The heat of the summer is getting to me..Its a constant reminder of 3yrs ago..The blazing sun saddens me as I remember that visit with my dearest friend in the whole world. Just like always she welcomed me into her home with a warm hug and a gentle smile. Just like always she led me to her den where we cuddled up on the couch and settled in for a long chat.
Only it wasn't just like always. It was the day she'd decided to tell me what she felt in her heart. It was the day she told me God was going to call her home soon. I felt like a little girl looking up at the woman I'd called "Momma" for the past ten years. I remember feeling so small as I managed to get out the words " I can't live here without you " .
She comforted me with " don't worry, I'll be your guardian angel ".
We didn't want to part that evening. We were both afraid it might be the last visit. We both stood in that doorway of her home clinging to each other in a most desperate way.
That wasn't though. It wasn't the last time I would see her. I just happened to decide I wanted to go to my old church and see my nieces perform dramatic dance.
It was so hot that day. I remember the heat we were having that Summer, dry and hot, just like this summer. As soon as I walked through that church door she ran up to me. Oh my gosh she was so beautiful. She'd recently turned fifty but on that day she didn't look fifty. She looked radiant.
She hugged me. She called me "precious" as she always did. She hugged me again. Then she walked away. Then she ran back to me and hugged me again and told me that she loved me and for me to never forget it and that she thought I was precious and she hugged me again and she kissed my cheek and she walked away.
That morning she sang like an angel. The song title was " I didn't see Him go up but I'll see Him when He comes down " She did. She met Jesus three weeks later. I was given a two week notice so to speak to her aneurysm 3 days after she sang in church. Then she slowly drifted away. Just when everyone else thought she was doing well ( I never did because of her telling me ), the instant she went out of icu to a private room, a blood clot ended her suffering.
The day before her wake was hot too. I drove like crazy to get to my sister's house. I was so needing someone to be strong for me. My brother n law was that person. He was calm and his voice was soothing. He even made me smile a few times and we ate chocolate together. He told me that he knew I'd been speeding and that I shouldn't work "her" so hard. He said that "she" was new to this guardian angel stuff and I should go easy on her.
Wise words from a wise man. A gentle man. A loving husband and a good father. My sister was so happy. My niece was so adored.
6 days from the day I lost my best friend, my brother n law died when his big truck drove off a bridge.
Nobody was there to be strong for me. Infact, I was now faced with a ten year old niece who literally wrapped her legs around my body and had to be carried because she wouldn't let me go that day. My sister just sat in the bathroom floor hugging his bath towel.
I just had to be strong, somehow, some way, I just had to be strong.
The weather just brings all this stuff back to me..It was so hot walking around under that bridge searching for scattered belongings. Some of it we found, a watch in a tree, business cards floating in the creek, sunglasses under the ledge of a rock, but we never found his wedding ring. That was so hard on my sister. They had a agreement to wear the ring around the neck. I along with her friends and his family searched for days out in the heat but we never found that ring.
After that there was the loss of two mentors, my mother, my newest friend, an old highschool friend was murdered and I found out about a year later in the midst of all the other. I'm honestly not even sure if thats all of them. Wake after wake and funeral after funeral, I guess I just lost count. Then there was my favorite aunt who died New Year's Eve this year and my great aunt just last month..After a while they just all run together...Isn't that terrible? Death doesn't even shock me anymore..It just adds to the sorrow I already feel.
But Summer is the worst besides my "Momma's" birthday in February. She was so happy that I was the only person to remember her 50th birthday. She felt like 50 was really special and nobody made it special but me. I'm not saying that to brag. I'm just so happy I didn't forget her last birthday. I could never forget my sweet friend's birthday. I've spent the last 3yrs trying my hardest to forget but I can't.
I can't forget Summer 2004 either...It changed me...I don't think I'll ever look at the heat of the summer in the same way..
Thanks for letting me ramble..I really needed to let out some tears I'd been fighting like mad all week..
Only it wasn't just like always. It was the day she'd decided to tell me what she felt in her heart. It was the day she told me God was going to call her home soon. I felt like a little girl looking up at the woman I'd called "Momma" for the past ten years. I remember feeling so small as I managed to get out the words " I can't live here without you " .
She comforted me with " don't worry, I'll be your guardian angel ".
We didn't want to part that evening. We were both afraid it might be the last visit. We both stood in that doorway of her home clinging to each other in a most desperate way.
That wasn't though. It wasn't the last time I would see her. I just happened to decide I wanted to go to my old church and see my nieces perform dramatic dance.
It was so hot that day. I remember the heat we were having that Summer, dry and hot, just like this summer. As soon as I walked through that church door she ran up to me. Oh my gosh she was so beautiful. She'd recently turned fifty but on that day she didn't look fifty. She looked radiant.
She hugged me. She called me "precious" as she always did. She hugged me again. Then she walked away. Then she ran back to me and hugged me again and told me that she loved me and for me to never forget it and that she thought I was precious and she hugged me again and she kissed my cheek and she walked away.
That morning she sang like an angel. The song title was " I didn't see Him go up but I'll see Him when He comes down " She did. She met Jesus three weeks later. I was given a two week notice so to speak to her aneurysm 3 days after she sang in church. Then she slowly drifted away. Just when everyone else thought she was doing well ( I never did because of her telling me ), the instant she went out of icu to a private room, a blood clot ended her suffering.
The day before her wake was hot too. I drove like crazy to get to my sister's house. I was so needing someone to be strong for me. My brother n law was that person. He was calm and his voice was soothing. He even made me smile a few times and we ate chocolate together. He told me that he knew I'd been speeding and that I shouldn't work "her" so hard. He said that "she" was new to this guardian angel stuff and I should go easy on her.
Wise words from a wise man. A gentle man. A loving husband and a good father. My sister was so happy. My niece was so adored.
6 days from the day I lost my best friend, my brother n law died when his big truck drove off a bridge.
Nobody was there to be strong for me. Infact, I was now faced with a ten year old niece who literally wrapped her legs around my body and had to be carried because she wouldn't let me go that day. My sister just sat in the bathroom floor hugging his bath towel.
I just had to be strong, somehow, some way, I just had to be strong.
The weather just brings all this stuff back to me..It was so hot walking around under that bridge searching for scattered belongings. Some of it we found, a watch in a tree, business cards floating in the creek, sunglasses under the ledge of a rock, but we never found his wedding ring. That was so hard on my sister. They had a agreement to wear the ring around the neck. I along with her friends and his family searched for days out in the heat but we never found that ring.
After that there was the loss of two mentors, my mother, my newest friend, an old highschool friend was murdered and I found out about a year later in the midst of all the other. I'm honestly not even sure if thats all of them. Wake after wake and funeral after funeral, I guess I just lost count. Then there was my favorite aunt who died New Year's Eve this year and my great aunt just last month..After a while they just all run together...Isn't that terrible? Death doesn't even shock me anymore..It just adds to the sorrow I already feel.
But Summer is the worst besides my "Momma's" birthday in February. She was so happy that I was the only person to remember her 50th birthday. She felt like 50 was really special and nobody made it special but me. I'm not saying that to brag. I'm just so happy I didn't forget her last birthday. I could never forget my sweet friend's birthday. I've spent the last 3yrs trying my hardest to forget but I can't.
I can't forget Summer 2004 either...It changed me...I don't think I'll ever look at the heat of the summer in the same way..
Thanks for letting me ramble..I really needed to let out some tears I'd been fighting like mad all week..
