Virginity

[die2live]

But is a person "pure" just because they are a virgin????

My point was that a "virgin" with impure thoughts and lust is no different than the non-virgins living immorally!

Kathy

That is a very good point.

According to Jesus, lusting is committing adultery in your heart and God sees the heart. There are some people out there who will walk right up to the line and think they are doing nothing wrong simply because they haven't done the act. I was once one of those people, except I didn't fool myself. I knew what I was doing was wrong; at the time, I just gave in anyway.

That doesn't change the fact, however, that doing the act is also wrong. And maintaining virginity is an accomplishment, and not an easy one. That doesn't mean it isn't wrong to engage in other activities that would pollute your mind. We are called to strive toward purity both of mind and body.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that while virginity and purity are two different things and that while purity can be lost even as virginity is maintained, that doesn't mean that the value of being a virgin decreases, especially as one gets older. It also doesn't give an excuse to those who are having premarital sex and it doesn't make it wrong to say that premarital sex is a sin because it is. It's just not the only sexual sin.

 

[Niels]

Because my social life isn't Christan based people. Those who are older that I do know are either in a relationship or married. All I know to be are not.

Plus I haven't been to church in over a month so whatever one I decide to go might have one or two floating around. Don't know but I do doubt it.

So you see...I don't know anyone who is that old and still one. But if I do come across someone that is, I'm interested to know why they still are and have never been married.

Huh . While church-going Christians seem to overwhelmingly encourage abstaining all the way until marriage, hardly any follow through with it. You might might even meet more outside of organized religion. I've met a few atheists who wanted to keep sex as a marriage thing. Then again, you go to church more often than I do, so I'm not exactly an expert on the subject.

If you only hang out with married people or couples that are sleeping together, then you're simply not hanging out with anybody who hasn't had sex. That doesn't mean you don't see a few at work every day, standing in front of you on line at a rock concert, sitting next to you on the bus etc. I just find it strange that you are so sure that you never *meet* them. You probably do, without realizing it.

Maybe it's regional. I grew up right outside of NYC, so I'm accustomed to a diversity of personal values and thought. In fact, it requires a lot of mental energy for me to think that all people could be the same. I don't think there's anything interesting about why someone hasn't been married. Other things make people interesting to me... where they're from, what they like to do in their free time etc.





Just thought I'd post a fun game for you all to play. Count all the differences between the following pictures!

Here's a nerd before losing his virginity:

Here's the same nerd after losing his virginity:

 

[Annova]

Huh . While church-going Christians seem to overwhelmingly encourage abstaining all the way until marriage, hardly any follow through with it. You might might even meet more outside of organized religion. I've met a few atheists who wanted to keep sex as a marriage thing. Then again, you go to church more often than I do, so I'm not exactly an expert on the subject.

If you only hang out with married people or couples that are sleeping together, then you're simply not hanging out with anybody who hasn't had sex. That doesn't mean you don't see a few at work every day, standing in front of you on line at a rock concert, sitting next to you on the bus etc. I just find it strange that you are so sure that you never *meet* them. You probably do, without realizing it.

Maybe it's regional. I grew up right outside of NYC, so I'm accustomed to a diversity of personal values and thought. In fact, it requires a lot of mental energy for me to think that all people could be the same. I don't think there's anything interesting about why someone hasn't been married. Other things make people interesting to me... where they're from, what they like to do in their free time etc.

I probably have met some. I'm just not aware of any.

 

[SonicBOOM]

Just thought I'd post a fun game for you all to play. Count all the differences between the following pictures!

Here's a nerd before losing his virginity:

Here's the same nerd after losing his virginity:

LOL!!!! Thats simply awesome....

 

[puffca]

Well, in my opinion, the ones that are still virgins are ones that nobody has "allowed" them to lose their virginity with them yet.

Present the "right" guy or girl to them, and they would lose their virginity in a second.

Just my opinion, based on the people I see.

Kathy

However the other people are not, I admit I might be this person you described here. I consider it's sort of a mercy though because as a weak guy that I know I am on this matter, I might have just fallen immediately given the temptation.

 

[JonMiller]

But is a person "pure" just because they are a virgin????

My point was that a "virgin" with impure thoughts and lust is no different than the non-virgins living immorally!

Kathy

I am definitely not pure (in mind) although I am a virgin.

And while consequences can be different (my porn addiction isn't likely to get me a STD/child) there still are consequences (it might negatively effect my later relationships/etc).

And while I have had an opportunity for sex with peopl from parties/bars, I haven't had a serious relationship with someone I was in love with. And I would likely not be a virgin if I had (at certain times).

JM

 

[Cooch]

But while I'm talking about this. I am wondering something. How come there is a handful of people on here that are older and still virgins? I mean I know why because their not married but is maintaining being a virgin one of the things keeping you from a relationship? Just asking so please don't get all mad. I'm curious....

I am still a virgin, and of my three closest friends, one has also maintained his sexual integrety to the present day, while the other two have recently married and were - in their mid-thirties - virgins until their wedding nights. We may be a minority, but we're not as rare as some seem to think.

None of us set out with the intention of having to maintain our virginity this long, just until we married.

The "how" bit is best described as "one day at a time". No acceptence of compromise. No devaluing of sexuality, or regarding it as anything less than an extremely valuable gift which God has given us . Not to be degraded.
I value the prospect of being married highly enough that I'm prepared to make sacrifices now. I am being faithful to my wife NOW, even when I don't know who she is. I may not be married, but I am able to invest in my marraige, building a habit of faithfulness and commitment ....

I also see it as honouring something that God consideres intensely important.

Has it been easy? Not always.

It's not valid to compare sins.
The truth about fornication is that it is a sin, and it is a sin with consequences that can be life-long and affect the most valuable things in your life.

One of my most heartfelt prayers, is for a wife who shares my beliefs and values. The long wait that I have experienced will be a wedding gift from me to her. It would be very nice indeed to receive such a gift in return....... even though I recognise the force of the scripture which says "that which God has called clean, let no man call unclean."

I only give myself two options.
God helping me, I will marry as a virgin, or die as one.

Peter

 

[Teufelhund]

Wooo..oh...I see some generalizations.

I guess it would depend on how you define many. There are lot of children/teens in this world that haven't had sex yet. So that constitutes a lot IMO.

Now if someone were to say that as you age the number decreases...well yeah I agree...I've never met older virgins before in real life. I don't know any and the most I've seen is on this forum. No offense or anything to those who are older and still one. Just saying.

But while I'm talking about this. I am wondering something. How come there is a handful of people on here that are older and still virgins? I mean I know why because their not married but is maintaining being a virgin one of the things keeping you from a relationship? Just asking so please don't get all mad. I'm curious....

If being a virgin kept you from a relationship wouldn't that result in the extinction of the species?

 

[Teufelhund]

Wooo..oh...I see some generalizations.

I guess it would depend on how you define many. There are lot of children/teens in this world that haven't had sex yet. So that constitutes a lot IMO.

Now if someone were to say that as you age the number decreases...well yeah I agree...I've never met older virgins before in real life. I don't know any and the most I've seen is on this forum. No offense or anything to those who are older and still one. Just saying.

But while I'm talking about this. I am wondering something. How come there is a handful of people on here that are older and still virgins? I mean I know why because their not married but is maintaining being a virgin one of the things keeping you from a relationship? Just asking so please don't get all mad. I'm curious....

If being a virgin kept you from a relationship wouldn't that result in the extinction of the species?

 

[Thomas1984]

I am still a virgin, and of my three closest friends, one has also maintained his sexual integrety to the present day, while the other two have recently married and were - in their mid-thirties - virgins until their wedding nights. We may be a minority, but we're not as rare as some seem to think.

None of us set out with the intention of having to maintain our virginity this long, just until we married.

The "how" bit is best described as "one day at a time". No acceptence of compromise. No devaluing of sexuality, or regarding it as anything less than an extremely valuable gift which God has given us . Not to be degraded.
I value the prospect of being married highly enough that I'm prepared to make sacrifices now. I am being faithful to my wife NOW, even when I don't know who she is. I may not be married, but I am able to invest in my marraige, building a habit of faithfulness and commitment ....

I also see it as honouring something that God consideres intensely important.

Has it been easy? Not always.

It's not valid to compare sins.
The truth about fornication is that it is a sin, and it is a sin with consequences that can be life-long and affect the most valuable things in your life.

One of my most heartfelt prayers, is for a wife who shares my beliefs and values. The long wait that I have experienced will be a wedding gift from me to her. It would be very nice indeed to receive such a gift in return....... even though I recognise the force of the scripture which says "that which God has called clean, let no man call unclean."

I only give myself two options.
God helping me, I will marry as a virgin, or die as one.

Peter

+1.

I'm often unable to answer this question for myself, to find the right words, but this pretty much sums it up for me.

The part that I've highlighted, is mainly for my own benefit. I need to remember that, ^

It's about God, not sex. That's why I'm waiting. I know that if I had sex before marriage, I'd miss out on something far greater. As time passes, I feel happier to wait longer, possibly because I continue to realise that I'm not ready yet.

 

[lunalinda]

Well, in my opinion, the ones that are still virgins are ones that nobody has "allowed" them to lose their virginity with them yet.

Present the "right" guy or girl to them, and they would lose their virginity in a second.

Just my opinion, based on the people I see.

Kathy

Hmmm the only person who doesn't "allow" me to lose...no, to give away my virginity is me. Me and me alone. Oh sure, my parents have their opinions (and attempts to control), the Bible has the words of God, but in the end, the decision is STILL my own. Though your point is somewhat valid, however. There haven't been many opportunities for me to give in (it's not like i'm swarmed by guys who want me), but I know that if I were more "open" to casual dating, it'd be a much bigger challenge to keep myself until marriage.

Listen ..... I am just an observer of life and all kinds of people.

I see plenty of these "goody - goody" people who judge people having sex and saying how bad that is, and the truth is they are having sexual thoughts that are just as wrong .....and given the chance, they will be jumping right in the sack with someone.

Trust me, there ain't many virgins out there ... get real!!

Kathy

People think I'm goody-goody, but it's not because I'm judging them and their lifestyle; it's because of how differently I maintain my own. Sex is definitely not a bad thing. It's not MEANT to be. Sex must be super wonderful. I'd be lying if I said I'm not at all curious what the big fuss is all about. Fortunately, my curiousity doesn't get the better of me. Yes, I've had thoughts, imagining what it must be like, but I try to cast them aside and think of something else. I don't think it's a bad thing at ALL to desire sex, since even we virgins are sexual beings after all. But sex being mistreated as misused as God DIDN'T intend it to be IS the bad thing. Will I jump in the sack with someone when/if given the chance. Of COURSE!! I want sex just as bad as any sexually active person out there. It's not my main priority, though, and it's just that the chance I'm waiting for is when the honeymoon is in motion.

I probably have met some. I'm just not aware of any.

Well as Jerry Seinfeld so eloquently put it on the episode when he was dating a virgin, and Elaine claimed she didn't know the woman was a virgin, he says: "Well it's not like spotting a toupee." And that's quite true. Honestly, how could any of us know whether or not someone's a virgin? Unless a person is totally open in words and actions about their sexual lives, I'd say it's a pretty tough call.

 

[JPPT1974]

Being a virgin to me I take
Seriously like a badge of honor
As even though I am not perfect
While thinking thoughts that may not be nice
But still, as a Christian, I think I need to
Give my soon to be husband the gift of virginity
Our wedding night.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Back in high school and college, I never had one single person give me crap about waiting until marriage. Even those who didn't, said "that's a good idea". Is it just my area being more tolerant, or is it people who flaunt it around that bring the guff upon themselves?

 

[sunshineray]

Back in high school and college, I never had one single person give me crap about waiting until marriage. Even those who didn't, said "that's a good idea". Is it just my area being more tolerant, or is it people who flaunt it around that bring the guff upon themselves?

I think, more often than not, how you present your decision to wait for marriage determines whether you get flack for it or not.

 

[traingosorry]

I think, more often than not, how you present your decision to wait for marriage determines whether you get flack for it or not.

Good point.

 

[lunalinda]

I think, more often than not, how you present your decision to wait for marriage determines whether you get flack for it or not.

Indeed. I agree. And honestly, I have gotten more pats on the back from people than I have sneers. No one every really horrified or mystified that I'm a virgin. Sure, there may be a bit of surprise, but thereafter, there's respect. I don't flaunt it like it makes me better; I just stand by it. Heh, and sometimes it's funny. Girls at work, when talking about things of a sexual nature, still look out for me, scolding each other if they get too graphic because they don't want to corrupt my innocent hearing haha. But it's all in good fun. For the most part, they praise my decision, insisting that it makes life far less complicated. One girl wishes she can be in my shoes, having never experienced any sex so she can have an easier time staying away from it. She says I'm lucky to not know what I'm missing. I tend to agree, but that still doesn't mean I'm as curious as a billions cats either.

 

[BranwenUerchLlyr]

Me and my two closest friends are virgins. One is a Wiccan, one is a Christian, and one is an Atheist (me). We've always valued this quality, and many people around us knew of it in high school, where we met and grew into sisters.

We've made it into college and now that we're halfway through it, we're still going strong. =P

And now for an interesting anecdote I wanted to share. My ex boyfriend is a pastor’s kid that really valued purity. At the end of a really nice date, he declared to me that it was time for him to go, and he had to go quickly. I was slightly confused because I figured he would have stuck around for a few more minutes, and share a few smooches like the way we normally do. But this time, he said he wanted to part ways right then, because it was such a great date and he didn't want to risk messing it up. I remember his exact words.. He said, "I know you want me to stay, and I know why. I value you too much to let you do that to yourself, and I want to take this opportunity to exercise self-control." And with that, and hug and a kiss on the forehead, he disappeared into the house. I was left kind of stunned and confused, but I felt really good about it. Later, he told me he knew why he had to go in early--that night, he realized he loved me. Wow, I miss him. What a real man, eh?

I guess the moral of all this.. Don't get discouraged--there are plenty of virgins out there who value this quality for many different reasons. No matter what your reason is, it’s worthy, and you aren't alone.

 

[maelstrom]

I wouldn't marry someone who's not either a virgin or born-again virgin because obviously that person would not share my values. It's okay to make mistakes IF you learn from your mistakes and repent. But I wouldn't marry someone who didn't learn from their mistakes. I'm only looking for a nice sweet pure abstinent girl, if such can still be found. I don't care about her past, as long as she's the kind of person who grows from the past and loves the Lord.

Plus, it would be awkward to be with a person with more experience than me. The only girlfriend I've ever had, had a lot more experience than me, and it was awkward--sex was a routine for her, but I was a virgin who viewed it as special, and that's one of the reasons why ultimately it didn't work out between us. Thankfully I haven't had a girlfriend since I became a Christian, so I haven't had to worry about it.


The main reason why guys care whether a girl is a virgin or not is because they worry that her you-know-what will be stretched out and not tight. Sorry to be graphic but it's the truth. I don't know whether such concerns are well-founded or not (I haven't examined a lot of female anatomy and couldn't describe what a hymen is if I tried)...

So maybe someone else can comment: is there a noticeable difference in a girl's you-know-what if she's had sex with a few guys, compared to if she's a virgin?

Is it "tighter," or does it make that much difference? I wouldn't know. Obviously it would take the fun out of the wedding night if you married a girl and discovered her genitals were like the Grand Canyon. Then again, stretching of the private parts could happen more likely with masturbation than from sex (since most sex toys are probably bigger than most guys' members). This is likely why societies have valued virgin women so much, but doesn't seem to care about whether a man keeps pure. In fact a guy with lots of experience is considered a stud.

 

[deliciousBass]

I wouldn't marry someone who's not either a virgin or born-again virgin because obviously that person would not share my values. It's okay to make mistakes IF you learn from your mistakes and repent. But I wouldn't marry someone who didn't learn from their mistakes. I'm only looking for a nice sweet pure abstinent girl, if such can still be found. I don't care about her past, as long as she's the kind of person who grows from the past and loves the Lord.

Plus, it would be awkward to be with a person with more experience than me. The only girlfriend I've ever had, had a lot more experience than me, and it was awkward--sex was a routine for her, but I was a virgin who viewed it as special, and that's one of the reasons why ultimately it didn't work out between us. Thankfully I haven't had a girlfriend since I became a Christian, so I haven't had to worry about it.


The main reason why guys care whether a girl is a virgin or not is because they worry that her you-know-what will be stretched out and not tight. Sorry to be graphic but it's the truth. I don't know whether such concerns are well-founded or not (I haven't examined a lot of female anatomy and couldn't describe what a hymen is if I tried)...

So maybe someone else can comment: is there a noticeable difference in a girl's you-know-what if she's had sex with a few guys, compared to if she's a virgin?

Is it "tighter," or does it make that much difference? I wouldn't know. Obviously it would take the fun out of the wedding night if you married a girl and discovered her genitals were like the Grand Canyon. Then again, stretching of the private parts could happen more likely with masturbation than from sex (since most sex toys are probably bigger than most guys' members). This is likely why societies have valued virgin women so much, but doesn't seem to care about whether a man keeps pure. In fact a guy with lots of experience is considered a stud.

Can of worms, meet can opener.

Wow, you really laid it on us didn't you? I would suggest taking those questions to the Men's Forum. That's my humble opinion. And no, guys aren't mostly concerned about her being tight. I wouldn't bet that it's not A concern. But I think it's foolish to say that's all guys care about.

 

[JonMiller]

Actually, women get use to the men they are with. So if that is what is important to you, you should try to have sex with as many different women as possible, and definitely not stay with the same one for any length of time.

JM