Want to die

[FindingaWay]

This isn't a suicide threat... I wouldn't do that to my family. But, I seem to be running out of options, I'm on meds, I'm doing therapy, I've been in hospital, and still, I can't stand myself. I can't look in a mirror, I can't accept who I am, and I feel so guilty, because I know that's wrong.
I can't find God any longer, and that scares me. I can't seem to believe all the things I am supposed to, it seems meaningless and empty.
The only time I feel alive is when I cut, and I have to stop that because I'm afraid of where it will end up. I don't know where to turn, I just wish that I were dead and didn't have to go on fighting. Every day is so painful.
I'm sorry, this is just another post full of self pity and lack of faith. I hate this.

 

[goldenviolet]

bless your heart! reaching out is not self pity. you are a valid member of our community. commere... !! i'm dee. on your hard day, i'll share some love and remind you of how sometimes love seems so far away. but here you asked. you are very special. xo surround yourself with comforts and take it easy. alittle pampering like a bubble bath while listening to some worship music? maybe even in candle light?
treat yourself special.

 

[bubblefish]

Hun, don't give up. I know that you can't see it at the moment but you are an amazing lady. Kind, caring and one of the most selfless people I know. Always willing to reach out and help others even when you are struggling yourself. I know I have said all of this before but it is the truth. I, and many others, have been extremely blessed to be able to get to know you.

I can't begin to imagine how painful it must be sometimes but keep fighting Hun. You are loved dearly by so many both here and in real life. Try to be gentle with yourself and as Dee said, treat yourself to something special when you can. Maybe try to find some umbrella straws and make yourself a nice fancy drink to go with that bubble bath

Thinking of you

All my love,
Katie

 

[Bamboo_Chicken]

I very much agree with Dee and Katie . I'm also sending a kangaroo (pretend it's snuggly) and, if you've decided I'm not too stalkerish, can we organise to catch up on Skype at some point?

FindingAWay's kangaroo:

 

[Mr.Cheese]

.

 

[tokuku]

keep fighting! This life isn't mean't to be easy! Keep god in your heart and you will overcome anything! It's a spiritual war, fight those little voices telling you to give up. Fight them back!

 

[SSSSMDS-RT]

PM me

 

[dreamchildattucus]

I hate saying i know how you fee so ill say what you described is how i often think... I hate life, i hate how i feel like people are my friends cuz of my scares, i hae the way i look i hate life i hate being the way i am i hate the songs that make me cry and the boys that make me sob. i hate how things never go my way. or at least i used to. fighting these feelings was so hard for me id wake up every orning hoping to die, id get in my car and drive a hundred down a gravel road hoping to wreck and die "accedently" id cut deep hoping to bleed... well i don't know why i don't do that stuff any more, it was like i woke up one day and saw the sun for the first time. I started out reading my bible i woud read it everyday i would memorize psalms where david was full of joy. i would pray for joy, i got rid of all the negitive thingsin my life, the bys that caused drama, the stupid songs that made me sad. I started praising God in everything.... My life hasn't changed, My mom still has bi polar, my dad still gambels and dosn't call me, my grandparents are still dieing, and i still can't afford the college that i am attending the only place that makes me feel like home. but at the ed of the day i know 3 things...

1. My Daddy in heaven loves me know matter what!
2. My family really loves me no matter how bad they are at pretending.
3. This life is but a fraction of my existance there is a much biger reward in heaven.

i don't know if it helps but i tried...

 

[R.A.IN]

Praying for you.

 

[Mayflower1]

I know it feels like sometimes, cutting gives feeling to numbness. But Jesus can bring feeling to numbness too. Jesus can speak life to your spirit! Jesus was beaten, cut, mocked, and humiliated. He hung naked on a cross, for YOU. He not only bore our sins, but our guilt, our shame, and death... He died and rose again, so that you could live! And He calls you beautiful, righteous and holy, a new creation. You are so special in His eyes. remember, when you endure these hard trials and tests on earth, you will one day have a crown of life. We are only here for but a moment in time anyway. Don't give up! Look to Jesus, and He will give you victory! Shara