Unfortunately, neither McDonalds, Kinko's, nor the bank's copiers have the proper dpi/resolution to be acceptable in your district, so I'm afraid we cannot accept the copies submitted.
Needs a bit more helpful-sounding but actually useless info on ways to work around the arbitrary decision. "If you'd have just done X vs Y maybe it would have been OK", where X and Y change each time a new copy is submitted, for example.
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