So you admit that the tone of your posts in this thread has been wrong, yet you keep making the same posts. What's the point then? Why even say it?
The tone in some of my posts was wrong, because I didn't count to fifty before writing them, and as I wrote them I was still caught up with some negavite emotions. I usually perform that counting in real life. However, that tone and what I have actually been saying aren't one and the same thing.
Oh, by the way, we did give your posts thought. We just happened not to agree.
Who 'we'? You can only speak for yourself, and for those you know. I've even been given some 'reputation' in this thread, so at least not everyone
totally disagrees with me. Plus, usually the ones who get hurt by 'recognizing' themselves in descriptions such as 'no butt', 'too fat', 'weak character' etc. are the ones who remain silent anyway. The ones who stay on the background observing others and wishing that somehow they, too, would be noticed in a positive way.
Nobody goes on a first date carrying a list of features, guy. It's stuff that is in the back of our minds, and the turnoffs aren't always dealbreakers, but sometimes they are. And I'm not going to ignore them and FAKE being interested if I'm not. That's intentionally misleading someone.
This is actually not really my point, either. Read on.
First of all, I don't go around TELLING my turnoff lists to people. If she wants to date me, and the subject comes up, I'll be honest yet tactful about it, but I am not going to go "Oh, you turn me off for this and that reason". Don't be ridiculous. Nobody does that.
Still, I didn't believe anyone would behave in this way, anyway. Read on.
You're the only one who bothers to come into a thread about turnoffs, and then complains that people are posting their turnoffs. Everyone else either doesn't have a problem, or has the good sense not to read the thread, or just not to reply to it, lest they look silly for complaining about an obvious thing. It's like going into a cell-phone store and complaining that too many people are talking on cell-phones.
Still, read on.
Um, heh, sorry, but I HIGHLY disagree. You yourself said that it hurts and offends you when Christian women vocalize what turns them off, because you have built an image of them in your head, and the act of them posting these lists, kills the image. I don't consider that strong, but that's just me.
You don't know the half of me, so at least I can ask you to refrain from drawing conclusions such as: "this guy has had some 'experiences' in life, be careful about what he says". I'd say that experience can really help you see some things more clearly in life. I also have anoter kind of experience: I once called an ambulance when one girl (a friend of mine already at that time) had taken a little too many pills with some alcohol, I heard afterwards that there was supposedly a 15-minute marginal between life and death. Her parents hadn't had an idea about what was happening at the upstairs of their house until the ambulance reached their yard. Afterwards, according to her father, she was just "trying to draw attention in a silly way". Anyway, I went to see this girl to the mental hospital quite often at that time and have, since then, had the priviledge of witnessing a dramatic change in her life. Anyway, if people like this girl, and many others whose situation is not quite as bad, read our guys' long lists of physical and/or mental 'turn-offs', there is a chance that some of them can get really wounded, when finding out that "some cool Christian guy thinks that the whole person of her is one big turn-off". These things
can sometimes be very critical in someone's life, no matter if we recognize it or not. Another friend of mine (this time a guy) ended up ending his own life 3 years ago. He wasn't a bad guy in any way, but for certain, mainly superficial reasons, he was never very 'popular' (among girls or other guys), and I wish some people had treated him better and not called him with certain names at a certain time of his life, and I believe some people think that way themselves today.
So, in summary: it's not that I'm suggesting we should stupidly pretend we can fall in love with any given individual of the opposite sex, it's about attempting to make your 'weak brother' (or sister) feel better about themselves rather than running the risk of making someone feel like a 'complete turn-off' because of our 'turn-off lists' of physical and mental characteristics (that we just can't live without publishing, right?).
This is not comparable with cell phone stores, although I guess I could make someone offended by not using a Nokia when a man named Jorma Ollila happens to come from the same crazy little town with me. This is not comparable with the laws of supply and demand, this is comparable with... oh, I forgot what that one was. Anyway, like I stated earlier, when you point out someone's
bad outward behavior, that's usually the right thing to do and can be just what he/she needs. But when you lable people with certain
internal weaknesses or certain
physical features as unattractive or 'off-turning', you are running the risk of being a part of the
problems of some of your 'weak brothers/sisters' instead of being a part of the
remedy. This is what I have learned from experience.
