VERY troubling book brought home by my son

Larniavc

Leading a blameless life
Jul 14, 2015
12,114
7,519
51
✟310,212.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Atheist
Marital Status
Married
Politics
UK-Liberal-Democrats
What can I do to counteract the negative influence this book has had on my son?
In all honesty the more you make a big deal about it the further you will push him away.

If he’s not going to follow your faith there is nothing you can do that will not back fire if you try to punish/persuade/guilt him into remaining in your faith.

He could easily be going through a rebellious phase and the more you clamp down on him the more you will push him away.

Don’t make life so hard for him he leaves home at the first opportunity. Because that’s what may happen if you push him hard enough.

ETA: the book is a work of fiction.
 
Upvote 0

A_Thinker

Well-Known Member
Supporter
Apr 23, 2004
11,911
9,064
Midwest
✟931,284.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Hello everyone. My name is Rebekah, I am a lifelong Christian woman (and mom), of two beautiful children who are now teens and wife to a man I am madly in love with who is pillar of faith in The Lord.



My son (sophomore in high school) has always had a rebellious streak, ever since he was very young, but recently he is out of control and I don’t know what to do but pray.



I recently found a book in his backpack when I was going through his things, called The Raw Materials of Futility. Initially I didn’t think much about it but my son has never been much into novels so I took a look inside and was appalled. The book is full of atheist ramblings and at one point even parodies The Bible recasting Satan as “the good guy.”



Needless to say I was horrified and immediately grilled my son about where he got this book, because I SURE didn’t buy it for him and neither did his dad. He resisted at first, refused to tell me, and I had to ground him to his room for two days before he finally gave up that he got the book from a friend who had ordered it on Amazon.



I am appalled that this kind of material is just out there, available to our kids, with no content warnings or ANYTHING for parents to know what their kids are reading.



Worse yet, since my son read this book he has started to question our family’s Christian faith! I have sent him to my pastor multiple times but he continuously comes away questioning authority more and more, and now has begun calling us names and is refusing to go to church. Yesterday I saw he had drawn a pentagram on his palm with an ink pen!! I made him wash and scrub it off but I am terrified that he has invited demonic possession into his life and into our household.



What can I do to counteract the negative influence this book has had on my son?? I am afraid for his soul and for the soul of my entire family!!
Hello Rebekah ...

I and my 5 siblings were raised in a christian home. My mom and dad were good, faithful, loving believers who trained us up in the faith.

However, they made sure that we each understood ... that our faith was our own ... which we could choose to base our lives upon ... or to discard when we came of age.

Now they kept a christian home. No matter what we personally believed ... or didn't believe, ... they expected us to uphold and respect their christian values in their home, which included weekly church attendance until we were 18 or so.

They didn't try to shield us from knowledge of the world ... they were willing to discuss with us their thoughts and feelings of the pro's and con's of different ways of living ... and of our frank questions about the faith.

What was most vital for us ... is that they lived a life that trumpeted their values. Their household was consistently kind and nurturing ... to those within the family and without. My father worked consistently ... to support his family ... and my mother lovingly managed the home. They extolled the value of education ... and of working for your living ... and of family.

There are memories of good times ... laughing and loving, and enjoying one another in the Lord. And there are memories of clear direction and expectation ... with accountability for when we failed to live up to their expectations. And they were willing to be honest with us ... about their own faults and failures.

Despite all of this, rebellion did rear its head ... amongst myself and my siblings. It is easy to question the wisdom of one's elders ... when you are not responsible for your own well-being. We all explored options ... other than what our parents had presented. But we all, ultimately, determined that their guidance was best for our lives ... and each of us found our own grounding in the faith.

As has been said ... you cannot make your children's ultimate decisions for them. They will be exposed to many things in life. It might be best if that exposure begins when they are still surrounded and supported by loving parents.

God is faithful. When you are not there to guide your children, ... He is. Trust Him to bring them through the dangerous twists and turns of this life. Continue to set the BEST example you can of a loving christian home. Pray mightily for your children's well-being and development .. and against anything that might come against them.

And ... buckle up, ... you're just getting started. Too much upset ... and undue controlling behavior, ... will ultimately hinder your objectives. Take a breath, relax, ... and learn to let God have his way ... and your children.

My wife and I have faced this same situation in our household ... and we, ultimately, ... just had to trust God to accomplish His will in our children's lives.

Trust Him ... for He will have His way ... anyway.

Sending prayers your way ...
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: NerdGirl
Upvote 0

NerdGirl

The untamed daughter
Apr 14, 2020
2,651
3,104
USA
✟65,654.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
Testing is a huge leap from disrespecting...

I don't see a description of "disrespect" in the OP.

I see a boy with questions, and he's sure as heck not finding them at home, so he got a book from a friend.

That's not disrespectful. The OP gives us no detail about this boy's supposed "being out of control" other than the fact that he snuck a book home and he's questioning his family's religious beliefs.

I see what feels like an overly controlling mother who's somewhat hysterical and panicking and suddenly her child is in a "devil phase" for daring to wonder perfectly rational, normal questions about faith and religion and humanity.

He'd be far better served with information and education than whacking him over the head with a Bible and being forced to write "I love Jesus" a thousand times.
 
Upvote 0

WolfGate

Senior Member
Supporter
Jun 14, 2004
4,168
2,088
South Carolina
✟448,186.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
At his age you cannot control his thoughts and searching, but you are acting like you can. That will only drive him further away. You can still have influence by listening and asking well thought out questions that help him think in the right direction. You want to keep that influence and not act in such a way that has your son rebelling from anything you say because he sees it as control and judgement. FWIW, I think your Pastor's advice of counseling is terrible.

We raised two children who are doing well in their faith and are in their 20s. Like most teenagers they went through periods of questioning and eventually settled in a good place with Christ. They still know they can talk to us about thoughts and ideas that might differ from ours without being judged. They know we disagree when we do, but by them being able to discuss we still have influence today. Faith has to be a decision each child makes; it cannot be dictated by parents or pastors.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Larniavc
Upvote 0

NerdGirl

The untamed daughter
Apr 14, 2020
2,651
3,104
USA
✟65,654.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
I went through a *horrible* period of rebellion as a teenager. It's a wonder I didn't wind up kidnapped, raped, or worse, with the way I behaved. But I learned from my parents' mistakes, and my own mistakes, and determined to do a better job with my son when he came along. He went through a rebellious stage of his own, when he was about 13-15. Nothing nearly as serious as the things I had experienced, thank God, but still very serious issues that tested me to my emotional and spiritual limits.

I've had an open communication policy with him since he was old enough to talk. There is no question or topic that is off limits. If he wants to talk about something I'm not familiar with, I go learn about it so we *can* talk about it. It doesn't matter how uncomfortable a question or topic makes me, because his benefit is all that matters, not my comfort. We talk about why something is wise or unwise, godly or ungodly, useful or wasteful, sensible or foolish. You aren't teaching a child by making them memorize rules. You teach a child when you equip them to think, reason, and conclude things on their own. Hiding from the world and sin and evil will never teach your child how and why those things should be dealt with.

It's a heartbreaking thing to realize your child has done something wrong and hidden it from you. If you need to go have a meltdown and cry, do it on your own time. Don't lash out at your child. Come back when you're calm and you can sit down with them and listen - without interruption - to why they did what they did. Then calmly address it and work together on how they can do better going forward.
 
Upvote 0

JohnDB

Regular Member
May 16, 2007
4,256
1,289
nashville
✟46,421.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
I don't see a description of "disrespect" in the OP.

I see a boy with questions, and he's sure as heck not finding them at home, so he got a book from a friend.

That's not disrespectful. The OP gives us no detail about this boy's supposed "being out of control" other than the fact that he snuck a book home and he's questioning his family's religious beliefs.

I see what feels like an overly controlling mother who's somewhat hysterical and panicking and suddenly her child is in a "devil phase" for daring to wonder perfectly rational, normal questions about faith and religion and humanity.

He'd be far better served with information and education than whacking him over the head with a Bible and being forced to write "I love Jesus" a thousand times.

Oh I agree that it's a big guess because the OP has dropped off a bomb and left. Won't engage much with explanations that are definitely shaded with her side of the story.

He said, she said, and the truth in the middle that goes unsaid by a lack of discernment.
 
Upvote 0

NerdGirl

The untamed daughter
Apr 14, 2020
2,651
3,104
USA
✟65,654.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
Oh I agree that it's a big guess because the OP has dropped off a bomb and left. Won't engage much with explanations that are definitely shaded with her side of the story.

He said, she said, and the truth in the middle that goes unsaid by a lack of discernment.

I'm curious to see if we get more information.
 
Upvote 0

JohnDB

Regular Member
May 16, 2007
4,256
1,289
nashville
✟46,421.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Yikes good point.
No...not a good point.

Normal stuff for a parent to do as a normal course of dealing with children... even teenagers.

They aren't the neighbors who can righteously complain about your investigation of their cupboards or closets.

They are your children whom you are legally responsible for the care and supervision of.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Darkhorse
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

NerdGirl

The untamed daughter
Apr 14, 2020
2,651
3,104
USA
✟65,654.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
Yikes good point.

Perhaps it was precipitated by previous rule breaking, lying, etc?

But I'm curious to know.

I had to snoop through my son's room a few times, when he was sneaking this or that and it was against my rules. I hated doing it. So glad those days are far behind now.

I do not support random snooping for no reason.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Sparagmos
Upvote 0

JohnDB

Regular Member
May 16, 2007
4,256
1,289
nashville
✟46,421.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Perhaps it was precipitated by previous rule breaking, lying, etc?

But I'm curious to know.

I had to snoop through my son's room a few times, when he was sneaking this or that and it was against my rules. I hated doing it. So glad those days are far behind now.

I do not support random snooping for no reason.

I regularly viewed books my son checked out of the library...I might want to read it.
I also would make recommendations for him based entirely on whatever he found interesting. So "snooping" is perfectly acceptable in my opinion. It's just part of being a member of the family. I am there to encourage discussion of things that he encountered. Get his thoughts on the subject...raise objections or agree with him. All part of having a personal relationship instead of an obligatory juvenile border.
 
Upvote 0

Sparagmos

Well-Known Member
Oct 19, 2018
8,632
7,319
52
Portland, Oregon
✟278,062.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
Perhaps it was precipitated by previous rule breaking, lying, etc?

But I'm curious to know.

I had to snoop through my son's room a few times, when he was sneaking this or that and it was against my rules. I hated doing it. So glad those days are far behind now.

I do not support random snooping for no reason.
Yes, certainly If you think your kid is doing drugs or you’re looking for something specific because of a reasonable suspicion. But just snooping around is a big mistake.
 
Upvote 0

NerdGirl

The untamed daughter
Apr 14, 2020
2,651
3,104
USA
✟65,654.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
Yes, certainly If you think your kid is doing drugs or you’re looking for something specific because of a reasonable suspicion. But just snooping around is a big mistake.

I think it probably depends, at least somewhat, on the family and the relationship and culture of the people involved. I know some parents will inform their children that they will be doing random bedroom checks, so the kids at least know that they shouldn't be bringing home contraband and trying to hide it. Or if they do, they've had a fair warning.

But for the most part, I agree with you. A sense of privacy and having "their own space" is so crucial for teenagers.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Sparagmos
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Sparagmos

Well-Known Member
Oct 19, 2018
8,632
7,319
52
Portland, Oregon
✟278,062.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
No...not a good point.

Normal stuff for a parent to do as a normal course of dealing with children... even teenagers.

They aren't the neighbors who can righteously complain about your investigation of their cupboards or closets.

They are your children whom you are legally responsible for the care and supervision of.
Unless it’s explicitly necessary as described in the thread, snooping is setting an example of dishonesty. It’s sneaky.

You simply can’t control older teenagers. They need to learn to control themselves, and that only happens when they have the freedom to make choices. They’re old enough to figure out how to hide or sneak whatever they want to look at or do, so better to focus on spending lots of time with them so that you can compete with whatever negative influence they might be under.
 
  • Like
Reactions: NerdGirl
Upvote 0

Sparagmos

Well-Known Member
Oct 19, 2018
8,632
7,319
52
Portland, Oregon
✟278,062.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
I know some parents will inform their children that they will be doing random bedroom checks, so the kids at least know that they shouldn't be bringing home contraband and trying to hide it. Or if they do, they've had a fair warning.
I like that idea far better than snooping. It’s honest.
 
  • Like
Reactions: NerdGirl
Upvote 0

JohnDB

Regular Member
May 16, 2007
4,256
1,289
nashville
✟46,421.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
As long as my son is in my house I will mind the things he watches and reads! All I am trying to do is help my son find and keep salvation and I feel like the whole world is trying to do the opposite...

Don't let them kid you...
In some districts children's behavior has lost their parents their almost paid for homes. The city confiscated them due to their child's activities.

So... Don't even hesitate.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

NerdGirl

The untamed daughter
Apr 14, 2020
2,651
3,104
USA
✟65,654.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
As long as my son is in my house I will mind the things he watches and reads! All I am trying to do is help my son find and keep salvation and I feel like the whole world is trying to do the opposite...

It's good to be *aware* of what your son reads and watches. But at 15 (or so) years old, it's not realistic to think you can *control* everything he reads and watches. He's going to be an adult in a few years, and he's going to be faced with the Whole Wide World. Send him out aware, educated, informed, and prepared.

His salvation will ultimately be his choice alone. You can't force him to love God through forced pastoral counseling and snooping through his bookbag. It's good to be concerned about the questions he's experiencing about his faith, but please put down the panicked feeling that you exhibited in the OP and maybe do some reading and researching on the things he's reading about and wondering about, so you can talk to him about them. And by "talk to him" I don't mean "this is Satanic and evil and we need to pray over you!!!" Find out WHAT these things are, what their origins are, what they're all about, and look at them from his perspective. Why is he curious about them? What need are they potentially filling for him? What void is there in his current life, that could be causing him to gravitate towards them?
 
  • Winner
Reactions: Larniavc
Upvote 0