla]

The answer is get a life. There’s nothing wrong with desiring a partner. But the reason it becomes a focus for some is largely due to lack. They have little to look forward to and most routines involve work and church with little else.

And while that may work for some it doesn’t fulfill most. Create a lifestyle that nurtures every aspect of your person. From physical fitness and hobbies to cultural events for young adults.

Don’t stop living. If you find a group that interests you at church get involved. Look into Meetup events too. If travel is your forte check out the expat groups in your area. Many have a lot of social events. You’ll be able to meet people from different places.

And that thing you’ve always wanted to do but never got around to doing is waiting. This is the time for you to enjoy your experiences. Marriage requires compromises and considerations you don’t have to deal with.

Make the most of it.

 

[J Daniel]

Yes - long distance does do that unfortunately.

I really do want to create Godly relationships with people IN PERSON. This is why I said there is somebody at my church I have a small interest in but I don't think it is wise for me at this moment.

But, I want to be more sociable as well - and talk to people (cos I go to the mid week Bible study at my church too).

I think all these aspects will take time.

I will participate in more church activities - I have attended a few things - it does help the mind and soul.

My ULTIMATE goal in life is to be married to a woman that is a believer in Christ! But - I feel my mind is already forward in that moment when I should be living this current season.......................

That is why I want to be content alone.

It would appear baptism is a big thing people are saying must be done - I just don't want it to be a waste of water and just a WASH! There are other cylinders that must be operating here too.

When you say I need to be action oriented - are you talking around the church? or in general? Action oriented - talking to Christians in person? Building relationships in that way?

Forgive me if I seem slow right now - understand my confidence and esteem took a savage hit after the break up (especially with how it happened but that is for another thread).

I am very much rebuilding from the ground up.

Ive been there. Long distance have that type of hyper-romanticism that is easy to turn into idolatry of some sorts, especially if you are truly dedicated to the relationship. It took me a couple years myself to get over it.

First, you need to be grateful. Be grateful for whatever good or bad you are in right now. Be grateful for what you will be achieving in this path walking with God. Those in the future that you will cross paths with. Practice that everyday, thank God and thank others.
Secondly, you need to be present. Notice the people around you again, go out and hang with other people, explore what you have in your neighborhood. Be interested in learning new things and how to cultivate healthy godly relationships with people. Take note of yourself and bring up to God things you see yourself struggle with. Be present with God as well, get to know God and your identity in Him. We tend to dismiss alot that happens right in front of us, but I encourage you to slow down.
Thirdly, you need to be action-oriented.Are there things around you you need to change? That you can help with? What is it that is your goal in this life? You will find that once you have a vision for something, the right people including your mate will naturally follow you. But it starts with a clear vision,goal, and game plan. Get others involve.

I found that not only the past seems to fade away, but at times when people see from afar that you are growing in grace, that they get curious. That happened with me. But I'm so passionate for the work im doing for the Lord and others, that i'm never lonely even when I want a break and be by myself, because I feel supported by God and those that share the same dream and vision. I also walk in integrity and do right by God and others. Things that should worry me don't have room.

 

[J Daniel]

Fair enough.

So with that response I guess you would feel if I approached this woman that I have an interest in (in a respectful manner) there would not be anything wrong with that?

Because, for me, I just want to know more about her.

However, I do not want that to take over my journey with Christ. Because things must take priority. Women are always around (Christian women to be exact).

Yes - work and church - alone - doesn't fullfill me - I do other things.

Nice to have a *love interest* that is nothing but friendship and talking.

I am building myself up from the ground as I said before in a post here. Question will seem simple but when your esteem has taken a lil hit - it can be a mountain to climb.

The answer is get a life. There’s nothing wrong with desiring a partner. But the reason it becomes a focus for some is largely due to lack. They have little to look forward to and most routines involve work and church with little else.

And while that may work for some it doesn’t fulfill most. Create a lifestyle that nurtures every aspect of your person. From physical fitness and hobbies to cultural events for young adults.

Don’t stop living. If you find a group that interests you at church get involved. Look into Meetup events too. If travel is your forte check out the expat groups in your area. Many have a lot of social events. You’ll be able to meet people from different places.

And that thing you’ve always wanted to do but never got around to doing is waiting. This is the time for you to enjoy your experiences. Marriage requires compromises and considerations you don’t have to deal with.

Make the most of it.

 

[bèlla]

So with that response I guess you would feel if I approached this woman that I have an interest in (in a respectful manner) there would not be anything wrong with that?

If you have an opportunity to interact with her or hangout with others do it. Joy does wonders for your self-esteem as does kindness. Being in the presence of others who like your company is nice. You’ll laugh and develop connections.

However, I do not want that to take over my journey with Christ. Because things must take priority. Women are always around (Christian women to be exact).

You’ll find a rhythm that feels natural. Bring Him into the connection. See how you respond. Ask yourself if their presence is drawing you closer to God or not.

Nice to have a *love interest* that is nothing but friendship and talking.

I use conversation in a similar way. It allows me to get a sense of their character and our suitability.

I am building myself up from the ground as I said before in a post here. Question will seem simple but when your esteem has taken a lil hit - it can be a mountain to climb.

I understand. Breakdowns often lead to breakthroughs. You’re where you belong and I expect that time and peace will do their job.

 

[J Daniel]

So, in your view, what is the best approach? What should I say and do?

Or rephrase - how would YOU want a man to approach you in church?

If you have an opportunity to interact with her or hangout with others do it. Joy does wonders for your self-esteem as does kindness. Being in the presence of others who like your company is nice. You’ll laugh and develop connections.

 

[devin553344]

Yes, I see.

Can I ask - after you were baptised what experiences did you have in life after?

Cos, I understand it is God's will for all of us to be born again (as I believe in Acts and John) it is made clear that baptism and believing in Christ is the only way to the Kingdom of Heaven.

I am asking because I do not take baptism as something cavalier! This is a huge thing and I know once I do such a thing certain things I can not ever go back to again.

I should receive the laying on of hands at which point you will receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. Then your life will change. The holy ghost guides us with feelings thru fruits of the Holy Spirit (see Galatians 5:22-23) and purges our sins thru the blood of Christ (although some might disagree on that particular point). It's important to be baptized. Being baptized is humbling yourself before God and taking a step of faith. It's a way of showing God you believe.

 

[J Daniel]

The Holy Spirit characteristics are hugely important! Looking at the Galatians verse.

Baptism is VERY important - Christ himself was bapstised as well - so it is important.

That will be my personal walk.

I should receive the laying on of hands at which point you will receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. Then your life will change. The holy ghost guides us with feelings thru fruits of the Holy Spirit (see Galatians 5:22-23) and purges our sins thru the blood of Christ (although some might disagree on that particular point). It's important to be baptized. Being baptized is humbling yourself before God and taking a step of faith. It's a way of showing God you believe.

 

[J Daniel]

The Holy Spirit characteristics are hugely important! Looking at the Galatians verse.

Baptism is VERY important - Christ himself was bapstised as well - so it is important.

That will be my personal walk.

I should receive the laying on of hands at which point you will receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. Then your life will change. The holy ghost guides us with feelings thru fruits of the Holy Spirit (see Galatians 5:22-23) and purges our sins thru the blood of Christ (although some might disagree on that particular point). It's important to be baptized. Being baptized is humbling yourself before God and taking a step of faith. It's a way of showing God you believe.

 

[Sketcher]

I feel my mind is already forward in that moment when I should be living this current season.......................

That is why I want to be content alone.

It would appear baptism is a big thing people are saying must be done - I just don't want it to be a waste of water and just a WASH! There are other cylinders that must be operating here too.

When you say I need to be action oriented - are you talking around the church? or in general? Action oriented - talking to Christians in person? Building relationships in that way?

Forgive me if I seem slow right now - understand my confidence and esteem took a savage hit after the break up (especially with how it happened but that is for another thread).

I am very much rebuilding from the ground up.

1) Baptism is required of Christians. When you became a Christian, you surrendered your life and your decision-making to God for life. Do this again, and you should then be baptized.
2) With that, you'll be including small group life, service opportunities, Sunday worship, and regular prayer. Scripture reading too, if you don't have the NT memorized.
3) One of the things that is commonly recommended after a breakup is to refocus your life on improving yourself. If you do the above things I mentioned (which should be first priority anyway), they will also fill that gap. Remember that doing them isn't a means to that end, but rather taking care of what should come first will help you with your other needs as well.

 

[bèlla]

So, in your view, what is the best approach? What should I say and do?

I will always advise a man to be himself in respect to the opposite sex. If that isn’t enough then she isn’t the one. I don’t believe in contortions or masks for either.

Or rephrase - how would YOU want a man to approach you in church?

That depends on him. If he’s the direct sort he can introduce himself and strike up a conversation. But if that’s too forward (and it isn’t I appreciate directness) and he prefers to do so in a group setting that’s okay.

My perspective is simple. I want you to feel comfortable at all times. I’m interested in who you are in the raw rather than what you feel you need to project to be accepted. It’s you being a man without fear or uncertainty.

And I will respond to that but not in the same way you’ve done. That’s illegitimate. I’m a woman and that’s where we meet. Male and female. We’ll allow the conversation to flow organically.

But you’re taking the lead. I won’t. That’s important. I want to stimulate your manhood. Not crush it. Entertaining your company and leaving you with a positive feeling is worth it. That’s how I’m wired.

No games. No pretenses. Just two people getting acquainted.

 

[J Daniel]

I agree the baptism is the most important.

Please do not take this wrong - sometimes I feel cos I am so hurt/damaged that baptism won't even help YES I AM A BELIEVER I BELIEVE THAT CHRIST IS THE WORLD SAVIOUR - but I guess this is where my faith comes in! But I know I am looking in the right direction cos I tried my own thing in the last few years and did not work out well! So, I am going a new path.

Another thing, cos I had sex before marriage everything in my mind seems corrupted........so I am really trying to exercise these thought processes.

There is a reason why God said sex is just for marriage..................................

As I said to the other users - my ultimate goals is to be married under Christ with a woman that is a believer too and we both worship together to get closer to Christ and raise our babies in Christ too.

But of course we can not change the past can only sort out the NOW and the FUTURE.

1) Baptism is required of Christians. When you became a Christian, you surrendered your life and your decision-making to God for life. Do this again, and you should then be baptized.
2) With that, you'll be including small group life, service opportunities, Sunday worship, and regular prayer. Scripture reading too, if you don't have the NT memorized.
3) One of the things that is commonly recommended after a breakup is to refocus your life on improving yourself. If you do the above things I mentioned (which should be first priority anyway), they will also fill that gap. Remember that doing them isn't a means to that end, but rather taking care of what should come first will help you with your other needs as well.

 

[ReesePiece23]

- Travel, see the world and let go of who you thought you were.

- Create, write, make music, paint, draw, design, do anything - and not only enjoy it, but be competitive with it. Always look to evolve and tighten up on your craft.

- Make lots and lots and LOTS of friends. Friends who lift you up, support your interests and embrace you 100%

- Don't settle into ruts and routines. Make everyday that little bit different.

- Keep busy.

- Sex is overrated, both as a sin and as a source of pleasure.