understanding each other

[blackribbon]

Rather than hijacking a very good thread, I want to start another. It has been my experience that the opposite sexes really don't understand what attracts the other. And please forgive the generalities for a moment.

I think women have figured out men are sight oriented but often are very confused about what is "good" and what is just "sexual". Women often wear clothes that attract attention but not real life admirers. I think we don't realize what kind of power our dress can have. It wasn't until I was older that I understood how some of my outfits as a teenager may have caused some male friends difficulty.

Men often...well, I don't really know what they do.

The other side is that we do the opposite of what the opposite sex wants in order to prove a point....for example a woman who dresses dumpy, has a bad haircut, and never wears a lick of makeup who thinks she wants to find a man who "accepts her as she is".

Maybe by admitting what does attract us, we might help someone else. (And skip the stuff we wish we were attracted to...just be real.)

Also...no telling someone that they are wrong if they are telling you what they find attractive. Our feelings are our own...you can't convince someone to "feel" differently...so just accept that there will be a lot of differing viewpoints her.

 

[blackribbon]

I'll start....I've already admitted I can be affected by what a man smells like. I dated a man who had two different colognes. I absolutely loved one and the other one made me a bit queezy. I'm sure he never was understood why some days I'd sit close and other times I'd sit away.

I love everything my husband wore (on him...remember different body chemistry reacts with colognes differently). If he put on one particular one, I'd probably have let him win any argument because I just wanted to get closer. (He never figured this out, poor man).

I also am very attracted to the sweaty musky smell of a man who has outworked his deodorant. Yeah, this sounds weird. I am not talking about this same smell when it is the result of not showering...but rather when it is the sign of him doing something active. My husband was a UPS driver in southern Texas. In the summer, his uniform was crusty with sweat and could stand on its own when he got home from work. However, I can't think of too many smells that are more sexy than that. It was the smell of him working his butt off to take care of me and our kids.

I guess my heart and my nose must be connected.

 

[dayhiker]

I've heard other women say similar things about smell. I notice a smell, but its very rare that it has an effect like that for me.

I tend to not like a lot of makeup. Some women just put too much on. The right amount looks really good. But when I've kissed makeup it does nothing for me. I want to kiss skin.

When us men were young and a woman dressed in a revealing manor, the sexual rush of seeing that can overload the senses. It never lead me to want to seduce her into doing something that she didn't want to do. Other men on the other end of the spectrum have a main motive of sex and for them it doesn't matter what woman is wearing.

Today (I'm older) when I see revealing dress I'm just thankful how pretty and sexy God created woman. I literally often thank God for his creation at those times today. But a man who matures isn't so much forgetting about a woman's sexy look as he has broaden what he appreciates in a woman. Yes, this includes her mind ... lol

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

What's attractive to me (which was not the case when I was younger) is a man that is not afraid to worship God and who puts God first in his life.
I can't help but feel very attracted to men like this.

Another thing that is very attractive to me is a kind spirit and a man that is willing to help others at the drop of a hat. Kindness and helpfulness are also very attractive traits to me.

Being a gentleman is another. I'm kind of old school. I don't want a man telling me what to do, or demanding I stay home rather than work, but I so wish our society was more like the 50's before WWII. People had their roles and basically were happier. Things were closed on Sunday and that was Family and church time. So I guess I like an old fashioned man in most respects as long as he's not a womanizer.

I also like a man that can do stuff spur of the moment. I'm kinda like that and I am attracted to a man that is adventuresome and will just say "lets go!" money and time permitting of course.

 

[blackribbon]

Eeewww. I hadn't thought about kissing makeup. I quit wearing foundation a long time ago because I found that my skin did better without it. I use a light lotion instead. I do wipe my lips with it as a base for lipstick (lipstick moisturizes my lips) and it tastes awful. Hmmm...food for thought for us ladies. That means the guys also need to realize our skin may not LOOK quite as good...a few darker spots here and there.

Question...I am naturally aware of strong smells and tend to be very careful about the scents in my personal care items. I have thrown away a shampoo because I "smelled" my hair when ever I moved my head. I have a couple perfumes I wear on special occasions and get compliments on...but most of the time I go without. Men have commented that I smell "clean". I have always assumed that this was a compliment since they took the time to say it, but since I have some male people to ask, am I right?

 

[dayhiker]

Yes, to smell clean is a compliment. I find washing regularly is clean enough for me. Beyond that I tend to think it shows a woman is insecure if she feels she has use scents here and there.

I'm not opposed if I sit down after a day of activity to hear its time to take a shower. Why try to press on being close if odors have accumulated? Now people that are grossly over weight have more issues.

 

[dayhiker]

Michelle, ya got to love a person that loves God.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Michelle, ya got to love a person that loves God.

 

[blackribbon]

What's attractive to me (which was not the case when I was younger) is a man that is not afraid to worship God and who puts God first in his life.
I can't help but feel very attracted to men like this.

Another thing that is very attractive to me is a kind spirit and a man that is willing to help others at the drop of a hat. Kindness and helpfulness are also very attractive traits to me.

I wish I could say this too as a blanket statement. I am attracted to men who love God. This doesn't always translate to men who love church. I have seen too many people (not just a male trait) who worship because they get recognition for it...and ones who get so wrapped up in church that they neglect their families and other obligations. God, family and THEN church. My mom has a hard time seeing the difference between these two different type of men.

And there are some God loving men that I respect and like but would never be attracted to. So for me, this is an important part of the equation but not enough to say that it is what "attracts" me to any men. Maybe it isn't the best admission, but it is true. I'd be more honest in saying that finding out a man has a real relationship with God is a "turn on" after I already have noticed him. (Note, I don't think I'd "date" anyone who doesn't have that kind of relationship...but dating and noticing are very different.)

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

This is an interesting thread.

I like smell. That is important to me. Not overpowering but manly. I prefer a man to be 6' + but I don't suppose that's a dealbreaker if he isn't. I prefer someone who is capable of doing things around the house - they kinda have a look about them so you would know. Pretty boys aren't generally capable of these type things. lol I am not attracted to someone who has to be heard all of the time. I really don't want someone who is overly involved in church. My ex lived and breathed church but he was cheating and doing things he shouldn't have been doing. I want someone who loves God with his heart and not just his mouth. Someonen I can TRUST the rest of my life. OK, I'm done. I doubt I could tell all of these things by just looking at someone though.

 

[blackribbon]

Yeah...I'm more interested in what makes you notice a man/woman versus what are the attributes that you hope to find?

I might say I like tall guys...but in reality, I can be attracted to anyone even slightly taller than me (I'm 5'5") and "too tall" can make me uncomfortable...which is strange because I come from a family of very tall men. (I thought my dad was "short" because he was the shortest man in his family...he is 6' 1 1/2".)

I also honestly am most attracted to "bubbas"...yeah, rednecks with a bit of a pot gut (think Larry the Cableguy)...and at this age, thinning hair. My husband was so "not my type" ...so this is only about first impressions.

I like men with intelligence...but I don't care if there is a degree to prove it. He needs to be smarter than I am so that I can respect him...but real world smarts counts too.

And it has to be someone to doesn't take the world too seriously. A real laugh can turn my head for someone I might not have originally noticed.

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

Okay then. I like men with hair - the slightly balding thing isn't my thing. Curly is better but it doesn't have to be curly. A neatly dressed man (not dress clothes necessarily) is a must. I don't care for a lot of body fat but I can deal with some as long as he takes care of his appearance.

 

[iambren]

Ok, here goes, hope it's what you're looking for....


Hair--don't care but prefer short
Soul--devoted, HS giving through her
-- but is REAL
Height--as long as she is shorter than me (I'm 6')
Weight--medium or a little more
Breasts--medium, don't need Dolly
Butt--anything but flat!
Type--more introverted/peaceful than manic
Attitude--a bit of sarcasm I find appealing

Other than this limited list I believe there is a mystery to who I am attracted to. Some pretty women leave me blah while others have a nonqualifiable something that brings me back for more. Perhaps despite our plans God is doing some matchmaking too.

 

[dayhiker]

One thing I find attractive in a woman, is she wanting to be with me. If she plays hard to get, I'll read it that she isn't interested and move on.

 

[singlewv2011]

One thing I find attractive in a woman, is she wanting to be with me. If she plays hard to get, I'll read it that she isn't interested and move on.

Well some women like to be pursued a little. I don't mind as long as wants to get caught eventually.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

OK I like men that are kinda tall. My husband was almost 6 ft.

I like hair, don't care about the length as long as it's groomed. I like long hair but at my age, sometimes on guys it can look like a desparate attempt at maintaining youth so I'm not into that.
Completely bald would be OK, but I'm not attracted to men that only have hair on the sides and definitely no comb overs.

I like them to have muscles. Especially arm muscles, but I don't want the 24/7 fitness guru type.

Don't like them overly hairy on their body and I don't like facial hair except mustaches. But I don't like handlebar mustaches.

I like good teeth even if they are false. My husband had dentures so I'm not against that, but I am not attracted to someone that doesn't take care of their mouth or their teeth are terribly mangled.

I want a nice dresser, but not preppy types. I prefer they were more of a levi type and that they would wear a suit if the occasion warranted. They don't need to wear designer clothes, just be clean and neat.

How's that?

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

Yeah, not much hair on the body. Not a big hair person. Don't really like facial hair at all. Some people can pull it off so it's OK. Maybe the 5 o'clock shadow at times.

 

[dayhiker]

I used to have a gotee and mustache. But as soon as it got gray hair in it, I didn't like it any more. So its gone.

I like the looks of long hair on a woman, but its something I take into consideration for if she will be a GF or not.

 

[blackribbon]

My husband had no body hair when I met him. He was 18. He went home from college that summer and came back a red rug. LOL. So I guess body hair doesn't bother me.

That's the nice thing about dating more "mature"...we are starting to show our balding patterns and our "spreading" patterns (if you get what I mean.) You have a better idea of what you are getting for the long haul....

 

[dayhiker]

Glad I've lost very little of my hair.