Because it likely is already all of the above?Why isnt it to determine if people are in a bad relationship, a failed relationship, a failing relationship, a horrible relationship, a dangerous relationship, an uncomfortable relationship, add more adjectives at will.....
why?
Yes I do.
Why isnt it to determine if people are in a bad relationship, a failed relationship, a failing relationship, a horrible relationship, a dangerous relationship, an uncomfortable relationship, add more adjectives at will.....
why?
Because it likely is already all of the above?
Its a very simple question....
If that list was headed with "to determine if ______________" and the things I listed, in lieu of abuse even if they are one in the same in some cases, would anyone use the list? Refer to the list? Does it even make sense to have that list? because thats what the list is saying, as synonyms, these are workable descriptors.
They just dont have POWER
Which reveals the recruitment agenda is far more important than actually getting someone to realize anything. the first priority is to get the label abuse on things, not to help someone realize they are being hurt or should be upset.
Imagine telling her "thats not right, you should be upset and do something"....that is true and of pure motive
the constant drumbeat of these abuse lists has less to do with helping anyone and lots to do with recruitment and empathy
I dont need them linked to real life scenarios.
I need the questions I just asked above to be addressed. They do not presuppose anything about real life, nor do they value judge anything on the list as being good or bad or indifferent.
They ask why the fixation on making lists about "abuse"
I know all the pat answers, like "well if it is abuse why not call it abuse" and any other that can be asked. I'd be grateful for someone to make an honest attempt at responding to my questions directly and with real tangible reasoning.
ONLY when she sees that she is abused can she know something is wrong?
Are you suggesting that the idea that men can also be subject to abuse or that male child abuse victims mostly need the extra care and kindness that female child abuse victims need leads to marital rape?
Just my thoughts... I think someone can know they are in an abusive relationship but rationalize it away.
Yes I am going personal here... I won't go into detail the abuse I suffered as a teenager other than to say it was horrid...
So when six months into my marriage when the pushing, slapping, biting, finger twisting (his favorite) started.... did I know it was abuse? Yes.. but I rationalized it away... it could be worse, been through worse, he never punched, etc. He rationalized it because he never punched.
So yes I knew it for what it was BUT... there was that but in my head for years. It came to a head 5 years into the marriage when one night he started getting physical and I had enough and tried to leave... it ended with him choking me in the driveway. <<< It took that to make my husband realize what he had been doing to me and for us to realize this ends here and now.... we need to break the cycle.
That is why I am so for teaching people that the cycle can and does break.
These two posts are excellent examples of why we continue to post about this topic. So we don't forget just for one reason.(((HUGS))) Lily..
Yes..even some stuff that happened to me I was EMBARRASED to say what it was because I might be "makign a big deal out of nothing"..and of course maybe its 'not that big of a deal COMPARED to what others have gone through"..along with the ratinalizing..there is also blaming your self..situations I have been in ..in my marraige included I have said..."if I hadnt X then that wouldnt have happened"..so its not "all his fault"..
Thats why I cringe sometimes when I hear a spouse usually a husband who will say 'sure im not perfect..but I "never beat her and I never cheated"..like if THAT isnt present..then there cant possibly be any major problems goiing on INCLUDING abusive behavors..I always think ..why not SAY what it is that you do that makes you "not perfect" instead of namign two extreme obvius things that you DONT do?Kind of like yoru husband saying he 'never punches"..well GREAT I guess Im not an abuser..as long as I "never stab my husband"..
I know..why not just lower the bar to murder?That you can say the person is being abused..if they have been murdered?But would that make the person that murdered them an "abuser"?..because you know once you give them that label..it could make things worse..like they could go in a shell or something..
Dallas
Good link.The flip side of the coin: Every now and then I look up stuff on Google, the following link is one I found while looking up "Male Victims of Domestic Violence". It sums up the present situation rather well. There's little enough to help women who have been abused, there's next to nothing to help men who have been abused. Take a look, there may be a shelter and/or counseling for women, for men there might be anger management classes to help him control himself so he won't abuse--- never mind that he's the one coming in with the black eyes and the broken nose. If he needs shelter-- maybe there's a homeless shelter he can try. Wish him luck, he's gonna need it.
Domestic Violence Against Men
Abused men are afraid to leave their children alone with an abusive woman. They are afraid that if they leave they will never be allowed to see their children again. The man is afraid the woman will tell his children he is a bad person or that he doesn't love them.
Avniel,
I can relate to this video real well. The verbal especially is tough and than the pushing(and hitting). That's one thing I don't get though, how can a woman keep pushing and hitting anyone whether they are their spouse or not, and expect them to not fight back. I mean I won't hit a woman but there have been times where I literally walked out the door so nothing extreme would happen. And sometimes... the spouse is literally running after them like a bully and saying everything under the sun. And than act so holy when you see them again. The video is a nail in the coffin.
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