Urgent Advice Needed, I Am @ The End I Think

[Sammy707]

Hello all, I have just joined this forum as I am lost as to what else to do. I think I’m at the end of my tether.

Here is my current situation. Please feel free to skim read as I’m sure we are all limited on time.

Lifetime of emotional abuse from my sociopathic father who gambled the love out of the home and my mother, who then became the most hostile person in my life due to his shortcomings. Emotional pain and everything bottled up manifested itself as anterior pelvic tilt and thoracic kyphosis. Basically spine was literally put out of whack because of bottling everything in and basically being in fight or flight mode for first 18 years of my life.

Moved out at 18 to study Law at a prestigious university. Thought this would be the end of my problems, but this was when I was really introduced to how I was perceived by others due to my skin colour. Put me through a deep depression and alcoholism for near a year, came out the other side by God’s grace. Managed to accept myself for who I am but spine was further affected by the endless pressure and stress this new environment put on me (fight or flight mode x100 due to the world seeing you as public enemy no.1 and thus throwing rocks at you).

Blablabla, worked on spine but not much progress. Eventually graduated with a double-major in Law & Social Anthropology.

Now 21, with top grades all my life (average percentage of 84% in all exams taken from ages 15 - 21). Decent CV and living in a studio by myself.

Cannot get 9-5 as I cannot sit for long due to lower back/pelvis problems. Also can’t do heavy lifting for same reasons. Had to get a scooter and do food couriering locally until I fix my spine. While friends are back home with nice salaries and living together I am forced to stay away from hometown because I haven’t resolved issues with my parents. I have better grades and more extensive CV’s than all of them (not to be boastful at all as I love them; but just being honest).

Vehicle has been stolen 3 TIMES. Each time putting me more and more in debt. Currently stands at about $5k equivalent. haven’t got more than $100 to my name (only 21 and living alone doing freelance couriering... not the nicest combo).

No vehicle as it has been taken for the third time. So essentially no job. No one to borrow money from. Neighbors terrorising me for ‘reasons I don’t know’. Intentional ‘uncomfortable loud coughs’, slamming plates and doors shaking my walls, taking out the recycling and dumping glasses in the trash the second I get home, hence creating an almighty crash just outside my window... all the second they hear me get indoors. The list goes on.

Saddest thing is the couple below me are Jehovah’s Witness, perhaps late 50s/early 60s. Spoke with them once when moving in, was courteous and spoke about faith and my studies. Still being terrorised every day, every second of my life when in the house I am already struggling to pay rent for.

Want to move out in April to put myself in better situation. But no job to do so now. Can’t speak to Mum or Dad about it... friends are all back in hometown living their ‘young adult years’ together with disposal salaries while living with parents. Meanwhile I’m stuck here in $5000 debt, less than $100 to my name. Phone is about to get cut off. As it gas and electricity. Fridge is empty. Vehicle is gone so no job. Was gonna work overtime until April to buy an old cheap car to live in for a year or so. Can’t even do that. Bed is broken from smashing it out of frustration on one of my ‘worse’ days when the terrorising was really amped up. Now sleeping on the floor in my already tiny studio (I know I shouldn’t have flipped out as a Christian - but it’s not easy).

Ripped up my promise to God on my wall. Laughed when I read the book of Job off my wall because when I first put it up about a year ago I was on Job’s side of the coin. Now I’m more inclined to curse God and die. Have already prayed for Him to kill me in my sleep today. Have had to use one hand to stop the other hand’s middle finger from pointing up at the sky literally all day today. At my lowest point mentally, physically, emotionally spiritually.

Only 21 years old and have lived through lifetimes of pain. The amount of details I’ve left out are ridiculous but I don’t want to bore anyone (...anymore than I already have). Any pain that can manifest itself in your spine and diaphragm to where your insides are just getting jacked up... that’s when you know it’s out of hand.

Prisoner of my circumstance in every way imaginable:

Soul:weary>Skeleton:messed up and in pain>Muscles:tight and inflammed at joints due to prolonged stress and shallow breathing>Skin:don’t want to go there>’Home’:see skin>‘Public’:see home. This is minus the financial and whatever other categories might also be relevant.

As I type this to you I twist on my ‘bed’ (floor mattress) to comfort my spine. When I twist even 10 degrees, neighbor above starts stamping around in hiking boots he has worn everyday since I moved in. Neighbors below start throwing plates in the sink and ‘hitting’ stuff out of plates into bin to create noise in unfounded ‘retaliation’. I’m not making ANY noise at all. Just tiny vibrations as the mattress is on the floor of my room.

Alternative to moving around in mattress is deep breathing to oxygenate my spine and stop it from twisting up further. EXACT same results from them. I cannot sigh in a room I share with noone - a room that I pay rent in... without getting terrorised. I already know I can do nothing about it because 1) I’m drained and 2) the script will instantly be flipped. Hence I am just moving out in 2 months (how/to where, I have no clue).

What am I to do. I am about to curse God and just let go. Dedicate all my prayers to God killing me and just lay here without moving, eating or sleeping. What am I to do.

God knows what I want to do for Him but he has trapped me in a situation that makes me worthless to Him in every way possible. I have NOTHING to offer but prayers. About to go on a 4 day no-food-no-water fast (because I can hardly afford food so figure why not). Thinking to make the prayers about Him taking my life during this time, instead of blessing Him and asking for assistance.

Please, I need some advice. I feel like I despise God SO MUCH for dangling the possibilities an inch from my face, but taking everything away and pinning me at the lowest of the low without any hope. I’ve never felt so much anger and hate towards God in my life.

Please someone, anyone give me some advice. Whether a sentence, a paragraph, a bible scripture reference/quote... anything. But please some practical advice also... I have given up on all my obstacles and I can feel the apathy in my body.

I love you all & thank you in advance... may God bless you all 777x over. Shalom.

 

[razzelflabben]

Dear one...I sit to give you advice and wonder what I can offer when I myself an so weary that words cannot express the daily battles. The one thing I know without a doubt is that God is there with you and here with me and in that we can trust. I know without a doubt that God is using this to bring about something good even if we cannot see it. I know that you are not alone that there are many of us that are tired, hurt, angry, wondering where God is. I know that He wants us to encourage one another, pray for one another, comfort one another, be there for one another so that we have the strength to endure to the end in faithful Love for God.

So I pray for you and give you this blessing. May you be strengthened both in the flesh and in the spirit. May you endure in faithful Love to God even when you feel like leaving. May you discover a wisdom, truth, and Love beyond what you can fathom that is revealed throughout your sufferings.

 

[DW1980]

Hi

Firstly welcome to CF

I know what it's like to want to "curse God and die". Stick with him, one day you will look back and things will be better. I know that is easy to say, but it is true - I know that.

I am a bit confused about where you are, your profile says UK, but your money is in $? Here is some practical advice if you're in the UK.

Money matters - get onto the MoneySavingExpert website. It has loads of tools to work out budgets, checking your credit to see if you can move it to cheaper cards, best bank accounts etc. Perhaps most valuable for you is their "Debt free wannabe" forums. You can post your income and expenditure and they're great at helping you see where you can spend less. You need to have thick skin though, they can be merciless at pointing out frivolous spending. However, they know what they are talking about, and they are dealing with the same issues in debt.

Healthwise, see your GP. If you are in that much pain, you should be on pain killers. If you are in Scotland you won't pay for your prescriptions. If you are in England you can buy a pre-payment certificate which will drastically reduce your costs.

Your circumstances - it sounds like you shouldn't be working at the moment until things are under control. Get to the CAB and they can help make sure you get all the benefits you need. (You may need something from your GP to qualify) They can help with housing, benefits etc.

Spiritually, don't give up on Jesus. Talk to your pastor about what is happening - he or she may be able to put you in touch with other local support. Don't try and deal with this alone. You said something that suggests the JWs below are harassing you. If you categorically state that you do not wish to discuss their faith they are bound by their own rules to respect that. If they don't stop, tell them you will contact the police.

 

[Sammy707]

So I pray for you and give you this blessing. May you be strengthened both in the flesh and in the spirit. May you endure in faithful Love to God even when you feel like leaving. May you discover a wisdom, truth, and Love beyond what you can fathom that is revealed throughout your sufferings.

Thank you for putting things into context for me. I gives me joy to know someone else is praying for me and asking that God guide me and helps me through these difficult times.

But it also has brought tears to my eyes to know that someone else is going through a similar hell on earth miles away and likely holding onto God with the last of their strength... yet is praying for me and keeping me in mind. Yet others are yards away from me and totally ‘doing well’ on face value... yet want to bring harm and not healing. I guess we can never understand God’s divine wisdom and reasoning.

I will also pray for you tonight. I will keep you in my prayers throughout my 4 day dry fast. You have bought tears to my eyes with your selflessness. Perhaps you can tell me about your circumstance so I can give advice where I can, while you have an opportunity to vent?

I am very grateful for your response. I love you and Shalom.

 

[razzelflabben]

Thank you for putting things into context for me. I gives me joy to know someone else is praying for me and asking that God guide me and helps me through these difficult times.

But it also has brought tears to my eyes to know that someone else is going through a similar hell on earth miles away and likely holding onto God with the last of their strength... yet is praying for me and keeping me in mind. Yet others are yards away from me and totally ‘doing well’ on face value... yet want to bring harm and not healing. I guess we can never understand God’s divine wisdom and reasoning.

I will also pray for you tonight. I will keep you in my prayers throughout my 4 day dry fast. You have bought tears to my eyes with your selflessness. Perhaps you can tell me about your circumstance so I can give advice where I can, while you have an opportunity to vent?

I am very grateful for your response. I love you and Shalom.

what a powerful response to my simple honest humility...thank you doesn't seem like enough. One thing that I have found that helps is to stay focused on ministering to others no matter how I feel personally. There is great power in taking our thoughts captive and turning them to the things of God.

At the moment, let me just say this about what we are going through...there has not been a season in my life that I haven't been fighting some battle. From the abuse I endured as a child (at six was looking for a way to kill myself which is how I found Christ) to our sons death and our other children running from God and us because of it, to poverty with several times being homeless even with children, to my current constant none stop pain which keeps me from sleeping more than an hour at a time for over 5 years now because of the depraved indifference of both family and Dr.s who put me in an auto immune type situation with very little hope.
I have Loved my Lord for about 50 years now and recently told Satan that I would not allow him to stop me from persevering in that Love. Serving God is a determination no matter the pain, struggle, feelings. It is a determination to remain in His Love and allow Him to Love us even when we want to fight Him with all that is in our flesh because it is not our flesh that we should be concerned about but our spirit/soul.

May you find rest as you seek Him, may He share with you the beauty in the reasons why He is allowing this suffering in your life.

 

[Sammy707]

Hi

Firstly welcome to CF

I know what it's like to want to "curse God and die". Stick with him, one day you will look back and things will be better. I know that is easy to say, but it is true - I know that.

I am a bit confused about where you are, your profile says UK, but your money is in $? Here is some practical advice if you're in the UK.

Money matters - get onto the MoneySavingExpert website. It has loads of tools to work out budgets, checking your credit to see if you can move it to cheaper cards, best bank accounts etc. Perhaps most valuable for you is their "Debt free wannabe" forums. You can post your income and expenditure and they're great at helping you see where you can spend less. You need to have thick skin though, they can be merciless at pointing out frivolous spending. However, they know what they are talking about, and they are dealing with the same issues in debt.

Healthwise, see your GP. If you are in that much pain, you should be on pain killers. If you are in Scotland you won't pay for your prescriptions. If you are in England you can buy a pre-payment certificate which will drastically reduce your costs.

Your circumstances - it sounds like you shouldn't be working at the moment until things are under control. Get to the CAB and they can help make sure you get all the benefits you need. (You may need something from your GP to qualify) They can help with housing, benefits etc.

Spiritually, don't give up on Jesus. Talk to your pastor about what is happening - he or she may be able to put you in touch with other local support. Don't try and deal with this alone. You said something that suggests the JWs below are harassing you. If you categorically state that you do not wish to discuss their faith they are bound by their own rules to respect that. If they don't stop, tell them you will contact the police.

Thank you for your practical advice and the reminder that I am not the only one that feels at odds with the path God puts me on. I will hold onto Him because of the advice forwarded by you and my fellow brothers/sisters in Christ.

I am in England, U.K; I just used dollars because I figured this site would harbour mostly people from the states (hence ‘equiv.’ when I mentioned my debt);

I have taken all the advice you have given me on, bar the GP. I gave up on antidepressants end 2017, and have a regime for my spine. I just cannot use it as I am financially unable to by supplements/equipments/memberships, and if I even attempt a rehab programme in my studio flat I can kiss goodbye to even the thought of ‘being left alone’.

I would rather not try benefits also... I believe that might help once out of this hole, but not while still in it. Also so other more personal reasons I would rather just avoid it.

Have been taking ibuprofen but in my current situation that would be ‘excess spending’ (lol... my Lord). & thank you for making me laugh... lol the JW are not harassing me as JW, knocking on my door everyday. I laugh at the thought but as a person of God myself I would actually respect that.

They are harassing me as neighbours - just as the person living on the floor above me is. They just happen to be JW as I found out from the initial ‘hi new neighbour’ conversation.

Now that you mention it, there is one reoccurrence I find almost pitifully humours in this regard. Sometimes when they do whatever they do to antagonise me, I just sit back very still and listen... as the walls are very thin (old housing) everyone can hear everyone... it sometimes gets to a point where they are actually reacting to each other, thinking they are reacting to me retaliating to them antagonise me.

I will be moving out soonish so I can deal with this. Just thought I should give you some context as to how ridiculous it is. Wanted to cry after reading responses to OP but I know once I do that and blow my nose once I can expect a radio to turn on, sinks to be loudly filled & plates loudly washed, or for an inconspicuous glass item to be dropped in the recycling outside just for the sake of slamming the bin-lid & house doors as hard as possible.

I have the 707 in my name for a reason (70 x 7) so I can turn the other cheek, it is fine. However regarding all the other practical advice you have given me, I am truly grateful and keep you in my prayers. Love and Shalom.

 

[joshua 1 9]

Hello all, I have just joined this forum as I am lost as to what else to do. I think I’m at the end of my tether.

Here is my current situation. Please feel free to skim read as I’m sure we are all limited on time.

Lifetime of emotional abuse from my sociopathic father who gambled the love out of the home and my mother, who then became the most hostile person in my life due to his shortcomings. Emotional pain and everything bottled up manifested itself as anterior pelvic tilt and thoracic kyphosis. Basically spine was literally put out of whack because of bottling everything in and basically being in fight or flight mode for first 18 years of my life.

Moved out at 18 to study Law at a prestigious university. Thought this would be the end of my problems, but this was when I was really introduced to how I was perceived by others due to my skin colour. Put me through a deep depression and alcoholism for near a year, came out the other side by God’s grace. Managed to accept myself for who I am but spine was further affected by the endless pressure and stress this new environment put on me (fight or flight mode x100 due to the world seeing you as public enemy no.1 and thus throwing rocks at you).

Blablabla, worked on spine but not much progress. Eventually graduated with a double-major in Law & Social Anthropology.

Now 21, with top grades all my life (average percentage of 84% in all exams taken from ages 15 - 21). Decent CV and living in a studio by myself.

Cannot get 9-5 as I cannot sit for long due to lower back/pelvis problems. Also can’t do heavy lifting for same reasons. Had to get a scooter and do food couriering locally until I fix my spine. While friends are back home with nice salaries and living together I am forced to stay away from hometown because I haven’t resolved issues with my parents. I have better grades and more extensive CV’s than all of them (not to be boastful at all as I love them; but just being honest).

Vehicle has been stolen 3 TIMES. Each time putting me more and more in debt. Currently stands at about $5k equivalent. haven’t got more than $100 to my name (only 21 and living alone doing freelance couriering... not the nicest combo).

No vehicle as it has been taken for the third time. So essentially no job. No one to borrow money from. Neighbors terrorising me for ‘reasons I don’t know’. Intentional ‘uncomfortable loud coughs’, slamming plates and doors shaking my walls, taking out the recycling and dumping glasses in the trash the second I get home, hence creating an almighty crash just outside my window... all the second they hear me get indoors. The list goes on.

Saddest thing is the couple below me are Jehovah’s Witness, perhaps late 50s/early 60s. Spoke with them once when moving in, was courteous and spoke about faith and my studies. Still being terrorised every day, every second of my life when in the house I am already struggling to pay rent for.

Want to move out in April to put myself in better situation. But no job to do so now. Can’t speak to Mum or Dad about it... friends are all back in hometown living their ‘young adult years’ together with disposal salaries while living with parents. Meanwhile I’m stuck here in $5000 debt, less than $100 to my name. Phone is about to get cut off. As it gas and electricity. Fridge is empty. Vehicle is gone so no job. Was gonna work overtime until April to buy an old cheap car to live in for a year or so. Can’t even do that. Bed is broken from smashing it out of frustration on one of my ‘worse’ days when the terrorising was really amped up. Now sleeping on the floor in my already tiny studio (I know I shouldn’t have flipped out as a Christian - but it’s not easy).

Ripped up my promise to God on my wall. Laughed when I read the book of Job off my wall because when I first put it up about a year ago I was on Job’s side of the coin. Now I’m more inclined to curse God and die. Have already prayed for Him to kill me in my sleep today. Have had to use one hand to stop the other hand’s middle finger from pointing up at the sky literally all day today. At my lowest point mentally, physically, emotionally spiritually.

Only 21 years old and have lived through lifetimes of pain. The amount of details I’ve left out are ridiculous but I don’t want to bore anyone (...anymore than I already have). Any pain that can manifest itself in your spine and diaphragm to where your insides are just getting jacked up... that’s when you know it’s out of hand.

Prisoner of my circumstance in every way imaginable:

Soul:weary>Skeleton:messed up and in pain>Muscles:tight and inflammed at joints due to prolonged stress and shallow breathing>Skin:don’t want to go there>’Home’:see skin>‘Public’:see home. This is minus the financial and whatever other categories might also be relevant.

As I type this to you I twist on my ‘bed’ (floor mattress) to comfort my spine. When I twist even 10 degrees, neighbor above starts stamping around in hiking boots he has worn everyday since I moved in. Neighbors below start throwing plates in the sink and ‘hitting’ stuff out of plates into bin to create noise in unfounded ‘retaliation’. I’m not making ANY noise at all. Just tiny vibrations as the mattress is on the floor of my room.

Alternative to moving around in mattress is deep breathing to oxygenate my spine and stop it from twisting up further. EXACT same results from them. I cannot sigh in a room I share with noone - a room that I pay rent in... without getting terrorised. I already know I can do nothing about it because 1) I’m drained and 2) the script will instantly be flipped. Hence I am just moving out in 2 months (how/to where, I have no clue).

What am I to do. I am about to curse God and just let go. Dedicate all my prayers to God killing me and just lay here without moving, eating or sleeping. What am I to do.

God knows what I want to do for Him but he has trapped me in a situation that makes me worthless to Him in every way possible. I have NOTHING to offer but prayers. About to go on a 4 day no-food-no-water fast (because I can hardly afford food so figure why not). Thinking to make the prayers about Him taking my life during this time, instead of blessing Him and asking for assistance.

Please, I need some advice. I feel like I despise God SO MUCH for dangling the possibilities an inch from my face, but taking everything away and pinning me at the lowest of the low without any hope. I’ve never felt so much anger and hate towards God in my life.

Please someone, anyone give me some advice. Whether a sentence, a paragraph, a bible scripture reference/quote... anything. But please some practical advice also... I have given up on all my obstacles and I can feel the apathy in my body.

I love you all & thank you in advance... may God bless you all 777x over. Shalom.

We share in the suffering of the world. God's rock solid promise to us is that He will cause good to come out of whatever He allows to happen to us. Sometimes we need to be joined together with others to have the strength to endure. That is why we join together with our brothers and sisters in the Lord. Although we do need to be careful of false brothers that would try to accuse us. Always we die to self so we can live for God. We do not have to perish with the world. We can live a life of victory as overcomes. There are times we need to continue to pray the blood of Jesus. Only though the power in the Blood can we overcome the problems that confront us. It is not unusual to pray four or five hours. This is how we become sanctified and holy. "Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name." psalm 100:4 God can turn our stumbling blocks into stepping stones. We depend on God and we lean not on our own understanding. Life goes from bad to worse when we are not right with God. When we walk with God then our life just continues to get better and better. Each and every day in each and every day life gets better and better when we are where we need to be with God.

 

[Sammy707]

what a powerful response to my simple honest humility...thank you doesn't seem like enough. One thing that I have found that helps is to stay focused on ministering to others no matter how I feel personally. There is great power in taking our thoughts captive and turning them to the things of God.

At the moment, let me just say this about what we are going through...there has not been a season in my life that I haven't been fighting some battle. From the abuse I endured as a child (at six was looking for a way to kill myself which is how I found Christ) to our sons death and our other children running from God and us because of it, to poverty with several times being homeless even with children, to my current constant none stop pain which keeps me from sleeping more than an hour at a time for over 5 years now because of the depraved indifference of both family and Dr.s who put me in an auto immune type situation with very little hope.
I have Loved my Lord for about 50 years now and recently told Satan that I would not allow him to stop me from persevering in that Love. Serving God is a determination no matter the pain, struggle, feelings. It is a determination to remain in His Love and allow Him to Love us even when we want to fight Him with all that is in our flesh because it is not our flesh that we should be concerned about but our spirit/soul.

May you find rest as you seek Him, may He share with you the beauty in the reasons why He is allowing this suffering in your life.

I thank you for your sharing your circumstance; I also commend you for your patience and endurance. God must have a pot FILLED for you and your family in heaven! That you are still finding it in yourself to minister when your situation itself is enough to make anyone withdraw and forget about others. God is looking down on you VERY proudly & he is there with His Son and Their angels cheering for you with clenched fists like proud parents at the finish line of a school marathon!

With everything you have just said to me, it let’s me know that my situation could be worse. But what I will say to you is this:

Picture the parents and siblings of someone; situated at the finish line of a 100m dash this particular someone is a part of. Rooting with all their heart, cheering with clenched fists, damn near pouring onto the track to grab their hand and help them complete it 1st place.

Ready to lift them up the moment they pass the finish line and feel they are about to collapse. Ready to take them to eat whatever they want to eat, sleep as long as they want... do whatever they can for the individual and spend time with them celebrating their success in simply not giving up. Because they recognise the strenuous effects of the participant’s efforts but yet they made it past the finish line. Then picture the same but instead a 200m dash. Then 500, then 800, then then a 2k marathon, then a whole 3k. In which event do you think are these parents and brothers/sisters cheering and rooting for the person the most, and ready to go all out for this person the moment they complete?

What I’m trying to say, is that God has just so happened to give you a 10km marathon. It sound ridiculous. It looks ridiculous. It is comparatively ridiculous to the 100m and 200m dashes other people have been given. But guess what? God and His precious Son Jesus are there at the waiting line, cheering you on at the top of their voices. Fist-pumping with your beloved son & fellow brothers and sisters in Christ... all wanting to spill onto the track and help take you over the finish line... but realise that it’s simply your cross to bear and that’s not part of the rules!

You can do it, because you have such perfect and divine forces rooting for you. Sometimes we run into mountains and think the mountain is bigger than God. Have you seen the size of a mountain? What about the Earth? What about the ENTIRE Universe? Guess who is bigger than all of that COMBINED? The one who created it all... who just so happens to be the same one that signed you up to the ridiculous 30k marathon you didn’t ask nor prepare for!

I am rooting for you, with my Father and His Son and your son and His angels. You will complete your marathon because I decree it in the mighty name of the Jesus that died for us and has gotten us this far.

I look forward to hearing of your progress; it is well and it is done. I also thank you for planting the seed of ministry in me, as now I see why it is so effective for you. The Lord God is speaking to both of us at the same time!

Love, and Shalom. Can I refer to you by your account name in my prayers?

 

[Sammy707]

We share in the suffering of the world. God's rock solid promise to us is that He will cause good to come out of whatever He allows to happen to us. Sometimes we need to be joined together with others to have the strength to endure. That is why we join together with our brothers and sisters in the Lord. Although we do need to be careful of false brothers that would try to accuse us. Always we die to self so we can live for God. We do not have to perish with the world. We can live a life of victory as overcomes. There are times continue to pray the blood of Jesus. Only though the power in the Blood can we overcome the problems that confront us. It is not unusual to pray four or five hours. This is how we become sanctified and holy. "Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name." psalm 100:4 God can turn our stumbling blocks into stepping stones. We depend on God and we lean not on our own understanding.

Thank you for your very powerful response. I think I needed to hear this inparticular very much:

God's rock solid promise to us is that He will cause good to come out of whatever He allows to happen to us.

Keyword: promise. This post will really help me keep things in perspective; furthermore I definitely needed to be reminded that multi-hour prayers are to be aimed for and not avoided. I am very happy you have reminded me of this as I haven’t said a prayer over an hour long for many years. Also your ‘die to self’ mention is very salient for my current circumstance with my neighbors. I will have to literally die to myself and exercise a Christ-like patience. When translated more accurate to the original biblical texts, ‘patience’ actually translates to ‘long-suffering’. It is my cross to bear and I must conduct myself the correct way in doing so.

Thank you for your input brother; please keep me in your prayers, as I will do with you. Love and Shalom.

 

[razzelflabben]

I thank you for your sharing your circumstance; I also commend you for your patience and endurance. God must have a pot FILLED for you and your family in heaven! That you are still finding it in yourself to minister when your situation itself is enough to make anyone withdraw and forget about others. God is looking down on you VERY proudly & he is there with His Son and Their angels cheering for you with clenched fists like proud parents at the finish line of a school marathon!

With everything you have just said to me, it let’s me know that my situation could be worse. But what I will say to you is this:

Picture the parents and siblings of someone; situated at the finish line of a 100m dash this particular someone is a part of. Rooting with all their heart, cheering with clenched fists, damn near pouring onto the track to grab their hand and help them complete it 1st place.

Ready to lift them up the moment they pass the finish line and feel they are about to collapse. Ready to take them to eat whatever they want to eat, sleep as long as they want... do whatever they can for the individual and spend time with them celebrating their success in simply not giving up. Because they recognise the strenuous effects of the participant’s efforts but yet they made it past the finish line. Then picture the same but instead a 200m dash. Then 500, then 800, then then a 2k marathon, then a whole 3k. In which event do you think are these parents and brothers/sisters cheering and rooting for the person the most, and ready to go all out for this person the moment they complete?

What I’m trying to say, is that God has just so happened to give you a 10km marathon. It sound ridiculous. It looks ridiculous. It is comparatively ridiculous to the 100m and 200m dashes other people have been given. But guess what? God and His precious Son Jesus are there at the waiting line, cheering you on at the top of their voices. Fist-pumping with your beloved son & fellow brothers and sisters in Christ... all wanting to spill onto the track and help take you over the finish line... but realise that it’s simply your cross to bear and that’s not part of the rules!

You can do it, because you have such perfect and divine forces rooting for you. Sometimes we run into mountains and think the mountain is bigger than God. Have you seen the size of a mountain? What about the Earth? What about the ENTIRE Universe? Guess who is bigger than all of that COMBINED? The one who created it all... who just so happens to be the same one that signed you up to the ridiculous 30k marathon you didn’t ask nor prepare for!

I am rooting for you, with my Father and His Son and your son and His angels. You will complete your marathon because I decree it in the mighty name of the Jesus that died for us and has gotten us this far.

I look forward to hearing of your progress; it is well and it is done. I also thank you for planting the seed of ministry in me, as now I see why it is so effective for you. The Lord God is speaking to both of us at the same time!

Love, and Shalom. Can I refer to you by your account name in my prayers?

You have a great gift! Given to you by God and sharpened by the suffering you have and will know as you continue your journey with Christ right by your side.

Funny thing, I have been so tired I have been afraid that God would be disappointed in me and I would never hear Him utter the words, "well done my faithful servant" I needed to hear these words today...thank you more than you can know...will PM my name

 

[joshua 1 9]

Thank you for your very powerful response. I think I needed to hear this inparticular very much:



Keyword: promise. This post will really help me keep things in perspective; furthermore I definitely needed to be reminded that multi-hour prayers are to be aimed for and not avoided. I am very happy you have reminded me of this as I haven’t said a prayer over an hour long for many years. Also your ‘die to self’ mention is very salient for my current circumstance with my neighbors. I will have to literally die to myself and exercise a Christ-like patience. When translated more accurate to the original biblical texts, ‘patience’ actually translates to ‘long-suffering’. It is my cross to bear and I must conduct myself the correct way in doing so.

Thank you for your input brother; please keep me in your prayers, as I will do with you. Love and Shalom.

Yes we need to be joined together with others to live a life of victory over the problems and adversity that we need to overcome in life. Like I said, I pray for up to 4 or 5 hours so that I can separate myself from TV and unGodly influence. He sure does not need to hear me pray, I do not have the solution. I need to hear Him talk to me to tell me how to resolve the issue. When He tells me so often the solution is so simple and so easy I should have been able to figure it out myself. Some solutions we wish there were another way but there really isn't. For example controlling my stress and BP. The best solution is diet and exercise. I do not want to hear that. None of us do, but that is the best solution for a lot of the problems that we have to deal with.