Weird for a Christian girl to behave this way?

[paul becke]

I saw an attractive neighbour in the doorway of her flat giving a parting hug to a girl who looked like she would have been her sister. I thought afterwards, 'What a fool! I should have stopped and asked, 'What about me ?' But then I thought her husband was not likely to be far away....

 

[Jonathan95]

I guess you must ask yourself, do you like her and want to pursue her?

If not, don't respond to her hugs in a way you deem inappropriate

I don't like her as much now and want to pursue her now as much as about 1 month ago, when we last met. She lives in a city about 1 hour from me by train, but studies at one of the universities in my city, so the thing is I don't know when I'll see her again, if it's worth keeping feelings for her.

I didn't want to respond to her hug the same way she did, because I didn't feel ready for that because I didn't want to get too attached when I don't know her so well yet. Before that we started talking, getting to know each other, talking about how many sisters we have etc. But it all went quick and we stood up.
I want to see how a girl is around other guys, how she is with her friends, in a group etc.. I want to get to know her that way as well, before I fully decide.
I can't just get to know her age and general stuff about her and then that's it for me, no matter how good personality she has, how beautiful she is and how devout she is for God.

I want to be able to trust her, I can't build trust upon a few short conversations. If we can't trust each other, we'll just end up hurting each other, if we don't get to know each other maybe.

 

[com7fy8]

If you are new to relating with women, I would say enjoy discovering different ones. See how different ones help you get real with God, or only call attention to themselves.

And I would say that what might be true, today, about her, could change if she grows and matures. So, I would not try to get some one set perception of her

God's ways are "past finding out" (in Romans 11:33); so the ways of a Christian love relationship and of a truly Christian lady could be "past finding out."

 

[Jonathan95]

In the US, many girls will hug and think nothing of it. Especially if they are younger- they don't realize that a warm embrace could be interpreted as interest.

Do you talk to her online or on facebook?

Yes I have talked with her a bit on facebook, but that's not the same as talking to her face to face, I don't want to get to know her (or any other girl either right now, for that matter) over facebook first, she lives in a city 1 hour away and studies at a university in my city.

 

[Galatea]

You start to sound like a troll, you have 12 posts and already try to give relational advice as well?

He wrote "the devil disguises himself as a hot chic", so maybe he is referring to

 

[Galatea]

Yes I have talked with her a bit on facebook, but that's not the same as talking to her face to face, I don't want to get to know her (or any other girl either right now, for that matter) over facebook first, she lives in a city 1 hour away and studies at a university in my city.

Why not call her up and see if she would like to go to lunch one day since she studies in your city. That way, you can see if she is interested or not.

 

[Jack of Spades]

But I live in Sweden, would you say it would be normal for a girl to embrace a man that way in USA, if she's not into you?

You're 20 from Sweden, I was around 20 when I was last time around charismatic Christians in Finland, so I would say our experience is somewhat comparable.

We did occasionally hug each others there with other Christians. Don't read too much into it, if she doesn't give any other signs. Some people like to give you a good hug just as a "you're nice person" -sign, and that's it. It could be something else, or not.

 

[paul becke]

Hi Galatea. Glad you found my post funny. I was a bit hesitant, thinking it might be considered a bit orf. But so much of life is funny or potentially so.

 

[Jonathan95]

You're 20 from Sweden, I was around 20 when I was last time around charismatic Christians in Finland, so I would say our experience is somewhat comparable.

We did occasionally hug each others there with other Christians. Don't read too much into it, if she doesn't give any other signs. Some people like to give you a good hug just as a "you're nice person" -sign, and that's it. It could be something else, or not.

I see, well it's not just about the hug, why would we stare into each others eyes, and why'd she brush her head against my chest, moaning?

I've never heard of any Christian girl doing that to someone they don't know.

 

[Galatea]

Hi Galatea. Glad you found my post funny. I was a bit hesitant, thinking it might be considered a bit orf. But so much of life is funny or potentially so.

Nah, it's not orf. Life is too short to be serious all the time.

 

[Jack of Spades]

I see, well it's not just about the hug, why would we stare into each others eyes, and why'd she brush her head against my chest, moaning?

I've never heard of any Christian girl doing that to someone they don't know.

I don't know if people in Sweden are the exact same way, but in Finland, girls are much more physical with their friends than boys are, like they sit on each others lap and hug a lot etc. Sometimes do that with guy friends too.

But seriously, you don't get to know what people have in mind by guessing what they think, you gotta hang around with them and get to know them. That's the only way.

 

[Jonathan95]

Why not call her up and see if she would like to go to lunch one day since she studies in your city. That way, you can see if she is interested or not.

I've been thinking about that or coffee, but I fear rejection. I will think about it.

 

[Galatea]

I've been thinking about that or coffee, but I fear rejection. I will think about it.

Okay, I don't mean to be dismissive of the other people who have responded, but they've all been guys. I'm a woman, and I can tell you we are a strange lot. We don't even understand ourselves. The only way you will know FOR SURE if she likes you is to ask her, unless she volunteers the information. I know being rejected is awful, but it is much better to be rejected than to never know. Some girls are intentional flirts, some are unintentional. Hanging around her might give you an idea, but it may not.

 

[Jack of Spades]

Some girls are intentional flirts, some are unintentional. Hanging around her might give you an idea, but it may not.

Yeah.

I left the "ask her" part out because he already said he doesn't want to do that. That's the most obvious way, naturally.

Some people give more unintentional signs than others. People are different. There is also this thing as "heat of the moment" - if you have just prayed with someone or had a deep discussion, there might become a moment when it feels okay to show affection, and then it fades away and there was no big scheme involved in it.

But again, you never know what she had in mind for sure unless you get to know her, or ideally, maybe after some 'getting to know' first, ask her.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

If you're not interested in her than don't worry about it, other than to tell her to stop because it's kinda weird.

if you are interested in her(which i believe you are) than you need to take the initiative in letting her know your feelings and what all this stuff she's doing means.

it's actually not appropriate for believers to flirt with each other(1 timothy 5:1-2). unless we have an interest in pursuing a romantic relationship that leads to marriage, we should treat our fellow Christ followers as we would a member of our immediate family.

rejection stinks, but it's part of being a man in that you need to be willing to venture out and take the lead.

you can't win them all, though all you have to win is one.

 

[Galatea]

Yeah.

I left the "ask her" part out because he already said he doesn't want to do that. That's the most obvious way, naturally.

Some people give more unintentional signs than others. People are different. There is also this thing as "heat of the moment" - if you have just prayed with someone or had a deep discussion, there might become a moment when it feels okay to show affection, and then it fades away and there was no big scheme involved in it.

But again, you never know what she had in mind for sure unless you get to know her, or ideally, maybe after some 'getting to know' first, ask her.

And then, some people are quite huggy at church. I've been in churches where it was normal for people to hug each other, so there may be that, akin to your praying with each other moments.

 

[timewerx]

She might just be a hugger. A lot of women and girls are. They don't mean anything by it. I would say, it doesn't sound like she is interested in you since she didn't want to go to church with you. I wouldn't put much store in her hugging you.

The only women huggers I know are my aunts! I never been hugged by any other women before even in the church.

So if any woman in the church hugs me, I would think it would be very very strange.

 

[Galatea]

The only women huggers I know are my aunts! I never been hugged by any other women before even in the church.

So if any woman in the church hugs me, I would think it would be very very strange.

It's kind of common in the US- in the South, anyway. I think the op is a charismatic, so hugging is normal in charismatic churches (actually one of the lovely things about pentecostals in general is their warmth).

 

[Jack of Spades]

rejection stinks, but it's part of being a man in that you need to be willing to venture out and take the lead.

Just a cultural sidenote: You're probably an American, and the OP is from Scandinavia, which is the most egalitarian region in the world, so it doesn't really work like that here. Not even in the churches, unless it's some super-mega-conservative sect.

 

[timewerx]

It's kind of common in the US- in the South, anyway. I think the op is a charismatic, so hugging is normal in charismatic churches (actually one of the lovely things about pentecostals in general is their warmth).

I see, I never been in a South US church before. Only church I been to in US is in LA and that was a long time ago. I been in the southern states but feel awkward there, the churches are either all blacks or all whites.