Trying to Date but they get on my nerves

[bèlla]

Negative...never said that I condone it as I in agreement with you on the nurturing aspect of living together.

I didn’t think you did.

I found it odd that he'd discourage marriage, but I think he's basing his comments on what he's come to witnessed in today's culture where divorce is rampant and relationships are so disposable.

I think he’s speaking as a loving parent in that context. He wouldn’t want you to experience the same. I haven’t told my daughter not to marry. But I’ve had to alter a few things in relation to today’s climate that don’t align with my personal beliefs.

While I support her desire for entrepreneurship in relation to her calling. There is a practical element involved. It’s very difficult for most men to provide for their family’s on one income. And its probable her contribution will be required.

I told her if she desired to be at home she shouldn’t expect he’ll be able to carry the weight alone. Having things in place will make her more attractive and less burdensome. That isn’t pretty but its the truth.

Like having your cake and eat it too. They take on this "You meet my selfish lifestyle, or its my way or the highway!"

I mentioned the same in a comment recently but I deleted it later on. I think we all have a dichotomy of sorts. The Holy Spirit said my ability to wait is part of it. I don’t have a burning ache for a companion that would compel me to compromise the primary thing I’m seeking.

For some, singleness is a refining fire. But for me its a lengthy holiday which exacerbates my comfort. So He desires me to marry for the positive benefits it brings for me and the other person.

I think the profiles you’re referencing are idealistic and true. Most reflect the relationship the person craves but hasn’t found. And the more you add to the list the more difficult it becomes.

As believers we attest we want the same. But it doesn’t stop there. If it did; few would walk alone. So instead of the companion who loves the Lord you’re looking for a good cook, mother, and someone who shares your interests in ideal packaging. And that may take years to find. ;-)

 

[Arbown]

"We talked about how marriages don't last today because people give up on each other too easily. He then talks about how important it is for the man to get the father's blessing because the family should be involved in the decision on whether or not the couple should get married. He then said if the family had sound reservations on why the couple shouldn't be married, they shouldn't be married."

Too bad he sounded like one of the preacher-cult types, because this one is correct. This might actually give me some hope he just doesn't know scripture very well, but might be willing to listen and learn from those you are listening to. At least, if he were willing to hear it out, you might have some good talks.

The other guy--

"-wanted to sleep over after the third date."
All the red flag you need. Fornication is a sin and insta-drop. The dude can call himself Christian until the cows come home, but doesn't respect God, himself or you.

"-After a long talk about how I wanted to wait until marriage to have sex, he goes and sends me a picture of himself in the shower. Then texts, "What do you think of my picture? Are you attracted to me?'"
Horn dog wants sex, and not you clearly. Horn dog needs to find a prostitute or spend some serious time repenting.

"-after the third date, as the check was begin brought to us, all of a sudden said, 'You're going to get this one, right?' I was unprepared and angry but ended up paying anyway. Then he said, 'I was waiting to see how you handled that.' "

Good grief, this is the same guy? Bad, bad form! If you want to see if the other partner will pay, for goodness sakes, ASK BEFORE food is ordered! What if your partner didn't bring any money!? Does this genius intend to humiliate his date?

If you want to see if she will help out, bring up that you'd like to have a more expensive dinner but can't afford it and see if she'll chip in for something really nice made by a chef. I swear, men these days act like women used to, with all the sideways passive aggressive BS.

And now here are the other reasons men shouldn't do this at all:

1. It makes a woman wonder if you're a basement dwelling gold-digger looking for a sugar mama. You want to be a husband, presumably, and part of that is providing. I don't care what "society" is telling you, this is primal and will be an issue if the relationship progresses and the woman is doing the financial lifting. The economy being in the garbage does not change biological imperatives.

2. You look like a passive aggressive manipulator who doesn't trust women. Are you one of those men who doesn't want to marry because "all women are evil feminists out to get your wallet"?

3. Marriage is an economic merger, and you ain't merged yet. This is the negotiation. Unless part of what you want is a working wife, you should be focusing on what you really want from a wife: kids, companionship, whether she will follow your lead, if she has habits you just can't live with and will adjust, etc.

"-We're at the movies and he asked me if I wanted anything to eat. I said no. He comes back with candy and two big ice creams cones and gives one to me."

I don't see this as that big a deal, but it's something you should mention to him later if you had continued dating (especially in light of how he wanted you to pay for the dinner above). It would have been smarter to give you some extra candy that you could eat or not eat, but I will chuck this one up to not thinking about what he's doing.

 

[Arbown]

It can also be to keep the cost of dating down...especially if he has to pay everything when you go out. I have gone to men's homes and them to mine and it was really just to hang out. One played his guitar for me and I got to see a different side of him. However, if you are concerned, then state that sex is not an option and the date will be over if he even broaches the topic.

Then the man needs to invite her over to his house, not hers (and make it clear it isn't going to use to pressure her for sex). And they can cook dinner together (you'll learn a lot more that way anyway).

Seriously, who invites themselves over to the house of a person they don't know that well?

 

[dayhiker]

I've invited my self over to people's house that I don't know quite a few times over the years.

 

[bèlla]

Seriously, who invites themselves over to the house of a person they don't know that well?

I was pretty floored by that myself. Growing up my family always impressed the necessity of courtesy. If you want to visit; ask. Don’t show up on their doorstep.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I've invited my self over to people's house that I don't know quite a few times over the years.

The last woman that did this with me, it was on a second "date". At first she agreed to do something by picking her up at work, but then she changed her mind and just wanted to come to my place and then we'd go from there.

 

[Ronit]

I understand that the guy has a right to his beliefs. I was not rude to him at all! He never knew I felt this way. It was just something in his personality and the way he expressed himself that made me feel as if we were going to have a lot of arguments because of our differences.
Sorry, but I mean it when I say no and there were too many times when I tried to set boundaries and he kept pushing. Case in point: inviting himself over to my house to watch movies. After saying no multiple times, he kept insisting. He even offered to help me clean when I said it was a mess. Basically, he wasn’t taking a hint. I knew what was going to happen if I let him come over. I would have been fighting him off all night.
And I think men should have to pay and take the lead in dating, and I don’t like being tested.

I feel ya

 

[quintessentialramble]

Why do I get so annoyed by guys who want to pursue me? Some of them legitly turned out to be immature, but sometimes I feel like there's no reason not to like them. I just can't. The last guy was talking to me rubbed me the wrong way by these things:

- When I brought up my interest in End Times prophecy, which I spend quite some time watching videos and reading books on, he goes, "Be careful! Be careful that you don't....blah blah (goes on to talk about false prophets and stuff) He also went on to talk about how the Book of Revelations was really a summary/overview of the Catholic Mass and then talked about this priest who showed him a book about it. That interpretation had to be the most absurd thing I've ever heard.
- We talked about how marriages don't last today because people give up on each other too easily. He then talks about how important it is for the man to get the father's blessing because the family should be involved in the decision on whether or not the couple should get married. He then said if the family had sound reservations on why the couple shouldn't be married, they shouldn't be married.
- I felt myself getting very annoyed with what this guy was saying. I also felt like he seemed a little (I struggle to find the word here--controlling, preachy,...) His laugh annoyed me.

The other guy--
-said corny things
-wanted to sleep over after the third date
-after the third date, as the check was begin brought to us, all of a sudden said, "You're going to get this one, right?" I was unprepared and angry but ended up paying anyway. Then he said, "I was waiting to see how you handled that."
-After a long talk about how I wanted to wait until marriage to have sex, he goes and sends me a picture of himself in the shower. Then texts, "What do you think of my picture? Are you attracted to me?"
-We're at the movies and he asked me if I wanted anything to eat. I said no. He comes back with candy and two big ice creams cones and gives one to me.

Am I being too picky? I feel bad but these men make me so angry. I imagine myself getting into all of these fights with them in my head. With the first guy, coming home, wanting dinner made, getting annoyed if I won't cook, annoying me about the cleaning, etc. Coming up with some absurd way of doing something.

Why not try being friends first before the dating?

 

[Miles]

Am I being too picky? I feel bad but these men make me so angry. I imagine myself getting into all of these fights with them in my head. With the first guy, coming home, wanting dinner made, getting annoyed if I won't cook, annoying me about the cleaning, etc. Coming up with some absurd way of doing something.

It doesn't sound to me like you're being overly picky. Unfortunately, the current social climate makes it hard to find common ground. All too often, people end up sacrificing their values and goals just to "put a ring on it". Ironically, they also seem less willing to make the practical compromises necessary to sustain an amiable romantic life. This hasn't always been the case, however.

Hold out for somebody who is right for you. That's what I'm doing, even if it means I'll be single for a while longer.

 

[Radagast]

Some of the things you mentioned sound too picky, but some of them sound serious.

That's what I though. Some things sounded minor, and others were obvious deal-breakers.

 

[quintessentialramble]

That's what I though. Some things sounded minor, and others were obvious deal-breakers.

to be fair, I won't date a girl if she does not support my unhealthy amount of consumption of mac & cheese.

 

[Lybrah]

Why not try being friends first before the dating?

They don't want to be friends.

 

[Ronit]

They don't want to be friends.

I know what you mean

 

[Radagast]

Why not try being friends first before the dating?

I don't think that's realistic.

 

[Lady Bug]

Why not be picky? Let's put the shoe on the other foot. Suppose that the person who chose you only chose you because they didn't want to be picky. Wouldn't you feel a tad worse about that?